[Bob F.]

Hope this paste's OK.

http://register-herald.com/?search=go&o=0&l=20&s=recent&r=&d1=11-4-2003&d2=today&q=deer

[Iain]

predictably I am going to say 'it's coming right for us Ned'

[Double Naught Spy]

The deer did not kill the man. The man crashed into the deer and died as a result of the collision. If you hit a Ford and end up dead, nobody ever says you were killed by a Ford.

[cordex]

Did you see that in the paper the other day about those carp in the Mississippi River jumping into boats and bonking fisherman in the head? It's true. They're called big head carp, they're from Asia and they're attacking and severely injuring many fisherman.

Biologists claim the roar of boat motors agitates and excites these carp and they jump towards the sound but I think these biologists are naively missing an obvious connection. Fish are attacking fisherman. For the fish it's get them before they get you, kill or be killed. Even if these fisherman are practicing catch and release, that's a very painful, embarrassing experience for any fish and apparently they have had it.

What about the increase in mountain lion attacks? Great White sharks moving closer to shore? Moose have been showing up in towns and stomping on people. A squirrel was in my living room last spring. Am I the only one that sees a pattern here? People, wise up! The other animals are against us. It doesn't take a genius to see there's an inter-species conspiracy to thwart the urban expansion of man.

How do the squirrels fit in? Surveillance. They spy on what we people are doing in the cities and report back to the bigger species out there on the front lines.

And taken together these other species represent walking, we hope not yet talking, scratching, biting weapons of mass destruction. And if these other species can convince the insect world, for example a well known anti-human group like the killer bees, to join up our way of life and our democracy could be history.

The skeptical may ask why would these other species want to hurt us? Obviously, they hate us. They are jealous of our way of life. We swim in chlorinated, safe environment pools, then towel off and have an adult beverage. They are stuck eating sludge in the Mississippi, a river polluted by guess who: their mortal enemy man. And to top it all off we eat them.

This invasion of Asian carp is no accident. This is stage one of their well planned attack. We ignore the obvious at our own peril.

We can no longer sit back and wait for them to attack us. It's time we adopt a new doctrine regarding these other animals. We have to wipe out any and all species who are a lined against us, wherever they are. We can not rest until every big head carp, great white shark, mountain lion, moose and squirrel and any other species that associates with them are defeated.

If the U.N. wants to get involved fine, if not we can do it alone. Of course the British will show up, they always do, but we will fight to protect our way of life. And if you don't agree, you're an unpatriotic idiot who hates America.

[Iain]

Of course the British will show up, they always do

Never ones to miss a good fight, although if we are fighting together against mtn lions and the like, can we trust you lot to not 'blue on blue'?

[Preacherman]

Cordex, source for that?

[Bob F.]

Actually, used to be lead medic on the squad that responded and still have ties. Guys said the deer, a "nice buck", came through the windsield head first. The deceased driver suffered several puncture wounds to head and chest. Passenger managed to get car stopped. Deer actually exited out the back window, dead. Passenger said deer jumped from roadside and hit head-on, almost as if he were charging (my conclusion).

Car insurance here high due to high # of deer-car collisions. My daughter and a deer hit her car while stopped. Deer broke its neck.

[Mark Tyson]

Deer have been known to kill people by kicking them to death. And I think I'm going to rent a boat near those jumping carp waters. . .

[cordex]

Preach,
It was a Tim Bedore bit. Sorry I didn't include a link.
http://www.vaguebuttrue.com/genius.htm#TheOtherAnimalsAreAginUs

Or listen to Tim read it on the Bob and Tom show here:
http://www.vaguebuttrue.com/bt2_4416m.mp3

[LynnKCircle]

Great SF book came out about 40 years ago along the same lines as some of the posters. "Padget's Pets" was the title if I remember correctly. If you ever come across it in a used bookstore, grab it; it's a great read.

[David Park]

If you hit a Ford and end up dead, nobody ever says you were killed by a Ford. ...unless it's a Ford Expedition or some other evil SUV.