Need help explaining CCW to wife


November 9, 2003, 09:35 AM
Hello all,
I have decided to get a ccw. My main concern is what the wife will say. While not Anti, she is going to question my want for one. Most likely she will say that I just want it to be able to spend more time with a gun. I already hear that I spend to much time thinking about guns. Which I probably do. She will also probably think that it may be unsafe, as in accidental discharge. We have a under 2 year old son and Don't live in the roughest neighborhood. I do however work in sales and go to some pretty rough areas. In Arkansas you legally can't carry a gun in your car unless you are on a journey. And also part of the reason that I want one is because I can. So how do I explain it? I want to be able to protect them if the need ever arises. But need more backup than that. She is a reasonably realistic person. Any help?

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November 9, 2003, 09:47 AM
You just listed all the best reasons to get your CCW:


Most likely she will say that I just want it to be able to spend more time with a gun.

And that's a problem? hehehe..Tell her that spending more time with your gun gives you the experience you need to be proficient in it's use.

Or tell her that you love your guns more than her.:evil:


We have a under 2 year old son and Don't live in the roughest neighborhood.


Actually, THIS is the best reason to get it. You love your son, and want to protect him. Your middle class neighborhood is the perfect target for most thugs. Carjackers don't target the 78' Ford Pintos in the ghetto; they come to your neighborhood for your Jeep Grand Cherokee.

And also part of the reason that I want one is because I can.


God bless ya'. you're lucky to still have your right to a CCW. If people don't exercise their rights, the rights slowly (or not so slowly) get eroded away.

You gave great reasons for getting your CCW. You just need a smooth delivery to set her at ease. You know your wife better than any of us, so you probably already know which buttons to push or not push :D

November 9, 2003, 09:56 AM
Actions speak louder than words. 2 year old child in the house? Get a quick access safe. Don't talk about it, just do it.

Take NRA safety courses and invite her. Does she shoot? It is easier to convince a shooter of the need for a CCW than a non-shooter. I have a feeling logic and argumentation are losers.

Hopefully she will never be in a position where she needs your CCH, but ultimately such events are the great persuader.

Side story. My daughter has the world's smartest 2 year old son. She was STRONGLY AND LOUDLY anti-gun until one night at work when a gun was pulled on her. She instantly recognized that an attack on her was an attack on her son. Suddenly she is all in favor of CCH. She is proud owner of a Glock 17 and a Bersa 380. Both are in the house with her son. She takes responsibility for safe storage and disciplined use. She now understands she can take care of herself and doesn't have to quake in fear of the occasional BG. Long before her conversion I tried the logic and comon sense thingy. . .to no avail. The change occurred when her son was attacked. Yes, a gun being pulled on her was interpreted as a gun being pulled on her son. Logical? Nope! Effective? Yep.

November 9, 2003, 10:00 AM
Actually, what you just wrote is a reasonable place to start. You may want to show it to her.

You could find crime statistics for the areas you're concerned about (and for your home as well) and show them to her as a way of quanitfying the problem you're concerned about.

You could explain that having access to a gun is like having access to a fire extinguisher -- it doesn't mean you want to use the thing or fantasize about having to use the thing, it doesn't mean you are paranoid or live in fear that you'll need to use the thing. It only means you want to be prepared for a forseeable emergency.

About your son, if your wife is concerned about gun safety with him in the home that is entirely reasonable. You may explain that in order to be prepared in case something happens, your gun has to be loaded and accessible. But if it is loaded and accessible, there is a huge risk that your child will find and use it. The simplest and most foolproof way around this dilemma is to keep your gun loaded on your hip. You don't know if your child is reaching for a gun in the next room, but you do know whether or not your child is reaching for the gun concealed on your hip.

No matter what you decide to do about CCW, if your son is old enough to talk he is old enough for the Eddie Eagle rules: "Stop, don't touch, leave the area, call an adult." Call the NRA and order them, as a proactive way to show your wife that you are concerned about your child's safety too.


November 9, 2003, 10:05 AM
I agree with Spot77.

The ability to protect your family and, then yourself, is the primary reasons.

You can also argue that if you ever need to you can protect the life, or lives, of innocent bystanders as well.

Those reasons alone are noble reasons.

It's not about being next to a gun. A CCW should never be a power trip for anyone but rather a comforting feeling knowing that you have the means of protecting and preserving a human life; whether it be your own, your family members or others.

Sort of like when you use the seat belts.....a tool to be used because a danger does exist these days.

As a last resort remind her that not everyone on the streets these days want to run up and hug you. They'd just as soon see you as a victim in their criminal carnage and there is no reason to up the odds of becoming victims without the possession and chance to properly defend yourselves, if needed.

I think all woman can relate to issues such as assault, molestation and rape and the sick, sick minds of the criminals out there and that criminal activity will only continue to rise.

You just want to be prepared and not left unprotected.

Andrew Rothman
November 9, 2003, 10:43 AM
My wife IS very anti, but over the last six months has come to accept my decision to carry.

She acknowledges that I handle the gun safely, and that it is that it is unaccesible to anyone but me in the GunVault safe or the SmartCarry holster (that's right - she doesn't even WANT to know the combination!).

She thinks that the chance of needing it are one in a million. Given my work and home are in "safe(r)" neighborhoods, she is probably right.

Still, she couldn't come up with a rebuttal to "There's no harm in being prepared!"

It's an uneasy truce, but a truce nonetheless.

Then a couple months ago, after a visit to a less that savory neighborhood, she said, "Since you have that permit, you BETTER have been carrying there!"

Little victories.

Art Eatman
November 9, 2003, 11:02 AM
How many car wrecks have you had? Got insurance?

How many of your residences have burned? Got insurance?

How many lawsuits have you had because of something around your residence? Got insurance against liability?

A handgun is just another form of insurance. If some person of evil intent is prevented from putting you in the hospital or the cemetary, I'd say the premium is one of the cheapest you'll ever have found.


November 9, 2003, 11:46 AM
It may be helpful for your wife to read some of these essays:

Another thought is Paxton Quigley's book, "Armed and Female."

Getting in touch with Second Amendment Sisters makes sense, too, as does AWARE:

If possible, (physically and financially) you could enjoy studying martial arts together, too!


November 9, 2003, 01:27 PM
You likely won't change your wife's mind by logic or words.MPayne said:but over the last six months has come to accept my decision to carryThis is what it will boil down to. It will be kind of a compromise.

You may or may not ever get her to agree via sensible argument that you really should be carrying. But, as part of normal marital relations, you can probably get her to say "if that is what you really want to do, I will not stand in your way".

Especially if you can find a way to reciprocate. "Sure, we'll do something you want to do that I hate to do... as long as I get to carry there!" :)

Standing Wolf
November 9, 2003, 06:51 PM
Nobody needs a reason to defend his life and the lives of his family members.

November 9, 2003, 07:21 PM
Make her aware that there are an estimated 600,000 instances annually of US citizens using a firearm to defend themselves and their families from criminals. In the vast majority of these, the presence/displaying of the firearm was all that was required to get the bad guy to seek safer victims.

When bad guys want to do bad things to people, they do not go after those people wearing badges and carrying guns, they go after civilians they believe to be incapable of defending themselves.

For the most part, LE in the US is reactive. They show up following a crime. The only way to be proactive is to take the responsibility of your protection upon yourself and provide the means to do so. That way, when the LEO shows up after the crime, it is you giving him the information instead of the local medical examiner.

Also let her know you think she should also receive the training and acquire a CCW. Tell her you will feel better knowing that when she is alone, she has the ability to defend herself and her children.

November 9, 2003, 09:27 PM
We have a under 2 year old son and Don't live in the roughest neighborhood.
I am sure you occasionally leave your neighborhood. That's reason enough to CCW.
If your wife reads the newspaper or watches the news on TV she should know that evil knows no boundries.

Take a look at Oleg's website (
It's big. There's a lot to see and learn.

And show her this poster by Oleg;

November 9, 2003, 09:47 PM
I have to admit that I am lucky. I decided to become legal for CCW and told the wife. She said fine, but she is also going to do it. Wow. So we are both CCW.

On another note.

Before CCW: She always complained that I had too many guns, why do you need that one, why do you need another one?

After CCW: She has a small handgun for each occasion, small auto (.380, 10 oz), small revolver (38 snubbie), and a 1911. And she reserves the right to get more!!!!! SHe calls them accessories!

Standing Wolf
November 9, 2003, 11:08 PM
That second poster is wonderful.

November 10, 2003, 12:56 AM
I began carrying because I began to see opportunities for people to harm my wife. Nothing ever happened, but I saw the potential and began wondering what I would do if anything happened. In some instances, there was no way for me to protect her (5 against 2). I couldn't live with myself if I allowed something to happen to her, and that was the bottom line. Do you want to be in the situation where two men beat you senseless while a third takes her into a back room? If you both survive, how will you feel?

I expressed these feelings to her (after carefully thinking it all through), and she understood, although she wasn't entirely comfortable with it. I kept her involved ("Honey, am I printing?", "What do you think about storing the gun here?"), but not overwhelmed.

Take some classes. It is good for you (really, you want to know the legal ramifications of using deadly force) and it will make her feel better knowing that you have professional training.

When you do carry, act responsibly. I can't emphasize this enough. Don't go places that you normally wouldn't. Don't seek out conflict. In fact, you should avoid any situation that could escalate to a deadly force encounter. Don't tell people that you're carrying unless they ask. Never, ever, pull the gun out unless you are being attacked, or you are putting it away at night. Don't pull it out to show to friends, or just to check on it. Do not treat it as a toy. Make Ghandi proud. You are avoiding violence, not conflict.

The only thing I would do with her is to OCCASIONALLY (very important) point out suspiscious people or activity. Local break-ins, or violent crime reports are worth mentioning too. Did I mention that you should only do this occasionally? Once a month is good. Bombarding her with something she doesn't want to deal with will alienate her.

After a while, my wife would see something unusual and whisper "Do you have your gun?" Now if only I could get her to carry.

November 10, 2003, 10:34 AM
I agree with all of the previous responses as far as reasons to CCW, and would also like to add a little "personal experience".

I had thought about getting a handgun for home defense for quite a long time, but hadn't broached the subject with my wife because I figured she would object. I finally, about 8 months ago, decided to mention it to her one evening while we were watching the news about yet another home invasion. I said, "You know, I have been thinking that maybe it would be a good idea to get a handgun to prevent something like that from happening to us." I waited anxiously to hear the expected "why do you need one of those?", but instead got, "You know what, I have been thinking about that, too!" COOL!

I took her to the range several times and let her try several different guns, and she decided she liked the revolvers best. We got a 4" S&W 686 that now lives in the bedside drawer in a quick-access safe, and she shoots it better than I do!

After several months, I got up the courage to bring up the CCW question. Her response? "If you are going to get one, I want one, too!"

Just talk to may be pleasantly surprised!

November 10, 2003, 11:26 AM
Tell her it's no different than a seatbelt or insurance. Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.

November 10, 2003, 11:47 AM
This time Last year I told my wife that I wanted to get my CCW, I cringed waiting for the response. To my amazement she said OK and we went to the gunshow the next week and bought my Carry peice. Of course she told me that the .45 was part of my X-mas and my class and liscense would be the other half. I'm still floored. Since then I have Purchased her a 380 she did'nt like, then bought her a .38spl which she loves, and now she is considering getting her CCW. She still thinks i'm a little paranoid for carrying @ home though. I told her I'm not Paranoid Im Prepared.

November 10, 2003, 12:04 PM
There are three types of people in the world, Wolves, Dogs, and Sheep.

Wolves are predators. They search for the Sheep, exploit them for what they have and may leave them alive if the Sheep are lucky.

Dogs make the choice to be a Dog. Dogs recognize the danger posed by the Wolf and prepare for the Wolf's attack. The attack may never come, but the Dog knows and understands the risk. While the Dog doesn't seek out the Wolf, the Dog won't run, or give up in the face of the Wolf.

Sheep are blissfully unaware of the Wolf; or, if they know Wolves are out there, they tell themselves that Wolves only attack "Other people." Sheep are horrified at the thought of defending themselves against the Wolf and, in some strange cases, may actually value the life of the Wolf over their own, trusting that a Dog will come to their rescue before the Wolf can do harm. Sheep make good targets, as they walk stooped over looking at the ground, never making eye contact with those around them. The yummy grass is green isn't it?

True Story:

About two years ago, a woman I didn't know, walked to her car two blocks from my building and was murdered for her car. It was about 5pm, other people were also walking to their cars in the same area and it was still daylight. She left a family behind. Why her and not one of the other people in the parking lot at exactly the same time? Simple, she acted like a Sheep. She acted like a target that the Wolf knew he could exploit.

Everyone makes their choice. Be a Dog.

November 10, 2003, 12:23 PM
She may be entirely right, that you don't face sufficient risk at the current time for carrying to be worth the effort.

So what?

That can change in a much shorter time than it can take for you to get a permit.

I live in a decent middle-class neighborhood. The old retired plumber across the street moved into a nursing home, and his daughter rented his home to his college-aged grandson and a couple of his friends.

Three weeks later we had parties until all hours, and people dealing drugs in the back yard.

The whole mess was shut down within two months - this is a suburb where the police respond to complaints of thrown beer bottles, etc., and the noise ordinances and the zoning regulations against excessive occupancy are enforced.

But during that time, was there a risk that some intoxicated fool would take offense at some perceived behavior and respond in a violent way?

Damned straight.

And if something like this began to happen in your neighborhood, how long would it take you to get a carry permit? One month? Three months?

Does your wife have any friends who have abusive husbands? If one of them came running to her, and you put her up on the couch for a couple of days, would you be at risk, if he found out where she was?

You might not be at any significant risk, now. How long would it take you to get your permit, if that changed?

Learn about guns, now, while you have time. Pick out your gun, now, while you have time. Practice with it, get training with it, get your carry permit, figure out the mechanics of how you're going to carry it, and practice carrying now, while you have time.

Because if your level of risks changes, it might change very quickly.

And you don't wait until the kitchen is on fire before you buy a fire extinguisher. You don't wait until your child is choking before you learn the Heimlich maneuver.

You have time, now. Use it.

November 10, 2003, 12:44 PM
As Much as I don't want it to be so, I got some backup to use today. On the radio they announced that in cities over 100,000 ppl, Little Rock ranks #3 in crime. I heard this as I was stopped in traffic with helicopters circling and the presidential motorcade zooming in front of me.

November 10, 2003, 01:57 PM
Go to this site plug in your address and find out how many registered peodophiles/sex offenders live in your area. You will be shocked -- and I can say this even though I don't know where you live, because it does not matter where you live, you will find a LOT of sex offenders everywhere.

Maybe that will help convince her.

:Edited to add -- whoops, looked more closely at that site and am not sure you can punch in your zip code and come up with a list, like you can on the Texas web site -- you might have to look up individually.

AJ Dual
November 10, 2003, 02:46 PM

Here's the list by zip code for WI. 48 hits for my zip alone...

No need to convince my wife I'll get a CCW when it passes here in WI. I haven't donated and volunteered time to the WCCA just to let her think I won't avail mysel of a permit ASAP.

Getting her to do it will be another story.

November 10, 2003, 03:00 PM
Ed, are you a fortune teller? able to predict when a bad thing will happen and to whom? what about your wife?

No? then how can you or anyone say 'ccw is not necessary'?

December 9, 2003, 01:31 PM
Expressing my feel for the helpfulness of my ccw, keeping up training and showing general responisbility has turned my HIGHLY anti-firearm fiance into a "you have your gun, right?" fiance.


December 9, 2003, 03:28 PM
I just read a couple of Robert A. Waters' books about real life situations where people used firearms to protect themselves. She could read those books, some pretty nasty situations that just popped up all of a sudden.:uhoh:

Makes you want to have a gun in your hand all the time, much less on your person!

December 9, 2003, 09:08 PM
My husband's co-worker is married to a very ANTI gal. He refuses to "disobey" her and get a firearm for protection...even after the motion detector went off in their home one night and she screamed, "You can't go down there without a gun!" :rolleyes:

Anyhow, my point is that he, like you, should do what you have to do to protect your family. So what if she doesn't like it. She'd like it even less if you or your child ended up dead.

Call it the "Be a Man" thing. Someone has to take responsibility for the family's safety.

December 9, 2003, 09:40 PM
My wife was never Anti, but because we live in a small, "safe" town, she would usually ask why I was carrying a gun when I/we went out. After reading Tanya Metaksa's book "Safe, not Sorry" her question changed to "Do you have your pistol?" It is another book of several real-life events of women who did/did not have the means to defend themselves from attack. It should still be available from NRA.


December 9, 2003, 10:48 PM
Also A side note on the nice neighborhoods. I just moved myself and wife to what I thought was a nice area, it is a very nice street with upscale homes (at least to me lol) and we feel fairly safe here.

Yesterday next door neighbor who also just moved in knocked on my door to tell me someone stole his ATV, and rolled it right down the side of his and my property. (He should have locked his gates but thats beside the point)

Here is my point, the nice neighborhoods are where the bad guys shop. They see nice houses and people with money, and you become a target. All the more reason to have a CCW. I plan on getting mine here in the near future.

December 10, 2003, 12:53 PM
Tell her that CCW means you can LEGALLY defend your family from harm.


That the moment you do, you will be sued for everything you have.

Then start the debate.

I have CCW. There is NOTHING like a CCW to make one figure out how NOT to have to use a gun.

December 10, 2003, 03:58 PM
My wife got my class for me for Fathers Day. :D Now granted she got it for me because i asked for it. When I started to carry she would ask "do you really think that you will need that here? " my reply was "you never know when you will need it" to reinforce my point I would point things out in the local news reports about home invasions, people being robbed in parking lots at markets, food lions, krogers, etc and would add this statment "do you think that they needed one then?" now before I walk out the door she will look me over and tell me if I am printing or not :cool:


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