Great gun-related joke.


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Moparmike
December 10, 2003, 07:28 AM
Ok, so this is partially gun-related. Its still funny. Please dont lock it up too quick.:)
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Wisconsin is planning to do its own, entitled "Survivor-Wisconsin Style."

The contestants will start in Milwaukee, travel up to Sheboygan and on to Manitiwoc and Green Bay. Then they will head over to Wausau and up to Rhinelander and Minoqua. From there they will proceed up to Ashland and Superior. Then back down through Rice Lake, Eau Claire and all the way down to Madison and back over to Milwaukee.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with Illinois license plates and a large bumper sticker that reads "I'm a vegetarian. Bratwurst clogs your arteries. The Green Bay Packers suck. Go Bears! Cheese is high in cholesterol. Hillary in 2004. Deer Hunting is murder and I'm here to confiscate your guns!"

The first one that makes it back to Milwaukee alive wins. Good luck to all contestants.
Lets salvage the sparse gun-relatedness of this thread by you posting your gun-related joke.

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TarpleyG
December 10, 2003, 02:28 PM
Works better when it's in Texas IMO...

GT

ScottS
December 10, 2003, 02:52 PM
Works better when it's in Texas IMO...Agree. Much funnier when the bumper sticker was: "I'm Gay, for Gore, and here to take away your Guns."

Scott

Travis McGee
December 10, 2003, 04:41 PM
ScottS: Yours is the best!

http://matthewbracken.web.aplus.net/snakelogo.jpg

P95Carry
December 10, 2003, 05:42 PM
Mike ... no gun jokes to hand right now but ... let me post the following ... which I expect most have seen .... but just a few may not.

It is a parable - and no joke, but will I think be easily appreciated by any and all RKBA persons.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The classic Pro-gun parable -


Not so long ago and in a pasture too uncomfortably close to here, a
flock of sheep lived and grazed. They were protected by a dog, who
answered to the master, but despite his best efforts from time to time a
nearby pack of wolves would prey upon the flock.

One day a group of sheep, bolder than the rest, met to discuss
their dilemma. "Our dog is good, and vigilant, but he is one and the
wolves are many. The wolves he catches are not always killed, and the
master judges and releases many to prey again upon us, for no reason we
can understand. What can we do? We are sheep, but we do not wish to be
food, too!"

One sheep spoke up, saying "It is his teeth and claws that make the
wolf so terrible to us. It is his nature to prey, and he would find any
way to do it, but it is the tools he wields that make it possible. If we
had such teeth, we could fight back, and stop this savagery." The other
sheep clamored in agreement, and they went together to the old bones of
the dead wolves heaped in the corner of the pasture, and gathered fang
and claw and made them into weapons.

That night, when the wolves came, the newly armed sheep sprang up
with their weapons and struck at them, crying, "Begone! We are not
food!" and drove off the wolves, who were astonished. When did sheep
become so bold and so dangerous to wolves? When did sheep grow teeth? It
was unthinkable!

The next day, flush with victory and waving their weapons, they
approached the flock to pronounce their discovery. But as they drew
nigh,the flock huddled together and cried out, "Baaaaaaaadddd! Baaaaaddd
things!

You have bad things! We are afraid! You are not sheep!"

The brave sheep stopped, amazed. "But we are your brethren!" they
cried. "We are still sheep, but we do not wish to be food. See, our new
teeth and claws protect us and have saved us from slaughter. They do not
make us into wolves, they make us equal to the wolves, and safe from
their viciousness!"

"Baaaaaaad!" cried the flock, "the things are bad and will pervert
you, and we fear them. You cannot bring them into the flock!" So the
armed sheep resolved to conceal their weapons, for although they had no
desire to panic the flock, they wished to remain in the fold. But they
would not return to those nights of terror, waiting for the wolves to
come.

In time, the wolves attacked less often and sought easier prey, for
they had no stomach for fighting sheep who possessed tooth and claw even
as they did. Not knowing which sheep had fangs and which did not, they
came to leave sheep out of their diet almost completely except for the
occasional raid, from which more than one wolf did not return.

Then came the day when, as the flock grazed beside the stream, one
sheep’s weapon slipped from the folds of her fleece, and the flock cried
out in terror again, "Baaaaaad! You still possess these evil things! We
must ban you from our presence!"

And so they did. The great chief sheep and his council, encouraged
by the words of their advisors, placed signs and totems at the edges of
the pasture forbidding the presence of hidden weapons there. The armed
sheep protested before the council, saying, "It is our pasture, too, and
we have never harmed you! When can you say we have caused you hurt? It
is the wolves, not we, who prey upon you. We are still sheep, but we are
not food!" But the flock drowned them out with cries of "Baaaaaaddd! We
will not hear your clever words! You and your things are evil and will
harm us!"

Saddened by this rejection, the armed sheep moved off and spent
their days on the edges of the flock, trying from time to time to speak
with their brethren to convince them of the wisdom of having such teeth,
but meeting with little success. They found it hard to talk to those
who, upon hearing their words, would roll back their eyes and flee,
crying "Baaaaddd! Bad things!"

That night, the wolves happened upon the sheep’s totems and signs,
and said, "Truly, these sheep are fools! They have told us they have no
teeth! Brothers, let us feed!" And they set upon the flock, and horrible
was the carnage in the midst of the fold. The dog fought like a demon,
and often seemed to be in two places at once, but even he could not halt
the slaughter.

It was only when the other sheep arrived with their weapons that
the wolves fled, only to remain on the edge of the pasture and wait for
the next time they could prey, for if the sheep were so foolish once,
they would be so again. This they did, and do still.

In the morning, the armed sheep spoke to the flock, and said, "See?
If the wolves know you have no teeth, they will fall upon you. Why be
prey? To be a sheep does not mean to be food for wolves!" But the flock
cried out, more feebly for their voices were fewer, though with no less
terror, "Baaaaaaaad! These things are bad! If they were banished, the
wolves would not harm us! Baaaaaaad!"

So they resolved to retain their weapons, but to conceal them from
the flock; to endure their fear and loathing, and even to protect their
brethren if the need arose, until the day the flock learned to
understand that as long as there were wolves in the night, sheep would
need teeth to repel them.

They would still be sheep, but they would not be food!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Afterthought ..... just in case anyone thinks I deserve credit for this piece - regretably no! ... it is AFIK ''author unknown'' .... wish I could have penned it, cos the message is just spot on.!

Bravo11
December 10, 2003, 05:56 PM
P95carry,
THAT WAS EXCELLENT.
I have never read that before but I thought it was very good.

Dave R
December 10, 2003, 06:38 PM
That parable needs to be posted on a half-dozen or so liberal chat forums...

Razor
December 10, 2003, 07:10 PM
Thanks for that, P95Carry.

Gunhamr
December 10, 2003, 07:48 PM
Thanks for posting that.

Sad but so true!!!!!!.

sturmruger
December 10, 2003, 08:01 PM
TarpleyG you have obviously never been to Northern WI. Green Bay fans are the most ardent fans in all of pro football. There is no other city that even comes close to the energy that is in the air when there is a game at Lambeau Field. The only teams that the Packer Fans hate worse then the Bears are the Vikings. I happen to be a Viking fan living in Western WI and can tell you I take my life in my own hands every day. Someday you will have to come up to GB on the third Sunday in November there is a usually a home game so that all the deer hunters can pull themselves out of the woods and go to a game. 90% of the stadium is filled with blaze orange, green and gold. They are eating brats, and deep-fried cheese curds as fast as they can while drinking two beers.

The guy in the pink Volvo would be dead as a door nail. Great joke I laughed my you know what off.

Billmanweh
December 10, 2003, 08:10 PM
from the perspective of the anti-gunner, the problem would be that 30,000 sheep weren't killed every year with the wolf teeth.

:neener:

King
December 10, 2003, 09:41 PM
Good Story P95....:)

Mr. Bombastic
December 10, 2003, 09:56 PM
from the perspective of the anti-gunner, the problem would be that 30,000 sheep weren't killed every year with the wolf teeth.

Actually, I'm sure far more than 30,000 animals are killed every year using teeth and claws. :neener:

sm
December 11, 2003, 02:28 AM
Chris-
Pro-Gun Parable is GREAT !!

Denver
December 12, 2003, 12:52 AM
P95Carry,

Oleg Volk has that parable on his site and has a link to another version.

http://www.a-human-right.com/RKBA/fable.shtml

P95Carry
December 12, 2003, 11:42 AM
Denver ...... thx for that info ..... I can now properly ascribe the parable .... should have crossed my mind anyways to realize that it could well have been on Oleg's site.

It is ..........

"The Parable of the Sheep
By Charles Riggs"

Monkeyleg
December 12, 2003, 07:04 PM
Well, since the thread hasn't been locked down yet...

A bunch of Sarah Brady's crew are returning in a bus from a Million Mom March. Going through a construction zone, the driver overshoots a curve and the bus goes tumbling down an embankment, and lands in a large hole.

A state trooper arrives on the scene moments later, only to find a bulldozer operator putting the last mound of dirt on the now-buried bus.

"Weren't any of them alive?" the trooper asked with no small amount of shock.

"Well," the bulldozer operator drawled, "some of them said they was. But you know how those suckers lie."

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