funniest gun stories/quotes


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kirklandkie
September 28, 2010, 11:34 PM
i know i have seen these threads in the past but i can't find it via search so here we go.

today i overheard two people talking about gauges of shotguns, the topic of the 10 gauge came up. All i heard was:
"10 gauge is the smallest caliber shotguns-hardly any recoil"
no joke, and said with total confidence... i never heard anyone refute it either. I stayed out of it


-kirk

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burley
September 29, 2010, 12:13 AM
I knew a guy who was a bit of a horse trader who's first question was always, "Is this an automatic or a V 8?" :p I traded him a Dan Wesson and 2 truck loads of tomato stakes for a Plymouth station wagon.

TheAmplifiedsoul
September 29, 2010, 01:28 AM
I heard a guy at the gun counter asking about a rcoil pad for hisrifle. The clerks asked him what kind of rifle was it, and he didn't know and said it was given to him by his grandfather. They asked him what caliber, and he said, "I don't know. All I know about it is that it is a 30-06." Sad thing was I knew this guy and he stated to me he grew up around guns and was an avid hunter. BS I think.

Also I heard a girl say one that killed me. We we're driving up I-25 in Colorado and she just stared out at the freeway median. There were bails of hay out there for barriers. Out of no where she said, "It's amazing how hay grows so square like that." She actually thought that the barriers were wild hay growing.

Rusty Shackleford
September 29, 2010, 01:38 AM
"You don't even have to aim it. Just point it in their direction and you can't miss!"

I've heard this one said about shotguns several times now. Mostly by "non-gunnies" but by one guy who only owns pistols and rifles.

One of the ones who said it was an actual redneck. I only corrected him so he didn't say something that dumb around other backwoods guys who know what the crap they're talking about. I made sure he remembered it so he didn't ruin his credibility with the rest of the guys. Most of whom hunt turkey.

Powerglide
September 29, 2010, 02:31 AM
My Grandma asked me once if I could teach her to shoot a double barrel automatic.I said of course if you can get me one. That would be a collector deluxe.

throdgrain
September 29, 2010, 05:04 AM
Fella next door told me his tiny brand new Peugeot car was a V8. I disputed this, he went and got the documents to prove it.

It was an 8V, i.e 4 cylinder 8 valve. Not even a 16 valve :)

I'm glad he don't have guns :)

FROGO207
September 29, 2010, 06:26 AM
"The Navy has a new gun that is awesome, it can shoot bullets around corners. You have to be careful that you don't shoot it around a building and get yourself in the back with it!":D From an old guy in the local Dicks Sporting Goods.

pikid89
September 29, 2010, 07:04 AM
someones sig line here

"that is a 5 five shot revolver" "no way its six you idiot, 5 in the cylinder and 1 in the chamber"

mcdonl
September 29, 2010, 07:04 AM
I used to hunt with a guy who was pretty small... as a matter of fact his pants sized used to match up with the gun he carried... when asked what he hunted with he would respond "I shoot's what I wear kid... a turdy-turdy"

ejfalvo
September 29, 2010, 07:49 AM
My brother-in-law and I were shooting at 100 yards with his 30.06. My son (10 years old) was watching. My BIL is a better shot than I and he has zero problem telling everyone. Now the good part.....

My son: Uncle Dave, you sure are a good shot
Dave: I know, I can beat your dad any day
My son: Wow, if I stand out there by the targets can you hit an apple in my hand?
Dave: Nope, but I can make you drop it.

I almost wet myself laughing.

cambeul41
September 29, 2010, 08:29 AM
Asked by a first time shooter, female variety, "Which sight is the front sight?"

"This one, the one in front, how could it be otherwise?"

"Well, the other one is closer to my front."

She then proceeded, at seven yards, to put her first 50 rounds into an area that might have been covered with one hand. She may not have been able to name the sights, but she could use them.

lonegunman
September 29, 2010, 08:54 AM
My brother laughs himself silly talking about a "Deagle with da beams" and how dangerous it is as a firearm. Apparently in ebonics a "deagle with da beams" is a Desert Eagle with a laser sight. According to the fellow describing it to his buddy all you had to do is "put doze beams on a m-fer and he is dead".

He has a friend who owns a pawn shop on the edge. Adding "da beams" to a gun apparently sends it flying out the door. Nothing says bad like a Bryco 9mm with a 29 dollar laser.

natman
September 29, 2010, 11:13 AM
I've told this one before, but it bears repeating:

I got a phone call at the shop from a customer asking about rifle scopes.

HIM: What does it mean if a rifle scope is a 4x-32?

ME: That means it's a four power scope with a 32 mm front lens.

HIM: What does 4 power mean?

ME: That means if your target is 100 yards away, it appears to be only 25 yards away.

HIM: Does the bullet still have to go the whole 100 yards?

Long pause.

ME: Yes, sir, the bullet still has to go the entire 100 yards. The scope merely makes the target look like it's only 25 yards away. It does not have the ability to warp the space-time continuum.

How I managed to hang up without laughing out loud, I'll never know.

SJP0tato
September 29, 2010, 11:49 AM
He has a friend who owns a pawn shop on the edge. Adding "da beams" to a gun apparently sends it flying out the door.

Phased plasma rifle, in the 40 watt range.

doc2rn
September 29, 2010, 01:01 PM
"10 gauge is the smallest caliber shotguns-hardly any recoil"

Are sure you didnt miss the 4 at the beginning as in 410 being the smallest shotgun shell made? Which is subjective when you consider .22lr birdshot.

Sky
September 29, 2010, 01:09 PM
Tommy standing at a press and was asked what he was working on.

Well I got this new thang, that I gotta press into this thang, so when I get finished, I'll have a new thang to put back into this thang.

He was from Oklahoma and was serious.

Cosmoline
September 29, 2010, 01:21 PM
ME: Yes, sir, the bullet still has to go the entire 100 yards. The scope merely makes the target look like it's only 25 yards away. It does not have the ability to warp the space-time continuum.

A friend of mine who's a SEAL says they have a scope that does make the target come closer, but he can't talk about it because it's classified n stuff

oldbanjo
September 29, 2010, 01:33 PM
Frog0207 Germany made guns that would shot around corners, they used them in tanks. Also Israel has one that will shoot around corners with a TV monitor on it.

LawofThirds
September 29, 2010, 01:52 PM
It doesn't really shoot around corners, rather it's basically a door pivot and a camera with a glock strapped to one end. All the size of a full sized carbine, all the stopping power of a handgun.

oldbanjo
September 29, 2010, 02:04 PM
That's right on the Israeli one, but the German one does shoot around a corner.

rtpzwms
September 29, 2010, 02:17 PM
Back in the day (the 80's) when Jack First still had the store in Lancaster, CA. They had a great answer to the newbie would walk in and ask for a "dirty hairy gun". The would pull out a gun that they had glued hair and dirt to and put it on the counter. The first time I saw them do it I almost hit the floor laughing.:neener:

porterdog
September 29, 2010, 06:14 PM
"If guns cause crime, all of mine are defective."

Ted Nugent

FROGO207
September 29, 2010, 06:26 PM
I am aware of the firearms that can see and/or shoot around one corner. BUT around a building and shoot yourself in the back!!!!:rolleyes: He was dead serious about this and I had all I could do not to laugh on the way out the door.:D

HOOfan_1
September 29, 2010, 07:05 PM
I am aware of the firearms that can see and/or shoot around one corner. BUT around a building and shoot yourself in the back!!!!:rolleyes: He was dead serious about this and I had all I could do not to laugh on the way out the door.:D

I was thinking he was joking...some of those old timers can really belt out a joke with a straight face.

kirklandkie
September 29, 2010, 09:28 PM
Are sure you didnt miss the 4 at the beginning as in 410 being the smallest shotgun shell made? Which is subjective when you consider .22lr birdshot.
oh yes i assure you, i'm quite positive he said and meant 10 gauge... it'll be a funny surprise for him when he shoots one lol

-kirk

lwknight
September 30, 2010, 01:57 AM
My mother shot a hole in the floor one time.
She rolled the cylinder around to put an empty chamber under the hammer then checked to see if she had the strength to pull the trigger.

natman
September 30, 2010, 04:24 AM
ME: Yes, sir, the bullet still has to go the entire 100 yards. The scope merely makes the target look like it's only 25 yards away. It does not have the ability to warp the space-time continuum.

A friend of mine who's a SEAL says they have a scope that does make the target come closer, but he can't talk about it because it's classified n stuff

That would be the gun where you squeeze the trigger now and it shoots your enemy yesterday.:cool:

MistWolf
September 30, 2010, 09:13 PM
Hey, I remember Jack First's out in Scatter! Brought back some memories. Remember looking at an HK 91 back in the day thinking $600 was a bit rich for the blood of a poor young'un on an airman's paycheck

VegasGeorge
October 1, 2010, 02:16 AM
I heard a clerk in a gun store tell a customer that one of those jagged breaching muzzles on a 12 gauge was there to eliminate the recoil. Wish I could have witnessed the first shot! :)

merlinfire
October 1, 2010, 11:25 AM
These are classic. Haha, yes the bullet still has to go the full 100 yards!

Flyboy
October 1, 2010, 12:58 PM
My Grandma asked me once if I could teach her to shoot a double barrel automatic.I said of course if you can get me one. That would be a collector deluxe.

Not a double-barrel automatic, but I do have a double automatic (http://www.fieldandstream.com/blogs/gun-nut/2009/04/should-browning-bring-back-double-automatic).

Zach S
October 1, 2010, 01:12 PM
(then) wife's friend: "So why do you carry a gun? Compensating for something?"
Me: "If I were compensating for anything, I wouldn't carry a gun with a 4" barrel..."

USMC - Retired
October 1, 2010, 01:15 PM
How about a 1879 Gardner?

http://www.gardnerguns.com/images/Chinn/Chinn01.jpg

CoastieShep
October 1, 2010, 09:31 PM
I've met several people that refer to the bullets they shoot out of their 10/22 to be 1022's. Some of them are hunters, not just somebody that once shot a buddy's ruger.

Sapper771
October 2, 2010, 05:13 AM
Double Post

Sapper771
October 2, 2010, 05:23 AM
1.)Shop owner: "Its got a Glock trigger and springs in it".

Customer: "Really ? WOW"

The shop owner was showing the customer a Kimber Royal 1911, and It looked like the customer was buying the line of BS.


2.)Another favorite I witnessed-

Customer: " I am telling you people what the problem is.....it is this American pistol shooting this crappy European ammo.....that's the problem."

The customer was holding his Springfield XD service model in 9mm, and referring to remington 115gr Ball.



3.) Me: "do you mind if I look through your USED Glock parts bin?"

Shop owner: "Nah, go ahead".

Me: "How much for these three parts?"

Shop Owner: " I don't know, I will have to call Glock and find out."

Me: "Don't worry about it".

He was actually going to charge me the new price for used parts........


4.) Gun Shop Worker: "No guns are allowed in this store, Sir".


5.) Friend: "I just bought this 45 S&W pistol and it jams every round."

Me: "did you bring it?"

Friend: "yeah , its in the truck."

Me: "Let's go look at it."

Friend: "Can you fix it? Here is the 45 ammo that it jams with, they gave it to me at the gun shop."

Me: " yeah, I can fix it. Super easy fix."

Friend: "Really? What's going on with it?"


I gave my friend a box of .40 caliber ammo for his .40 S&W High Point pistol.

Me: "There yah go, its fixed."

Boberama
October 3, 2010, 05:13 AM
Double barreled automatic? He may have been talking about the AO-63 5.45mm.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/92/AO-63.jpg/300px-AO-63.jpg
http://img208.imageshack.us/img208/4161/ao63redscorpionct4.jpg


It's real.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9f/AbakanProgrammeChart.jpg


That Gardner is a hand-cranked gun. Doesn't count. Also has to be handheld.

Rusty Shackleford
October 3, 2010, 12:12 PM
This is actually really funny to me. I can't stop laughing. It's called Funny Gunny.

"bangbangbang...bbbbangbbangbang..."

"...well hello there, sweet <edit-Larry> pea! MOVE! GET UP THERE! MOVE!!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbrnaouI21w

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