Craziest . . . Candidate . . . Ever. [gun related]


Mark Tyson
January 3, 2004, 05:43 PM
Don't drink any beverages near your computer while reading this article. This guy makes Lyndon Larouche look tame.


We continue our series on the more obscure Presidential candidates with our profile of perennial candidate Ed O'Donnell (D-NH). He recently moved to New Hampshire and qualified for the Presidential primary ballot there as part of his latest White House campaign strategy.

O'Donnell's Democratic run for President this year is designed to garner him some attention that, he hopes, he can parlay into making a visible Independent run for President in November 2004.

"I don't need to win in New Hampshire. I just have to become an overnight sensation on January 27th or I'm finished [as an Independent candidate]," he explained.

O'Donnell previously ran for President in 1984, 1988, 1992, 1996 and 2000. During his 2000 run -- when he finished 16th place in the primary with just 35 votes -- he promised to slash the President's salary to $25,000 if elected (because, he said, that's what George Washington was paid).

He also vowed to turn Camp David into an alcohol rehab facility. "I am physically fit. I'm a teetotaler. I don't smoke. I won't even use caffeine," said O'Donnell.

He believes the police in the US are generally abusive to the public -- and says the police have a history of profiling and harrassing him personally. He advocates curing that problem through the use of "a Nuremberg-like trial ... about all police mistreatment of private citizens."

He also supports terms limits for politicians, the media, religious leaders, etc.

"Everyone in the media has to go, and I'm on record as saying that the greatest tyrants in society today are Brokaw, Jennings, Rather, Couric, and Russert," said O'Donnell.

He also specifically wants to remove Pope John Paul II and Rev. Billy Graham from any positions of public influence. He also supports calling a constitutional convention in Williamsburg, Virginia ("a very inspiring place") and wants to ensure that a bunch of the delegates are "milk men and garbage men and maids and waitresses -- we don't want it to be an academic elitist group."

He supports "total gun control" and is also opposed to knives, too. "Now I'm also asking if I were to speak before the National Academy of Sciences, I've got some requests for them. One, with all our scientific brilliance can we devise -- well first we're going to have a knife turn-in day as well as a gun turn-in day. I want every knife that can do harm to a human being turned in -- can our scientists design a kitchen utensil which will not do the damage that these knives that people stab [with] ... A gun turn-in day and a knife turn-in day and even if we get twenty to thirty percent of these out of circulation, that would help," he explained in a newspaper interview.

Hey, he's got a point, as there's no Second Amendment right to own steak knives. But, let's get back to the media: "You have 54 wars going on right now, and the media is covering that up ... The national press hates me because I want them removed and essentially put in a Nuremberg-like trial."

We almost forgot: he advocates cutting Medicare costs by having healthier people and less use of medicines. And -- if you don't agree -- he'll probably have "a Nuremberg-like trial" idea for you, too.

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January 3, 2004, 05:47 PM
He forgot about the "rock turn-in day" :rolleyes:

Mark Tyson
January 3, 2004, 05:49 PM

HE'S NEVER HEARD OF YOU, EITHER. Today we continue our series on the more obscure Presidential candidates with our profile of Vermin Supreme (D-MA) , one of several candidates who qualified for a spot on the January 13 Presidential Primary ballot in the District of Columbia.

And -- before you read any further -- let me assure you we are not making this one up. Vermin's campaign is clearly intended to be humorous, and he uses his campaign web site to make lots of jokes -- but he's really on the ballot.

How did he pick his name? "All politicians are, in fact, vermin. I am the Vermin Supreme, therefore I am the most qualified candidate in this race ... Yes, I am a politician, that's my job. Of course, as a politician, I shall lie to you because I am a politician and have no reason not to," he wrote.

His campaign theme: "Vermin Supreme represents many abstract emotionally charged buzzwords -- such as freedom, justice, law, order, liberty and democracy -- just to name a few."

A large part of his platform relates to promoting better dental hygiene ("Stong Teeth for a Strong America"). To make sure the American people regularly brush and floss, he promises: "Warrantless random no knock dental inspections; Government issued toothpaste containing addictive yet harmless substances; Video surveillance through two way bathroom mirrors; Electronic tracking, moisture and motion sensor devices in all toothbrushes ... or even preventative dental maintenance detention facilities."

Our favorite among his proposals: "Gene splicing to create a race of winged monkeys to act as tooth fairies." His other campaign promises include: "To do something about the weather ... Massive and arbitrary censorship of anything found offensive by an appointed truth and morality squad ... Making dangerous weapons available to anyone who wants them ... Polygraph, drug tests and loyalty oaths for all citizens, along with the issuance of citizen identity cards, radio transmitter implants and laser fingerprint tattoos to keep track of you and your children, for your protection ... Legalization of prostitution and gambling along with the promotion of professional sports, video arcades, and crack houses together with other mindless forms of diversion to help you take your mind off what's really going on ... To appoint lots of committees to look into all sorts of things ... To tax the bejeezus out of everything ... [and] Free pizza and beer for everybody."


January 3, 2004, 05:53 PM
I kind of like Vermin Supreme


January 3, 2004, 07:39 PM
How are these guys any different than the other nine Democrats?...:scrutiny:

January 3, 2004, 08:14 PM
Oh. My. God.

He's for knife control?!?!?!?! ***?!

Marko Kloos
January 3, 2004, 08:25 PM
Breathlessly awaiting his proposals for a fist amputation day and a tree-chopping day. Can't have all those deadly potential clubs around, you know?

That guy is a Granola Nazi. He shares one characteristic with all the other rabid Statists out there...claiming the right to use massive force against those who stand in the way of his Utopia.

Jeff Thomas
January 3, 2004, 08:25 PM
Good laugh, but ... as I recall, Australia actually did come up with some kind of knife control.

I just hope this isn't like the 1929 Social Workers Party platform ... ending up about 80% successfully legislated by 1990.

Regards from TX

Standing Wolf
January 3, 2004, 09:08 PM
Vermin Supreme is as well qualified as any of the rest of the umpteen dwarves. I'm not too sure about that first guy: he doesn't sound quite sincere enough to me.

January 3, 2004, 09:24 PM
Thankfully, he has no more chance being elected President than whoever the Libertarian candidate will be!:D

Art Eatman
January 3, 2004, 09:33 PM
Jeff Thomas, the SWP didn't need to wait until 1980.

In a 1964 press conference, Norman Thomas explained that he would not be a candidate, again, for president, as the 1932 SWP platform had already been passed into law.

:), Art

January 3, 2004, 11:06 PM
In a 1964 press conference, Norman Thomas explained that he would not be a candidate, again, for president, as the 1932 SWP platform had already been passed into law.

If the communists are happy, then why do we keep going down this road? :barf:

January 3, 2004, 11:46 PM
If we're including non-American pols, I'd vote for Lord Sutch (

January 4, 2004, 12:11 AM
So O'Donnel's nuts. The US House of Reps is the last logical (?) extension of the Americans with Disabilities act. You gotta be a lot more than just nuts to get voted out of there.


Ky Larry
January 4, 2004, 12:21 AM
Gawd,I'm gettig old. I'm beginning to miss Richard Nixon!:what:

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