The Gospel According to John (Moses Browning, that is...)


PDA






Preacherman
January 7, 2004, 12:16 AM
Received this via e-mail from a friend, and thought I'd share it... :D
1. In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was the pistol, and it was good. And behold the Lord said, "Thou shalt not muck about with my disciple John's design, for it is good and it worketh. For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain.

2. "And shouldst thou muck about with it and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm."

3. And as the ages passed men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their metalsmiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by lust.

4. Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field-worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it.

5. And lo, they didst install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord. For they doth break and loose their zero when thou dost need true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the great battle.

6. And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunction to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong.

7. Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men the lord of the underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them.

8. And being a deceitful spirit the lord of the underworld did make these plastic pistols unamenable to the artisans of earth and they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did function.

9. And the evil one also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cock and fire them and which require a "dingus" to make them appear safe.

10. But man, being stupid, did not understand these new pistols and did proceed to shoot them-selves with the plastic pistol, and with the trigger cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great intelligence which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continue to gloat over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed.

11. And when man had been totally ensnared with plastic pistol, the lord of the underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible Ka-BOOM to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.

12. Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men they didst begin to work as the Prophet had intended.

13. And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the evil sprits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the land, and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation by the followers of John.

Amen

If you enjoyed reading about "The Gospel According to John (Moses Browning, that is...)" here in TheHighRoad.org archive, you'll LOVE our community. Come join TheHighRoad.org today for the full version!
sm
January 7, 2004, 12:36 AM
Yep!
That's the way I learned it. Fella forgot the part about "false ones" and "graven images" tho'. I like the story about "parting sea of BGs" too.

Maybe Preacher will read that one! :D

BHPshooter
January 7, 2004, 12:59 AM
That's quite good. :D

Wes

cheygriz
January 7, 2004, 01:54 AM
And in 19 and 35, John did have an Epiphany! And he said unto himself, I have sinned against my fellow man with this inferior design.

And john did repent of his sin, and he designed the P-35, 9mm. And the Lord smiled upon him and said: It is good, and Lo! It shall bear thy name, and men will call it the Browning High Power. And John was forgiven!

Amen!

jercamp45
January 7, 2004, 01:58 AM
A hearty AMEN, Brother from the gypsy greyhaired 1911 user....... Keep It Simple and it does the job!
But I confess, I did fall victim to the graven image of plastic and played with a few.....but no other had the comfortable feel of John's Classic creation. I heard the Commandment(go thou and throw big bullets!), and left the false idols behind.
Jercamp45

BluesBear
January 7, 2004, 02:24 AM
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6



Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Proverbs 22:15

JMB's 1911 pattern .45 IS the "Rod" of correction and not having at least one is foolish. :D

George Hill
January 7, 2004, 11:36 AM
Bluesbear - that was funny.

pale horse
January 7, 2004, 03:29 PM
And they each one went to his tent and repented in sack cloth and ashes upon their heads.

You forgot to add something about the Ark of the Covenant and the story of David and Saul, Goliath was a woosie.

Ktulu
January 7, 2004, 03:35 PM
...and not having at least one is foolish.

That says it all right there. There are plenty of pistol designs out there. Some work better then others. It doesn't matter which one you tend to like, not indulging in greatness and having at least one 1911 is...well...foolish.

N3rday
January 7, 2004, 07:23 PM
but Lo, after the great war, the Americans forgot the way of the Battle Rifle, and forsook their god, turning to the unholiest of unholy, the M-16.

And the Lord sayeth unto the people "Thou Shalt be sentenced to fire a weak cartridge, and everywhere thou dost encounter dirt or sand, thy weapon shalt jam!"

BluesBear
January 7, 2004, 11:35 PM
If the M-16 is the "unholiest of unholy" then how has it managed to be the standard issue rifle of the US Armed Forces for so much LONGER than any other rifle in our nation's history?

WAnd why is the M-16/AR-15 the only US Military rifle to be so widely used by so many law enforcement organizations?

kbr80
January 8, 2004, 01:00 AM
BUMP!

Dean Speir
January 8, 2004, 02:42 PM
 

cheygriz wrote: And in 19 and 35, John did have an Epiphany! And he said unto himself, I have sinned against my fellow man with this inferior design.

And john did repent of his sin, and he designed the P-35, 9mm. And the Lord smiled upon him and said: It is good, and Lo! It shall bear thy name, and men will call it the Browning High Power. And John was forgiven!

Don't know whether it's rarified atmosphere that "High up in the Rockies" or the "Senior Member" part, but by 19 and 35 JMB had been been departed from this vale of tears lo (9!) years.

But you knew that, yes? ;)

 

Sylvilagus Aquaticus
January 9, 2004, 01:25 PM
...but, in the year of nineteen and thirty five did the Apostle Dieudonne not build upon the Rock found by John the Prophet and bring forth another Rock that was called Grand Puissance, High Power, P of Thirty Five and it was found to be good indeed in its' own house for its names' sake. And the Apostle Dieudonne was lifted up from his oppressors and did live to further the work of the Prophet John for many years thereafter.

Regards,
Rabbit.

Dean Speir
January 9, 2004, 01:28 PM
 

Point taken…

Mes complements.

 

echo3mike
January 9, 2004, 03:37 PM
Amen, Preacherman.

Can I get a Witness...er...wait a minute...uh...nevermind.

S.

If you enjoyed reading about "The Gospel According to John (Moses Browning, that is...)" here in TheHighRoad.org archive, you'll LOVE our community. Come join TheHighRoad.org today for the full version!