[H&Hhunter]

1.Ph picks you up at the airstrip in a Geo Metro equiped with a gun rack and high seat.

2. Camp has pictures of all the clients who didn't make it out alive.

3. When driving into camp sees an elephant and says "WOW those things really are big!!!"

4. Has a Remington model 700 as back up gun.

5. It's chambered in .243

6. Insistes That wounded buffalo aren't dangerous "just misunderstood."

7. Every time you come to a river makes you swim it first to check for crocs.

8. Insists that your wife sleeps in his tent for safety's sake.

9. Brags that he's never met a client he couldn't out run.

10. Finally look in your Swahilli to english dictionary and find out his tribal nick name means "White Chicken Boy Who runs Often."

[OH25shooter]

11. Personal friend of Steve Irwin, Croc hunter and wilderness child safety spokesman. :barf:

[ceestand]

Gonna show my ignorance here; what is Ph?

[H&Hhunter]

Ceestand,

PH is short for professional hunter. That is what a hunting guide is called in Africa.

[NRA4LIFE]

12) Insists buckshot......

Oh wait, I better not go there.

[sm]

:D LOL

Keep 'em coming...folks, this is gonna get better I can sense it.

So I guess a PH that requests you bring him a book on basic outdoor skills , hunting , shooting , and game identification upon arrival might be considered a "red flag" - huh? :)

[Guyon]

Hmmmmm. I dunno. I ain't never been on no safari. What's wrong with a Rem 700? :D

[Art Eatman]

Guyon, the 700 is a push-feed rifle. A push-feed can have the cartridge fall out of the receiver if loading is attempted during violent movements on the part of the hunter. This situation can arise if the first shot on a buffalo or lion creates a serious case of "Uh, oh!" ("Uh, oh" is for family publications. Even my Grammaw might say something else...)

And that's why a lot of folks who hunt in Africa like claw-feed rifles.

:), Art

[H&Hhunter]

Guyon,

Model 700 push feed is to Model 70 controlled feed as Geo Metro is to Land Cruiser.

A great rifle just not something any professional life saver and charge stopper should use on purpose.:)

[Guyon]

A push-feed can have the cartridge fall out of the receiver if loading is attempted during violent movements on the part of the hunter.

My next rifle was going to be a Model 70. Good to know about the claw feed.

[Mornard]

H&H, thanks. That was definately worth a grin. (and there's the reason my .458 is a Mauser..., not a 700)

[Joe Demko]

13. Insists that you sleep in his tent for safety.

[H&Hhunter]

13. Insists that you sleep in his tent for safety.

Ooohhhh........:D


And he keeps an autographed banjo in his tent from that Deliverance kid.

[JohnDog]

14. Stores bloody field dressing gear under your cot. Tells you not to worry if you hear some "kitties" around your tent in the night.

[kudu]

15. Asks what kind of animal was that, that you just shot.

[smokemaker]

I haven't heard remington bashing like this since... oh, wait, my .458 is a Mauser too. But my .243 is a 700! (and it does just fine for chucks 'n such)

[H&Hhunter]

But my .243 is a 700! (and it does just fine for chucks 'n such)
Smokemaker,

If I were hunting wood chucks also known as "chuby rodent death" in the North eastern PH circles I would definatley consider using a controlled feed action. You just can't ever tell when one of those suckers will come uncorked.

There have been some very serious ankle wounds due to chucks charging. Have you ever seen how a chuck wound scar can affect your ability to wear an ankle bracelet........:eek:

Lets use a little common sense and think safety when hunting these often violent and unpredictablely dangerous rodentia. please.!!!!!:p

[redneck]

16. When your pulling your gun out of the case for the first time and the PH says......"Well I hope you brought enough for everybody"

[Smokey Joe]

17. When unpacking your gun, you ask about sighting it in, and your PH responds, "Oh, that's just for sissies."

[smokemaker]

H&H, you may laugh, but I have in fact seen smaller critters come, as you say, uncorked. Using my Smith-n-Wesson bodyguard, I dumped 5 rounds of .38 special (winchester silvertips) into a... um... psychotic racoon at about ten yards. We first saw him at about 35 yards, in the thimbleberry bushes on the edge of a cut. As he charged, the PH drew his equally powerful S&W cheif's special to cover me and screamed "shoot, shoot!!!" That coon would not go down. The PH kept saying "hit him again!" and "don't let him bay up!" The critter took five rounds, two in the head, and finally, with much growling and snarling, succumbed. I have since ceased using silvertips for anything.

BTW, I wouldn't wear an ankle bracelet if my life depended on it.

[Shaughn Leayme]

18.He shares office space with the local undertaker:scrutiny:

19. He is the local undertaker:what:

[H&Hhunter]

The critter took five rounds, two in the head, and finally, with much growling and snarling, succumbed.

Smokemaker,

Just a point of eticate here. When telling hairy chested charge stories nothing ever "succumed" and nothing ever "takes" rounds.

The rounds "slam" into his thickly muscled shoulders and deflect from his slanted, armor plated skull. Then he "sags" to the ground eminating a "long mournfull death bellow."

Lets try and get it right ok.....:D

Now common open your mind a little ankle bracelets are such a nice accesory.

Just imagine what a great conversation starter they are.Sitting around the fire, listening to the African night come alive lions chuff in the distance and the hyenas are singing their errie songs of death. In the fire lights twinkle your thickly bearded PH leans over and gentley whispers "smoke, nice ankle bracelet mate is that 14kt?"

To which you reply "yes Wayne it is and yours looks to be of pure sterling." Think theres any chance of shooting some ivory tommorrw? To which Wanye replies. A man who knows good ankle jewlery always has a chance to shoot some ivory in my camp mate......

Anyway we'll just leave it right there shall we.........;) :uhoh: :barf: :barf:

[Art Eatman]

H&H, I'm starting to wonder about you, boy...

:D

This thread started off mildly weirdly, but rapidly went downhill. Maybe it comes from hunters spending too much time alone in the boonies?

Art

[Joe Demko]

20. Your PH greets you with "Hope you brought plenty of condoms and hershey bars!"

[kudu]

Regarding #7 the M700 and the push feed issue I just read a real good article on the mauser claw feed. Heres the link FYI. :what:

http://www.african-hunter.com/the_firearm_files.htm

Look under "It's all in the claw."

[smokemaker]

H&H, sorry about the slipshod literary performance... but the last part inspired me:
#21. Your PH's name is Wayne. :rolleyes:

[H&Hhunter]

Regarding #7 the M700 and the push feed issue I just read a real good article on the mauser claw feed. Heres the link FYI.

Kudu.

The last paragraph says it all and I totally agree. For plains game which would include for the American hunter any type of deer or other grass eaters in the states a 700 or whatever floats your boat will work just fine. But never use a push feed on dangerous game. There was just a great article on the fallacy of using buck shot or slugs for a DG back up rifle as well. WWW.African-Hunter.com I get the magazine too it's a great read.


#21. Your PH's name is Wayne.

Smoke I just did you a physcological disservice. I think half the population of East African males are named Wyane. I'd give you better than even odds that if you ever go to Tanzania or Zambia or Zimbabwe at leat one PH in the group will be named Wyane. So keep those ankles covered.:D

[kudu]

Yea I saw the article on shotguns and buck but didn't want to mention it. It might get Blain all fired up again.:D :rolleyes: :scrutiny:

[kentucky bucky]

He wears track shoes and INSISTS you carry raw steaks in your back pack.

[JShirley]

22. He sees your iron-sighted bolt action and says, "Oh- you're one of those. A single is always enough for me."

[Byron Quick]

23-Your bolt-action is a shotgun. Your hunting buddy carries a dustpan and a whisk broom.:D

[Correia]

24. He has to keep stopping to use his asthma inhaler.

25. He randomly looses his glasses, then has to crawl about in the grass while yelling "help me, help me, I'm blind! Blind!"

[Amadeus]

26. At night your guide keeps looking around and nervously asking, "Did you hear that? What was that noise?"

27. He only takes cash -- up front.

28. He asks to hold your wallet whenever you leave the vehicle.

29. He takes you to a zoo, hands you a rifle, and tells you not to get caught.

[H&Hhunter]

30. Clips ear tags from shot game before loading it in the truck

[Oleg Volk]

So Rem.700 is adequate for hunting hostile humans (Army+SWAT use) but not for buffalo?

[H&Hhunter]

When is the last time you were hooked and thrown by a bad guy when you had a sniper rifle in your hands as your CQB weapon?

[Byron Quick]

So Rem.700 is adequate for hunting hostile humans (Army+SWAT use) but not for buffalo?

Totally different arenas with totally different dangers. I'm not going to run into a six hundred pound hostile human, armed with fangs and claws at a distance of less than fifty yards.

I wouldn't have a problem using the Remington 700 at sniping distances on dangerous game but I wouldn't call it hunting.

[Shaughn Leayme]

Cape Buffalo....

Disposition of a Wolverine

No fat...All Muscle

4 Size 12 hooves and a great dance routine:what:

It doesn't just get mad, it sets out to get even:evil:

Big sharp horns backed up by heavy muscle

Never met a hunter it wouldn't like to play with

Likes to retreat into deep dark heavy bush, when injured and then waits for you to step into it's parlor

Runs around with like minded individuals:scrutiny:

and a whole lot more.....

The last thing you would want to happen is a double feed, which is what can happen with the Remington 700. You want the round to be hooked under a big beefy extractor for both insertion and ejection, it could be the difference in posting about your latest hunt and having someone post about what happened on your LAST hunt.

[H&Hhunter]

Shaughn,

Well said and precisley my point. Go have a look at my Dangerous game thread.

[birddog]

31. PH says "Yes I'm French by birth, but I love Americans" while turning to uncase his backup rifle which looks suspiciously like a New England Firearms single-shot .22.

[Art Eatman]

Naw, the two worst-case scenarios:

1. It's a 10-day hunt, and the liquor locker only has one fifth of gin--and you drink bourbon.

2. Two days into the hunt the cook informs you that there's no more coffee.

:), Art

[twoblink]

When your PH says "Hey, can I borrow 1 bullet? I don't care what caliber..."