Help me convince the wife to let me go Active.


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gdcpony
May 25, 2011, 03:48 PM
This is way off topic, but I want to ask anyways. I couldn't find the forum for off topic discussion so I apologize.

I need a little advice on an issue that just came to a boil. It has been in the back of my mind for a while though. I have until 1800 to figure out how to breach this. I am so confused!!!!!!!

A little background first:
I was an Active Duty Marine and then got out. I planned to go right back in, but my wife to be convinced me to do the reservist thing. It blows. The closest unit is 100miles away and while on orders I must see my family only on weekends. Any duties I perform leave me away from home and the wife only sees the Corps as pulling me away. Add in the months added to a recent deployment just to "work up" and train for it that would never have happened on the active side of things.

So during the deployment I just returned from, I submitted a 1 in a 100 shot package to return to Active Duty. My wife was.... less than pleased. But it would not likely to be an issue with a "double-signer" (if you are a Marine Sgt and up, you know that is usually a career killer) on my record. I figured it would be declined. They have been rejecting packages of Marines with better records as they downsize.

Well, I also am an extremely well trained (read: they spent a ton of money on me) Marine and they were short in one of my jobs (MOS- 2823). I also like to think I am a good Marine too since I only screwed up once. I guess 6 years and a promotion also helped cloud things for them as I was informed today that my package was approved. I have until 22 June to decide to re-enlist.

I want to so bad it hurts, but the wife.... I haven't told her yet. I have been preaching the benefits of Active Duty to her, but she has one big objection. She doesn't want to move. She has never lived more than 20 miles from her family and thinks that is the way things should be. She did make the mistake of telling me once before the if I had gone Active in the beginning she would have followed.

I know you will all say it is my problem if not so directly, but input never hurts. I love my wife and kids and want them to be on board with going Active. The kids love the idea of seeing places and meeting new people (the two oldest think they will be Marines anyways). The only one not going to be happy is the wife. I need a way to convince her. Or convince me to be happy letting this one chance at the second best thing in my life (my kids are first by far) slip away never to be had again.

Just to let you know how bad this is for me: I am literally torn in two between the wife and the Corps. If it weren't for the kids, it would be a seriously 50/50 decision. If you have served you might understand what it is like right now for me. I hate to say it, but I will never be a happy civilian. I hate civilian life. I was raised military and it runs very deep (like older than the country for my family) in my blood. Then kick in the "1/2 way there" (10yrs in) thoughts, and my mind is seriously thinking of putting her on the spot with a "I'm going. Come or stay your choice." Not a way to make a happy wife, but the advice I have gotten from fellow Marines echoes it.

Me not having a job once I am off orders here next week only adds to the fuel to go. This way I can provide for the family as well as serve. I REALLY just want my wife, who I DO love, to see why I like- no love- it so much. So far she has seen little of good outside of the paycheck as a Reservist's wife.

Oh and I do expect a fair amount of flaming over this and it may be well deserved. I feel like a horrible husband just for being so split, but I can't help it. At least it is for service and not another woman! LOL (Hey! I might use that line!)

Thanks for reading.

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Robert
May 25, 2011, 03:56 PM
THR is the worst place in the world to get marriage advice. And when it comes down to it that is what this is.

This is way off topic
And not be a jerk, but if you know something is OT then why start the thread?

Giterboosted
May 25, 2011, 03:59 PM
Not quite the same, but I'm a firefightr, I feel for you man and i understand, good luck to you

earlthegoat2
May 25, 2011, 03:59 PM
You might as well be signing your divorce papers if you re-enlist.

Maybe not today but someday.

gdcpony
May 25, 2011, 04:05 PM
THR is the worst place in the world to get marriage advice. And when it comes down to it that is what this is.


And not be a jerk, but if you know something is OT then why start the thread?
It might be that many here think like me?

Izzy77
May 25, 2011, 04:09 PM
Well my dad did it ( re-enlisted against the wishes of his wife).

I heard about it from my mom, yes she still griped about it 20+ years later. :cuss:

As for couple therapy in THR, The next guy who answers could be trashing his wife between posts, or more likely hidding a purcahse from his wife.:rolleyes:


Now, if the recruiter cant do it... ( you know the slick ones who convince parents the national gaurd is safe and edu-vacational fun durring war time). Maybe you could talk with HER dad about it...little extra authority figure wont hurt. Unless of course the Ma' in law wears the leather belt.

Maybe if you opened up to her, admit you feel like a failure in civie life, and that this is your gig for life...at least you will have it on the table.

Justin
May 25, 2011, 04:18 PM
This is really off topic for THR. I hope you're able to get this situation resolved, but there are enough variables involved that you're probably better off seeking a solution in the real world rather than an online forum.

If you enjoyed reading about "Help me convince the wife to let me go Active." here in TheHighRoad.org archive, you'll LOVE our community. Come join TheHighRoad.org today for the full version!