Guns and dating.


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mljdeckard
June 10, 2011, 04:22 PM
I have found myself abruptly thrust back into the dating scene. (Short off-topic story.)

I find myself wondering about all kinds of things I thought I wouldn't ever need to again. Particularly, is there a particular way to handle telling your new romantic prospects that you are carrying?

Is it a good idea to let them know you are armed when you don't know each other very well?

Should you tell them when you first meet that you are armed?

If they freak out, do you say; "Oh well, it wouldn't have worked out anyway", or do you take some time to try to calm them down and bring them around, leave the gun home for a while?

Just things I am wondering about.

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Overkilll0084
June 10, 2011, 04:30 PM
If the date proceeds to the point where it's discovery is imminant, tell her then. Not over salad at the restarant. Besides, if the date goes south early, she didn't need to know. You really should keep quiet with it until it stops being a date and becomes a relationship. By then you should have found the opportunity to bring up the subject at some point and get an impression of how she views guns.

ny32182
June 10, 2011, 04:34 PM
The last thing I would do is just up and tell a date I barely know, that I'm carrying. I probably just wouldn't carry in that situation if I had the choice. In SC you can't carry anywhere that alcohol is served anyway, so if your date involves dinner, the state laws eliminate the issue.

HorseSoldier
June 10, 2011, 04:35 PM
I had similar concerns and on my first (blind) date with my now wife told her that I wasn't carrying because "blind date with a guy with a gun" seemed like it could have some disturbing overtones, but ordinarily CCW all the time. She told me I was silly and to never not carry on her account again, which was pretty much the first clue that she was a keeper.

ForumSurfer
June 10, 2011, 04:55 PM
I know them well enough that the topic has been discussed before the first date.

The older I get, the more intensive the pre-screening is and I've gotten pretty good at working firearms into the conversation well before I ask her to dinner. :)

Justin
June 10, 2011, 05:05 PM
Get it out of the way on the first date.

When I was dating, I'd tell them that I was a competitive shooter, and that I attended matches often on weekends and some weekdays.

Oddly enough, none of the women I ever went out with recoiled in horror over this.

FourTeeFive
June 10, 2011, 05:14 PM
You might mention it right before physical contact where she might feel the gun. Hopefully at that point she'll have other things on her mind...

;-)

hoodfu
June 10, 2011, 05:14 PM
I'd 2nd the competitive shooting idea method. I recently did this with a couple of dates and I found it was way more socially acceptable to be involved with a sport than to be some weirdo that spends time shooting alone at a range. I found it works well when meeting new friends as well, when you don't know their stance on guns ahead of time.

bcp280z
June 10, 2011, 05:21 PM
I carry anyway on first dates, come to think of it, I don't ever not carry. I usually try to work in the shooting as one of my hobbies in a discussion, then hopefully they are intrigued and would like to see one of my wares or go with me some time, then I'd let them know, but otherwise I don't tell em til it gets more intimate/relationship, and if the date goes really well, sometimes it gets awkward as I have to explain it while it's laying in my pants....on her floor.

moonpie
June 10, 2011, 05:30 PM
if restaurants in utah are like alabama drinking won't be an issue.if exes in utah are like exes in alabama she might find out you're carrying before you can tell her

KarenTOC
June 10, 2011, 05:31 PM
I like this approach:

I had similar concerns and on my first (blind) date with my now wife told her that I wasn't carrying because "blind date with a guy with a gun" seemed like it could have some disturbing overtones, but ordinarily CCW all the time.

"Bind date with a guy with a gun" would make me very nervous - unless the friend who fixed us up briefed me beforehand, and vouched for his sanity :D

So far, the issue hasn't come up. I haven't met any guys that like guns, let alone carry them. :(

goon
June 10, 2011, 05:56 PM
I agree with keeping it quiet until you know where things are going. Having said that, few of the girls I know who weren't familiar with guns have been put off by my interest in them. Most that I've taken to the range for the first time have really enjoyed shooting and understand exactly why guns are so important to me. I can't see it ever being an issue with someone I'd be compatible with, but it's best to not blindside someone with it right away.

Semyon Vasilii
June 10, 2011, 06:13 PM
I like this approach:



"Bind date with a guy with a gun" would make me very nervous - unless the friend who fixed us up briefed me beforehand, and vouched for his sanity :D

So far, the issue hasn't come up. I haven't met any guys that like guns, let alone carry them. :(
you obviously arent hanging around the right people/places haha

22-rimfire
June 10, 2011, 06:29 PM
I would not mention it at all during the early dating period. If the relationship develops, probably then. If it even matters, you have enough invested in the relationship to decide if you want to continue to carry when you are with them or being with them is worth more to you. I suspect you will already know their views on 2A.

Remo223
June 10, 2011, 06:30 PM
There's no good way to do it. If they are going to freak out about guns, its just not going to work. I never had a girlfriend get freaked out about guns until about 5 years ago. I was getting pretty serious with this girl. She came inside my house before going to a birthday party one evening. I had a handgun laying on the kitchen counter...never even thought about it. She saw it and literally freaked out. Turns out her husband committed suicide with a gun after a long struggle with a gambling addiction and left her with a house double mortgaged and debt up the wazoo. She lost everything. And guess what? she blamed the gun not the gambling addiction. After getting screamed at for awhile, she left and never spoke to me again.

buck460XVR
June 10, 2011, 06:41 PM
Me thinks you worry too much. When do you tell other new friends about your CCW? Why would a new female friend be any different? If it's gonna expand into a relationship you gotta be friends first. If you're afraid of losing a one night stand because of your CWC, leave the gun at home and take along other protection..........just sayin'.:D

mr.trooper
June 10, 2011, 07:01 PM
You need to tell them very early - just use some sense when doing it.

I would just work it into the natural conversion that you hunt/target shoot/whatever and see how they react. Those are defacto admissions to owning firearms.

I made it a point to tell my wife, and the girl I dated before her, that I own and carry guns with valid permit very early on (first or second date), and it worked out very well on both occasions.

The fact is, if they don't accept you or your beliefs, then it would never have worked out anyway.

JustinJ
June 10, 2011, 07:01 PM
"Me thinks you worry too much."

Agreed. Besides, it will give you plenty of opportunities to make jokes about what you have in your pants. On second thought, that may not be a good idea on the first date.

usmarine0352_2005
June 10, 2011, 07:08 PM
.


Became much easier once I became a cop. lol.





Before I wouldn't say anything until they finally found out about it and asked. I'd say, I have a permit to carry and it's my gun (in a holster). Never had a problem.

.

Old krow
June 10, 2011, 07:15 PM
Personally I'd put more focus on just relaxing and trying to enjoy myself. I might go the "competitive shooting" route, but that's about as far as I'd care to take it. I think that it's probably something that would need to be gotten out of the sooner rather than later, but I wouldn't worry too much about it.

"Bind date" would make me very nervous

Could have just it left it at that. :D

fallout mike
June 10, 2011, 08:07 PM
My brother has a long distance relationship that's only been on for a short time. She came here to see him this week for a week. The day she got here my brother and I already had plans to shoot. She had never been around guns or shot one. She wanted to and got to shoot most of what I took with us. And she was grinning ear to ear. I told him she's a keeper.

KingMedicine
June 10, 2011, 08:16 PM
I personally dont carry, but i had something of this issue happen on my first date. She asked what i like to do for fun, i brought up that i like to go target shooting in the desert. Supprising enough, she then asked after dinner to go check out my collection.

One thing lead to another...

we're still dating, and she wants her own Chief Special .38... =) Where did you think it led to...

Birdmang
June 10, 2011, 08:17 PM
I've gotten with some good looking women thanks to taking them shooting. Seems like most girls from Chicago have never touched/fired a gun before.

CraigC
June 10, 2011, 08:28 PM
Be open and honest about shooting but don't throw it up in their face either. You should know before the first date whether or not they have a problem with guns. If shooting is an important part of your life, as it is mine, weed the them out quickly. For me, it is a dealbreaker. As far as concealed carry, it's supposed to be "concealed". Would you tell some dude you just met that you're carrying? Probably not. Wait until the appropriate time, which is probably never on a first date.

zfk55
June 10, 2011, 08:36 PM
During a hug... Her to him:
So....... Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

Him: Well....... actually.............. :D

whalerman
June 10, 2011, 08:45 PM
I don't think it's an issue that has to be settled on a first date. But then again, if people are illogical, I don't have a deep desire to be around them. Certainly not in a lasting relationship with one. I could date an anti. I could even see a movie or be a close friend with an anti. But marry one. Not me. I need a partner. Not a child living in the same house. She doesn't have to be a shooter or carry or collect or anything of the sort. But she has to value freedom. Not an optional value.

Jim NE
June 10, 2011, 08:59 PM
...she left and never spoke to me again.

That doesn't surprise me. I think shooters need to realize that the majority of people in our country (esp. women) still think that carrying a gun (when you aren't a cop) is an extreme and even militant act. Up until 10 or 15 years ago, most civilians who carried guns on their person were either criminals or decent people who were in violation of the law for the sake of personal protection (at least in big cities.) I remember the shock and surprise my new bride had when I told her I had two guns (a .22 rifle and a $29 shotgun.) She truly couldn't understand why anyone would own a gun...even pedestrian guns like these.

She's gotten used to the idea after 17 years, but if I were were looking for a spouse now, any prospects would be carefully vetted out for a whole host of attitudes (not just gun related) before I'd consider dating them.

wrs840
June 10, 2011, 09:12 PM
I'm with zfk55... that great Mae West line fits in here somewhere...

heeler
June 10, 2011, 09:15 PM
I understand fully what Jim NE is saying.
I am pushing 60 years old and have been seeing the same woman for several years and since she's only five years younger than me we both came from a generation where a lot of men owned all sorts of sporting arms and hunted.
So gun ownership and hunting was no big deal.
And since America is no longer the nation we grew up in she had zero issues with me getting my concealed license and a couple of times was quite secure in the fact that I had it on me.
However at the office building at work we actually have televisions in the lunch rooms and usually the news is on and there is no end to the mayhem that takes place in Houston Texas on a daily basis as the low lifes of society go at each other and of course they also go after the straight every day citizenry and I have heard more than my share of negative comments about guns,inparticular handguns from the sub 40 year old generation.
So I'm not so sure if I was a young guy how I would go about this issue.
Glad I came from the generation I did so that's one issue I dont ever see myself facing.

Remo223
June 10, 2011, 11:00 PM
I've never lived without firearms. My grandpa kept a 1911 in his golf bag...while golfing! All my relatives kept loaded handguns in their cars. Laws were not so strict back then. Even though there were no shall issue laws back then, there were ways to carry legal and there was grey areas. There was some leeway in the law back then.

Not anymore.

what is different is the polarization between the anti gun types and the pro gun types. Used to be many people were middle of the road types...that is people who owned a gun of some kind but were in favor of fairly heavy gun restrictions. Nowdays you have people who think guns are evil and should be abolished IN TOTALITY, and people who are NRA members, and not much in between.

JTHunter
June 10, 2011, 11:58 PM
Somebody had suggested using the line about doing "competetive shooting" BUT if you do NOT compete, DON'T start the relationship on a lie. Not a good way to start.

animator
June 11, 2011, 08:30 AM
On first dates, depending on the location, I am generally not carrying. Mostly, because most of my recent "first dates" have all been at 51% locations...


But I've also carried on dates, and never mentioned it. I don't mention too much about shooting as a hobby, other than to say it is a hobby. I've had a few girls mention an interest in getting their CHL, to which I always reply about having mine, which makes a good discussion topic, but I've never met someone for the first time and been like, "oh hey, I'm carrying a gun".


It *is* a bit awkward when they hear that loud THUD as the pants hit the floor though... but usually by then they have their minds on other things, so it's not really awkward until the next morning trying to put everything back where it goes...

AirForceShooter
June 11, 2011, 08:37 AM
meet girls at a range.
Problem solved

AFS

parsimonious_instead
June 11, 2011, 08:41 AM
I live in a generally very liberal area... but I've been surprised (pleasantly) by some women's reactions.
One saw my Desert Eagle background image on my PC after one or two dates, and she was kinda shocked, but liked me more than enough to get past it. Turns out she was ranked by the NRA a few decades ago for her marksmanship at a summer camp. We aren't boyfriend and girlfriend any more, but she occasionally goes with me to the range.
Someone else I met late last year was quite interested in firearms. We were snuggling a bit in my car after we dined out, and during a pause I asked her if she ever went to summer camp. "Yes" she replied. "Why"
"Did you do any riflery there?"
Her eyes lit up and she said, "no, but I've always wanted to try shooting. The subject interests me, and I've watched a lot of NutnFancy's YouTube videos to try and learn more."
We did a bit of dry practice in my apt, but the relationship ended before the weather turned nice enough for us to go shooting. Oh well...

Geckgo
June 11, 2011, 08:52 AM
Well the discussion seems geared to ccw, don't know how I would handle that. When I met my wife I owned a 30-06 and I can't even remember when she first found out about it. Course, dating a girl that's in the military tends to make their attitudes towards firearms a bit more lax.

22-rimfire
June 11, 2011, 11:48 AM
I grew up with guns. Telling a woman about this would never cross my mind unless the conversation somehow settled on something gun related.

Here's what to do if you are worried.... take a list with you and give it to them on your first date. That would almost guarantee no second date in most cases. She would be thinking... who would give me a list of their firearms on the first date? Strange?

Orangeburger
June 11, 2011, 11:54 AM
The last thing I would do is just up and tell a date I barely know, that I'm carrying. I probably just wouldn't carry in that situation if I had the choice. In SC you can't carry anywhere that alcohol is served anyway, so if your date involves dinner, the state laws eliminate the issue.
The reason SC does not allow weapons where alcoholic is served is that's where the trouble is likely to be. And that is why I'd like to have my weapon with me.

Orangeburger
June 11, 2011, 11:58 AM
However at the office building at work we actually have televisions in the lunch rooms and usually the news is on and there is no end to the mayhem that takes place in Houston Texas on a daily basis as the low lifes of society go at each other and of course they also go after the straight every day citizenry and I have heard more than my share of negative comments about guns,inparticular handguns from the sub 40 year old generation.

Have you ever tried to work the "More Guns, Less Crime" into the conversation. I know. I try to minimize the gun talk at work too.

Sam1911
June 11, 2011, 12:02 PM
I think the biggest point of contention really is firearms in general. If you are honest and clear in the "so...what do you like to do in your spare time?" phase of getting to know each other, she's going to have processed that you like guns, you own guns, you shoot a lot, guns will be part of your life -- and hers, too, if things continue.

If she's comfortable with that and you get to a second date, third, fourth, etc., then the idea that you would have one with you while you're out and about won't seem more than just a little bit stranger.

But you've got to establish yourself first as someone she likes, admires, trusts, and wants to spend time around before you start into the more socially unusual aspects of your life, like the fact that you have a loaded firearm with you at a romantic dinner.

There's no reason to continue to waste your time and hers if she's never going to be comfortable with your guns and your shooting hobbies. BUT, once you've crossed that bridge, and you know that she accepts and understands guns as useful tools with legitimate purposes, letting her know that you keep one on-hand for defense, always, is a small step.

heeler
June 11, 2011, 12:17 PM
Orangeburger,yes I try sometimes in a very subtle way other times if I have known the employee a fair amount of time it will be more directly.
But I learned a long time ago from an old Bible teacher that you cannot reason with unreasonable people.
And a lot of these young people have never been around guns and just dont like them or see the use in them.
But I can say the other day on the local news while we were sitting there eating there was a story of a woman whose home was invaded and while she kept yelling at the punk to please leave she was recording it on her cell phone...The women were horrified to later learn not only did he steal several of her possesions he also took the time to sexually assault her for good measure.
It pissed me off some much I just stated in a very matter of fact way that ALL of this could have been stopped cold with a gun and recommended that if they were interested they should take a NRA shooting class to get more familiar and comfortable with guns.
No takers.

YumaKid
June 11, 2011, 12:25 PM
Carrying on the first date? I don't know about the girl, but that would be awkward for me - but then again, dating was awkward for me.

Years ago, back in college, I met this girl who was seeing somebody else at the time; so since I had no chance with her, I wasn't too concerned about discussing shooting and guns. She didn't give any indication of her feelings on the subject, but I later found out that her mother was a hard-core Lib who believed that only LEO's should be armed in society - "... and most of THEM shouldn't be carrying guns, either!"
Of course, by this time the girl's "previous relationship" had ended and she "was receptive" and yeah, we were together. Taught her how to shoot everything I, my Dad and my brother owned - she loved it. Her mother never forgave me for poisoning and endangering her daughter with "evil" loaded guns; but she never forgave me for a lot of things, so.....


31 years and three kids later; that girl and I still go out shooting when we can. The only time she spoke out about my guns is when she took over a sweet little K-frame .357; and told me I had to get myself something else - it was HERS now.

She does still let me shoot that Smith now and then. And we don't talk to my mother-in-law about it.

W.E.G.
June 11, 2011, 12:35 PM
The Speedo and flip-flop set really aren't tuned into guns.

After their cars and apartments get broken-into a few times, and they get robbed on the way home from a night "clubbing," and they gain a few pounds, their attitudes tend to change a bit.

After a few dates, I took my girl out to shoot the 12 gauge.
She handled it without a peep, so we're still together.

ArfinGreebly
June 11, 2011, 12:49 PM
In the "not really serious, but maybe" department . . .

You could, you know, carry a copy of Monster Hunter or another one of Correia's books (have one on the dash, or center console, or wherever).

Oh, that? Well, I know the author, we used to hang out. Did you know he had a gun store near here? Yeah. Quite a guy. Used to go shooting together. Time kinda gets in the way, but I try to keep the hobby alive.

:D

gathert
June 11, 2011, 01:12 PM
With my current girlfriend turned ex, she was fine with guns before I got my license to start carrying. Once I got m license, things changed for some reason and she was more uneasy with me actually carrying. Not really sure why and she wouldnt warm up to it so thats part of the reason we broke up. Her dad even got her an NRA life membership but she didnt see a point to carry a gun daily. Sometimes is hard to make tough decisions but they need to be made.

Besides, the only was she ever found out I was carrying was when she gave me a hug.

Justin123
June 11, 2011, 01:17 PM
Honesty is the best policy in this situation. Just find the right moment and calmly inform her that you carry and why.

It's best to just get it out...the reaction could save yourself a lifetime of B.S.

IcemanUnlimited
June 11, 2011, 01:29 PM
I think my current primary source of income helps me ease into the gun thing with a girl. I like selling pepper sprays, stun guns, blades and more with a good ol' "everyone should be able to protect themselves" attitude. Owning only 1-3 guns helps too (nothing against people with large collections).

At first I thought nobody cared but the more thought I put into it, some people I know are actually freaked out by this. Just doesn't bother me I guess. People I care about are okay with it.

Ironclad
June 11, 2011, 01:53 PM
Its all about your general attitude. If you are a gentleman and she can tell that you genuinely care about her and just want to keep her and yourself safe, then if she is worth having at all your gun will not be a dealbreaker.

However, if you are cocky or rude or just trying to "get some", finding a gun in your pants might be the last straw that makes her ditch you.

Even an anti can make an exception for people they really like. Ive had several people who are against guns in general tell me that it doesnt bother them at all that I have guns.

stonecutter2
June 11, 2011, 02:13 PM
I had a similar dilemma. I worried about how I would tell my next girlfriend about having guns. It just sort of worked out that her grandpa owned some land with a range, her brother had some guns, her Dad had some guns, her uncle is a cop with guns, and at some family gathering the subject came up about going out to the range, and I was asked if I was interested. Things just went from there.

I wouldn't offer up the info right away without a reason, and I wouldn't force the conversation to cover it. When it comes up, it'll be at the right time. Otherwise I always had the opinion that any gal who stayed at my place should know i have a gun there for self defense.

lizziedog1
June 12, 2011, 08:38 AM
Asking a woman if she wants to go shooting is a way to figure things out. Maybe not on the first or second date, but eventually ask. Her reaction will tell you much.

gym
June 12, 2011, 12:43 PM
I agree with Justin, tell them in conversation, my hobbys include firearms, I hope that doesn't turn you off, but that's what I spend a great deal of my free time doing. It's not my only interest but important enough that I thought I should mention it to you. Then it's in her court. i only had one girl who was really horrified by it. Out of several hundred. That's not bad odds. I got married at 50, so being in the hair salon business for 21 years, I met and dated a lot of women. Even at one a week do the math, and some weeks, Well, that's why I got married at 50.
There was one girl who actually left my apartment without saying a word, while I was in the bathroom. So you don't know what the reaction would be. This was after we had gone out before and just come back from dinner. She was deathlly afraid of guns, and when I told her I carried one, she freaked. I found this out later. It also cost me a client.
Many of them wanted to see the gun, "not good" at least at first, till you know they are metally stable. In due time. But get it out of the way because you may have to cut her loose if she is a real anti gun fanatic.
When I met my wife I asked her to please put this in her bag, as I had no place to conceal it other than an iwb that was uncomfortable to have dinner with. She just put it in her bag and that was that.

Hocka Louis
June 12, 2011, 02:00 PM
Dude, screen them first, such as if their politics imply they will be anti-gun. I have made a decision to remove people who are members of one particular party from my circle of friends. But get the lady thru the third date. ;)

After that you can take a measured approach and ease her into your other interests. Mention you go target shooting a few times a year -- talk about a little .22 rifle and NOT handguns. Make it about her -- you could even build a day out to the range around her! A nice drive (have her bring her favorite road CD), the fresh outdoors, GIVE her a pair of cheap cool shooting glasses, plan a casual lunch somewhere off the beaten track that is at a special place like a famous barbecue shack...

Then as you get to know her better let her know you are actually a gun-carrying nut.

BIGGBAY90
June 12, 2011, 02:06 PM
i have found myself abruptly thrust back into the dating scene. (short off-topic story.)

i find myself wondering about all kinds of things i thought i wouldn't ever need to again. Particularly, is there a particular way to handle telling your new romantic prospects that you are carrying?

Is it a good idea to let them know you are armed when you don't know each other very well?

Should you tell them when you first meet that you are armed?

If they freak out, do you say; "oh well, it wouldn't have worked out anyway", or do you take some time to try to calm them down and bring them around, leave the gun home for a while?

Just things i am wondering about.
where you are from isn't that the norm for most citizens

1stmarine
June 12, 2011, 09:20 PM
Do not need to ever tell this to anyone. That is the whole point of concealment.
In the future if things progress and you show you are a responsible person and citizen, many peoplen should not feel insecure about that. Also it might give you time to find out the other person's views about personal protection and firearms.

I personally met General Patton's chaplain and after I saw some pictures and I asked him why he carried an pistol being a priest and everything and he told me... If he was captured the Nazis were not going to be stopped with prayers. LOL.

Cheers.
E.

btz
June 13, 2011, 02:45 AM
I think mentioning that you have shooting as a hobby makes it seem less threatening...
probably help people warm up to it easier than just saying "oh yeah I have a gun in my pants by the way"

gathert
June 13, 2011, 03:16 AM
Could always ask "Is that a gun in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?" :)

lizziedog1
June 13, 2011, 06:37 AM
Dude, screen them first, such as if their politics imply they will be anti-gun.

Good point! Also, if at dinner you find out they are hard-core vegans, then chances are pretty good your hobbies well not be Kosher.

au01st
June 13, 2011, 11:57 AM
Well, I OC, and a nice leather holster looks good with a button down, khakis, and dress shoes. Never done the blind date thing, so all the girls I've been out with know I carry beforehand, and often want to go shooting too. On one occasion I had dinner with a girl's parents who were in town, and when her mother asked why I carried a gun, I replied, "For the protection of your lovely daughter" which seemed to leave a good impression with her father. Too bad that one didn't work out.

AJMBLAZER
June 13, 2011, 12:07 PM
I don't mention it at all until after I've gotten a good feel for them.

Still can be touchy.

One gal was a rabid liberal and hated guns...yet had a target hung on her bedroom wall to show how good of a shot she was. Never could figure that dichotomy out.

Another was okay with guns, wanted to see mine and had me take a picture of her holding one that she promptly sent to her friends and sister, yet freaked out when I had one on me when we went to her very odd ex's house to retrieve some stuff that he was dragging his feet about returning.

Hard to say.

I usually try and go mention owning guns/liking to shoot--->discuss it--->show guns--->go shooting. If this progresses she may learn more.

I have found most gun noob gals end up liking to shoot. Luckily I have several .22's.

Nushif
June 13, 2011, 12:28 PM
With me it comes up in normal conversation a lot. I think really the trick is to be relaxed about it and not makes some huge deal about it. I frankly don't think "properly" done guns is the turnoff. It's usually something else. Picture this:

The two of you walk up to the restaurant doors. You take her by her shoulders firmly, look straight into her eyes and tell her: "Here. I want you to carry this. I always carry my .44 magnum in case I have to defend myself or the lives of others. But this restaurant is very touchy and I've observed that one of the waiters who works here comes from the same street as me. He might know I carry. So can you carry it in your purse and hand it to me in case things go south?"

Good Luck with that! How about this one?

The two of you are sitting on a park bench, talking she's just told you for the past thirty minutes about how much she likes ... rock climbing ... I don't know. She asks: "What do you do in your free time?" Nonchalantly you answer: "Oh, I'm a sheep dog. I spend most of my time preparing for the end of the world as we know it and practice my draw, sometimes my reload and my swap between Carbine and Pistol while in the prone. Really, society needs more sheep dogs, or needs to wake up to the dangers around us."

Yeah ... I don't think guns was the issue here either. How about this one?

The two of you walk towards the nice restaurant, when you spot one of the dreaded "No Carry" signs. And even worse! It's legal! You say: "Hang on a sec." You run back to your car, open the door, mess around with what appears to be your belt, close the door, lock the car, run back and hook right back in. She says: "What was that?" You say: "Oh, that no carry sign ... I had to stow my gun real quick." then you open the door for her, walk right in and have a lovely dinner conversation.

Not so bad, eh? One more!

The two of you went hiking, right? You wander by your favorite shooting spot and you spot a 9mm casing. You pick it up, eye it a little and slip it in your pocket. She says: "What was that about?" You say: "Oh, I come and shoot here a lot, and I make my own bullets. So I collect all the old brass that other shooters leave behind and then reload or recycle it."

Shabam~! No creepy factor ... no longwinded rants about constitutionality, sheepdogs, preparedness, damn liberals, stupid conservatives, punk kids, crime ... nothing. Simply another little facet of your personality that shows that this handsome strapping guy walking next to her is a responsible gun owner who seems *nothing* like the freaks on TV who are always yelling about the second amendment.

And that's where I think the problem is, to be honest.

Sam1911
June 13, 2011, 12:38 PM
Well said Nushif! And right on track with what I intended when I wrote:
I think the biggest point of contention really is firearms in general. If you are honest and clear in the "so...what do you like to do in your spare time?" phase of getting to know each other, she's going to have processed that you like guns, you own guns, you shoot a lot, guns will be part of your life -- and hers, too, if things continue.

If she's comfortable with that and you get to a second date, third, fourth, etc., then the idea that you would have one with you while you're out and about won't seem more than just a little bit stranger.


Giving time for your personality and responsibility to show through -- and hopefully outshine the shagginess and smell of your 'sheepdog' outfit (:D) --, is the best play. Don't fool her, and don't waste your time and hers if she's never going to accept that part of your life. But don't lead off with "I'm Jim. I carry a gun. What's your name?" either.

That does presuppose a certain amount of time invested in getting to know each other before she's going to discover it on her own. If your plans are on a more ... accelerated ... schedule, you'll have to cut to the chase a bit sooner.

ForumSurfer
June 13, 2011, 12:50 PM
That does presuppose a certain amount of time invested in getting to know each other before she's going to discover it on her own. *If your plans are on a more ... accelerated ... schedule, you'll have to cut to the chase a bit sooner.On a safety related note...when things are "accelerated" they are usually "aggressive." Make sure your holster covers the trigger guard completely and you are carrying something with a drop safety. If someone beats you to the draw, pants fall rather quickly with a sidearm attached to them. ;)

pacerdude
June 13, 2011, 02:21 PM
My girlfriend is completely fine with me owning guns, although she is iffy on actually shooting them herself, and i am not going to push her on the issue. There is no point in making her do something she doesn't want to do.

Oh and i was completely up front with her on owning guns from when the time we first met, and went out several months later. So she knew going in to our relationship that i liked guns.

Honesty is the best policy!

FourTeeFive
June 13, 2011, 10:23 PM
Don't automatically link political association with anti-gun. There is certainly the stereotype of liberal gun banners out there but I think more of it is a party line than personal opinion.

Here in the liberal side of WA I know touch-feely peace for all vegan liberal females who are interested in shooting. I see "granola" type earthy folks at the range.

You'd be surprised how many women, regardless of political leanings, are interested in guns.

ChCx2744
June 14, 2011, 02:40 AM
Being a man that loves firearms myself, I'm going to give you some advice: Women, in general, enjoy having conversations about things they like and they like for you to keep them involved in conversation about things that interest them and subjects that lead to or will lead further onto things THEY like. Women, in general, view firearms as a "guy" thing and they shouldn't be discussed on a first, or maybe even second date. Politics, firearms, marriage, religion, etc. shouldn't be discussed heavily or at all when you're trying to court a woman you are interested in, trust me, the mention of firearms at this point may very well put her off. Some may try to chime in and say likewise, but just go with me on this. I love guns and won't give mine up for anything, but save the gun talk with the fellas and focus more on wooing the woman you like.

I say women in general because I took into account the interests of a majority of the women I personally know and interact with. This is an opinion I derived only from the women I know from my own life, so I cannot account for the interests and thought patterns of all women around the world, but I'm fairly confident in saying that a majority of the women in my life are your "average, good women" that pretty much think similarly, or at least I'd like to believe so. Not trying to gloat or generalize, but societal norms and the understanding of the majority is something we must always take into account, whether it be your personal stance on gun ownership/control or relationship advice.

Axel Larson
June 14, 2011, 08:46 AM
I would say it is situational if she seems okay with firearms than go ahead and tell her. If you are not sure wait. The wonderful woman I am engaged to now likes shooting and the first time I talked to her, she expressed interest in guns and I told her that I carried. She never had a problem with my hobby. Although her mother.... I also admit looking back I could have waited until I know for sure that she like guns enough that she would not freak out.

Zach S
June 14, 2011, 09:04 AM
First date is just a toe in the water. I've had many first dates that weren't followed by a second.

Guns are normally second or third date material, either in conversation, or an invitation to the range. Its easy for both of us to walk away if we feel the need to.

Despite living in the mountains of NC, well, now TN, I seem to end up meeting a lot of anti-gun women. The ones that aren't anti-gun end up having other issues, so I pretty much gave up.

PcolaDawg
June 14, 2011, 12:42 PM
I have found myself abruptly thrust back into the dating scene. (Short off-topic story.)

I find myself wondering about all kinds of things I thought I wouldn't ever need to again. Particularly, is there a particular way to handle telling your new romantic prospects that you are carrying?

Is it a good idea to let them know you are armed when you don't know each other very well?

Should you tell them when you first meet that you are armed?

If they freak out, do you say; "Oh well, it wouldn't have worked out anyway", or do you take some time to try to calm them down and bring them around, leave the gun home for a while?

Just things I am wondering about.
Darn good question. Not sure how I would answer it, but my eldest kid just graduated from college up in Virginia and works in Virginia Beach. He has a conceal/carry permit, and carries all the time. He's very much into guns and has some pistols, a shotgun and an AK 47.

He started liking this girl from New Jersey who knew nothing about guns and never fired a gun in her life. So he took her to a local firing range to shoot all of his guns.

She loved it. Her favorite gun, believe it or not, was the Remington 11-87 shotgun.

Later this month he'll be traveling to New Jersey to meet her parents, and he's flying down here with her for the fourth of July weekend so she can meet us. Sounds very serious.

So, I guess the moral of the story is to take your date to the firing range. If she likes it - marry her. ;)

armoredman
June 14, 2011, 02:36 PM
some weirdo that spends time shooting alone at a range

Hey, that's ME! :)
Good thing my wife likes guns as much as I do. I don't remember any dates that went south due to firearms back in the day, but I wasn't much of a ladies man or playboy when I was a bachelor, except back in the military, and there was no carrying then.

LDNN
June 14, 2011, 10:18 PM
If I were anticipating any "physical contact" I'd not carry on the first date. If not I would like any other day then I'd try to find out how the person feels about firearms and take it from there.

armorerdave
June 15, 2011, 02:43 AM
I live in a small town in Missouri, and when you go on a date with a girl here, you're just as likely to feel a gun concealed on her as she would on you :)

I don't have that problem with dating and wondering. I am a firearms manufacturer (Type 07) and a Small Arms Repairer for the US Army (I repair machine guns for the Army). So any woman I date already knows i have/carry firearm(s).

hermannr
June 15, 2011, 02:55 AM
Guys take girls to dinner because that is what they think they want. What they really like is to do something...so ask if she would like to go to teh range for a first date, maybe dinner after...then she may invite you to dinner...to be a keeper she has to be able to shoot and cook you know. :D

Mp7
June 15, 2011, 03:05 AM
"Honey, that´s a CCW in my pocket. I´m impotent, though."

gathert
June 15, 2011, 03:09 AM
to be a keeper she has to be able to shoot and cook you know.

Dont forget she has to know how to cook what you shoot and bring home :)

JustinJ
June 15, 2011, 09:10 AM
"I live in a small town in Missouri, and when you go on a date with a girl here, you're just as likely to feel a gun concealed on her as she would on you "

Hmm, i'd be careful about assuming its a concealed gun in her pocket.

Sam1911
June 15, 2011, 09:28 AM
As we've drifted into off-color innuendo and clichés, let's call this answered.

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