How to tell the spouse about new purchase


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*NOVA*
July 27, 2011, 11:05 AM
I got bit by the gun bug this past January. I've bought seven various fireams so far and was able to justify each one to my wife. Just for the record, she does not consult with me on her all of purchases. I told her about the Bodyguard .380 I have on layaway (I need it for Summertime pocket carry).

This morning I finally found my Ruger SR1911 for under $600.00 and I just could not wait any longer.

I'm thinking just keep it locked up - take it to the range, enjoy it and eventually the wife will forget how many we have - she might not even be certain how many we have now. But I've been married 20 years and have a great relationship - don't want to violate her trust. Funny thing is - she's the one started reading up and researching SHTF scenarious and convinced me we should exercise our RTKABA. Since then, I have only gotten her to shoot her Ruger GP100 once at the range. She says she is busy doing other things but wil leventually get her CCW, like I did. If she gets the CCW, maybe I'll give her the BD 380 for her purse (yeah, Iknow there's folks out there think that's not a good idea, but that's another thread)

Interested to hear from anyone who is in a similar situation, how did they deal with it - would they do it again?

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chevyman097
July 27, 2011, 11:10 AM
Sounds like you guys have a good relationship. Just tell her. "Hey look at this, just picked it up."

Six
July 27, 2011, 11:10 AM
Never lie. Never hide things. Assuming you're going to make mortgage this month and won't starve, a relationship will survive $600. It won't survive deceit.


Shortly you'll see various takes off "divorce her and buy all the guns you want" or "I'd never let any woman tell me what to do".

Take that advice for what it's worth.

USAF_Vet
July 27, 2011, 11:13 AM
If there is anything I've learned being married, it is don't try to hide stuff from your wife. I'd say your first mistake was not telling her. Don't make a further mistake by trying to hide it from her.

However, if you want to try to avoid a butt chewing, tell her you want to sell off/ trade some guns to get the SR1911 (that is locked away hidden from her.) That way, when a few guns disappear and you suddenly have the SR1911, you're in the clear, albeit deceitfully.

cambeul41
July 27, 2011, 11:15 AM
The last gun purchase in this household was handled this way: My wife said, "Dear, I'm going to Jerry's to buy a S&W M&P. Do you want to go with me?" :D

chhodge69
July 27, 2011, 11:20 AM
Don't lie to your wife if you want to keep her. It sounds like you are already in a hole so stop digging.

Arkansas Paul
July 27, 2011, 11:35 AM
How to tell the spouse about new purchase


Before it's made. That is assuming the money is coming from the family's funds.
If I sell one gun, I'll buy another with the money I got for mine without the wife's approval, but that's about it. If it's coming out of the family's funds, tell her FIRST.

Don't expect your thread to stay open very long by the way. These have a way of being locked pretty quick.

Nushif
July 27, 2011, 11:36 AM
I usually barge in the door and yell Range Trip! While frantically waving the box around.
Works like a charm. 8)

reppans
July 27, 2011, 11:38 AM
I'm in a very similar boat - got bit in February - count's seven too. Wifey's go zero interest in a CCW permit though, although she did say she'd try shooting.

We have a don't-ask-don't-tell thing going, although she occasionally asks, rolling her eyes :rolleyes:, "what's your arsenal up to now?" I think the ammo purchases are worse than the guns themselves.... last purchase was a .22 to help alleviate.

Think I'll be using cash going forward, drawing off an emergency stash for impulse buys, and then slowly replenishing from my "allowance." I hope to be winding down now though.

*NOVA*
July 27, 2011, 11:39 AM
OK - thanks everyone so far for your advice - I'll do the right thing -I'm going to tell her. Its not like she's going to ask me to get rid of it.

HankR
July 27, 2011, 11:50 AM
Kind of like Reppans, I mention that I'm going to buy a gun (or that I'm looking for "a couple of guns"). If it's something neat I'll show it off when I get home. If it's not, sometimes it gets put in the safe and I forget to mention it. I started laying the groundwork last week, saying something like "I thought I was done buying guns for awhile, but Rugers coming out w/ a 1911 that I'm gonna get as soon as the price goes down, and I'm also thinking about their single 10 but I'll probably wait and look at the SP-101 in 22 before I get that". I can then kid myself that I told her I was going to buy those three. That should last me till Christmas. OTOH, I live in dread of the question "how many guns do we have, anyway?". She did get her CCW last year, but doesn't carry and hasn't really been shooting the last 7-8 years. She wants to get back into it, but time is a factor.

Glad to hear that you found an SR1911 for a good price. My LGS has had a few in, but he hasn't put them in his case yet. I mentioned I was looking for one, and he said "Henry, I can sell them for $750 on gunbroker, I'm not going to sell them to my local customers for that."

CoRoMo
July 27, 2011, 11:51 AM
When I buy a new gun, I buy my wife a gift certificate for a 90 minute massage. I then present her with the gift certificate and she can schedule it at her convenience. It is a pleasant surprise to her every time, but she also knows what the reason is behind the arbitrary gift.

ErikO
July 27, 2011, 11:58 AM
My wife enjoyes shooting with me and I like shooting with her better than going alone. I'd never try and hide a gun purchase from the woman that picks me up from work with a fed kiddo and a stocked range bag. ;)

MistWolf
July 27, 2011, 12:21 PM
I never hide purchases from the wife or lie about them. I do not need nor do I want the kind of drama that can bring. My wife has always been good about this and for that, I'm very glad. Before we got married, I told the wife if she's ever going to tell me "It's me or the guns", tell me now and we won't get married. She's good with that. I'm good with her hobbies as well.

While reading this thread, I realized my wife & I never talked about how she wants me to handle this. So I took time to talk to her and we set some ground rules. Now I know what she expects

thedrewcifur
July 27, 2011, 12:25 PM
i don't have to tell my girlfriend about any new guns. she doesn't care. she buys a lot of guns and ammo herself.

kingpin008
July 27, 2011, 12:35 PM
Part of a mature relationship is communication. If you and your lady share finances, then you need to come together with her and discuss whether or not you're able to afford a new gun. If you have seperate finances, then do what you want.

But don't lie, and don't hide things. That's what kids do when they don't want their parents to find out they did something stupid. Your spouse shouldn't be your parent, and you shouldn't be sneaking things behind their back.

Snowbandit
July 27, 2011, 12:35 PM
There's no way I would buy a gun without telling her first. Last time I did almost hoping she would talk me out of it but she said to do it anyway. The deal was too good to pass up.

JustinJ
July 27, 2011, 12:37 PM
Do ya'll have an agreement to consult each other before making purchases this large? If so you've already violated her trust and the only right thing to do is tell her and be willing to sell it if she insists.

TIMC
July 27, 2011, 12:54 PM
I don't justify anything to my wife about purchases; as long as the bills are paid, there is food in the house and extra cash that is not already spoken for to purchase something else I get what I want and then tell her about it.

Heck if I had to justify my gun purchases to her I would only have 1 gun and that one would be a maybe!

As said above; never lie or hide things from your wife and she should not do that to you. There must be trust and open communication in a relationship.

Madcap_Magician
July 27, 2011, 12:55 PM
My wife knows everything in the safe... yours should, too.

One reason that seldom gets much thought is that should you unexpectedly die, your wife should have some idea of how much all of those guns are worth.

Yeah... that $8,000 German long-barrel Luger from WWII that you got for "A steal, only $100!!!"?

Do you want her selling it for $200 and thinking she got a great deal?

Sniderman
July 27, 2011, 01:10 PM
"How to tell the spouse about new purchase"

Actually, I have no spouse, :D, But, I think that, depending on the overall financial situation, the approach should be,,,

UH,, Before you make the purchase? :scrutiny:

catnphx
July 27, 2011, 01:36 PM
Sounds like you guys have a good relationship. Just tell her. "Hey look at this, just picked it up."
The only thing I would add:

"Hey look at this, just picked it up for you when you get your CCW."

Be open about these purchases because costs start adding up and then you'll both start blaming each other. Good for you on 20 years ... my wife and I are on our 19th.

ZeroJunk
July 27, 2011, 01:37 PM
I know everybody's marriage is different. My wife has no idea what guns I own or buy and has no interest in knowing.
If something happens to me it's quite likely she will give them to relatives, which is fine with me.

CoRoMo
July 27, 2011, 01:49 PM
My wife knows everything in the safe... yours should, too.
While I agree, I can't force her to know it. She has no interest in what is in there. She knows full well that I have my latest purchase, but she doesn't care. She's never even asked to see it, or anything. I even told her to follow me to the safe because I wanted to show it to her, but she ignored me. She's just content to get the surprise massage.

Tinpig
July 27, 2011, 01:49 PM
Big difference between "not volunteering" and lying.

I've been happily married 43 years. My wife and I both work and share the household and common expenses and our 4 kids are long through college We own our home and our own vehicles. We have our own checking accounts and our own credit cards. As long as the shared bills get paid, what else we spend our money on is pretty much our own business.

My wife isn't interested in my guns and shooting, I'm not particularly interested in her musical instruments and band camps. A successful relationship sometimes includes a whole lot of minding your own business.

Tinpig

Countryguy1982
July 27, 2011, 01:54 PM
its only illegal if you get cought! and its better to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission! if you get cought there is 3 rules to remember deny deny deny

CoRoMo
July 27, 2011, 01:55 PM
A successful relationship sometimes includes a whole lot of minding your own business.
Isn't that a famous quote of some known individual? :D High fences making for good neighbors and such.

knotquiteawake
July 27, 2011, 01:57 PM
We setup our budget such that we each have a hundred or so dollars of "fun money' per month. We can spend it on whatever we want without informing the other. Everything left over at the end of the month just goes into savings. If either of us wants to spend more than a hundred dollars on something we usually talk about it first. If the other is serious about it and its important to them and we can afford it without putting ANYTHING on credit then its usually ok.

The way I do it is tell my wife what I'm looking at getting next, how much I'm planning on spending to get it, and then we work it into the budget to save up for it. Much like that layaway for the Bodyguard you got there.

JustinJ
July 27, 2011, 01:58 PM
"Big difference between "not volunteering" and lying."

Not if "not volunteering" is done to deceive or hide something.

M-Cameron
July 27, 2011, 02:06 PM
i dont get these threads.....

if its your money......you dont need it for any other immediate purchase......you have a roof over your head, and you arent going to go hungry........whats the problem?

your an adult.....you shouldnt need permission to buy something you want.

and you shouldnt feel ashamed for buying it....

i dunno.....thats just my take on the matter.

BP Hunter
July 27, 2011, 02:11 PM
It sounds like you have a great relationship. Honestly...it sounds like you feel guilty, I might be wrong, but your wife seems to nt approve of your purchases, thus you shouldn't feel "guilty" for buying ANOTHER gun.

My wife also agrees with my multiple purchases. Last year, a friend told her that I had 10 guns. She confronted me and aked it it was true, I said, "10 guns, that's not true...", then I turned and walked away, fearing that she would object. I then recently purchased a large gunsafe. Initially, I asked her how big a gunsafe I should buy. Suprisingly, she told me to buy the "bigger" one since she knew I would add to my gun collection. Now I have a half ton 47 rifle gun safe. Of course, the first thing that went in there were her jewelry. Now she can plainly see how all my 14 king guns and handguns. She does not object at all. Last night, I told her how lucky I was having her as my wife. I really meant it!

hso
July 27, 2011, 02:13 PM
I'm thinking just keep it locked up - take it to the range, enjoy it and eventually the wife will forget how many we have ... I've been married 20 years and have a great relationship - don't want to violate her trust.

In a small way you just did, but it would be a major violation of her trust if the two of you have already established that you discuss these purchases and you decided to deceive her on this.

Philippe
July 27, 2011, 02:15 PM
I never use our home money for guns and ammo, I work a few side jobs now and then to stock up some cash for my reloading needs and if I want a new firearm. But when i go to get it I always take her so she can look and shop too.

*NOVA*
July 27, 2011, 02:33 PM
I call her every day (we both work) so we were talking on the phone and she mentioned wanting to upgrade the kitchen by installing a double oven. Perfect timing! So I told her and then promised that's it for a while. She's OK with it as long as we have enough funds for vacation next month - not a problem.

I think she's knows I am passionate about guns.

My wife is the best - I have never lied to her. I am one lucky feller. And honestly I need to stop buying any more, get to the range and practice more with what I have:
1. Model 10 S&W
2. GP100
3. Mossberg 500
4. CZ75
5. Savage Model 64
6. Kel Tec sub2k
7. Del Ton AR15
8. BodyGuard 380
9. Ruger SR1911

Wish me luck keeping a supply of ammo for six different calibers!

Bravo Sierra
July 27, 2011, 03:14 PM
I have a client who could not pay me $600 of what he owes, so he offered to barter the balance with the transfer of an 870 with ammo. I said sure thing, and I told my wife who said "hell no, get the money".

Problem is my client is in jail and if I want the money, I'm going to have to get in line with everyone else to collect. Further, he will soon be a convicted felon (I'm a defense attorney) and he cannot legally possess guns once he is convicted. Furthermore, he will be in prison for a 16 month term (as opposed to 4 years with a strike felony if he refuses the offer) so he is not going to be able to pay me for a long time.

This works for me because he will soon be a convicted felon and I'm not going to get paid otherwise. My client also gets to show the transfer papers to show law enforcement that he no longer possess a firearm. My wife isn't happy, but I don't see what the other options are other than agreeing to work for less. Now I love my wife, but I'm going to take this gun whether she likes it or not. Maybe I'm an arse for doing so, but I don't like not getting paid.

lightman
July 27, 2011, 03:16 PM
It sounds like you have a sweet wife.I would start by telling her ahead of time."Honey,I need one of those new Rugers",is a better way than being sneaky.
I do lots of side jobs,have paid for college,vacations,hunting and/or fishing trips,jewelry,guns,and lots of ammo,but I still tell her when I order a new barrel or something.If I go to a gun show,she already knows that I'm likely to bring something home.If I do,she gets to see it.Its just the way we work,its worked for 35 years.
I guess thats a long way of advising you to be upfront with her.It kinda sounds like she is ok with it,anyway.Good Luck, Lightman

Mike1234567
July 27, 2011, 03:28 PM
I'm just echoing what others have already written...

Just tell her. "Hi, dear. I picked this up because I've always wanted one and this great deal popped up. Now... what do YOU want?"
(follow with a big smile)

BigDaddyNEB
July 27, 2011, 03:30 PM
I have bought 3 new guns this year, a Ruger SR9, a Ruger 22/45, and a Remmy 870. One's for hunting, one's for home defense, one's for plinking....all 3 were for my wife. She knows that there's a new AR-10 in MY future.....

ZCORR Jay
July 27, 2011, 04:11 PM
I usually don't tell the girlfriend about any of my purchases and if she finds out about them it usually isn't met with any comments. My reply is usually along the lines of...

I work for my money and my half of the bills still get paid so don't sweat it.

or

It was on sale... just like your new shoes were last week.

Mike1234567
July 27, 2011, 04:34 PM
I usually don't tell the girlfriend about any of my purchases and if she finds out about them it usually isn't met with any comments. My reply is usually along the lines of...

I work for my money and my half of the bills still get paid so don't sweat it.

or

It was on sale... just like your new shoes were last week.
Sounds a bit confrontational to me. I won't meddle further...

oldbear
July 27, 2011, 04:54 PM
But I've been married 20 years and have a great relationship - don't want to violate her trust

Then Don't violate her trust in you!!!! Once trust is lost it may never be regained.

When I buy a new handgun or any other large ticket item, I generally let my wife know ahead of time what I'm going to do. On the seldom occasion that I make a big ticket purchase, $500.00 +, without letting her know ahead of time there is normally a good reason, I.e a great one day sale or some such.

USAF_Vet
July 27, 2011, 05:17 PM
I usually don't tell the girlfriend about any of my purchases

Big difference between a girlfriend and a wife, even if you are living together.

The OP cleared things with his better half, so what is left to discuss?

BobTheTomato
July 27, 2011, 05:29 PM
I just tell her what I did and shrug my shoulders. I have never gotten yelled at for buying a gun. Come to think of it my wife yelled at me one time for not buying the $75 M44 at a gun show and sent me back to get it.

*NOVA*
July 27, 2011, 05:53 PM
:)Big difference between a girlfriend and a wife, even if you are living together.

The OP cleared things with his better half, so what is left to discuss?

Better half? How did you know? :)

Anyways, I still think its a good thread if folks come up with ideas.

Times are hard for a lot of people (I'm not rich) but I think investing in a small arsenal is good preparation for possible furture scenarios - its a necessity, not a luxury. Deep down I think my wife believes that as much as I do.

hso
July 27, 2011, 06:11 PM
*NOVA*,

We keep family and personal finances separate in my household. The bulk of each of our pay is direct deposited into a separate account for "partnership" expenses and an agreed upon equitable smaller percentage is automatically transferred into each of our personal accounts. That way my personal money is mine to do with as I want and my wife's personal money is her's to do with as she wants. If there's a personal purchase that is beyond her or my personal accounts and it is important enough to use "partnership" money, we discuss it and agree whether the purchase needs to be made or not. Anything that we don't agree upon doesn't get purchased.

I find our arrangement takes any need for discussion or joint decision need out of the personal purchases.

GRIZ22
July 27, 2011, 06:12 PM
But I've been married 20 years and have a great relationship - don't want to violate her trust.

If you have been married 20 years you should know how to handle it already.

I don't see any point in concealing it or lying about it.

JustinJ
July 27, 2011, 06:19 PM
hso, that's the system my live in gf and i have. I've been thinking about wether or not the same would be best if we marry so am glad to hear it works for someone else as well. The only problem will be if we have kids and she becoms a stay at home mom.

Badlander
July 27, 2011, 06:36 PM
Tell her that it's none of her damned business how many guns you buy and to get supper started and clean something!:what:

Deltaboy
July 27, 2011, 06:41 PM
I got bit by the gun bug this past January. I've bought seven various fireams so far and was able to justify each one to my wife. Just for the record, she does not consult with me on her all of purchases. I told her about the Bodyguard .380 I have on layaway (I need it for Summertime pocket carry).

This morning I finally found my Ruger SR1911 for under $600.00 and I just could not wait any longer.

I'm thinking just keep it locked up - take it to the range, enjoy it and eventually the wife will forget how many we have - she might not even be certain how many we have now. But I've been married 20 years and have a great relationship - don't want to violate her trust. Funny thing is - she's the one started reading up and researching SHTF scenarious and convinced me we should exercise our RTKABA. Since then, I have only gotten her to shoot her Ruger GP100 once at the range. She says she is busy doing other things but wil leventually get her CCW, like I did. If she gets the CCW, maybe I'll give her the BD 380 for her purse (yeah, Iknow there's folks out there think that's not a good idea, but that's another thread)

Interested to hear from anyone who is in a similar situation, how did they deal with it - would they do it again?
Honesty is always the best policy when your married and if you don't have seperate accounts.
I generally tell her when I get home weither I put it on lay away or bought it outright.

Ole Coot
July 27, 2011, 08:02 PM
We've been married almost 48yrs so we both know how much we have, what we want and what we can afford. I bought two new handguns in the last month and I just told her when I walked in. Last night she said she was going with a couple of friends for a week, no problem. Everything we have is in both names, either or so no big deal. Honesty has worked for us and to be politically incorrect in today's world we go to church together and try to respect each others wishes.

hso
July 28, 2011, 01:11 AM
The only problem will be if we have kids and she becoms a stay at home mom.

There shouldn't be any problem there since a stay at home mom offsets expenses equivalent to after tax income and contributes financially in myriad ways and should be compensated instead of being treated as a dependent minor child. What do you expect her to buy firearms accessories as birthday presents with???;)

jackpinesavages
July 28, 2011, 03:00 AM
I'm with Six. As long as you are not missing house payments... I call them investments, which they are: buy low and sell high if you ever do. I rarely sell but to friends in need.

shiftyer1
July 28, 2011, 03:42 AM
I buy my guns and she never knows a new one followed me home, they all look the same to her. Although I do some buying and selling and also swapping so she never knows if it costs anything or not. It seems to work well.

Dnaltrop
July 28, 2011, 04:28 AM
My wife and I operate on 100%, painful honesty...

It's less pain than the inevitable fights dishonesty would bring. 16 years together, going strong.

However, she knows about my gun money stash, she knows if absolutely needed for house bills I'll sacrifice my cache of cash. She also avoids doing this as I have few other outlets that get me out of the house.

Hiding a new gun is the furthest thing from my mind... I'd likely be at the counter at the LGS, on the phone with her, with her berating me for wasting her time calling her without having actually bought the gun already... and asking me when our next range trip is.

Sav .250
July 28, 2011, 08:50 AM
Man up! :)

JustinJ
July 28, 2011, 10:47 AM
"My wife and I operate on 100%, painful honesty..."

Does that include, "do these make me look fat" type questions?

jcwit
July 28, 2011, 12:10 PM
"My wife and I operate on 100%, painful honesty..."

Does that include, "do these make me look fat" type questions?

Yes if need be, nor am I the typical Hollywood super looking dude either.

Married life is good, can't imagine living alone.

Ala Dan
July 28, 2011, 12:18 PM
"Its better too ask for forgiveness, than it is too ask for permission"~! ;) :D

Dnaltrop
July 28, 2011, 01:08 PM
Justin, she's down 40 lbs after 3 kids... a way to go still but it's going the correct direction

She doesn't ask that question, because she knows the answer is "No, your fat makes you look fat"... and our relationship is such that she'd get mad at me for lying to her about it. ^^
She also barely uses makeup beyond covering a blemish or two when they pop up. More money for shooting :D

She's basically a Guy with girl bits... I married my best friend with a lush, hour-and-a-half glass figure. (classical greek figure... look at some renaissance paintings if you don't know the body type)

Why yes, I AM gloating a tiny bit...Sorry about that... She's one in a flippin' billion though .

danprkr
July 28, 2011, 02:02 PM
I have a separate budget, and as long as I fund the household budget first she doesn't even really want to know. Other than occasionally I'll be working on, cleaning, whatever on one, and she'll want to know what it is, when I got it etc. But that's just curiosity, not judgement.

lucky-gunner
July 28, 2011, 03:16 PM
My wife doesn't give me too much grief over my firearms purchases. I can tell if I've gotten a bit out of hand and need to cool off from purchasing from the different reactions.

She's taken the view point that our kids/grandkids (years from now) will get them in the end. I'm lucky that she's into shooting also.

O C
July 28, 2011, 10:35 PM
Go out, get rip roaring drunk, come home, kick the door open, and announce very loudly "I'M GONNA GET SOME LOVIN', OR I'M GONNA BUY A GUN. WHAT'S IT GONNA BE, DARLIN?" Worked every time fo me......untill.....

Magichelmt
July 28, 2011, 11:38 PM
My wife and I have a $200 rule. If it doesn't cost more than $200 we don't bother asking each other. We both work and our bills are paid. I don't keep any secrets from her. She knows that I am looking for a certain guns and when I find a deal I just pick it up. I love my wife!

Shienhausser
July 28, 2011, 11:50 PM
It's your money, are all the bills paid? If yes then if she doesn't like it tell her to get the f out.

Separate bank accounts guys. Separate bank accounts. I will do w/e I please with my hard earned money as long as all is taken care of. She can tell me to not buy something the day she starts working my job for me.

El Caballo Loco
July 28, 2011, 11:50 PM
I used to work with a guy that had TONS of guns but only let his wife see 10-15 at a time. She never really knew what he had, she just thought he traded a lot.

RT55
July 29, 2011, 02:07 AM
My brother takes the ploy of sitting in the living room and cleaning the newest one. When the wife walks in and asks "Is that a new gun?" he says "I've had it for a while." The statement is true, and doesn't really answer the question. She rolls her eyes and walks away.

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