How to fix our country:


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LiquidTension
January 28, 2003, 11:20 PM
I have finally figured out how to fix most of our problems in this country! The solution is simple and came to me a while ago, I just never posted it.

I should be made dictator of the United States.

A benevolent dictatorship is one of the better forms of government. Think about it - a ruler with the best interests of the people at heart, and no liberals to argue with me!

Among my first decrees as dictator would be:

1 - Anyone that tries to sue a gun manufacturer for anything other than intentionally putting out a defective product - banished!

2 - Anyone that claims guns cause crime - banished! go to the UK

3 - Anyone that claims 50BMG is too powerful for civilians - banished!

4 - You think "assault weapons" should be illegal? Banished!

5 - Legalizing marijuana - the cops have better things to do, and we need room in the jails for REAL criminals, not just people that smoked a joint or two (invest heavily in Frito-Lay and nacho companies when I become dictator)

6 - YOU decide where your tax money goes, not me.

7 - DEA - dissolved

8 - ATF(E) - changed to AT



What would some of your first decrees be?

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George Hill
January 28, 2003, 11:24 PM
Funny you should ask...
Here's where I stand on important issues:
Gun Control: The second amendment says very clearly that "The right to keep and bare arms shall not be infringed."_ What part of SHALL NOT do liberals not understand?_ I will revoke every gun law on the federal law books and mandate that every state does the same._ If they don't want to, all federal funding gets cut off._ Now, I do believe in the core reason for gun control... Criminals Should Not Have Guns._ However, there are different types of criminals... There are the Violent ones, and there are the *******s._ The *******s are the ones that committed some sort of crime like embezzlement or something..._ Once they pay the debt to society, they are cleared and are thus citizens again._ Fully qualified for all citizen's rights._ Then there are the Violent Ones._ These ****ers are the rapists, thugs, and murderers. These guys have proven to society that they are not worthy of citizen's rights._ If these guys get out of prison - no, no guns or voting or state/municipal jobs. If an Ex-Violent Felon gets caught with a gun or ammunition then they get hung._ Hanging in a public venue._ This is with a short trial held the same day the guy is caught, no appeal, and execution to be carried out within 1 hour of the verdict._ There is no playing around._ Parole violators... watch out.
Foreign Aid: There will be no more foreign aid because it just gets stolen by gangs and corrupt officials anyway. Any country that is still wallowing in poverty after decades of foreign aid obviously needs to be governed better, so these countries will be invited to become American colonies. We take over, fix everything, and have a suitable dumping ground for people I want to get rid of.
Foreign Policy: Anybody who tries to jerk America around gets stomped. The Rogue Warrior will be my Secretary of Defense. Jesse Ventura and Hulk Hogan will be my Ambassadors to whatever nations are on my **** List.
Immigration: Immigration will be based on physical beauty. What's the point of letting in a lot of people who look like toads when there are millions of hot South American, Russian and Italian babes eager to emigrate to the West? Also Super Geniuses... I want my car to get twice the gas mileage - with 800 more horsepower. And I want it to fly. I also want to know why Rosie O'Donnell is still on the air and why the hell don't green M&M's make women horny? Any foreigner who can do this for me gets in Free. You can have a cabin outside Pocatello, Idaho or Roosevelt, Utah._ I'll even let you choose where.
Human Cloning: Same policy as Immigration. Salma Hyak, and Katherine Zeta Jones will be first in line.
Animal Rights: Animals have no rights. They are FOOD._ Farmers and drug companies have rights. "AR" activists will be rounded up and sent to Guam, where they can make friends with the many interesting varieties of snakes.
Resource Development: Mining, forestry, and energy all rule! People in these industries are the best you'll ever meet, not like those radical environmentalist bastards, who are going to find themselves in the middle of Alaska in February in their underwear. Fast-track permitting for all resource projects -- 30 days max.
The Environment: It looks clean enough to me. Anyway, let local government worry about it._ It belongs to the people, yes, so let the people clean it up if its screwed.
Global Warming: It's all the Brazilians' fault for cutting down their rain forests. Anyway, there's nothing you can do about it except take your summer vacations in Canada, where it's somewhat cooler and you get about 45% premium on your U.S. dollars, except in certain donut shops that launder money for the Russian Mafia. Canada will benefit at first from global warming because farmers will have a longer growing season, but then the Indians will figure it's something else they can sue the white man for.
Defense: More defense spending means a stronger America, and only traitors are against that. We don't want to end up like the Canadians, who are flying 30-year-old helicopters that keep crashing. First thing I'd do would be to replace the M-16 series with a real rifle and get rid of those damned 9 millimeter pistols._ American Soldiers should have a .45 By Gawd!_ American Tanks need to be faster with bigger guns.
Civil Rights: You are your own person and can do what you want. Just don't infringe on someone else's rights. If you can take responsibility for it - go for it. If you can't - then Don't do it. You **** up - your *** is grass.
Taxation: The current tax code is an insult to the American People._ Flat Tax for everyone._ A flat 10%._ If you don't like it - screw you._ That's it._ 10%._ Your local H&R Block guys might not be worth much anymore but so will the local IRS goons._
Education: Any high school student who cannot pass a basic literacy test will be held back until they can._ If they turn 20 before they can pass the tests they can work at the DMV with the rest of them.
Drug Abuse: "Free drug" colonies will be established in remote areas, where addicts can go and live and get all the drugs they want for free. Eventually they'll die, which is the whole idea.
Crime: Have Congress declare war on all criminal organizations, from local street gangs to the Mafia. That way we can use the Armed Forces to wipe them out and not worry about their Constitutional rights.
Labor: I don't know much about labor, except that I don't like unions._ But if your company likes them - fine. Enjoy.
Agriculture: Hemp will be legalized as a cash crop. It's versatile, easy to grow, and profitable. All legal actions against cigarette companies will be dropped to help out tobacco farmers. Americans will be encouraged to eat more of whatever we have too much of ("Put pork on your fork and you'll have a big dork!"). Weird stuff like ostrich farming I don't have a clue about.
Genetically Modified Food: If someone served it to you and didn't tell you what it was, you couldn't tell the difference, so what's the problem?_ Shut up and eat it._ It's good for you.
Homelessness: Liberals will be offered a tax credit to take a homeless person into their own home for one year. Inevitably, one of them will kill the other, which is a win-win situation as far as I'm concerned.
Poverty: Poverty is relative. If you say the poverty line is $10,000 a year for one person, you have so many poor people. If you lower it to $1,000 a year, you have a lot less. Anyway, the fact that they're still alive means they're getting money from somewhere, so forget about it.
Cuba: We almost had a nuclear war because of that bearded ****er who gives 6-hour speeches and blames all his problems on the U.S., so **** Cuba. What have they got that we need? Cigars?_ What makes you think a Cuban Cigar is all that anyway?_ Have you ever really smoked a Cuban Cigar?_ Until Cuba sends me an apology for being such a Jackhole for the last 50 years - **** Cuba.
China: I bought a pair of shoes made in China, and the leather split after two weeks, so **** China._ Its not the people or the nation or anything - its the Chinese Government._ They have been a pain in the *** for too long now._ Next time they push us - We push back with cruise missiles and warships.
The Space Program: Until the rocket jocks at NASA can tell me how they can put up condos on Mars - I isn't interested._ Funding will be cut unless they freaking make some big advancements real damn quick._ 100 billion just to launch a rocket is bull****... I'll privatize the whole program to guys who watch Star Trek._ Scratch that._ Star Wars._ I want a light saber and a damn Star Destroyer.
Third World Debt: Pay up, or send us your best-looking women and all your cool stuff._
The National Debt: Don't worry about it, it'll go down._ Trust me.
The Trade Deficit: Don't worry about it, it'll go down._ Trust me.
Social Security: Americans will be told to put their retirement money in to Mutual Funds and don't worry about it. In the long run we're all dead, but the Mutual Funds will keep growing.
Medicare: If our medical schools would simply graduate a lot more doctors, the glut would bring prices down.

LiquidTension
January 28, 2003, 11:27 PM
Judging by George's reply, I've opened up a can of worms that might have been better left untouched....

blades67
January 28, 2003, 11:31 PM
:rolleyes:

George Hill
January 28, 2003, 11:35 PM
Hey, you asked. :neener:

larryw
January 28, 2003, 11:38 PM
George gets my vote. :D

Beav
January 29, 2003, 06:28 AM
haha good stuff :D

Khornet
January 29, 2003, 06:31 AM
It'll all be different when I'm King!

denfoote
January 29, 2003, 06:51 AM
First: Kill ALL the lawyers. Why the heck do we need liers...er... I mean lawyers anyway????
Q: What do you call a bus load of dead lawyers at the bottom of a cliff???
A: A start!!

This has more truth than any of us realise!!! ;)

Second: Round up all the politicians. Ask them one question. Do you think I should be able to carry a gun anywhere I see fit to carry it? If they give any other answer than "yes"... toast!!!!

Three: Make, with certain reasonable conditions of course, the defense: "he needed kill'in" justifiable!!! (see 1 and 2 above)

These simple steps will go a long way toward making America a better place!!

:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

M67
January 29, 2003, 07:20 AM
George gets my vote. Are you supposed to vote for dictators? I thought that was one of the great things about them, that they take care of difficult things like politics, decision-making, thinking etc. so that the rest of us can sit back and enjoy life.

So the solution is for George to appoint himself dictator, and then he can pick and choose from THR'ers to fill any vacancies as evil henchmen. Some may of course argue that we should include henchwomen or henchpersons, but since I didn't see anything about political correctness in the Manifest, I think we can safely say, **** that.

Myself, I don't have any dictator ambitions, sounds too much like work. But maybe something along the lines of Colonel of the Imperial Guard. George, you listening? Would those human clone chicks be impressed by a smart uniform with shiny medals and stuff? And maybe an optional silly hat and some peacock feathers to go with the uniform, in case I should feel the need to impress any French chick-clones... but I am digressing...

Waitone
January 29, 2003, 09:27 AM
I would decree the following:

1>No congressional sponsored pension plans for congressional vermin. They get to retire under the laws they create for the taxpaying class and the largess class.

2>Repeal the 17th amendment and revert to state appointment of US senators.

3>Flat rate national sales tax to be voted on in August before elections in November.

4>Abolition of withholding. Everyone makes tax payment out of every check.

5>You can't vote if you receive welfare. You wanna vote? Get off welfare.

I would then go sit on a beach and drink beer and wait for the revolution. 1 year max.

cheygriz
January 29, 2003, 10:37 AM
Hey George! Before you kill off all of the mafioso, think about this for a moment.

Wouldn't you rather have your kids living next door to a mafioso than to have them living next door to a liberal?

Beren
January 29, 2003, 10:38 AM
Warning: my ideas on how to fix our country won't be as amusing as George's.

1. Decriminalize drugs. What you put into your body is your business. The DEA becomes the Recreational Drugs Information Office, under the FDA. You will, however, pay your own medical bills.

2. Decriminalize 'arms.' Carry what you want. If your negligence brings harm to someone else, you will be held liable in civil court. This does not include 'weapons of mass destruction.' Individuals possessing WoMD become test subjects for their own stash.

3. Repeal the federal income tax. Return to taxation by apportionment among the states. How the states raise the money is their business, so long as the Constitution is upheld.

4. Senators are, once more, appointed by the governor of their state.

5. No more foreign aid.

6. Good bye to the Department of Education along with the HHS.

7a. Withdraw our military from the world. Our boys only ship out when our interests are directly threatened. Military is downsized.

7b. We maintain a strong core of volunteers who are able to train a larger force in time of war. Special Forces are maintained at their current level or expanded. USMC would be the least down-sized, the Army would be the most downsized.

(If an enemy country tries to send an invasion force towards us by sea or by Mexico, we nuke them. Problem solved.)

7c. Citizens are required to attend basic training on their 18th birthday

7d. States are 'encouraged' to provide tax credits for citizens who purchase military equipment, so long as the citizen agrees to keep it in good working order and bring it with them if they're called up.

8. Police are de-mlilitarized and, for the most part, disarmed. Exceptions are made for serving arrest warrants on violent offenders, responding to crimes involving firearms, or hostage situations.

9. Prisoners will be assigned the toughest physical labor they are medically able to handle, with enough time set aside to prepare them for some useful role in society - yes, we'll train and/or educate the criminals. Successful completion of a degree or training program would reduce time served, except in capital cases.

Ian
January 29, 2003, 10:42 AM
I'd replace the Constitution with a new one:

We the undersigned people of the united States of America, in order to form a more perfect union, remove the threat of tyranny, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the Federation of American States.

Article I: Legislative Department

Section 1 - Congress

1. All legislative powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the States united.

2. The Congress shall be composed of two Representatives from each State, elected by the people thereof every second year. Each Representative shall have one vote.

3. No person shall be elected to Congress who has previously been elected to Congress, who is not a resident of the State he or she represents, or is at time of election receiving any monies from Congress for any reason.

4. When vacancies happen in the representation from any State, the people of the State in question shall elect a replacement Representative should they desire to do so.

5. The Congress shall choose a Speaker from among its members, who shall preside over all debates in the Congress.

6. Any representative may be recalled from Congress at any time by a majority vote of the people of the State he or she represents.

Section 2 – Congressional Elections and Meetings

1. The times, places, and manners of holding elections for Congressional Representatives shall be prescribed in each state by the people thereof.

2. The first assembly of Congress shall occur on the first Monday of January following the ratification of this Constitution. Congress shall remain assembled for no longer than 30 consecutive days in a year. Immediately prior to dispersing, Congress shall vote on whether or not to assemble the following year. If 76% of the Congress does not vote in favor of assembly, then Congress shall be dissolved until the States unanimously agree to reassemble the Congress.

Section 3 – Internal Operations of Congress

1. A majority of two thirds of Congress will constitute a quorum to enact any legislation.

2. The Congress may determine the rules of its proceedings, and punish its members for disorderly behavior.

3. Congress shall keep a complete journal of its proceedings, and publish the same no later than one week after the end of a year’s Congressional session. This Journal shall include complete lists of each Representative’s vote on every issue discussed by Congress.

Section 4 – Privileges and Disabilities of Members

1. Congress shall authorize no expenditures for payment of its members. Congressional Representatives may receive payment only from the State which they represent.

2. Should any article of legislation passed by Congress by found by a State court to be contrary to the limits under which the Congress is created, every member of Congress who voted in favor of said legislation shall be personally and individually responsible to every individual injured by said legislation. In addition to making restitution to said victim as determined by the courts of the State in which the victim resides, a Representative guilty of supporting said legislation shall immediately be expelled from Congress.

3. During his or her term in Congress, no Representative shall hold any office or paid position in any State, local, or Federal government.

Section 5 – Procedure for Passing Laws

1. After a bill is presented for discussion among the members of Congress it shall be brought to a vote before the members of Congress. If it is supported by a majority of two thirds of the whole Congress, it shall become a Law of the Land, effective immediately.

Section 6 – Powers Delegated to Congress

1. Congress shall have the authority to request voluntary donation of monies to itself from States and individuals;

2. To contract with private individuals or companies for the safekeeping, though not the investment, of any such monies as are donated to the Congress;

3. To fix the standard of weights and measures;

4. To call forth the militias of the several States to repel foreign invasion;

5. To promote the progress of science and the useful arts, by offering monetary prizes for the accomplishment of various technological or scientific goals;

6. To exercise exclusive rule over such a district (not more than 1 mile square) as may, by cession of particular States, and the acceptance of Congress, become the seat of government of the Federation of American States, wherein Congress shall assemble.

Section 7 – Limitations upon Powers of Congress

1. Congress shall have no power or authority to engage in any activity not expressly allowed by Section 6 of this Constitution.

2. Congress shall have no power to infringe, restrict, regulate, license, tax, or in any way limit and individual’s absolute right to own property, including his or her own body. Any legislation passed by Congress which has such an effect is null and void from time of passage, and may be ignore without fear of punishment by any State or local government.

3. In no case shall any law passed by Congress have any authority against any persons save those who explicitly and knowingly submit to this Constitution, as expressed by signing this Constitution.

Article II: Admission of New States

New States may join the Federation of American States by choosing two Representatives and sending them to an assembly of the Congress. No new States shall exist within existing States, save with the consent of the said existing State.

Article III: Amendments
The Congress may at any time propose amendments to this Constitution, and upon unanimous consent of the whole of Congress such amendments shall become Law of the Land two years after the date of passage by Congress. Should this Constitution be amended in any way, all signatories to it shall be released in whole from their obligation to uphold and obey it.

Article IV – Ratification

This Constitution shall take effect as Law of the Land immediately upon being signed by any individual or individuals.

Leatherneck
January 29, 2003, 11:06 AM
George, You need to patent that tirade. Or copyright it...whatever. That was, I think, the funniest post yet on THR!
TC
TFL Survivor

twoblink
January 29, 2003, 11:17 AM
All I want to be is head Sheriff of the PRK if one of you is dictator...

Give me a month in that place; and a .50Cal BMG will be a "Standard" round.

#1) Throw lawyers to Iraq.
#2) Throw liberals to the Afgans.
#3) Throw career politicians to Sudan.

You do that, and the gun issues will take care of themselves...

:o

George Hill
January 29, 2003, 11:30 AM
Appointments will be issued after I seize power and at my sole discression.
Whiners will be ridiculed.

coonan357
January 29, 2003, 11:40 AM
hey Guys kind of go easy on the scurge of the ... ah lawyers bit one of the better members El Tejon is one. :what:

4v50 Gary
January 29, 2003, 12:13 PM
Mass arrests followed by mass executions. Buh bye pedophiles & rapists. Buh bye career criminals.

mtnbkr
January 29, 2003, 01:06 PM
2 - Anyone that claims guns cause crime - banished! go to the UK

3 - Anyone that claims 50BMG is too powerful for civilians - banished!

4 - You think "assault weapons" should be illegal? Banished!


So, your solution is to infringe upon other's free speech and create "thought crimes" laws?

I guess Orwell's world doesn't have to come from the Liberals alone.

Reminder: The 1st Amendment pertains to your speech and theirs.

Chris

bogie
January 29, 2003, 01:30 PM
Lose the death penalty. Institute treadmills and generators for when the lifer inmates aren't out on the farm growing their own food.

Except for...

Corrupt politicians. For 'em, use public hanging.

Soap
January 29, 2003, 02:14 PM
George- Seriously...Cuban cigars are good. :)

goon
January 29, 2003, 07:56 PM
While most of your plans are great, I would just completely wipe the slate clean and start over.
All senators and reps are removed and we just start anew. All laws that even look like they are unconstitutional are removed.
The supreme court justices are also replaced.
Basically, we just send everyone home.
Complete restart.
This time, we actually follow the constitution.

Topgun
January 29, 2003, 08:18 PM
Make all civil service jobs open to bid. And let the bureaucrats at EVERY level retire on ....tee hee...Social Security like the rest of us who PAY their lousy butts while they spend their time on break.

George Hill
January 29, 2003, 08:53 PM
Daniel Flory - :scrutiny: How would you know? :scrutiny:
Fine...
Daniel Flory - Governor of Cuba.

Soap
January 29, 2003, 09:29 PM
George- I went to the Bahamas last summer for a week. I even brought El Tejon back a Cohiba, ask him how he liked it. I thought they were a little dry, but that's only because I didn't have a proper humidor to store them in for the smuggling...errr...trip home. If I woulda known you were a cigar fan I would have picked you one up.

Daniel G. Flory, Govenor of Cuba :p

bad_dad_brad
January 29, 2003, 09:35 PM
Empires rise . . . empires fall. America can not be fixed. All history is cyclical.

LiquidTension
January 30, 2003, 12:52 AM
mtnbkr -

You're right. What I should have said is anyone trying to pass laws pertaining to the subjects you mentioned - banished! Other people would still have a right to their opinions, but the FACT is that guns do NOT cause crime, there is NO documentable reason the public should not be able to have the .50BMG, and semi automatic magazine fed longarms pose no threat to society in and of themselves. If you wish to believe a lie, that's fine. Just don't try to make your deluded opinion law...otherwise - BANISHED!

Of course, no one will be able to make these laws while I am dictator, so the ones that tried before I took office - eh, you know.

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