Coming out as a gun owner


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Serenity
March 31, 2012, 01:50 AM
Another thread veered a little and we were referred to this venue. The question was "When is it a good time to tell potential romantic partners about your guns?" Or something similar. I got into this after being married for a little while, but if I were single now, I wouldn't be interested in a partner who would consider guns a deal breaker. But I hear the market is tough right now. Maybe the delivery is more important than the timing: it isn't a confession or something that you are divulging. It's just a facet of your personality and interests. I would want to find out if it was going to be a deal breaker BEFORE investing a bunch of time in the relationship, but I tend toward word vomit (to a fault).

In the non-dating world, has anyone been socially shut out after mentioning that they have guns/shoot? As a recent convert I enthuse about my activities to anyone who will listen and so far the response has been overwhelmingly positive. The people who disapprove (I can tell by their body language) don't actually say anything in front of my face. They're probably saying "well it's more interesting than her scrap-booking phase". :D

What I am dealing with is closer to home; being treated as slightly foolish for intending to carry (and taking a gun with me on a road trip for the first time! Woot!) Fortunately I am used to feeling a bit foolish, so I just soldier on.

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hso
March 31, 2012, 02:00 AM
In the non-dating world, has anyone been socially shut out after mentioning that they have guns/shoot?

Nope, but then I'm not confrontational about it and I approach it as a personal responsibility to be able to take care of myself by having and knowing how to use an advanced first aid kit, a fire extinguisher, self extraction tools AND a firearms. I know exactly how long it can take for help to arrive and the answer is 2. Too long, that is.

shiftyer1
March 31, 2012, 02:10 AM
I've always had guns around so I don't think I ever had a conversation about them in any relationship. It has never been a problem, maybe i've been lucky?

As far as feeling foolish.......do you keep a spare tire in your car? It's kinda the same thing. I'd hate to hope someone will stop and help when I need it the most!

Driftertank
March 31, 2012, 02:21 AM
Easy answer....invite him/her to go shooting for the second date. If you got some on the first date, he/she ain't worth it. If he/she won't go out on a second date, he/she ain't worth it. :-P

Sorry. maybe too glib an answer for you. I'm glad to live in an ethnically and socially diverse area...one where rednecks are well represented, and it's not hard to find women to shoot with! Lol

Edited to make slightly more gender neutral. The High Road, after all!

Leanwolf
March 31, 2012, 02:35 AM
After college and Army, I moved to Los Angeles. To put it mildly, not only is there quite a selection of very attractive young women there, their beliefs run from one end of the scale to the other, when it comes to firearms.

When I was just looking for a night or two with a girl, I didn't bother to broach the "firearms" issue.

When I was dating someone with whom I thought I might become really serious, I made it a point to very quickly, let her know that I was a hunter, ate the game I shot, and owned firearms. I also made it a point to let the young woman know that I was a very strong believer in the Right to self defense.

In my very strong opinion it is best to find out "how the stick floats" on that issue before things become too serious. That way, no one is later hurt if the woman objects to firearms, hunting, and/or self defense. A couple of times when I mentioned hunting or firearms, etc., the girls and I did not later have any interest in each other, as the firearms issue was an insurmountable barricade. No harm: no foul.

On my first date, however, with a young woman whom I found to be very attractive both physically and mentally, we were at a very nice L.A. restaurant. I mentioned the venison (game farm raised) on the menu being very good, as I'd tried it before. She did not recoil or act repulsed and instead, ordered it as she'd never had it. After the venison arrived, she loved it. I then said that I hunted and ate the game I killed. No objections from her. It was obvious I owned firearms.

We have been married for 36 years. She has her own revolvers, loves to shoot my .22 rifles and Ruger Mini-14 .223. She also has her CCW and is a 100% believer in the Second Amendment, etc.

I say, if things might get serious, get it out in the open very quickly. Casually, discreetly, etc. Don't "hammer" it, just mention it as a matter of fact. That always worked best for me.

L.W.

JohnBiltz
March 31, 2012, 05:31 AM
If you are interested in a long term relationship I'd mention it right away. I took my wife shooting on my second date.

Snowdog
March 31, 2012, 06:12 AM
A bumper sticker while dating gave me away to my wife. "Criminals Prefer Unarmed Victims" pretty much says it all.

I would put it out there but let her decide when to ask you about it. Prepare a response that welcomes more questions without making it sound like it's a hot topic; rather blasť perhaps.

My wife and her entire family is from Garden City, NY (or Manhattan, in her sister's case). Likewise, they are all left-leaning politically. I am on the opposite end of the political spectrum. If that's not a hard-sell, I don't know what is.

Her whole family accepts my hobby, my wife has thousands of rounds under her belt and I've even convinced her sister, father and my brother-in-law to come to the range. Just got to ease them into it and let them set the pace. Again, "can" your responses now... a spoon-full of sugar makes the medicine go down and all that.

Arkansas Paul
March 31, 2012, 06:34 AM
I guess I've been lucky too. But I live in the South where shooting and guns are a way of life. It would be odd here if you didn't own guns.

303tom
March 31, 2012, 08:06 AM
When you ask him/her to go shooting.............

loadedround
March 31, 2012, 09:27 AM
It may be a little off the subject, but wife, when we became engaged, bought herself a life membership in the NRA to show her support for firearms ownership and use. We've been together for 43 years now so I think she's a keeper. :)

hardluk1
March 31, 2012, 09:40 AM
Back in my single days I drove a big 4x4 and typicaly had a long gun in the rear window. On the second datewith my wife we covered most our likes and dislikes and on the third date we went shooting. 36 years later also and still married and enjoying firearm and hunting related sports. Get all the major problems or sticking points covered early on so nether one of you are waisting each others time.

Loosedhorse
March 31, 2012, 09:42 AM
The question was "When is it a good time to tell potential romantic partners about your guns?"About the fact that you own guns and are involved in organized competitive shooting, and have won a few competitions; or you're a regular and successful hunter...:cool::)

Or that you're carrying a gun right now, on the date, just in case you happen to need to shoot someone?

For the second, maybe just about when you're ready to have the person meet your parents!being treated as slightly foolish for intending to carryIt is foolish...unless you are attacked. Then, it might be the wisest thing anyone has ever done. ;)

Gtimothy
March 31, 2012, 09:54 AM
I've always had guns and never even thought about this as a problem. Of course I've been married for 32 years so I'm a BIT out of the loop when it comes to dating. :rolleyes: My son however is dating a wonderful young lady and he has just purchased his first handgun. She is fine with guns and we have taken them both to the range several times. My feeling is to be open about it from the begininning. the longer you hide it from your girlfriend, the harder it will be to explain later ("Why did you hide it from me??"). Also, if they are shown the PROPER and RESPONSIBLE handling of firearms, they just might change any negative biases. If not, there are plenty of "Fish in the ocean" ! ;)

Tipro
March 31, 2012, 10:03 AM
I've had no problem with women I was dating and firearms. As someone else said, this is the South.

Unfortuantely my parent's weren't born in the South, and just don't make sense about a lot of things.

Let's give some quick context so you can see my frustration.

My father was a commissioned officer in the Army. He told me when he was leaving the Army said he could keep his side arm (a 1911, this was the late 70's), but that he let the Army keep it because "he didn't like what the gun was used for."

My paternal great-grandad (dad's dad's dad) bought a shotgun (don't know the year, make, model, all i know is that it was an autoloading 12 gauge) that he hunted with, which he passed down to his son (my grandad). My grandad also hunted with this gun, and took my dad with him when he was a little boy. Before my grandad died, he offered the shotgun to my father, but my dad refused. It makes me so incredibly mad just thinking about it. I have nothing from my grandad, he died when I was an infant. I tracked down that shotgun a couple years ago, and apparently when my dad refused it, his uncle (my grandad's brother) took it. He gave it to his son, and he wouldn't sell it to me. At least it's still with the family I suppose (we have the same last name).

My dad's dad also fought in Germany and the Pacific during the War, and had a pistol he took off a dead German officer. Don't have that. My great-uncle pawned that off for some money to buy alcohol. He also had a box of gold teeth he knocked out of dead Jap's. Don't have that either. Fortunately my finance's grandad fought in Germany in the 101st and got a pistol off a German officer which has prewar Nazi markings, and a ceremonial sword off the same officer, so maybe she'll inherit that from her dad who now has it. Her dad love's that stuff, and so does she. I'm glad her family isn't full of crazies like mine.

Wish I was only making this stuff up.

Sheepdog1968
March 31, 2012, 12:22 PM
I went through this ssituation. I typically waited for the third or forth date. By then they have gotten to know you a bit. As for work, several jobs I never mentioned it. For others just friends at work or people from work I see at the range, gun shows, etc. the way it came up at my last job was they asked how my bachelor party went and I mentioned it went well a nd that went trap, clay sport shooting and then had a BBQ. People thought that was fun.

CountryUgly
March 31, 2012, 12:36 PM
The conversation between my wife and I went something like this " I'll show you mine if you show me yours" So she whipped out her Ruger and I whipped out my S&W. She looked at it and giggled. i asked what that was about and she said " Sorry I couldn't help but notice that mine's bigger":neener:

Midwest
March 31, 2012, 01:06 PM
If someone doesn't bring up guns in a regular conversation here in Kentucky would be considered unusual. Guns are talked about as frequently as basketball, trucks, jobs, and even computers in these neck of the woods..y'all.

loose noose
March 31, 2012, 01:21 PM
My youngest son's wife never much cared for firearms, as they had 3 young daughters, and she was certain one of then would get a hold one and do some dastardly deed. (Pure nonsense) My son and I did a lot of shooting together, allways using my firearms, which he knew some day some of them would be his. Then one day a crazy couple tried to enter their property out in the boon docks (horse property) and scared the crap out of them with what fortunately was idle threats. Needless to say I gave my son a 9mm pistol, with some hollow point bullets for self protection, which he understood perfectly well. Isn't it amazing what a little scare can produce. Now she wants to learn how to shoot, and is contemplating getting a Springfield XD-9 also.:cool:

Serenity
March 31, 2012, 01:30 PM
That's a good point, Loosedhorse. There is definitely a difference here in how people perceive guns for sporting purposes or as a hobby, and guns for personal defense. Home defense is somewhere in between. The high schools around here still have trap shooting competitions and hunting is accepted 100%. When I talk about competition, the sentiment among my peers is fairly positive.

When I got into guns out of the blue a couple of years ago, there was sort of an indulgent attitude about it ("Serenity's husband sure is patient") but I made the common qualifying newbie (especially female newbie) statements like "it's just for fun" and "I'm not going to carry of course." I always used to wonder by people took so much trouble to conceal when we live in an Open Carry state. Now I get it.

Fortunately I am not an island, because my work place is filled with shooters. It's a small electronics manufacturing house and 75% of the people who work there (almost all of the men) are shooters.

mljdeckard
March 31, 2012, 02:24 PM
I recently went through a brief stretch of being single, and I had to navigate the protocol. It turned out to be no big deal. Every woman I dated I told her before we met, I said something like, "By the way, I should tell you, I am armed pretty much I am legally allowed to be." Not once did any of them care. My wife loves shooting and is always nagging me to go.

I love Utah.

Old krow
March 31, 2012, 02:29 PM
The question was "When is it a good time to tell potential romantic partners about your guns?" Or something similar.

I don't know that there is a perfect time, but certainly sooner is better than later. Life is a bit short to spend debating conflicting ideologies with your spouse.

As others have said, "this is the South" and it's more probable that something else that would be an immediate dis-qualifier would put an end to a relationship faster than gun ownership would.

What I am dealing with is closer to home; being treated as slightly foolish for intending to carry

Quite a while back I was dating a girl that stated once that she didn't think that I should have a loaded gun in the house. I politely defused it, but kept the gun. Later on we were robbed. Then she stated that the gun that was previously "dangerous" should be kept on the nightstand by the bed. She made a remark once (or forty times) about my CCP asking me sarcastically if I were going to tote my gun around to the local grocery store. Then a 60 y/o lady was confronted by two guys trying to rob her in the local Wally-World parking lot and she drew her handgun. They fled of course. The next thing I know she's calling me asking me the exact amount of the permit. She had gone off and gotten her own permit.

We're still on speaking terms and she likes to point out that me having a round in the chamber is dangerous. I would prefer the lessons end there.

Every woman I dated I told her before we met

Telepathy doesn't count! :)

Mike J
March 31, 2012, 10:00 PM
I too live in the South. I never made an issue out of firearms and there is only one person that I can think of that considered them an issue. She & I never actually "dated" though we did seem to keep finding ourselves spending time together. However she just had too many issues & we had different belief systems so we often found ourselves disagreeing. She made the comment once when at my home that it scared her that I had guns. I really believe this had more to do with her perception of life in general than anything I said or did.

With everyone else guns were something that just came up in the natural flow of conversation. That I liked to hunt etc. I don't recall anyone ever freaking out about it. Some seemed to like it. To most I believe it was a non issue.

My wife had her own revolver when we met. She isn't really into guns but her Father taught her their utility at an early age. They lived on 26 acres in a rural area less than 4 miles from a state prison so he made sure all his kids knew how to run what he had available.

rduchateau2954
March 31, 2012, 10:22 PM
If a girl doesn't like the same things I do (hunting, fishing, general outdoor stuff) I don't get to know her well enough for her to find out what guns I have. Some might know I have guns, but they don't know what or where.

I have met way too many girls that have said something like "I know this guy who likes guns too, he has them all over his house"

I had this girl at a bar one time tell me about her ex-s guns, where he lives and when he works. All this after a couple of hours. I could have cleaned him out.

Only my closest friends know what I have and where I keep them. None of them have access to them.

Nushif
March 31, 2012, 10:25 PM
Maybe the delivery is more important than the timing: it isn't a confession or something that you are divulging. It's just a facet of your personality and interests.

That's how I view it and while I don't date I have never, actually NEVER received a negative response.

[...] but I tend toward word vomit (to a fault).

Me too! 8)

In the non-dating world, has anyone been socially shut out after mentioning that they have guns/shoot? As a recent convert I enthuse about my activities to anyone who will listen and so far the response has been overwhelmingly positive. The people who disapprove (I can tell by their body language) don't actually say anything in front of my face. They're probably saying "well it's more interesting than her scrap-booking phase".


Exactly how I've been treated. Except they get tired of me telling them about WoW.

What I am dealing with is closer to home; being treated as slightly foolish for intending to carry (and taking a gun with me on a road trip for the first time! Woot!) Fortunately I am used to feeling a bit foolish, so I just soldier on.

This is where out experiences differ. My wife carries a Beretta and once walked away from a table at a gunshow table crying because we couldn't afford a 1925 Beretta for her. Needless to say if if has the trident on it, she wants it. So I don't share your problem. 8)

justice06rr
April 1, 2012, 12:15 AM
As a single guy, I can say its usually not an issue with women I've dated. Many of them actually take interest in it if you present the topic in a positive way.

Its best to talk about it casually at first; I usually say that my roomates is a cop who taught me how to shoot, or that me and some friends go to the range for recreational shooting, etc.

I find it actually harder to bring up the firearms issue to other guys or relatives.

spoogie
April 1, 2012, 01:02 AM
I can't even wrap my mind around the fact of firearm ownership being an issue. But, I've been married for 12 years ... and I'm from the midwest. I don't know if that matters, but the guys I know that own guns way outnumber the guys that don't own a gun. Friends, coworkers, family. Doesn't seem to matter.

-S

mljdeckard
April 1, 2012, 04:37 AM
It's kind of funny, if you explore the dating websites these days, pretty much every woman lists hunting, fishing, camping, hiking, etc in their activities. When I contacted them, I warned them that I would find out quickly how serious they were about it. (I listed that I was a shooting instructor in mine, and it attracted a certain amount of interest.) My new wife loves shooting, camping, and pretty much everything to do with the subject. :)

WinThePennant
April 1, 2012, 11:10 AM
Bring it up from the get-go. If she doesn't like it, then she'll probably do the honors and never answer the phone when you call. :)

The_Armed_Therapist
April 1, 2012, 11:43 AM
It seems to me that showing up on your first date with one on the hip would be the best way. ;)

Nushif
April 1, 2012, 11:46 AM
It's kind of funny, if you explore the dating websites these days, pretty much every woman lists hunting, fishing, camping, hiking, etc in their activities.

It's also kind of funny that on dating sites you never find "slightly overweight, opinionated, balding, borderline illiterate and misogynistic middle aged man."
Just like you never find "money-loving, shallow, calculating and dependent biological-clock-ticking woman."

Dating sites ask you to describe yourself so others want to be with you. Hardly a measure of what a person really is.

Bovice
April 1, 2012, 11:52 AM
I mention it if the time comes that it is appropriate to speak of guns, but I don't dwell on it. I speak more along the lines of a casual interest shooter who throws a few rounds downrange every 6 months.

ArmedOkie
April 1, 2012, 11:27 PM
Never really thought about this. I just assumed EVERYONE in oklahoma owns a gun. I don't know many people who don't.

Ringolevio
April 1, 2012, 11:38 PM
...But I think a lot of you guys are living in a romantic fantasyland.

Have you never heard the expression "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"? You think a woman you've had a couple of "dates" with (whatever level of "intimacy" you think that entails) can be trusted with your privacy?

Would you give her your SS#, your bank account #s, or your PIN #s after a couple of dates? Are you nuts??

You think she won't rat you out or otherwise somehow use your secrets against you when she's grown weary of you, or when she's sufficiently annoyed with you? You think she'll never become alienated or angry enough to say that you threatened her with that gun?

Have you never heard of the kind of charges and accusations that women make when, after years of marriage, they decide they want a divorce? Suddenly all your secrets are fair game, any way she can use them against you.

Do you really need that kind of grief?

Even if she never betrays you deliberately, are you pretty sure she won't brag (or just blab) to her girlfriends? Are you pretty sure she won't provoke an incident, or rise to a provocation by someone else, because she knows you are armed? Are you sure she won't say "Honey, don't let him talk to me like that! Show him who's the top dog!"

Bottom line: Just like with anybody else you've known for only a short time, Don't spill your guts until you know for sure just what the person is made of.

Omaha-BeenGlockin
April 2, 2012, 01:27 AM
Was on a 1st date 6 or 7 years ago--I mentioned my varmint rifle(not even sure what brought the conversation to that) anyway that pretty much ended it right there. No big deal---don't the door hit ya on the way out.

My GF of 3 years now---I have a hard time keeping her from taking over my guns.

Oh ya---she's smokin hot and nearly 20 years younger than me:D

au01st
April 2, 2012, 03:59 AM
G.R.I.T.S.

Love the south, never been on a date with a girl afraid of guns or who wasn't interested in going to the range with me. Most of them have dads, brothers, or family that hunts, and some even carry their own. I OC, so I'd imagine the issue would come up on her doorstep when I picked her up IF it was an issue.

tnelson31
April 2, 2012, 09:25 PM
...But I think a lot of you guys are living in a romantic fantasyland.

Have you never heard the expression "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"? You think a woman you've had a couple of "dates" with (whatever level of "intimacy" you think that entails) can be trusted with your privacy?

Would you give her your SS#, your bank account #s, or your PIN #s after a couple of dates? Are you nuts??

You think she won't rat you out or otherwise somehow use your secrets against you when she's grown weary of you, or when she's sufficiently annoyed with you? You think she'll never become alienated or angry enough to say that you threatened her with that gun?

Have you never heard of the kind of charges and accusations that women make when, after years of marriage, they decide they want a divorce? Suddenly all your secrets are fair game, any way she can use them against you.

Do you really need that kind of grief?

Even if she never betrays you deliberately, are you pretty sure she won't brag (or just blab) to her girlfriends? Are you pretty sure she won't provoke an incident, or rise to a provocation by someone else, because she knows you are armed? Are you sure she won't say "Honey, don't let him talk to me like that! Show him who's the top dog!"

Bottom line: Just like with anybody else you've known for only a short time, Don't spill your guts until you know for sure just what the person is made of.
I hear what you're saying but eventually the plan would be to cohabitate, right? You want to talk about it before then.

There is an aspect in trust in all relationships; poor timing on compatibility betrays that trust, a little at least.

Old krow
April 2, 2012, 10:04 PM
Bottom line: Just like with anybody else you've known for only a short time, Don't spill your guts until you know for sure just what the person is made of.

So.... how long exactly does it take to "know" a woman? I'm not sure that at my current rate of learning that I'd be able to reveal that I owned a gun within the next 15-20 years. It might not go so well then. :uhoh:

Malachi Leviticus Blue
April 2, 2012, 10:27 PM
I don't ever recall a disparaging remark, but then again I'm kind of dense when it comes to subtle hints.

MannytheGreek
April 2, 2012, 11:10 PM
In regards to the original question,

I would be very wary "coming out" as a gun owner in a hospital environment. As a physician, when I simply mentioned that I hunt and target shoot for fun, I was barraged by co workers and ancillary staff. Words traveled quickly "better not upset doc or he'll come out shooting."

Nevertheless most people are simply not mature enough to handle this. It can easily get you a reputation that is almost impossible to shake. Be warned

Dr_B
April 3, 2012, 01:15 PM
It can easily get you a reputation that is almost impossible to shake. Be warned

Yes, but that depends on the arena in which you're identifying as a gun owner. If you are not sure the people you are around are mature enough to handle that information, just keep quiet. By keeping quiet, you wouldn't be hiding in the closet in shame. You'd simply be choosing to be selective in letting people know things about you. Nothing to be ashamed of in being a gun owner (unless you are irresponsible with guns).

On a related note, I have friends who are part of the LGBT crowd. They all know I am cool with that, but not really interested in their LGBT activism. So they don't bring it up around me. I don't bring up gun topics around them.

Now, when dating, which is closer to the original post... if guns and shooting are something you like a lot you should get it out there soon. Its never a good idea to try to change your personality and interests to match the whims of a partner. There is give and take in a relationship, but you have to still be you.

JustinJ
April 3, 2012, 05:52 PM
Pardon me for being cynical about women...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

...But I think a lot of you guys are living in a romantic fantasyland.

Have you never heard the expression "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"? You think a woman you've had a couple of "dates" with (whatever level of "intimacy" you think that entails) can be trusted with your privacy?

Would you give her your SS#, your bank account #s, or your PIN #s after a couple of dates? Are you nuts??

You think she won't rat you out or otherwise somehow use your secrets against you when she's grown weary of you, or when she's sufficiently annoyed with you? You think she'll never become alienated or angry enough to say that you threatened her with that gun?

Have you never heard of the kind of charges and accusations that women make when, after years of marriage, they decide they want a divorce? Suddenly all your secrets are fair game, any way she can use them against you.

Do you really need that kind of grief?

Even if she never betrays you deliberately, are you pretty sure she won't brag (or just blab) to her girlfriends? Are you pretty sure she won't provoke an incident, or rise to a provocation by someone else, because she knows you are armed? Are you sure she won't say "Honey, don't let him talk to me like that! Show him who's the top dog!"

Bottom line: Just like with anybody else you've known for only a short time, Don't spill your guts until you know for sure just what the person is made of.

So essentially you are saying not to trust a woman at all early in the relationship or after marriage. Uh huh. A woman is much more likely to falsely claim a man raped her than pointed a gun at her so good luck with celibacy. I'll take my chances.

Certaindeaf
April 3, 2012, 06:00 PM
I inform the women in my life that I carry a gun. If they don't like it, they are no longer in my life.

gym
April 3, 2012, 06:22 PM
I let them know right away, I got married at 50 do I dated most of my life. Very few girls had an issue with it. In NY you could allow them to see the holstered gun on your person and thus allow them to ask you. If you treat it right it isn't a problem, only one girl got bent out of shape, out of the hundreds of girls I dated over 34 years of dating that's not bad. Many felt protected.
I had trouble with a neighboor, after helping her out wit a vandal. The responding officer told her that she mentioned 10 times in the 15 minutes he was there that she lived alone most of the time, "husband was out of town a lot". And that she had a lot of jewelry and money she kept in the house. Advised her to get a gun and to stop telling people the story she just told him a dozen times. She, instead of thanking me as the officer advised her to do, because she could at least call me if she saw something that scared her, "as she did every night". She instead freaked out that I had a gun, that she never even saw.She became such a problem that I had to call an attorney and the police, and file a police report. She was actually pulling strangers off the street and telling them I had a gun, and was going to shoot everyone in their sleep. We finally shut her up with the threat of a lawsuit, and all my neighboors explained that they also had guns, and she was in the wrong state if she didn't like them. Two ex leos went down to the sherriff and filled out a complaint against her also. So now, no one listens anymore but she still is a nut.Of all 5 houses in her proximity, she has started trouble with every neighboor, she is a real mental case.

JVaughn
April 3, 2012, 06:41 PM
Honestly, I don't even consider it an issue. I feel the same about carrying a gun as I do about carrying my car keys. I not only consider it a standard part of my gear; but I just assume everyone else carries as well (even though I know, statistically, that isn't true.) If I assume everyone else carries, then I don't feel I have any advantage by being armed - merely that I am on even ground; and I also don't feel that it is remotely unusual. I assume she (the potential gf / wife / whatever) will realize it eventually, if she ever get's that close. My wife waited until about a week after she saw mine and said "so... you carry a gun eh?" to which I responded "of course, don't you?" I then taught her to shoot, and today she has her CC permit as well. Don't feel ashamed, or uncomfortable, or uneasy my friend for it is us who are normal and it is us who are free.

EnfieldEnthusiast
April 3, 2012, 07:05 PM
Its nice to read so many positive aspects of shooters coming out into the open & admitting their hobbies to their girlfriends on dates,however the same can't be said for my good self.Shooting sports & girls in the UK,don't always mix too well,most of the time & I was incredibly foolish to mention my interest in target-shooting & hunting to one,whom came to the conclusion,that I was "a crazy dude",after meeting her,in the college car park,when I was on a cigarette break(In the days when I smoked,10 years ago:-)Another one said these words to me " You have an unhealthy interest in guns",in which I replied to her " I have a healthy interest in historical arms,that are irreplaceable,what's your problem?" After this,ive never mentioned this to any woman,as she might think I'm the next Lone Wolf,planning a massacre.I also felt like an outcast too.Even at work once,I corrected a man whom claimed that his friend in New York,had a .36 revolver for self-defense & I said it was probably a .38 special S&W ,not a .36 & he went behind my back & insulted me sarcastically,implying I was a gun nut & weirdo.I found out about it & threatened to break his nose & told him,that he was a lowlife,scummy,do-gooder,whom had no courage to mock me in person & that If he had something to say,then he should of said it to my face & not try to mock myself,whilst tonguing someones rear-end,for a promotion..Turned out,he was a Guardian reading,neo-left-wing half-wit.:banghead:
On a different note though:I came clean to my friends,about my firearms interest & my best friend was cool about it.Although he isn't into firearms himself,he respects my interests in them,in as much as I respect his freedom to his sexuality,which isn't hetrosexual.So at least my best friend is gun-tolerant,which is great news for myself & I shall look foward to meeting pro-gun women,if I can,over here,or I'll just move to the States permanantley.Maybe Fort Lauderdale or Miami.Quite liked those places.

thorazine
April 3, 2012, 07:35 PM
The question was "When is it a good time to tell potential romantic partners about your guns?"

In the past I always brought it up if I felt there was going to be a second date.

It was nothing I made a huge issue about -- just an honorable mention.


I've never dated any anti gunners so it was never an issue.

My current girlfriend of five years is a better shot than me when it comes to long range aimed fire. =D

I've got her beat on short to medium range quick fire / multiple targets / etc though.

Sheepdog1968
April 3, 2012, 07:43 PM
Related To this, I dated a woman once who was a bit on the negative side when it came to guns despite her dad who liked to shoot. Her opinion changed one night when we were sleeping at a friends home in the country and he relayed a horrific incident of a violent robbery in this very serene area. That opened her eyes why they might be a good thing. In fact, that night she made ,
Me reassure her that I did indeed have my gun handy.

tnelson31
April 3, 2012, 08:45 PM
I let them know right away, I got married at 50 do I dated most of my life. Very few girls had an issue with it. In NY you could allow them to see the holstered gun on your person and thus allow them to ask you. If you treat it right it isn't a problem, only one girl got bent out of shape, out of the hundreds of girls I dated over 34 years of dating that's not bad. Many felt protected.
I had trouble with a neighboor, after helping her out wit a vandal. The responding officer told her that she mentioned 10 times in the 15 minutes he was there that she lived alone most of the time, "husband was out of town a lot". And that she had a lot of jewelry and money she kept in the house. Advised her to get a gun and to stop telling people the story she just told him a dozen times. She, instead of thanking me as the officer advised her to do, because she could at least call me if she saw something that scared her, "as she did every night". She instead freaked out that I had a gun, that she never even saw.She became such a problem that I had to call an attorney and the police, and file a police report. She was actually pulling strangers off the street and telling them I had a gun, and was going to shoot everyone in their sleep. We finally shut her up with the threat of a lawsuit, and all my neighboors explained that they also had guns, and she was in the wrong state if she didn't like them. Two ex leos went down to the sherriff and filled out a complaint against her also. So now, no one listens anymore but she still is a nut.Of all 5 houses in her proximity, she has started trouble with every neighboor, she is a real mental case.
So are you dating?

The-Reaver
April 3, 2012, 08:51 PM
First date is always the range. =)

Plan2Live
April 3, 2012, 09:16 PM
Well I live in the South and I recently had this topic turn into a dealbreaker so don't automatically assume that ladies in the South are okay with firearms. I was the Original Poster in a different forum for a scenario that included this topic as a side not to my main topic. In short, I went out with a lady three times and did not carry out of concern that her finding it by accident might cause alarm. On our 2nd date I think we had a close encounter with a bad guy. On our 3rd date I brought this incident up and told her I normally carry. No reaction. A short time later I receive a text saying we probably shouldn't see each other again. Prior to that everything was going great so it must have been the news about the gun. That puts me at 50/50 because the one prior to that had no problem with it.

The question I posed, for the ladies, is when did THEY think the best time to bring this up was. After thinking it through, I realized this is probably not a good place to ask the question because the ladies here are obviously pro-gun.

This is not as simple of a question as it seems. Some people are absolutely anti-gun, 25% of women say the have been sexually assaulted. Imagine the reaction of a woman that might be anti-gun or a prior victim brushing up against you or hugging you and finding your carry weapon. Touchie subject, no pun intended.

I wish I wasn't so far down in the thread.

bigfinger76
April 3, 2012, 09:25 PM
Women with irrational fears are annoying.

Dnaltrop
April 3, 2012, 09:45 PM
My wife was nervous but was fine with them being unseen early on. She lived with nightly gunfire outside her childhood home before "Gentrification", so her fears were well founded in personal experience.

After a few years she would come out to the clearcuts with me, but sit in the car and read with cups on.

Few more years she'd step out.. few more she tried the .22 rifle and ran for the car...

Few more and she tried the Model 10.... Now she owns her own gun.

Now she asks to go to the range when I'm not even thinking of it... Her friends are buying guns and asking her about Range trips.

thump_rrr
April 3, 2012, 11:21 PM
By living in a major metropolitain city in eastern Canada you can rest assured that most women have not been around firearms.
If you enter my home from the main entrance you have no clues to what my hobbies are.
Once you enter the man cave the safe, progressive press, and tons of empty brass quickly gives it away.

Last summer I went south for a few days. I meet this twenty something girl.
I noticed she had a little tattoo on her wrist so I asked her if she had any others.
So at this point she moves her hair out of the way and shows a small one on the back of her neck. Next she lowers her pants near her left hip and shows me a tattoo she has of a six shooter. At this point I'm thinking great so I pull out the iPhone to show her a pic of my .45.
I hand her the phone and when she sees the picture she drops the phone as if I had handed her a loaded gun.
I guess sometimes you really can't tell how irrational some people can be

ZeSpectre
April 3, 2012, 11:35 PM
Well... dating is a time to find out if you are compatible with someone, not a time to hang on at all costs.

Bullnettles
April 3, 2012, 11:40 PM
Every anti-gun girl I've dated (three) all ended up liking them by the end, including a cute hippy girl. She did vote for Obama though... deal-breaker.

gc70
April 4, 2012, 12:25 AM
I'm a few decades beyond dating, but my youngest son is not. I think guns came up at the end of the first date with his current girlfriend. They were discussing times for a second date and he mentioned the weekly range trip with myself and his mother. She said she was uncomfortable with guns but would like to go to the range with us. We gave her a nice intro to shooting - .22 rifle, .22 pistol, .38 revolver, 9mm auto, and an AR. Unfortunately, she is still not enthused about handguns ... but she did convince my son to custom-build an AR for her. :D

Serenity
April 4, 2012, 12:42 AM
Plan2Live; I will poll my friends. I didn't get into guns until well after I was married, but I know that when I was younger I wanted to know things sooner than later. It's nice to know the basics about someone before you waste a lot of time on them. A guy doesn't need to give the number and makes and models and locations of his guns (and the combos to his safes) to let a woman know he's a shooter. Just get the words out there and watch her eyes and body language.

BLACKHAWKNJ
April 4, 2012, 01:43 AM
An anti-gun attitude-and fanatically so-is a deal breaker for me in a romantic relationship. Alcohol and drug use are also deal breakers. My modest experience in this area has convinced that most women are not anti-gun, rather-like an awful of men-they've had zero exposure to them.
And yes, the Dating Game is when you find out what-or who-you like and don't like.

Norrick
April 4, 2012, 04:54 AM
I dated a girl who said she would never date a smoker. I'm sure if the girl really likes you she won't care, or at least she'll deal with it hah.

Sky
April 4, 2012, 10:23 AM
Usually after meeting someone the conversation ranges from where you work and what do you do for fun. A casual comment about all your interest to include going to the range or hunting with friends, family, or groups usually lets you know which way the wind is blowing. If they are a rabid don't kill Bambi or Donald Duck then you can either convert through well reasoned discussion or you can go dutch and have them pay for their own meal. A little dark humor?

Many want something until they get it. There are people who bring something to a relationship and others that can be called Psychic Vampires; all they do is suck the life out of a mate. Core values can be as important as anything in a relationship, IMO.

I'm a few decades beyond dating, but my youngest son is not. I think guns came up at the end of the first date with his current girlfriend. They were discussing times for a second date and he mentioned the weekly range trip with myself and his mother. She said she was uncomfortable with guns but would like to go to the range with us. We gave her a nice intro to shooting - .22 rifle, .22 pistol, .38 revolver, 9mm auto, and an AR. Unfortunately, she is still not enthused about handguns ... but she did convince my son to custom-build an AR for her.

I still remember the fear and trepidation my wife had the first time I took her to a gun range to shoot a .22 pistol.

Have you ever seen someone turn their head shut their eyes and try to run the other way when they pull the trigger? I still smile when I think of her first few outings. She took to the rifles like a duck to water but the pistols took a bit of familiarization.

She is now an accomplished pistol shooter and an even better marksman with the AR. Just some have humble beginnings.

Ringolevio
April 4, 2012, 12:47 PM
I was once highly infatuated with a woman with whom I had a number of important ethnic and intellectual factors in common. Our "physical chemistry" was breathtaking (I wish I could tell you details)! It could have really turned into something.

But she was a lawyer working for the ACLU, and she toed the "party line" on the Second Amendment. I started to work on her, presenting an intelligent argument for the RKBA and framing it as "empowering" women. That made her see it in a new light, and she was really starting to come around.

But she must have discussed it with someone at work. And someone there must have taken her aside and told her, "If you're gonna start believing in the Second Amendment, there's no place for you in the ACLU" (apparently the RKBA is not among "American Civil Liberties").

And so, alas, our love was not to be; now she's history, and I'm still heartbroken over "what might have been".

Of course, had she come around on the RKBA, she probably would have gone off the ACLU reservation on other issues as well. That surely would have gotten her "drummed out of the corps" or "purged from the Politburo". Those champions of tolerance and diversity at the ACLU would never tolerate that kind of diversity in their own ranks.

Old krow
April 4, 2012, 11:50 PM
And so, alas, our love was not to be; now she's history, and I'm still heartbroken over "what might have been".

Or she could have been working on her own "conversion" and simply gave up. It's sad just the same, sorry it didn't work out.

303tom
April 5, 2012, 11:38 AM
I met my wife when she worked at the Newspaper, I was delivering one of their cars being I worked in the shop that services their cars, I was taking the keys in & overheard the ladies talking & I heard this gal say I would shoot the SOB, so I asked her out, this was a Friday night. The next morning we went squirrel hunting, we have been together ever since, going on 25 years now...........

3KillerBs
April 5, 2012, 08:43 PM
First date is always the range. =)

About 25 years ago a guy borrowed his mom's .22 rifle for me to use and took me out on a date -- first to the range, then to the ice cream shop.

I kept both the guy and the hobby -- we'll have been married 23 years on Easter.

303tom
April 5, 2012, 10:28 PM
About 25 years ago a guy borrowed his mom's .22 rifle for me to use and took me out on a date -- first to the range, then to the ice cream shop.

I kept both the guy and the hobby -- we'll have been married 23 years on Easter.
YES....................

DavidMS
April 5, 2012, 10:50 PM
There was a woman. My type. We hit it off and her being into Yoga, I described target shooting as achieving a zen like state. She understood. Unfortunately, I broke it off for the wrong reasons still regret it. :(

abq87120
April 6, 2012, 12:46 AM
I generally signal to new acquaintances that I like shooting sports right away. I also carry but am extremely cool about letting anyone know about it. My wife was a person who didn't care much for guns when we were first married. Until something went bump in the night. She became OK with having a shot gun by the bed and a 44 mag for hiking in bear country. We eventually moved to Albuquerque, NM. After about six months of watching the evening news and all the random violence there, she made me fall off the couch one night. One night while watching the news, she told me she wanted a CCW permit. I was ecstatic. It's four years later now. She carries an LCP 380 in her purse and keeps a Glock G26 9mm in her desk drawer in her home office.

FIVETWOSEVEN
April 6, 2012, 12:57 AM
If it wasn't for shooting, I wouldn't be dating my girlfriend who I've known for 5 years before hand. I bring a gun or guns to her house all the time and open carry often when we go out on dates. We even went shooting yesterday with my new Tantal that she tagged along with me to pick up. I also helped her dad buy a handgun last month. I guess I would say I'm pretty lucky with my situation considering what I've seen with other people and their dating woes.

Guy B. Meredith
April 6, 2012, 04:28 AM
ZeSpectre has it right. If you can not be the person you are then the relationship is a bad one. I would not "make do" with anyone that did not support my interest in firearms. A relationship should be healthy for both partners and one partner denying who they are just does not hack it.

In my case the idea of firearms ownership did not come up as I just did not feel I could afford it. It was my decision and not hers. Then at one point in time we had a concern that we might find meth addicted thugs knocking at our door. I took advantage of this to justify cost (not to convince my wife) and my wife was good with that as well as the next 4 firearms and my participation in competition. In fact, she has accompanied me to three International Revolver Championships in Morro Bay, CA.

If she had not been supportive I would have given serious thought about whether I wanted to remain in a relationship where I was less than I should be.

Prophet
April 7, 2012, 01:14 AM
Bump for this topic because it's not discussed nearly often enough. I haven't any experiences to share because I am currently and always have been single by choice, but reading the experiences listed here can only serve to help myself and others like me in the future when we do finally decide it's time to get hitched. :D

wojownik
April 7, 2012, 12:44 PM
Some years ago, I was briefly dating someone - she thought it would be cute to go to a Halloween party as Sharon Stone from "Quick and the Dead" and wanted me to be her Cort.

Anyways ... I had a full rig, left the Colt at home, but left my .45LC rounds on the belt. Oh man, oh man did she freak about the ammo. As if they could spontaneously explode... and then came the inevitable "I certainly hope you don't actually own a gun".

Well, that relationship lasted one more date - the firearms discussion was actually the trigger (pardon the pun) for revealing that she'd been dialing back here more extreme liberal views, trying to be more "moderate" for me.

The problem was not that she was liberal. The problem was that she was not really being herself around me, and also not able to deal with someone with different viewpoints on a few hot button issues.

13 years later, and fairly happily married, to someone who both tolerates my collecting and shooting hobbies, and also "gets" the fundamental issues around firearms ownership.

GEM
April 7, 2012, 12:47 PM
"When is it a good time to tell potential romantic partners about your guns?"

When her husband unexpectedly walks through the door, returning early from a business trip.

Sorry, moderators - I should know better but don't ask. Glenn

captmoto
April 8, 2012, 05:18 PM
Wifes family was into hunting and shooting before I came along. I never was into it due to lack of exposure to them. Now I'm about of of room in my 27 gun safe.

moewadle
April 8, 2012, 05:25 PM
and maybe I should not skip to here...but I have. My thought is, regarding dating someone....do two people not get into conversations right away to answer, "So what do you do for fun, recreation, pastimes, hobbies, etc." That would be a first date conversation and you get right to firearms immediately. If it is a deal breaker than you have not went past a first date together and you can call it quits or just, "Let us be friends but not lovers." No complications to me. If it is someone that is a potential same-gender friend or something other than romantic it can come up in natural course of conversation and things can go where they will. Always good to be polite, perhaps circumspect and not get into some big political conversation if that is what it would come to.

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