[Skunkabilly]

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If you have set yourself on fire, do not run


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If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.


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If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder


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If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor. Be sure to properly balance the likelihood of cancer throughout the entire body by turning away from the radiation source.


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In the event of a chemical attack, choke yourself til you see colors, your hair turns blue, and your eyes disappear.


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When in doubt, roll the fallout shelter sign down the stairs.


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If the door is jammed, use a large errow to pry it open.

[Skunkabilly]

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Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!


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If one flashlight doesn't work, then two should do the trick.


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The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.


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Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run away.


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If Michael starts foaming at the mouth, run even faster.

[Skunkabilly]

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Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.


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Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.


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If a door is closed, karate chop it open.


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If your building collapses, kiss your *&% goodbye.


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Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile


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Car radios also emit radiation. Be sure to protect your ears!


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After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.


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If your local authorities are unavailable, try calling across the country.

[Skunkabilly]

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Don't let grey skies get you down.


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Burning your house down does NOT help!


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If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that crap.


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If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.


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If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.

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If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

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If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it. Instead, cry and throw a tantrum.


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Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

[Slimjim]

bwahaha. :D

[Skunkabilly]

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When possible, purchase a car with an ejection seat.


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A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation, so stand very close to it.


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Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.


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Bribe terrorists to leave you alone with American consumer devices.


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Bush's hometown - no great loss.

[Skunkabilly]

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Terrorists usually have terrible indigestion from eating our food. Don't use the restroom after they do!

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Terrorists or Michael Jackson may try to contaminate your laundry detergent. Smell clothing to ensure it's fresh and clean.

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To confuse cyberterrorists, set all the clocks on your electronic appliances to different time zones.


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If you see a nuclear explosion on the horizon, drive in reverse on the wrong side of the road, pull to the side, and wait for the blast to hit you.

[45R]

That is sooo funny!!!!! :D

[Nightfall]

Thanks, I needed that! LMAO, that was freaking hilarious! :D

[Thumper]

If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that crap

Bwaaahahahahahaha!

[twoblink]

Oh my gosh that was funny!!

More more more!! we want more!!

[Demon440]

LOL that was great!

[fjolnirsson]

Skunkabilly,
There is something fundamentally wrong with you.
:D
Keep it up.
Great stuff, lol!

[4570Rick]

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[Jim March]

Excessive power lines and roadside ads can hose an otherwise scenic drive.

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Ghosts are not immune to biowarfare. Please try to get them to wear masks.

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Always look for health powerups in your video games.

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If you cannot afford a home, live in a car.

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Five minutes to three is a good time to draw cheesy pictures of buildings.

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If any part of the following illustration is unclear, ask a lab rat for advice.

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Massive amounts of paperwork may cause death by boredom. Avoid.

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[Jim March]

Video game health powerups may be obtained from poorly drawn characters lacking eyes.

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If various parts of the state of Missouri begin speaking to each other, things have gone way rodeo. Obtain extra ammo immediately.

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Talk to the rat again. By now, he's charging consulting fees. Have a supply of cheese ready.

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Medical help can be an in-tents experience.

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[BowStreetRunner]

bwahahahaha:D

[BluesBear]

LMAO!

Hay, I'm dyin' ova heaya.



You guys are killing me.


Thanks, Skunk I really needed the laughs today.

[Brian Dale]

Arf! Good stuff, Skunky!

[Skunkabilly]

The story on those:

I didn't make those up, I got them from a buddy. The pics are actually pulled from www.ready.gov with humorous captions....Jim where did you find the rest?

I don't think I laughed so hard in a long time when I read them.

:D

[7.62FullMetalJacket]

:)

[cordex]

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Do not sleep under broken concrete.

[foghornl]

I have visited the Ready.gov site a few times; Jim March & Skunky's stuff makes at least as much sense as some things on Ready.

[KpEng16]

very funny...a good laugh in the middle of all this work on my desk. Thanks

[Joshua Hutchison]

LOL :D

[Jim March]

I went to www.ready.gov, trolled around for any pics Snuky hadn't used, did links to 'em and made up captions as I went.

Skunky, you didn't make those up? Ya shoudla attributed the original author or at least link to same.

[Skunkabilly]

I didn't make them up (see post above) and unfortunately, don't have the link to the original. I got it from a blog post from a friend.

[Combat-wombat]

LMAO!!!

[williegee]

Oh man! That was too funny!:D

[Mark Tyson]

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When you hear the news of a terrorist attack, be the first caller to KBOM and win a free dinner at Nacho Mamma's.

[Mark Tyson]

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Drugs can help you cope with a chaotic home life.

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When dealing with personal and political enemies, dynamite and enriched uranium can prove more effective than legal action.