[Gump]

My wife, whom I love dearly is 1) stubborn as anything and 2) fearful of things she is not comfortable with. Those 2 things are going to make it difficult for me to own any firearms. I am getting my Lic. soon ( as long as all goes well) and would like to eventually own a gun.

Anyone have any advice? My theory (my gun friend agrees with this as well) is that I need to get her used to being around guns in a non threatening environment. Like having her around when we are cleaning his guns. Eventually I'd like to get her to the range to just get used to the noise and what not. And at some point even have her start shooting.


I guess I may have somewhat answered my own questions, but I'd still like to hear any thoughts form anyone that has dealt with an apprehensive spouse.


Here's the kicker: She loves playing paintball:confused:

[braindead0]

Find a marble that's the right size for your (or her) paintball gun, find a safe place and show her how dangerous a paintball gun could be.

[ThreadKiller]

Get yourself a Daisy and some tin cans. Show her how much fun it is to roll tin cans around with a BB gun and then sorta work up from there.

Tim

[Gump]

Braindead: I see where you are coming from but I think making her fear paintball guns as well is just not going to serve my purpose:D



ThreadKiller: My friend is going to buy a .22 soon. Once he does I will feel comfortable having her try to shoot that. His fiancee might be my best hope in getting my wife comfortable around guns. She was much like my wife when they started dating. Now she is more comfortable around guns than anyone. As a matter of fact she took the Basic course with me and is also appling for her LTC.

[squibload]

I have no illusions of getting my wife to have guns/shooting as a hobby, but I have eased her into comfort with them around the house by letting her see them in a non-threatening way. I handle firearms in the house on a regular basis.

She’s a teacher, coming from a family of teachers in an affluent suburb. No hunting, no guns in the house, no military/police/NRA influence to benefit from. I blame her parents.

Only shouting-match argument we’ve ever had was about gun laws and schools.

I’m more stubborn than she is, so I wear her down with questions that I ask her that have some educational value. A few favorites:

How is “caliber” measured? (Math)
What does the expression “lock, stock, and barrel” refer to? (English)
What firearm does the average US soldier in Iraq carry? (Civics, Current events)
What is my favorite firearm? (Relationship counseling)

Whether she realizes it or not, she’s learning “gunstuff”, and she always gets a kick out of me hounding her, and gets excited when she gets my quizzes right.

[md2lgyk]

Having been through this with an ex-wife, I can tell you that if you are altering the way you want to live because your wife is irrationally "uncomfortable" with some of your choices, then you've got a serious problem. What'll be next? The motorcycle you want to buy? That six-pack of beer in the fridge? That pack of Marlboros in your pocket? Believe me, start giving in and there'll be no end to it.

[JamisJockey]

Sometimes it takes time. We've been married 9 years. She went from anti "There will never be guns in my house" to making me buy another handgun after I left her without one when I went fishing and took my CCW piece with me for the weekend (2 years ago). She only gives me a hard time about the cost, and the fact that I don't get to go shooting as much as I should.

[rclee]

One thing my wife has offered to do is attend the hunter's education course here in TX. She has been a little hesitant to embrace my latest hobby. While talking with a LEO about some of my recent purchases (22s for shooting with the kids) he mentioned having the kids take the class (even though we won't be hunting any time soon if at all) just to learn the basics and safety rules from another party as well as me. She felt it would be good for her also since she did not grow up around guns.

[illuminatus99]

be careful about getting your wife into shooting, it could cost you a fortune. whenever you buy a gun you may as well buy two of the same one if you plan to actually use your new purchase.

[Gump]

md2lgyk: sSe doesn't forbid me form doing what I want to do just because. She is very understanding of my hobbies, which can be fairly time consuming and costly.

Her concern is that she is not comfortable around guns. She has had zero experience with guns, so her fears while might be a little unrealistic, they are real to her and I respect that. Ours is a very loving relationship, this is something that we will deal with over time. I am not going to force the issue on her because that woudn't be fair either

[fix]

In any marriage, someone has to step forward and be the head of the household. Traditionally, this is the husband. Sometimes, as in the case of my aunt and uncle, it is the wife. It doesn't matter which one takes on the role, or how you two decide...but someone needs to take charge. I am the head of my household...period. My wife accepts this. I consult with her on any important decision, but the decisions are made by me and she accepts them as final. I may catch a lot of grief over a decision from time to time and I have spent plenty of time on my knees begging her forgiveness, but I learn my lessons and move on. If you are the true head of the household, you will need to consult with your wife (as you already have) and make a decision. Is the benefit of having a firearm in the home worth making her feel uncomfortable? IMO, it is. I consider a firearm to be just as essential as a fire extinguisher. Regardless of how strongly she objected, would you allow her to say no to a fire extinguisher? I suspect not. Assure her that you are only trying to protect your family and things should be fine. A strong relationship should not fall apart over anything short of adultery or abuse, and the argument can be made that the presence of either of those is an indicator of a weak relationship. You are the best judge when it comes to the strength of your relationship. My gun argument with my wife was not as difficult as yours. My wife did not object to the presence of guns, but she strongly objected to having them loaded and ready to protect the home and family. I did not compromise. That was 10 years ago and we are still happily married.

[fish2xs]

My wife is anti. We had a week-long fight when I told her I wanted to get
a pistol (she is a stubborn, fiesty Sicilian). She came at me with every anti
propoganda in the book. She attacked having them in our house, having guns in
general, etc etc...

Luckily, 2 things were in my favor. First, I had already owned a shotgun before
we were married. Second, I found this list. I had all the necessary rebuttals
to her arguments and replied with facts and questions of my own - which she had
no response to. My coup de grace was after her assertion that all guns should
be banned. My reply was "What are you going to say to the old retired guy in
Florida who wants to protect himself and his wife from 18 year old crack-addicts?"
That one hit home.

Haven't heard a peep on the topic since. One of my few, cherished victories.

Unlike others, I do not try to get her to see my point of view by having guns
around - even in non-threatening ways. She never sees them. I clean them at
the range or in the garage after Sunday skeet/trap. I have bought more guns
since the 'pistol argument of 2002' and I have never told her about them. My
logic is that it would be like rubbing her face in it. I keep the guns safe
and invisible.

It reminds me of the way my mother used to act many years past when I came
home late from a date. "She just doesn't want to know!"

Once in a while I get a chuckle - like when she says "Oh I win every argument."
Or the time when my teenage step-daughter had a bunch of friends down for a
sleepover. I left my keys on the table and they noticed the number of small
keys on the key chain. One of them said jokingly "You must have alot of diaries!"

Ha - yea, that's it! (They are for trigger locks....) :evil:

[stevelyn]

Gump the only suggestion I can give you is..................................





















































































Run Forrest, Run!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :evil: :neener: :D

[Gump]

Uh, I think some might be reading me wrong. This topic of gun ownershipis a source of grief. We have a difference of opinions, I am ok with that. I am sure that when my wife becomes more comfortable with guns and she will, that she won't care that they are in the house. I myself am not ready to have a gun. I need a LTC and more importsntly I need more training first. Me having more training will also add to her comfort level.

[fix]

I myself am not ready to have a gun.

Gotcha now. That actually simplifies your problem. Now it's not a him vs. her issue.

[Gump]

Yes and No, Fix. I am comfortable being around, handling and firing hand guns. I can aquire the skills where I'd fell comfortable owing a hand gun fairly quickly. My friend is a great teacher. He also has a great deal of patience (he is a swim instructor dealing maily with kids) so he will be very helpful in increasing my wife's comfort level.

I posted here looking for suggestions. The BB/pellet gun was a great idea. I think she would enjoy it. I on the other hand might not because I'll be the on pumping the bb gun up:D

[geekWithA.45]

GeeketteWithA9mm (yeah, I guess that gives the ending away) started out in a similar boat.

She "didn't like guns", because that's what all her teacher friends thought, and the wrong side of the tracks household she grew up in was completely devoid of positive gun ownership. Where she grew up, gun = thug.

She did however, have an open mind, and wasn't very philosophically opposed, and acknowledged that there was _some_ value in an armed populace.

It took a long while to bring her along, and Paxton Quigley's Armed and Female finally tipped the scales from reluctant resignation to active support.

She still doesn't like to shoot as much as I do, but that's OK. She deeply and thoroughtly "gets it" now, and literally danced in the street when S. 1805 went down in flames, taking the AWB with it.

[fix]

Do you go shopping with her?

Do you like it?

Start bargaining.

[Gump]

Fix :D That's funny stuff.

I know my wife will never want to carry, unless we are talking about shoes.

[Waitone]

Do you and your wife jointly have female friend(s) which are into shooting sports? That is a way to start.

If she is hauling out anti arguments then print out a copy of GunFacts and show her rebuttals to each arguments.

What ever you do, do not ride a hobby horse. Answer the objections when they come up but do not attack her with it.

Get professional and paid training by the numbers, heavy up front on safety classes. Go overboard on safety classes. Then move into basic pistol or rifle. Does she have a problem with pistols or is it all guns? If its pistols, then slide over to rifles as a place to start with her.

Hopefully she will not have a combat conversion. My daughter was rabid anti until she got a pistol shoved in her face in the lobby of a hotel. Instant attitude adjustment.

Keep us posted.

[Harry Tuttle]

get her this:
http://www.safetyon.com/

Firearm safety is an extremely important issue in the world today. Every major newspaper, magazine and TV news program in the country has looked at the issue, and they all ask the same question: "How can we be safe around firearms?"


Experience has shown that the best way to be safe around anything is to understand it. Education is the fastest and most effective means of preventing accidents. While over 800,000 people attend formal firearm safety courses each year, literally millions of others lack the time or money for traditional classroom education, or feel uncomfortable in a classroom full of strangers. For those, computer-based education has become the ultimate way to get clear, quality education at your own pace in the comfort of your own home.


SafetyOn is a state-of-the-art multimedia CD-ROM on firearm safety and responsible gun ownership. Unlike a "shooting game", SafetyOn is a fascinating and highly educational program that covers literally every aspect of marksmanship and gun safety. Responsible firearm ownership demands not only safe gun handling habits, but secure firearm storage, to keep firearms out of criminal or irresponsible hands. SafetyOn will explain both of these in great detail... and much more.

[patentnonsense]

For my (then) wife, the big turning point was when our first child was born - many women who are NOT willing to protect themselves alone will turn into mamatigers when the cubs start coming.

Also there are some very good resources on self-protection from a woman's point of view.

Also don't forget Robert Heinlein's adage for husbands: "If you ever win an argument, apologize AT ONCE!"

Good luck,

[md2lgyk]

illuminatus99:

You hit the nail on the head! When I married my second wife, I was already heavily into NRA Conventional Pistol (bullseye) shooting. After a few months she asked to go a match with me just to see what it was I was doing all those Saturdays. Well, before I knew it I was shelling out for another set of bullseye guns (not cheap!) and all the other equipment to go with them. Hell, after a while we even bought a motorhome so we could travel to matches and camp out.

[artherd]

I myself am not ready to have a gun. I need a LTC and more importsntly I need more training first.


<Stands up and applaudes!>

This is probally the most intelligent thing I have ever read on THR!

[Gump]

I got lucky. I'd hate to think I just set expectations of my Intelligence too high. My horrible typing skills should help with that.

[patent]

My theory (my gun friend agrees with this as well) is that I need to get her used to being around guns in a non threatening environment. Like having her around when we are cleaning his guns.

This has worked pretty well for me. When I've been out shooting I tend to clean them while she watches a movie. Seeing them broken down for cleaning seems to demystify them a bit. My wife seems much more comfortable now than when we first had guns.

Eventually I'd like to get her to the range to just get used to the noise and what not. And at some point even have her start shooting.

I'd avoid an indoor range. I've been around guns all my life, but when I first went to an indoor range last year the noise unnerved me. Try outdoor first, and try to go when there won't be lots of shooters. I've gotten used to the noise indoors now, but it took a bit.

I liked the bb gun idea, or use a .22.

patent

[Roadkill]

I've been married nearly 30 years,my wife is not nor ever was pro gun.
My suggestion is to not make the firearm thing your priority item. At 52 my kids are grown, she has her own successful business, bills are all paid, now there is time for me to play with guns. She might view this hobby as a competition to a life, kids, a real danger to what is important to her. Put it on the backburner. There will be time for it when the house is paid for, kids are grown and gone, and she has a life of her own not dependent on what you do.
Trying to force a female into anything never works out.

rk

[Standing Wolf]

I have a former girl friend who felt the same way.

[entropy]

My wife knew full well that I owned and shot guns before we were married, and I actually combined our dates (out in the back 40:D ) with at first her watching me shoot, then wanting to try it herself. :) She was amadantly against a loaded SD/HD gun until we moved to a not so nice nieghborhood in the city. It was within my Dad's PD Team area, but even with him checking in with us, she felt better having a pistol there with her when I was not home. (I had instructed her in proper command precense and technique) I had to give up my beloved Python for her use, the sacrifices we make!:D I had to resort to carrying my CZ24 .380 the three blocks to work at the gunshop.;)
She will not shoot a rifle, not even a .22, thanks to her :fire: brothers.(Took her out shooting at 10, handed her a shotgun, thought it would be funny watching it knock her on her a**.:cuss: ) She will shoot most handguns including .44 Mag, but doesn't like autos. I guess I can count myself lucky.:) Sound like you're on the right track, having your friends fiancee help her, and starting slow, with a .22. Good Luck!:D

[spacemanspiff]

my amateur opinion (me being single and whatnot :D ) is that it could be a matter of trust.
once gump has gotten more experience with firearms, gotten his LTC and taken some training courses, and once he has gained confidence in his abilities, maybe his wife will change her mind.

on another note, gump, how does your wife propose that matters of personal safety be addressed? if the unthinkable should happen, what course of action does she advise?

see, what a lot of people are misled into thinking is that "Crime couldnt happen to ME". why? because they HOPE it will never happen to them.

HOPE is not a strategy.

[dairycreek]

I am an unabashed gun nut and she is, if anything, anti. What we have learned in the 42 years of marriage is that there are some things upon which we will never agree. We have also learned that's okay. I don't try to impose my guns or my gun political positions on her and, when it comes to guns, she leave me alone. She does not object when I go shooting but she has never gone shooting with me - and that's okay too. One person or the other having his or her way will inevitably lead to deep feelings of unfairness and disatisfaction. What might you do to lessen her feelings of uncomfortability? The whole thing about marriage is that it requires compromise not one person winning and the other losing. Good shooting;)

[Marshall]

Tell her you're not real thrilled about Tampons in the house but you live with it.


:evil: :neener: