I'm giving up my guns


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jamz
March 10, 2004, 10:45 PM
I got into this hobby after a lifetime of fooling around with shooting with my dad. He gave me a very nice Ruger 77/22 for my birthday a few months ago, and that was the first gun I actually owned, rather than borrowed.

I managed to get a pretty decent annual bonus this year (First bonus ever, in fact) and I decided that I could obtain some of the guns I really lusted after. So, with the bonus, I bought a Walther P-22 for practice and plinking, a SW1911 as a carry gun and because I love 1911s and , and Mosin Nagant M44 just for the sheer fun of it and bang for the buck factor. The pistols made me very happy.

However, I did not tell my wife about the bonus. We sort of have a "dont ask/don't tell" policy regarding my hobbies and their costs- I have had a string if expensive hobbies, and this one is no different. (Cheaper than my last hobby of time trialing my car, however). She doesn't ask, I don't tell her how much stuff costs, and as long as we can afford food, clothing, shelter and heat in the winter, we are all set.

My wife is pretty scared of guns, and listens non stop to NPR, so she has a pretty anti-gun attitude. She wants the 77/22 out of the house, for instance. She would be absolutely shocked to know I had a pistol at all, let alone in my car and sometimes on my person. :)

Anyway, I'm not smart enough to keep a secret like this for very long. As much as I enjoy shooting, I enjoy being open and honest with my wife more. Money is also kind of tight right now, so we could really use the money elsewhere. So I am going to sell the 3 guns she doesn't know about, until the time comes when I can buy them "openly" and without hiding anything. I hope to be able to sell them to my Dad, whom I can buy them back from eventually. If not, I'll try to find someone else who might want to buy them and maybe sell them back to me later on.

I have become quite attached to these things, and I will miss the fun and concentration that they provide for me. I'll keep the Ruger rifle, and it will have to tide me over until times are better financially and "attitudinally".

Wish me luck. I'm in a kind of mourning for these things right now.

-James

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jsalcedo
March 10, 2004, 10:58 PM
Maybe a last ditch effort to convince the wife. If that fails maybe agree to off site storage for a while.

Trigger locks? A safe?

Hope it works out for you

I would hate to be in your position I did the frog in the pot of water with my wife. Over a 13 year period She didn't notice my collection growing
by leaps and bounds just a little here and there until it was too late.

blades67
March 10, 2004, 10:58 PM
That's why I got a gun for my girlfriend...




























It was a good trade!:evil:

pwrtool45
March 10, 2004, 11:01 PM
You'll probably catch a lot of static (and that's to be expected, given the leanings of the group) but you do what you gotta do.

WRT to your wife's own thoughts on "the gun issue," I'd suggest a more subtle approach to the argument than most. Watch movies like "Enough" (yeah, I know, I know) with her. Watch the evening news with her. Get her some pepper spray and use it as an opportunity to expound on the benefits of simply being aware. Let other people (news anchors, celebrities) make your point for you. (All the better if they're anti-gun themselves. :D)

I've yet to meet anyone who can maintain an anti-gun/defense attitude without shutting themselves off from the unpleasant aspects of reality. If you can get her to start paying attention to her immediate surroundings (large men leering, groups of people loitering, etc.) she'll probably change her views. Most people combat their optionless position on the hierarchy of victimhood by ignoring what's going on around them. Take that away and they come around. Some more quickly than others.

Not exactly what you asked for, I'm sure, but you *did* open the floor to comments by posting.

Mulliga
March 10, 2004, 11:14 PM
I'm in a similar situation. I've spent nearly 2000 dollars on guns, and I haven't told my family about it. I'm thinking of selling them, but I know I might need them :). Good luck.

SodaPop
March 10, 2004, 11:16 PM
Give them to a relative.

I have several of my uncle's firearms.

lee n. field
March 10, 2004, 11:43 PM
My wife is pretty scared of guns, and listens non stop to NPR,

She needs to find something other than National Socialist Radio to listen to.

hillbilly
March 10, 2004, 11:54 PM
If you sell or otherwise dispose of a gun that your father gave you as a gift, you will live to regret it.

Some day, dad won't be there any more, and you'll have gotten rid of the gun he picked out, bought, and gave especially to you.

Get rid of the others, if there really is no other way, but do not, under any circumstances, sell the one your father gave you.

But if you ask me, there always is another way short of ditching them all.

hillbilly

hillbilly
March 10, 2004, 11:56 PM
Oh, one more thing....you have to give up your guns because the wife has an irrational fear fueled by propaganda on NPR..................

Somehow, that just doesn't wash with me.

And yes, I have been married for the past ten years to the same wonderful woman.

hillbilly

4v50 Gary
March 10, 2004, 11:57 PM
Invite Wifey to drop in here at THR.

P95Carry
March 10, 2004, 11:58 PM
They really do need a ''temporary home'' and badly. And also one with a buy-back option too.

Over time you can hopefully sort this all out.

Family weapons . selling?? Never .. you don't get a second chance on those unless very lucky.

fjolnirsson
March 11, 2004, 12:00 AM
Jamz,
You might try a deal with her. Do something she wants with her(girlie movie, etc.), and get a promise from her to sit through "Innocents Betrayed" from JPFO. (Jews fro the preservation of firearms ownership)

It might sway her.

orangeninja
March 11, 2004, 12:01 AM
Jamz...I have a suggestion for you. Get a gun friendly policeman to stop by to discuss guns and crime. Maybe she would listen to a "professional" and maintain a more open mind. I've even seen the wives take up shooting as well. Usually they put more faith in a complete stranger in uniform than their own husbands. Its not her fault, society teaches us to do that .

Autolite
March 11, 2004, 12:05 AM
why wasn't the 'gun thing' discussed before the marriage?

MaterDei
March 11, 2004, 12:07 AM
OK, Jamz, time to quit pulling our legs. What is the point of this prank? It is a prank, isn't it?

First you say, However, I did not tell my wife about the bonus. We sort of have a "dont ask/don't tell" policy regarding my hobbies and their costs Then you say, As much as I enjoy shooting, I enjoy being open and honest with my wife more. and,So I am going to sell the 3 guns she doesn't know about You expect us to believe this?

HAH!! Nice try. Hurry up and get to the punch line, would you?

Zundfolge
March 11, 2004, 12:07 AM
In addition to what was posted above, also have her take the quiz over on Oleg's site

www.a-human-right.com (just have here click on "Liability")


I understand wanting to get your guns out in the open and honestly (but in all honesty my wife doesn't know what half my guns really cost ... nor does she know how much ammo I really have or what it cost ... she's not an anti, she's just cheap :p ).

"yote"
March 11, 2004, 12:11 AM
If the woman in my life doesn't like my guns or tells me to get rid of them,
then she knows where the door is!!!! That's no *****! I've sent 2 possible
marriages down the road. If they marry me, they marry my guns.
This might upset some people but here goes! SOME OF YOU GUYS NEED
TO GROW A SET OF YOU KNOW WHATS'!!!

P.S. I divorced a woman over the gun issue and it's NOT gonna happen twice!

444
March 11, 2004, 12:20 AM
I am trying to take the high road here and not be offensive; I don't know if I can succeed though.
I have a question for you. Your wife is a liberal. You obviously don't buy into a lot of her beliefs. You are more to the right at least as far as guns are concerned. Why is it that you are the one that has to bow down to her beliefs ? Why is it that she is totally inflexable and you are supposed to be flexable ? Put simply, what makes her right and you wrong ? You are expected to be reasonable, yet she isn't. Why does she have unilateral power to decide what stays in the house ?

http://www.ebuy123.com/book_american_male.html
Never read it, but saw an ad for it in SWAT magazine.

scromp
March 11, 2004, 12:21 AM
I completely agree. I was in a similar situation myself three years back, and now my wife's getting her own carry pistol. It just took some careful nudges, and the patience to let her think it through on her own afterwards. She's smarter than you think. ;-)

MeekandMild
March 11, 2004, 12:50 AM
I can't say what I think about this situation without being offensive so I will instead quote what another has thought in the past.

The Betrothed (http://whitewolf.newcastle.edu.au/words/authors/K/KiplingRudyard/verse/vol1/betrothed.html)

The Mare’s Nest (http://whitewolf.newcastle.edu.au/words/authors/K/KiplingRudyard/verse/p2/maresnest.html)

Frohickey
March 11, 2004, 12:58 AM
Why give up? Can't you just give your dad custody of them. That way, you can visit them whenever you want. ;)

The nice thing about guns, you don't need to pay for child support. :D

Edward429451
March 11, 2004, 12:59 AM
In my opinion you may be letting her down in a way by getting rid of them. It's just a matter of perspective. Women generally run the households in America and are granted this responsibility & authority willingly by husbands who love them and are eager to see them happy so give them the reins, and all is well, she's happy we're all happy. No rocket science there.

It's not without it's checks though. In times of crisis or shtf, or anything close to that...the reins quickly get handed back to the man (ie, save me, protect me, feed me/us) and so forth. You still have the responsibility to be ready to grab the reins at a moments notice and deliver.

Save me.
Sorry honey, I thought you'd be mad and sold it.
What are we going to do?
Umm, err.

Save me.
Right here baby. (shuck-shuck)
Where'd you get that thing?
Just an ace in the hole. Just in case.
I love you too.

JMO.

MeekandMild
March 11, 2004, 01:03 AM
On second thought I will say more. Offensiveness is relative.

At my work I see a whole lot of women whose husbands/boyfriends molest their children, smoke crack cocaine, beat them, bring other women into the house, spend all their food money on beer, et cetera. There are thousands of women, probably millions, in this country who just ask for a little bit of kindness and consideration.

So you are loving, kind and considerate and what do you get?

Let her next husband worry about offending her NPR sensibilities. Find someone who deserves you.:scrutiny:

schromf
March 11, 2004, 01:05 AM
1st take the rifle your Dad bought you and store it back with him for a while. Now the other collected items there are not collectable items if you need the $ do what you must. Nothing there that can't be replaced your just going to lose your shorts on the sale.

Personally my guns are not for sale, unless I decide I no longer want it or need it. I do not look into my collected guns as a cash reserve, I have some pieces that are simply not replaceable for any cost
( examples are a A3-03 that my father sporterized ) some that could not be replaced by reasonable cost ( my 1913 commercial 1911, my 1958 grade Winchester Model 70 in 375 H&H, my custom mauser G33/40 7x57, colt SAA second generation) and some that would just hurt like Hates to loose ( my Colt Python, model 58 S&W) I pretty much figure that any one of the above if they ever leave my hands will take years or real big dollars to replace.

Some advice on wives, my wife likes diamonds, I personally think they stink, I never wear jewelry of any sort, but I like it on my wife. But diamonds as far as I am concerned are good as abrasives on cutting and grinding wheels, my interest ends there, I don't like how the whole diamond trade operates, and I don't think they are attractive. But I make concessions and have bought my wife some diamonds, she makes concessions and puts up with my guns, tools, and toy trains. Its a two way way street. My wife bought me a gun for Xmas, not cause she likes them, because I do.

A trick I have learned about my guns is don't put all of them in one place so she spots them, my rifle rack remains pretty unchanged...full. But I keep the handguns scattered out a bit, if she ever saw all of them together she would croak. Another trick is to publicly trade one or sell one once in a while, weeding out the less desireable pieces for more desireable. That way the illusion of at least one going is maintained. Even if the last sale was 3-5 years ago, the admittely lame excuse of I just sold one is good for a couple of years. As long as I am not out buying a new gun every month harmony is maintained, and let me tell you two or three guns a year over twenty years adds up.

sm
March 11, 2004, 01:14 AM
I ain't got the women - still got the guns tho'.

I never had a problem with the women in my life and guns. Kinda evident, since often on dates we went shooting, another one her daddy was my shooting partner...Guns were evident from get-go.

Now I and others have "babysat" guns for fellas that didn't. Introduced the women to the aspect of firearms. Be it starting out plinking, coming out to the range to watch a tournament...world events and concerns for personal safety. When the women became involved...Guns were "bought" *ahem* ironic how these guns came about. ;)

Family heirlooms, sentimental value cannot be replaced - they can be brought "back" home...they can be "babysat" until things change.

Pendragon
March 11, 2004, 02:07 AM
When we were first married over 10 yeara ago, my wife was neutral but aprehensive on the gun issue.

I bought a gun with a christmas bonus and carried it in the car a lot and on my person as we lived in a rough area.

This made her very uncomfortable until one night... we needed it.

Its real easy to not like guns since all you see is the "danger" they pose but when you really need a gun, nothing else will do.

She is definately pro now - but has little interest in shooting. I told her I was going to sell my beloved Valtro since we are rapidly careening towards destitution and she got really upset - "No honey!, not that one!"

Another tactic is to show her that you are not a scary, deranged psycho. As long as you are safe, responsible and reasonable, make her describe and dissect her fears. How are the guns going to hurt anyone sitting in the safe? Do you think *I* am going to go crazy? These are the 4 rules, they keep you safe if you remember them. Point out all the crappy gun handling on TV and talk about how most accidents are probably because people watch unsafe handling on tv and dont follow the 4 rules, etc.

Good Luck.

Dont divorce her - I assume you made a promise. If you can't keep that promise, what ones can you keep?

only1asterisk
March 11, 2004, 02:57 AM
James,

I hate to say so, but you maybe should have been up front with the girl in the first place. If you keep things secret, then she never has a chance to show her nature by accepting or rejecting you based on who you are.

MAN does that sound like BS.

My wife was an anti, and she still object to my guns (she doesn't like the fact they aren't her guns).


Sorry for your situation, hope you can improve it.


David

artherd
March 11, 2004, 07:41 AM
Agree with you (and others) who said if all else does fail, do NOT sell the gun that dad gave you! Ever!


There are people who I term 'un-learned anti', those who don't really think about it too much, don't know about guns, and in general don't like murder, and equate the former only to the latter.

Hell, I was one of them as a teenager. (at least in regards to 'assault weapons.' dosen't make it any more retarted though. Then I turned 14 and grew the hell up.)

These people are basically ignorant. Ignorance can be cured through patience, respect, and gentile education. If you work with them and are paitient, you will find that underneeth the social veener of a weakling housewife, what you actually have is an intelligent adaptable and strong woman who is capable of thinking and acting for herself and to protect her family.

The trick is to give them time and not push so hard that they fall back on defenses. (which is actually a human reaction, and a good one that's served us well evolutionarily speaking.)


Two things here are needed:

1) To learn about the gun as a mere tool, learn it's inner workings and manual of operation. It will suddenly cease to have any magical evil powers over you. This happened to me after getting educated in shooting. Used to be an M-16 would scare me just by looking at it. Now I know it's no different than a bolt action deer rifle. And I now know that neither of those is a baby-killing death ray.

2) Affirm a present requirement, and moral necesity, to protect yourself and loved ones. You must whittle away (note I do not say 'break') the "Bliss Ninny" "Sheeple" mould of thought. We've all been subtly led by modern society to become pacafists in all but outright name. When it all comes down to it, most human beings would do quite a lot to protect their family from a murderer. However, we are insulated from these circumstances by convinence. Every day is no longer a life-and-death struggle, so we start to belive a little bit that life might never be such a strugle. That fallicy is easy to erode, and the cure is the same. Education.


None of this will work if the person you are dealing with is ultimately deviod of the biological imperative to STAY ALIVE and to PROTECT YOURSELF AND OTHERS. There are people out there who lack these survival instincs all-together. They are distinctly different than those who merely have had them suppressed.

Those who lack any compunction to save their own skin are not likely to lift a finger should yours become endangered. They are a liability, and can get you killed. If you are really dealing with one of these, you will be better off on your own. And not just on the gun/survival issue. This will manifest itself through every aspect of your lives.

Diggler
March 11, 2004, 07:46 AM
You only have THREE guns your wife doesn't know about?!? :confused:

geojap
March 11, 2004, 08:45 AM
When I got engaged and married I told my wife that guns were one of my hobbies and that I wouldn't give them up. She didn't like firearms at all, but every male in her family has some so she is familiar with them. We live in Texas for Pete's sake. Firearms are part of our culture. She tolerated my ownership, but I have a C&R license which is an addiction and every few weeks another fine Mauser or Mosin would show up on the doorstep. She expressed her displeasure in the way that many women do, dropping hints and jabs here and there. I had certain things that I did that don't hurt anyone that I am going to continue doing. I thought it was unfair for her to change the person that I am. She also asked me to change the way I cut my hair for her (I have a pretty short buzz cut cuz I'm going bald) and I told her that was unfair of her to ask me to do that. She never really did like my hobby but she had an uneasy existance with it. Unfortunately we're getting divorced now for other reasons, so I guess it was never meant to be in the first place. My next relationship(s) are definitely going to be with women who are more conservative politically.

I hope you are able to resolve your differences with your wife. Reason with her, stand up for your rights in the relationship without being a jerk. Be understanding of her fear and confront it with her. Be sensitive of her feelings. Compromise with her. It's required in all relationships. She doesn't have to like 100% of what you do, but she does have to accept it since you are married. You both should accept everything about the other person (if for no other reason since it makes it easier to live with the person). I wouldn't hide the firearms from her, it just makes it harder for you in the long run if you want to keep them. Good luck, I hope it works out best for both you and your wife.

I know all about NPR. They are a bunch of hippies (bliss ninnies and everything else) but they do have the most comprehensive news on the radio, I think. I listen to it almost every day, but I do recognize and filter out all the bliss-ninnie stuff. They had a story this morning that I'm going to post here and elsewhere once it's posted on their archives tomorrow. It was specifically about the AWB. They got several of their facts wrong and I was going to start a email campaign to NPR once the archive link was created so others can listen to this morning's story.

Model520Fan
March 11, 2004, 08:57 AM
Marriage is a TWO-way street.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't address her RATIONAL fears, if she has any. Since you live in MA, I'm sure those guns are all securely locked when not on your person. That is a reasonable thing for her to request, and for you to do.

Be careful about financial decisions around the guns. You will probably not get back anything like what you paid for the guns, but you'll pay for them all over again when you go to replace them. Meanwhile, your wife will be long gone, looking for a husband with a set of balls.

Nothing I have written here should be taken to mean that you should not be up front with your wife about where money goes, unless you two have an agreement that each has a small pile that requires no accounting.

If I were you, I would stop spending, but I wouldn't sell.

shootist2121
March 11, 2004, 09:27 AM
Kepping secrets in a marriage is like tossing a live handgrenade around...It'll go boom on you. Calmly explain your hobby to her and get ready to to find a way to properly secure your firearms in the home and not in the trunk of the car.
If she going to divorce you over this and you two can't find common ground..Than i hate to say this your marriage was never good to begin with.

Just my two cents..PS..I've been married for 31 years now and my wife didn't want guns in the home either.. I told her it's my hobby and I would not ask her to give up any of hers because I loved her.. Also the hiding money thing is bad to boot..unless it's for presents for her...She's suppose to be your partner..Not your keeper!

Be safe:cool:

Zach S
March 11, 2004, 09:41 AM
I've yet to meet anyone who can maintain an anti-gun/defense attitude without shutting themselves off from the unpleasant aspects of reality.

I have. A few women actually. The relationships were short-lived...

Brass Balls
March 11, 2004, 09:53 AM
Whether your wife likes guns or not you have an obligation to provide for and protect your family. I'd consider a way to hang on to the .45.

OF
March 11, 2004, 10:03 AM
I would just add that if you're not honest with her, you should not expect her to be honest with you.

While a good marriage certainly will involve some level of comprimise, abandoning things that are important to you to satisfy your spouses irrational fears is something you should not enter into lightly. You are paving the way for a lifetime of deception, argument and political manuvering in your own house. While you should not give in to irrationality on her part, you should also fully understand that her fears are very real to her and need to be addressed. By buckling to them you do her a disservice and you waste an opportunity to strengthen your marriage.

You have to decide what you believe in and stand on it. If you do comprimise, make sure your partner is fully aware of what you are giving up and why you are comprimising on the issue.

Be honest, be open, be strong, be a 'partner' not just a part.

- Gabe

jamz
March 11, 2004, 10:22 AM
I should have been more clear. I am NOT giving up the rifle that my Dad gave me. That one is "above board", and will never be given away.

Also, we have been married for 7 years or so, and she has seen many of my hobbies come and go. This is the newest hobby, although it's something Iv'e been doing with my dad for a long time. In almost every regard, she is perfect, and is the most important thing in my life, along with our two small kids, so I'm not leaving her. :) When we first dated and got engaged, etc, I would go shooting with my dad every now and again, but it certainly was not a major part of my life. I've only recently taken "the red pill" with regards to the RKBA.

She'd never divorce me over something like this. If I wanted to declare Martial Law in our house, and just do what I want, we would still be together- but there would be a lot of additional static that I don't want to have to deal with.

This abandonment is probably 30% her fear of guns, 50% I should have been more responsible with the money, and 20% I should have been open in the first place.

So this giveup is temporary, but still awful. But I have to do it. I think it's the right thing to do- just be honest about everything. It will be a long fight, but very much worth it, IMO.

-James

brookstexas
March 11, 2004, 10:52 AM
Where are you gonna store your nads?;)

Smoke
March 11, 2004, 11:31 AM
Where are you gonna store your nads?

Good question.


My wife, is a very good shot and tolerant of my addiction. But she continues to profess "I don't like guns"

She can often out shoot me at informal trap. She has shot several of my guns other than the large bore handguns. BUt she clings to a baseless dislike of guns. SHe thinks the training I take is pretty cool. SHe doesn't mind the money or time I spend on guns, training and ammo. BUt she won't let go of the "fear" she holds on to.

Keep the guns. Talk with the wife about your new hobby. Show above average safety and consideration. SLowly introduce the other weapons you have acquired. Get her on here if you can. But by all means, even if you are forced to sell the guns and turn off NPR!

Smoke

R.H. Lee
March 11, 2004, 12:30 PM
Anyone who views firearms ownership as "just another hobby" just doesn't get it.

geojap
March 11, 2004, 12:41 PM
Anyone who views firearms ownership as "just another hobby" just doesn't get it.

So true. Good point.

LynnMassGuy
March 11, 2004, 12:45 PM
Sell the wife. Keep the guns.

grnzbra
March 11, 2004, 12:55 PM
Sell the guns she doesn't know about and hire a divorce lawyer. Or better yet, sell the one she does know about (it'll make her relax, thinking she's got you right where she wants you) then hire a divorce lawyer.

My second wife asked what I'd do if she gave me such an ultimatum and I told her not to let the door hit her on her way out. Giving in to an ultimatum only encourages others.

M1911Owner
March 11, 2004, 04:35 PM
Take her to the range and let her shoot all your guns! Corrupt her morals! :D :evil:

wingman
March 11, 2004, 04:47 PM
young folk and marriage, I do not envy you guys.:rolleyes:

The Real Hawkeye
March 11, 2004, 05:09 PM
Funny, I was just thinking about this situation that a lot of guys find themselves in. To me, it would be like asking me to stop keeping a fire extinguisher in the house, because of the danger of them things exploding. Huh? Yeah, that's how it seems to me for someone to ask you to get rid of your guns because they can accidentally go off. You have a fire extinguisher, because if you need one and don't have one, you could be in for a big loss that you cannot afford, including that of your life. The same goes for your firearms. And besides, guns a lot more fun than fire extinguishers. Even more reason to keep them, regardless of the demands of ignorant people. People like that are their own worst enemies. The bad guys wish there were more people like that. The more the better.

Samurai Penguin
March 11, 2004, 05:18 PM
He could just shoot the radio...no more NPR! ;)

Kurt S.
March 11, 2004, 05:51 PM
Jamz, my lovely wife works, makes a good salary, and likes guns and hunting (but not as much as I do). Unfortunately she goes by the philosophy that what's hers is hers and what's mine is hers too. My entire salary AND bonus goes into the house account, and I don't carry a checkbook. However, she doesn't know about the options and restricted stock I receive every now and then....but I'll guarantee you, it hasn't hurt her one bit!

Sometimes you just got to draw that line, I figure. I'll be danged if I'm not going to have that S&W 25-5 'cause she wants a couch recovered that just got recovered 3 years ago but doesn't "go with" any more.

I'd say if not's hurting your family, just keep the whole situation all to yourself or store the guns at dad's or something. If there is something the family needs that's a different story, a man needs to take care of his family first. But you did not indicate that. In my case, there's no kids at home, we're saving for retirement painlessly through payroll deductions, we have almost zero credit card debt and we are able to pay extra on real estate loan principal. Not wealthy but not hurtin'.

Life's hard but it's good, right? :D

jamz
March 11, 2004, 07:51 PM
I have every confidence that I can win her over with guns, and keeping them in the house. I also think that realistically, it will take at least a year or so to fully complete this task. At least to the point that she is tolerant of them in the house.

There are no ultimatums here that can't be worked out, by the way. This is me trying to win her over to gun ownership, and believe me, saying "Hey, I blew a $2000 bonus on guns when we can't afford the heating bill this winter!" ain't the way to give her the warm fuzzies about it. :) The only way to do it is slowly and methodically, one part at a time. I just blew it and bought some guns that I really wanted, and am now realizing that that was probably a mistake and that I am doing it too fast. She's not against me owning these things, she's against having a gun in the house, and against me spending money on "non-essentials" (don't get me started here) while we don't have much extra money. (She spends absolutely NOTHING on herself, by the way. For instance, she asks me to cut her hair rather than paying for a stylist.)

After all, she did get me a shooting bag, a gun cleaning kit and some nice shooting glasses for my birthday last month.

Here are the steps that I think will work:

1. Obtain a small rifle (done)
2. Resolve to keep inactive rifle in the house (Bolt in another place) (sort of done)
3. Obtain another rifle, keep in house, inactive. (We should be more financially sound for this to happen)
4. Obtain pistol, keep in house inactive (Again, we need to have the $$ for it)
5. Obtain gun safe
6. Start keeping rifles and pistol in active condition

And then, the sky's the limit. No one looks in the safe but me. :) So now I need help from you guys: What's the best way to convince someone that it is safe to keep a gun in the house?

-James

Harry Tuttle
March 11, 2004, 08:23 PM
sign up for the NRA and select "Woman's Outlook" for the subscription

http://www.nrapublications.org/wo/index.asp

Kurt S.
March 11, 2004, 09:17 PM
With all that nice gear she got you for your birthday it sounds like you're part way there already. Also sounds like you've got a good plan. If I were you I'd get me one of those cheap sheet metal safes from Wal-mart asap, though. Bolt it to the wall in one of the closets, away from the kid's room, but not in the master bedroom. Then, get you a little metal tackle or toolbox with a lock hasp, put your ammunition and bolt in that, and keep that on the top shelf of your bedroom closet. Carry the keys to all this storage on you. And follow through with the rest of your plan.

But the very first thing I'd do is pay off that heating bill, big fella.

thaddeus
March 11, 2004, 09:28 PM
Sack up, dude. If my wife didn't like my guns, too ????ing bad. Hell would freeze over before I would give up a perfectly rational hobby just because my wife doesn't like it.

If she doesn't like guns, then she doesn't have to shoot them.

Pick one of her favorite hobbies and then give her a bunch of ignorant irrational reasons why you want her to stop it. See how far that goes.

Just because you got married does not mean you gave up your rights and now have to ask permission for every legal rational hobby. I doubt that she asks your permission before she starts a new hobby.

thaddeus
March 11, 2004, 09:31 PM
Ps-- BTW, my wife and I have been together 14 blissful years. We have a great friendship and love. But I did not marry my mom. We respect each other, and we have boundaries, one of which includes that she does not tell me what to do and vice versa.

geojap
March 11, 2004, 09:40 PM
I think for her to understand how a firearm could be kept safely inside, she needs to understand a little about how a firearm works. Explain to her how it could be fired, and how your multiple prevention steps will keep that from ever happening. It will greatly demystify the process to her. You probably won't be able to convince her if she doesn't understand how it works, because the firearm will always be some vague, mystical evil that is just dangerous.


What's the best way to convince someone that it is safe to keep a gun in the house?

M1911Owner
March 11, 2004, 09:45 PM
What's the best way to convince someone that it is safe to keep a gun in the house?See my previous post: Take her shooting! Once she's familiar with and comfortable with firearms, she should be much more comfortable with having them around. (But, on the downside, she just might want some for herself, too!)

MeekandMild
March 11, 2004, 10:53 PM
Once she's familiar with and comfortable with firearms, she should be much more comfortable with having them around. Hopefuly this will be true.

But a general problem I see among the NPR crowd both male and female is that there are many 'liberal' antigun people who greatly fear their own overwhelming anger and who presume that the rest of the world is as royally p.o.'d as themselves.

There is a large minority who would be totally terrified by a trip to the range, as they are basically full of hatred and the gun symbolizes all their own repressed violence. Those of us normal laidback souls who abhor violence seem to get along well with guns, but there is always a risk that an extreme anti would have a total meltdown at the range.

I would suppose a range trip would be a sort of litmus test for marriage.

I was talking to Mrs. Meek about this and we discussed the fact that when she was young and immature she was a McGovern liberal and strong anti. Our range trips during our courtship were an educational experiance for her and she was solidly conservative and pro RKBA before we married.

Zundfolge
March 12, 2004, 12:51 AM
This abandonment is probably 30% her fear of guns, 50% I should have been more responsible with the money, and 20% I should have been open in the first place.

I think some of you guys are being a little hard on this guy with the "no balls" type comments.

70% of the reasons this guy is selling his guns are 100% good reasons ... he's got young'ns and they need shoes such ... that and he doesn't want to run around doing stuff behind his wife's back (how many of you guys here wouldn't be seriously pissed if the Mrs. was to spend $700 on some toy for herself without letting you know ... let alone consulting you beforehand).

Frankly it sounds like he's making a very mature decision ... now down the road when he comes around whining "my wife won't let me buy a gun even though I just got a big bonus" then we'll point at his manhood and laugh.
:neener:

M1911Owner
March 12, 2004, 03:00 AM
But a general problem I see among the NPR crowd both male and female is that there are many 'liberal' antigun people who greatly fear their own overwhelming anger and who presume that the rest of the world is as royally p.o.'d as themselves.I've noticed that about NPR. In a lot of their programs I've noticed what I call the "NPR depressed droning monotone"--this depressed-sounding monotone that drops at the end of the sentence: "Life is terrible here in Mrs. Smith's slum, and getting worse. And everyday the heat of the sun is just more and more depressing. Etc., etc., etc." I'm thinking that you have to be in therapy and on Prozac to get hired there.

geojap
March 12, 2004, 08:59 AM
Saturday Night Live makes fun of that aspect of NPR in some of their skits.

Model520Fan
March 12, 2004, 09:57 AM
Jamz,

Sorry if I seemed a bit intemperate in my reply before. Sounds like you have a good picture and a plan. But even if it was a mistake to buy the guns, and I 'spect it was, selling them for half price may not be the answer. Time to start getting REAL pennypinching to make it up, but don't sell 'em. You'll take a beating. Only if you really need the money now and expect to have lots of money rolling in later should you sell those things.

Good luck.

520

Trigger
March 12, 2004, 10:16 AM
Good to be honest with your wife but this is pretty pathetic. Maybe you should spend a little time educating your wife on firearms. Clearly she has little confidence in your reasoning abilities. Guns are inanimate objects not capable of causing harm on their own.

NPR is trash, probably more dangerous than your guns.

So when is it gonna stop? Will you vote for gun control measures or against your beliefs because NPR conviced your wife to do so? I'm not saying to pick sides but you should be doing more to convice her that she has been disillusioned rather than dumping a legal and perfectly acceptable hobby.

Come on man, GET A SET! LOL

I'm kidding of course, I tried not to come across as a jerk but I can't think of a better way to put it. :rolleyes: :D

grnzbra
March 12, 2004, 11:00 AM
I stand corrected. My suggestion to you is to either sell the non family guns and use the money to deal with your financial situation. Depending on just how tight things are, don't take her to the range and hold your trips to the range down to just maintaining your current level of proficiency. (Ammo costs money and, while it may be insignificant compared to the bills and the savings really won't help in any significant way, it will aggrevate the problem way out of proportion to its reality)

Then, deal with your finances. Get a second job, or anything else (legal) necessary to deal with the bills.

Keep in mind, there are reasons and excuses. Excuses are the things we offer up as reasons for the things we do. (NPR says guns are dangerous and shouldn't be kept in the home). Then there are the actual reasons. (We're up to our ears in bills and you've that perfectly good rifle that could bring in x hundred dollars.) Or the excuse/reason could be the other way round. You've got to determine that and go from there.

444
March 12, 2004, 01:48 PM
This is one of those posts where it really isn't any of my business and I hesitate to really say anything for fear of being offensive. And, this type of thing tends to ruffle feathers of people who are not even directly involved in the situation. But, since it was posted on a public forum, presumably asking for advice...............................

I think some of you are taking this a little bit too far. Selling the guns to buy shoes for the kids and all that.
"We sort of have a "dont ask/don't tell" policy regarding my hobbies and their costs- I have had a string if expensive hobbies, and this one is no different. (Cheaper than my last hobby of time trialing my car, however). She doesn't ask, I don't tell her how much stuff costs, and as long as we can afford food, clothing, shelter and heat in the winter, we are all set."

His hobbies, both past and present lead me to believe he is not living in the projects and standing in line for government cheese. I didn't even see any mention of his having kids, but I might have missed it. When someone I know tells me things are tight financially or money could be used somewhere else I don't assume they are filing for food stamps. It usually means to me that the 4500 square foot house payment, the two SUV payments, and the pool payment are a little much.
But, as usual I could be wrong.

Drjones
March 12, 2004, 07:34 PM
Please tell me that I'm not too late in replying and that you have not sold the firearm your father gave you!!!

At the very least, give it to a trusted friend to keep, or better yet, put it in a safe deposit box. You do not need money badly enough to sell the gun your dad gave you.

If I may be frank, you are making a big mistake if you give into the anti-gun pressure of your wife.

It reflects very poorly on her in many ways that she is not open to firearms.

If nothing else, she should tolerate your hobby because it is YOUR hobby, you being her loving husband.

If even that isn't enough for her, then I personally feel that you may have made a mistake with this woman.

I feel awful saying that, especially to a complete stranger, but threads like this are very common on the firearms forums I visit, and many people have similar sentiments.

Your wife either loves you, loves ALL of you, or she doesn't. There is no picking and choosing desireable traits/qualities/habits/etc. When you marry someone, you marry all of them, including their firearms and family, so you better get along well with your inlaws. :)

Just my humble opinions, but again; what you decide to do is up to you, but mark my words, you will regret it beyond belief if you get rid of your dad's gun.

Shmackey
March 13, 2004, 01:31 AM
Given the choice between NPR and Fox "News," I'll take NPR any day.

Lucky for me, the Patriot Act isn't quite in full swing, and Ashcroft doesn't know what radio stations I like.

Like almost everything else, NPR requires that I think about what I hear, and I can disagree with what I don't like. (Question for those of you who watch Fox "News": Do you believe every single thing they say?)

At any rate, back to the main topic: give the guns to your dad. No-brainer. Then figure out what to do about your situation. You're obviously smart enough to make this work one way or another.

atek3
March 13, 2004, 07:19 AM
Based on the kinda responses I've seen, I want to know what percentage of gun nuts are a) happily married b) never been married C)divorced d)divorced and remarried. It seems to me that guns nuts are more to blow off a wife than compromise on the gun issue...might be wrong. ( I've never been married)


atek3

Ky Larry
March 13, 2004, 09:36 AM
I heard a recording of a 911 call by a young woman who was being attacked in her apartment. She was pleading with the dispatcher to send the police. In the background, you can hear the attacker breaking down her bedroom door. The young woman was killed before the police could reach the scene. I don't know where to find this recording or what it's called. After hearing this gut-wrenching recording, no same person could be an "Anti."

thaddeus
March 14, 2004, 01:10 PM
Shmackey - Do you believe that NPR is not biased?


atek3 - I can't speak for all gun owners, but I personally will not budge on my second amendment Rights. Furthermore "my wife is not my mom" and I am not going to have her tell me what I can and cannot do.

We are both married only once, and we have been happily together for 13 years. We will never get divorced. We have agreed on that, and we work hard to make each other happy. We are blissfully in love, while we respect each other.

But, she knew what she was marrying and she loves me for who I am: The fact is, she would not respect me if I did "budge" on my beliefs. One of the many things she loves about me is that I have principles, and I stand by them, and I am a MAN about things....I am not a mommas-boy who is going to be bossed around by my wife. (This is no reflection on anyone here).

She has stated before that she would lose respect for me if I did become spineless and let her boss me around. (We have personal friends that act this way, and it makes us both sick). I think that holds true for most women: even if they stay with a man because they can boss him around, ultimately they do not respect him and they wish they could have someone stronger.

444
March 14, 2004, 01:45 PM
thaddeus
I think there is a lot of truth in what you posted.
I am certainly no expert in human interaction. I am certainly not a good example of how to make a marriage work. But I have seen enough relationships to make some judgements. Particularly in my career as a paramedic. For years I wondered how it is that some guy that doesn't work, or is a criminal, or is a junkie, or is abusive........... can keep a woman. Why would a woman want to stay with a guy like that when there are tons of guys out there looking for women that would treat them nice ? My theory is exactly what you posted. A lot of women are not looking for a weak person that doesn't stand up for himself and allows him to be pushed around. It seems that a lot of women are willing to overlook a lot of glaring faults as long as the guy is strong and independent. Whether they consciously think about it or not, seeing someone cave in on issues that are important to them is a sign of weakness and most people do not like the spineless.
On the other hand, there are people who will take their ball and go home if they can't have everything their own way. Most people don't like them either.
So, you have to find middle ground. You sacrifice here and there, you make consessions, but there are certain things that can not be compromised and to me, this is certainly one of them. Why ? Because it is one of the most important things in life to me. It is my hobby and the subject of a great deal of my attention. It means a lot to me. I would never ask someone else to give up something that important to them and if they did I would lose a lot of respect for them.

Barbara
March 14, 2004, 07:08 PM
I think he's doing the right thing (but don't sell Dad's gun!) It doesn't have anything to do with his wife's outlook on guns and a lot to do with being able to trust the person you have a relationship with to do what is best for the family you have.

I guess I'd keep Dad's gun, keep one of the new ones, and sell the rest to put towards family projects. Next bonus, buy another one. Just don't do it behind her back.

jamz
March 14, 2004, 07:31 PM
Barbera pretty much sums it up: I wouldn't want her sneaking around on me, so I don't want to sneak around her.

For me, divorce is obviously not an option, and it is just my choosing to make this a smoother transition time for her rather than just say "Hey, I bought a bunch of guns and am keeping them in the house. Deal with it." To do so is to almost guarantee a hatred and mistrust toward gun ownership. It will be much smoother, and better in the long run, to do it the long way. I'm pretty sure my Dad will take them off my hands for me until which time I can buy them back. I'll sell them to him for what I paid, and will but them back for the same price, I imagine.

So now I have to start in on the long grind of imparting the knowledge to her without making her feel ignorant. I think I'll start by having her clean my .22 rifle. :evil: (The "legit" one ;) )

-James

Kharn
March 14, 2004, 07:45 PM
Have your wife attend one of the NRA First Steps classes with your .22 and see what happens, tell her you want to go as knowing how to properly use a firearm is the best way to prevent an accident with one.

Kharn

atek3
March 14, 2004, 08:52 PM
hey thaddeus do you tell your wife to 'get back in the kitchen and make me some chicken pot pie and cheezy poofs?'
Just kidding :)
I agree with what you are saying, assuming your wife is down with the balance of power in the relationship.
Just so you know where I'm coming from, I was in a relationship for about 18 months and I'll be darned before I put someone else's interests ahead of my own on a routine basis without reciprocity. I missed out shooting an MP5 SMG because she was being a nut. Forget that! 'Whateva' I do what I want!'

atek3

gripper
March 14, 2004, 08:55 PM
Rule#1:Avoid the loss/forfeiture of ANYTHING that is important to you and could save a life. Even if it saves by lethal potential.

Rule #2:Beginning a relationship with a lie,or introducing one into it yields bitter fruit.

Rule#3:You love your wife(Hey!,you married her willingly,right?),and you love your father,his legacy and your guns.Anti or not,most sane people can be gradually nudged in our direction both bay the inherent sanity of self defense/utility implements(self sufficiency,an equalizer)and their "empowering"aspects(women's issues/feminine equality,etc.),but do not discount the FUN FACTOR.Hey,we all like to shoot. Once your into it,we don't need a justification to head for the range with a .22 and a brick or three of whatever was on sale.Whichever one works to get her nose under the tent will be decided by her and your knowlege of her.Once again,you married her,ergo you should have a working knowlege ofwhere the tripwires are&where to step carefully.

If you give up what you don't want to to appease a point of view antithetical to your own,you'll come to regret iut,resent it and to resent HER.
I hope this helped without giving offense

Mornard
March 16, 2004, 04:37 PM
I buy all the guns I want. My wife listens to NPR, MPR, etc. and even donates (from her account, not mine) I bought my wife her own pistol, and am going with her to CCW classes. She wanted to go, and is the one who brought it up.

Damn, I'm lucky. Now, if only she was the only child of the owner of a successful large brewing company...

jamz
March 16, 2004, 08:12 PM
Spoke to my Dad. He's happy to purchase the pistols and the M44 from me and let me shoot 'em whenever I want until I buy them all legit and above-board.

Now, the question is... when we can afford it, what do you think I should "buy" first- one of the pistols, or the rifle?

-James

fjolnirsson
March 16, 2004, 08:51 PM
Hmm.
As my own personal opinion, if it is to be your ONLY weapon, I would go for a pistol, simply because of potential for ccw. If you have an effective round in the weapon, it should suffice for home defense.
my two cents, ymmv.

Btw, sounds like your dads a great guy. Good way out of a sticky situation, although I would a gun back in the house asap. Hel, I wouldn't be without at least one. Ever. Always.

Shmackey
March 16, 2004, 10:20 PM
Shmackey - Do you believe that NPR is not biased?

Thaddeus, see my original post:

"Like almost everything else, NPR requires that I think about what I hear, and I can disagree with what I don't like. (Question for those of you who watch Fox "News": Do you believe every single thing they say?)"

In other words, of course NPR is biased, as is Fox "News." All journalism is biased. So we process what we hear and we make intelligent decisions. My opinion is that NPR has more material worth processing, for a number of reasons. If I wanted to listen to something that I was supposed to just absorb without intelligently assessing it, I'd call my mother-in-law. :)

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