Ant and Grasshopper


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7.62FullMetalJacket
March 15, 2004, 09:20 PM
Most have probably seen this in one form or another. Appropo for the "pay their fair share" crowd.

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The Ant and the Grasshopper

OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a
fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the
shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others a! re cold and starving.

CBS, CNN, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering
grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a
table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries
when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green."

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the
news stations film the group singing "We shall overcome." Jesse then has
the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Tom Daschle , Dick Gephart, Hillary Clinton and Howard Dean exclaim in an
interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of
the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to
make him pay his "fair share."

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act,"
retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing
to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay
his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary Clinton gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of
Federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent
welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the
ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be
the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug-related incident and the house,
now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once
peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote!

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fjolnirsson
March 15, 2004, 09:46 PM
Holy $$$$! That would be hiarious if it weren't so uncomfortably close to the truth.
As it is, it only fuels my paranoid outlook on current events.
I'm going to dig a basement now, so I can hunker in it with my guns and my tinfoil, while the world falls apart outside.

J Jones
March 16, 2004, 12:45 AM
Too bad you're in California, as guns will soon be banned there and tinfoil has been found to contribute to global warming. ;)

Mulliga
March 16, 2004, 12:56 AM
I'd like to change the ending...

Ant grabs AR-15 (it's a "mousegun", so grasshoppers are no problem ;) ) and riddles Grasshopper with fragmenting 3000 fps lead. Ant jumps into the anthill and dares sKerry and co. to take his stuff away again.

Billary, Feinswein, and Rosie O. et al. are aghast. 150 Federal agents surround the anthill. The Ant, being a humane ant, decides to hunker down for the winter, and lets all the gun-grabbers outside the mound freeze to death.

THE END

:D

fjolnirsson
March 16, 2004, 03:27 AM
Too bad you're in California, as guns will soon be banned there and tinfoil has been found to contribute to global warming.

If I dig my basement fast enough, They can't get to my guns, and they don't know how much tinfoil I have stockpiled. I've been bringing it in at night.:D :p

BenW
March 16, 2004, 12:02 PM
Thank you 7.62. That's getting printed out and posted in my office. :)
It should probably also be posted in a certain OTHER thread around here. ;)

Diggler
March 16, 2004, 12:12 PM
This was originally written by Jim Quinn, Pittsburgh conservative talk show host. His site is http://www.warroom.com, where you can listen to show archives in mp3 format. He is extremely pro-RKBA, more so that what you will hear from most other talk show hosts.

This one seems to be changed a little bit from his original text, but it's close.

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