Yo Mommas So Tactical


February 5, 2003, 12:59 AM
This thread was such a riot on TFL a while back...here are the highlights. Any new ones?

her Bedroom slippers have Vibram soles
her car runs on tear gas.
she clips coupons in "Guns and Ammo'.
Her fingernails are NP-3
instead of 'silly putty', her kids play with C4
she uses pepper spray in her chilli.
her high heels are made by Rocky and Magnum
she opens her mail with a breaching round.
Her bra size is 38 +p
She had a Shoothouse warming party
at dinner everyone drinks from their own Camelback.
she makes the family eat dinner off of trauma plates
she sets mousetraps with itty bitty Claymores.
she "inserts" the kids at school, and "extracts" them in the afternoon.
Shes got a preban Hoover
her idea of jewelry is brass knuckles and zip ties
her business suits are all full metal jacket.
Her dress size is 9mm.
She prefers Special Ops to Special K for breakfast.
she use J-B Bore Bright for toothpaste.
When she sais she wants to hump..she means cross-country
she has a parkerized Salad Shooter.
she look for pre-ban high-caps in the magazine section at the supermarket.
her bi focals have night vision.
she uses Break-free for a personal lubricant.
that the kids' yardwork requires an OP plan and rapid deployment.
Shes developin' a new line of intimate wear called "Uncle Mike's Secret".
Her raid boots have stiletto heels
She fills the cats litter box with #6 shot
she makes the kids walk in snake formation behind her at the supermarket.
she serves carrots and +p’s
the Christmas tree is decorated with trip wire and flares
her blood type is Hoppe's.
She has kevlar panties.
Your dog is named Tennifer
She got an "Air Strike" button on her cellphone
the only color yarn she knit with is urban camouflage
at Christmas, she "cuffed and stuffed" Santa Claus
she wear a ghillie suit.... when she gardens
her kitchen knives handles are wraped with skateboard tape
if a jar is too tight, she pops it open with det-cord
She gets her rubbers from HOGUE
when she takes a belt to your butt, it's a Mitch Rosen!
Her cake mixer has a polymer frame
she makes Jell-o out of ballistic gelatin
she don’t drink Rum and Coke but Heckler and Koch
her lingerie is in "Realtree"...
she crochets with 550 cord
her purse attaches to her 782 gear with LC-1 clips.
She downloads MP-5's to listen to while she jogs
Her hair dryer has Pachmayr grips and a Kydex thigh rig
she don't cut the cheese...she slices the pie.
her hairnet is made by blackhawk
She uses grenade pins on the baby diapers
she cleans house with a satchel charge.
she uses a bore scrubber as her mascara brush.
She uses Bluedot to powder her nose.
The car's still on fire from the last time it broke down and she TOWed it.
she keeps her Tupperware in a Kydex cupboard
her Powerball numbers are 308223
She’s got an accessory rail on the dustbuster
The last time someone described her as stacked, she was standing at the doorway with a Benelli and 5 guys in raid gear
her curlers are made from 12 gauge empties
Christmas dinner is under the Christmas tree and is MREs.
She sent the Minivan to Robar.
she has a fore-end grip on her vacuum cleaner
She has a pistol grip 12 gauge breast pump
She has a Mk23 painted to match ever outfit
When someone sais ‘das da bomb’ she calls EOD
She powerwalks the mall in nomex
The PTA asked her not to drop the kids of for school in the Huey anymore
Your phone number is 870-556-5906

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February 5, 2003, 01:01 AM
She has Ranger-Joes, Ammoman, and Cheaper-than-dirt on the speed dial
she embroidered your name in your Thunderwear
The interdiction for your alcoholic uncle involved flash-bangs and breaching rounds
She has earrings made out of expanded Black Talons
Her wedding dress was Kevlar with a matching balaclava
she no knock raids the Avon lady
Her bra has fastex buckles
She prefers Thunder Ranch Salad Dressing
She wakes you up for school with a Flash-bang.
Her kids are named Gaston,Cooper, and John Mosses
She swears RKBA and CQB are legal scrabal words
after 3 cups of coffee she has to take a +P.
She got a part time job selling am-way to buy a Stage III Accuracy International AWC
when you had the flu she gave you a cough suppressor
she got a Sure Fire light mounted on the broom.
She calls her mother-in-law, “ma duce”
She uses constantin wire for Tomato cages in the garden
When Spring rolls around, she does "house to house cleaning".....
Your chores are to police your Legos off the deck and clean the head Nobody can get down the street cause the parks her duce and a half on the curb.
when she sits around the house, she set up a perimeter and call in a negotiator.
“Take the kids to practice” means junior IDPA
when she wakes up in the morning she rappels downstairs and interdicts breakfast.

she's a moderator on THR and Glocktalk!

February 5, 2003, 01:27 AM
Thunder thief!!!

That was MY thread!!!! ::cuss:


February 5, 2003, 03:06 AM

It's not wise to upset the Skunk.. :evil:

Kahr carrier
February 5, 2003, 03:59 AM

February 5, 2003, 11:27 AM
My bad Skunky...should have know you were the origonal poster.
Wasnt trying to steal anything, just wanted to spread the chuckles.


feel better now:neener:

George Hill
February 5, 2003, 02:02 PM
She doesn't Clean the house, she CLEARS the house.

Freedom in theSkies
February 5, 2003, 02:44 PM
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it!!!!!!!!

She doesn't give you the "HUMMER" cause it's in for an oil change
The kids address her as "Mom 1 Actual"
When she's PMSing, she rims the entire bed with razor wire
She got turned down for the female lead in T3 cause she looked too real

February 5, 2003, 09:26 PM
As much as I lurked, how could I have missed that!

LM butt OFF!!!!:D :D :D


February 5, 2003, 09:50 PM
When aroused she hollers.......

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!!!!":p

Calamity Jane
February 6, 2003, 12:21 PM
Yo Mama so tactical that...

...when she greet you, she don't say "Hello", she say "HOOAH!!!"


February 6, 2003, 12:59 PM
She gives the pizza delivery guy a grid rather than an address

February 6, 2003, 01:08 PM
she doesn't use Visa, Master Card or American Express.....

But she WILL use a satchel charge.

February 6, 2003, 05:19 PM
her Idea of a good night consists of a Flash -Bang.... sorry people I couldn't resist ..:D

February 6, 2003, 05:37 PM
Yo momma so tactical Sarah Brady wants to sue your grandparents.

Yo momma so tactical Skunkabilly keeps calling her for a date. :D

(Sorry Skunk, I couldn't resist)

February 6, 2003, 07:29 PM
she has a parkerized Salad Shooter.

My momma had hers Hard Chromed with a Wilson Combat action job.

Actually, while growing up, I got a kick out of other kids who'd say "Your mother wears combat boots." They weren't prepared when I told them, "Yes she does, and she will Turkey Gobble Stomp you with them if you upset her." They never did have a comeback to that one.

Calamity Jane
February 7, 2003, 12:04 AM
Yo Mama so tactical that...

...she low-crawl to the mailbox.

...for Thanksgiving Dinner, she give out MREs.

...she don't make out a grocery list, she plan out a seven day logistical supply plan.

...when she go on a diet, she don't count calories, she count grains.

...she don't keep a flashlight layin' by the bed, she keep a pair of NVGs.

...when she go car shoppin', her first stop is the National Guard Armory.

...she don't take an evening stroll around the block, she go on a twenty mile forced road march.

...when she go to the bathroom, she holler, "GAS!!! GAS!!!"


February 7, 2003, 12:22 AM
Here's the list of my favorites I compiled from TFL and AR15. There were some funny ones on AR15 that were kinda dirty so I omitted them to keep it family oriented. I think. Sorry for the repeats.

The Best of Yo Mama So Tactical
…she don't cut the cheese...she slices the pie.
…when someone says 'hoedown' she be gettin' behind solid cover.
…when she flashes...she dashes.
…she be wearing drop-leg nylons...holsters that is.
…when she passes gas, she also pass flashbangs.
…when someone says "Dass da bomb", she be callin' in EOD.
…when's she 'stacked', she be the one in front with the 870 breaching shotgun.
…she put a fore-end grip on her vacuum cleaner.
…she parkerized the minivan.
…her bra got Fastex buckles instead of a hook.
…she only put Thunder Ranch dressing on her salad.
…your name be John Connor.
…when you had the flu, she gave you a cough suppressor.
…your sister's name Tennifer, not Jennifer.
…after two cups of coffee she be takin’ a +P, and after three cups, she be takin’ a +P+.
…when she sit around the house, she set up a perimeter and call in a negotiator.
…when she say ‘dust off the furniture’, she mean ‘call in a rescue chopper for the sofa’.
…when she ‘take the kids to practice’, she mean ‘junior IDPA’.
…she got a Sure-Fire mounted on the broom, and she got a lanyard on it, too.
…she wake up in the morning, rappels downstairs and interdicts breakfast.
…she don't wear curlers to bed, she wear night vision goggles.
… she don’t have children, she have ‘team members’.
…her wedding dress be made of Nomex.
…when she wanna make a hot casserole, she load it up with C4.
…her kitty use #6 shot in her litter box.
…she ‘insert’ the kids at school, and ‘extract’ them in the afternoon.
…she serve mashed potatos and +p's.
…her vacuum cleaner has a silencer.
…she wear a ghillie suit when she garden.
…if a jar too tight, she pop it open with det-cord.
…when she lay down the law, she really means a LAW!
…when she takes a belt to your butt, it's a Mitch Rosen!
…she make Jello out of ballistic gelatin.
…she don't carry house keys...she carry dynamic entry tools.
…when she go to the opera, she don't bring binoculars, she bring a Leupold spotting scope.
…she don't only drink Coke...she drink Heckler...and Koch!
…her lingerie is in Realtree.
…the car still on fire from the time it broke down and she TOW’ed it.
…her teeth have blasting caps.
…her business suits are all full metal jacket, she wear a size 9mm, her bra size be 38+P and her shoes be double taps.
…the only magazines she reads are hi-caps.
…at dinner everyone drinks from their own Camelbak.
…her bedroom slippers have Vibram soles.
…her car run on tear gas.
…she don’t download MP3s, she download MP5s.
…her cake mixer have a polymer frame and Pierce extension.
…she drive a Hummer because they wouldn't sell her a tank.
…when the school bus pulls up, she holler, “Stand in the door! Green light, GO! GO! GO!”
…she have a Bouncing Betty for a door knocker.
…she have a berm around yo yard instead of a fence.
…when yo Daddy come home, she don't ask him about his day, she debrief him.
…when she order Chinese take-out, it's Norinco.
…her minivan have sandbags on the floorboards.
…she have Hogues on her spatula.
…she have an accessory rail on her iron.
…she keep her broom low ready.
…she got a load bearing apron.
…she got a one-handed folding spatula with a point down pocket clip.
…she cook with CLP!
…she have 3MOA bifocals.
…she put Glock-a-mole on her fish tacos.
…she told you babies are deployed from the back of a C130 Hercules, not the stork.
…she carry a Dustbuster in Condition 1.
…she re-zero her sewing machine.
…she spank you with an ASP.
…she post on AR15.com!
…she surrounds her garden with concertina and razor wire.
…she no longer able to cross the California state line.
…she low-crawl to the mailbox!
…she uses a Dillon Precision 550B to can tomatoes.
…‘collapsible stock’ mean it's time to sell.
…she got tip-off red filters on yo night lights!
…she thinks a stove pipe jam is when Santa get stuck.
…she makes you take alternate routes to school.
…she swat flies in tactical sequence.

February 7, 2003, 12:25 AM
I haven't laughed this hard in a while

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