A know-it-all gets his come-uppance...


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Preacherman
May 31, 2004, 09:36 PM
I went down to the local shooting range this afternoon, to visit with friends and enjoy the scenery (I can't shoot myself, thanks to an injured back and my :banghead: :fire: :cuss: doctor's orders). All was going well until a well-known and much-unloved know-it-all arrived with his new girlfriend. He was going to "teach her to shoot". We sat back to enjoy the fun.

I should mention that this guy is well known for knowing everything possible about every firearm in existence, and quite a few that we've never heard of. His knowledge of ballistics is also extraordinary (as in "I can make hits at 1,000 yards with a .22 LR with no problem"). Needless to say, we were breathless with anticipation at the prospect of seeing this genius imparting his wisdom to the unlearned.

He started off by giving her a .22 revolver (good first step, anyway), but then ruined the effect by constantly yelling at her whenever she didn't do EXACTLY what he told her to do. After a few minutes, with a quaver in her voice and a tear in her eye, she handed him the gun (muzzle first) and told him that since he was so good at it, he should show her how it's done. We grinned, and sat back to enjoy the show.

Needless to say, his marksmanship sucked big-time. Two cylinders of ammo went into about a 20" group (at 10 yards), with nothing inside the 10-ring. By now, our (less than inaudible) comments were riling him a bit, I think, as the back of his neck was turning red and steam was coming out from under his (tactical black electronic SWAT) earmuffs.

He said to his GF "Give me a minute to catch my breath and settle down, and then I'll show you!" He proceeded to walk up and down, breathing deeply (and heavily), clenching and unclenching his hands, and generally trying to get into the Zen of the moment. Meanwhile, some of us put our heads together, agreed on a plan, and passed the word to the other shooters. We gathered in a line behind his shooting position, on either side of him (not directly behind him). As he stepped up to the line, one of us got hold of his GF and pulled her back to join us, whispering in her ear. Her face lit up, she grinned, and stood back.

He spent about 30 seconds lining up his shot. Meanwhile, behind him, each and every shooter present (27 in all) was lining up on his target with his or her gun of the moment (including rifles, shotguns and handguns). As he pulled the trigger, everyone let fly with one round of their own! His target sort of disintegrated (the plywood backing came clean off the uprights) and went bouncing merrily downrange. He jumped like a startled skunk, and spun around with his jaw drooping - to see his GF doubled over with laughter, and the rest of us grinning widely at him. The oldest among us - a retired police captain, now a well-preserved 87 years old - said to him "See, son? That's how it's done!"

Funny, he didn't stay long at the range after that... :D

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Larry Ashcraft
May 31, 2004, 09:52 PM
:D
And that's all I got to say about that.

:D :D

CrudeGT
May 31, 2004, 09:56 PM
:D That's good fun right there. Someone should have congratulated him on his ability to destroy the target with one shot....:D

Dionysusigma
May 31, 2004, 09:57 PM
:D :D :D BWAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHHAAAA! :p

*sigh*

Sometimes, reality is more unbelievable that fiction... and more entertaining, too. :neener: :evil: :D

buy guns
May 31, 2004, 09:59 PM
hahaha omg that is hilarious.

kudu
May 31, 2004, 10:03 PM
:D Oh how I love it. All you evil conspiriters, hahaha. :evil:

mondocomputerman
May 31, 2004, 10:07 PM
See, a .22 IS effective with the right shot placement!! That was pretty funny.

Amish_Bill
May 31, 2004, 10:21 PM
I sure hope someone kept the GF back to teach her to shoot properly... ;-)

If nothing else, she now knows that there are some good guys out at the range too. :D

P95Carry
May 31, 2004, 10:36 PM
20" group (at 10 yards) Wow - that good!! bwhahaha!

Sounds like you guys did a great job Peter .. I'd like to have been a fly on range!

He sounds like that unlikeable animal ... the ''Dorkus egocentricus maximalis''.:D

Ringer
May 31, 2004, 10:37 PM
Sounds like a good day for all (except the 1,000 yard .22 shooter). Ignoring those types can sure be difficult sometimes. Would enjoy being an active bystander on such an event :evil: .

Hope your back is on the mend soon.

Valkman
May 31, 2004, 10:38 PM
That was great - hopefully you guys saved the woman from thinking that shooting sucks! :)

Harbinger
May 31, 2004, 10:43 PM
Great story!
Glad you were able to provide the woman a laugh at his expense. :D

Vasilia Zhietzev
June 1, 2004, 12:13 AM
:D

...can't wait to meet him, LOL. & lemme wear something fun, like a versace (say it : ver -say- ces, LOL) dress with an AR tricked out in hot pink furniture....heh-heh....

vasilia

p.s. no outfit is perfect without appropriate accessories.

Standing Wolf
June 1, 2004, 12:18 AM
Outstanding!

mcneill
June 1, 2004, 12:28 AM
Great story, Preacher - love it when the good guys win. Sounds like the novice girl friend had a lot more sense than the "marksman".

Jim

ExtremeDooty
June 1, 2004, 12:50 AM
I only wish someone had been shooting with a camcorder.

I would have loved to have seen his face when his target blew up.

2nd Amendment
June 1, 2004, 01:23 AM
Are we certain you guys don't have GunKid in your midst? :D

joegerardi
June 1, 2004, 01:32 AM
Vasilia:
It's Ver-sah-chey!

Ty Russkiy? Ukraina?

Ya gavaryu pa'Russkiy nim nogo.

..Joe

Great job, preacherman!

Mr. Mysterious
June 1, 2004, 03:25 AM
Thats great, I bet that guy about crapped his pants when all those guns went off!

Preacherman
June 1, 2004, 03:33 AM
O mysterious one, yes, it was a bit loud... especially considering that all 27 shooters were standing at the back of the firing points, underneath a corrugated-iron roof over the firing line, which tended to bounce the muzzle blast straight back down! Sounded like the opening of an artillery barrage...

:what: :D :D :D

Black Majik
June 1, 2004, 06:37 AM
LOL, that is sooo priceless. Good job to you and the guys! :cool:

BryanP
June 1, 2004, 08:13 AM
Preacherman, you just made my morning. I'm off to work with a smile on my face. Good day to you sir.

MLH
June 1, 2004, 10:03 AM
I do believe your turning to the dark side!:evil: :D

XLMiguel
June 1, 2004, 10:04 AM
Too funny!:evil:
He started off by giving her a .22 revolver (good first step, anyway), but then ruined the effect by constantly yelling at her whenever she didn't do EXACTLY what he told her to do. After a few minutes, with a quaver in her voice and a tear in her eye, she handed him the gun (muzzle first) and told him that since he was so good at it, he should show her how it's done.
In addition to being a moron, he also sounds like an abusive toad. He isn't doing gun owners or the shooting sports any favors with his 'teaching' style.

I gather that since this was a "new" girlfriend, they don't last long, and here's hoping that this lady has sense enough to join the ranks of "ex-girlfriends" in short order. A wise person once gave me some advice regarding evaluating potential mates while you're dating - she said 'watch how they treat the waitstaff at a restraunt when you're dining out . . . that's how they'll be treating you in six months.' I've found this to be almost infallible at identifying selfish/demanding/crass/abusive personalities. even early on in a realtionship when people supposedly are on their best behavior.

Old Fuff
June 1, 2004, 10:34 AM
We did something like that to a gentleman who well deserved it once. In this case it was an indoor range with 5 or 6 firing points, and everyone was shooting a .22 pistol. Each time he shot our victim would look in his spotting scope to see if he made a hit. All of sudden each time he shot he had six hits or so, mostly centered in the 10-ring. It took him a while to catch on because we told him the multiple holes were caused by bad ammunition. He switched to a different box, but it didn’t help.

I don’t ‘spose Preacherman or I will ever get to heaven if we don’t reform our ways …

MrMurphy
June 1, 2004, 10:41 AM
A friend of my dad's, now deceased, used to give us hell at the range... my dad's ham radio club went shooting every few months. About fifteen guys, everything from Calico .22s up to .44s and SAAs, etc...

This guy had 85+ guns and generally brought a few .44s, a .22 and some 9mm's for everyone to try out (for new shooters and such). He liked his targets to be pristine, no holes, when he started shooting as usual..... indoor range, we had all of it.

So when he's just put up a new target, rolled it downrange, and began loading up one of his .44's, as he came on target "someone" would generously donate a couple .22's to the head of his silhouette, or clip the target's ear with a .357, etc from the lane next to his...... Then he'd rant and rave and be pissed and get down to shooting (he never could catch us doing it!) :) We never had the same person do it twice.

Hawkman
June 1, 2004, 10:54 AM
When I was in USAF pilot training we had a couple of Danish Air Force students in our class. We all had to qualify with the S&W Combat Masterpiece. A perfect score got you a marksmanship medal. The Danish AF allowed their pilots to wear the medal if they earned it, and it was a big deal to them.

The guy next to me had NEVER fired a gun in his life and was barely going to qualify, much less earn the medal. Sooo, I and the guy on the other side of Max started "lending" him a shot or two on each stage. Max scored a perfect 55 out of 50(!) and never quite understood what was happening. He went back to Denmark proudly wearing his medal.:D

effengee
June 1, 2004, 11:48 AM
I will never forget the look on the face of the woman who was a lawyer in NYC and had only handled firearms through plastic evidence bags when she took an over-under 20 guage and broke both clays with two shots.
She was so excited she had to set the gun down and wipe tears from her eyes. Something special happens when a person becomes a shooter.
I don't remember the first time I hit a moving target nor do I recall my first bullseye, but since that day I strive to savour the feeling that she had.
The utter joy that comes from the process of putting lead on target.
The sense of accomplishment that can only be found in the shooting realm.
The comraderie that comes to one when surrounded by like-minded individuals enjoying a sport that embraces such diversity.
A .22 LR or a .50 BMG, young or old, male or female, severely disabled or perfectly physically fit, anyone can obtain a high level of proficiency.
It doesn't matter what firearm you choose, just choose one.
Never give up the chance to teach those who otherwise would never get to know just exactly why the "gun bug" bites the hardest.

:evil:

Nightfall
June 1, 2004, 12:35 PM
...constantly yelling at her whenever she didn't do EXACTLY what he told her to do. After a few minutes, with a quaver in her voice and a tear in her eye...
Having somebody yelling at you in front of a firing line for shooting issues (outside of safety) the first time you go shooting really sucks. What a little dweeb.

Mr. Mysterious
June 1, 2004, 12:44 PM
Good one Hawkman, I'm sure so of us Army guys can say the same thing about a buddy that whenever he is qualifying the people to his left and right have trouble staying in their lane. Not to say that I've ever done that, but, I'm not denying it either.

J Miller
June 1, 2004, 01:39 PM
Preacherman,

I was feeling kind a down this morning. Sitting here reading, and now a feel much better. As I read this little story I busted out laughing so hard I cried. I've seen far too many of these kinds of people and what you and your co-conspirators did was absolutly classic. Glad you got his soon to be ex gf in on it. She probably needed some laugh therapy.
I would have gladly paid to see his face :what: when the 27 shooters blasted his target.

Thanks for posting this.


J:De

PATH
June 1, 2004, 01:49 PM
That story made my day. Maybe it was Gunkid.

I went skeet shooting one day with a few buddies and I could not hit the side of a barn door.(My first time out shooting skeet). Well one of the fellas shooting with us starts in telling me just what I am doing wrong. The criticism was non stop! I finally told him to shut the hell up as he had hit only one more clay than I had. This from an "expert" skeet shooter.

I can't stand know it alls!:fire: I am sure glad that one got his come uppance. I just wish I had been there to see it!:D

joegerardi
June 1, 2004, 02:07 PM
Effengee:
You're story reminded me of the look on my son's face the first time I took him shooting. He lives in NY with his mother, and my kids come down to visit whenever they can. He loves guns, and of course we went to the range after a long lecture from me on gun safety, and only after he memorized the 4 rules, and learned to practice them around the house with an unloaded P228.

He was 13, and was visibly shaking with excitement as we got to the range. He was both scared and excited at the thought of his first live ammo experience. I took my time setting up my targets, loading FMJ in the P228's mags, etc., mainly to calm him down, we went through the rules one last time, I taught him stance, sight picture, he got advice from a bunch of (goodfolk) locals, watched me shoot 2 to see what recoil was all about, and then it was his turn...

He walked up, aimed slowly, pulled the trigger once, and stopped to see what he did. 3 O'Clock, in the 8 ring. All the people applauded his first good hit, and the sheer joy on his face is something I will keep in my heart and take to the grave. We spent the day there having a ball.

He's 15 now, and since then, whenever he visits, we spend more time shooting than anything else. He's turned down trips to Orlando, NASA, amusement parks, et al, and we generally burn through 3,000 rounds or so when he visits. (If I'm *VERY* lucky, I even get to shot a hundred or so.) He's joined the rifle team at school, and has won a bunch of trophies, and is more excited about shooting than ever. This year, he gets a gift: There's a new CZ P01 sitting here that is *his* pistol, and will be his forever. We discussed it, that's what he wanted , and the only addition I can give to him is sending the first bullet from a new gun owned by him downrange. I hope I get to see that look again.

..Joe

PS: What, exactly, IS a "Blutark's nipple?" :)

BHPshooter
June 1, 2004, 03:52 PM
HAhahahaha!

You can't make stuff like this up!!!

:D

Wes

KRAUTGUNNER
June 1, 2004, 06:08 PM
Two cylinders of ammo went into about a 20" group (at 10 yards), with nothing inside the 10-ring.

Now THAT'S REAL marksmanship!

WHAT A SORRY LOOSER!!! :D :D :D

Monkeyleg
June 1, 2004, 07:09 PM
Preacherman, you've done enough good in your life that I'm sure God will let this episode pass...I hope!

Too funny. :D

Garrum
June 1, 2004, 09:31 PM
The guy next to me had NEVER fired a gun in his life and was barely going to qualify, much less earn the medal. Sooo, I and the guy on the other side of Max started "lending" him a shot or two on each stage. Max scored a perfect 55 out of 50(!) and never quite understood what was happening. He went back to Denmark proudly wearing his medal.

Oh man. When I read that I just lost it. I laughed so hard I thought I had fluid running out of my ears. Dishonety for a good cause!

"I'm dyin' heah! Franky, I'm dyin' heah!"

Kodiak AK
June 1, 2004, 11:54 PM
It is a funny story , but am I the only one getting un safe vibe from it?

Personaly I would be pissed at someone much less 27 someones shooting from behind me when I am on the line .

Preacherman
June 2, 2004, 01:32 AM
Don't worry, Kodiak - this is a law enforcement range, which is open to officers from various agencies and their families on holidays such as Memorial Day. The retired police captain I mentioned was RO that day, and most of the shooters were LE officers (plus a few of their family members). They stood on either side of the shooter, not behind him, and the firing point walkway is about 20' wide (really a concrete "road", which can be used by vehicles, running along the back of the firing points to the magazine and cleaning room), so there was plenty of room and no crowding.

If it had been unsafe, we wouldn't have done it.

larryw
June 2, 2004, 01:58 AM
This one gets added to my collection of Lawdog Chronicles. :D

Kodiak AK
June 2, 2004, 02:01 AM
It still screams bad aidea to me . At least the only thing hurt was an ego .
;)

Nightcrawler
June 2, 2004, 02:22 AM
For some reason, I find men who yell at women especially distasteful. Heck, I don't like people who yell and holler all the time to begin with, but I really don't like men who treat women like that.

Mikul
June 2, 2004, 01:16 PM
behind him, each and every shooter present (27 in all) was lining up on his target with his or her gun of the moment

BEHIND him?!

BluesBear
June 4, 2004, 03:14 AM
Mikul; We gathered in a line behind his shooting position, on either side of him (not directly behind him). It appears none of the 4 rules were broken.

scbair
June 4, 2004, 09:33 AM
Brings back a memory of an event in a similar vein, for a different reason.

Once, when I was a competitor in PPC, my teammates and I noticed a competitor from a different agency would nearly always have 2 or 3 fewer bullet holes than he should, from the 25 & 50 yard stages. He was a good marksman, and always had a good, high-scoring group. The scorers would scrutinize the target and "find" acouple of holes that "could" be doubles (2 rounds striking the same point), or a ragged hole caused by 2-3 rounds striking in proximity to each other. "He couldn't possibly have missed the whole target," the reasoned. The "doubles'/ragged holes were invariably in the 10- and X-rings. Being suspicious cops, we discerned a pattern (smart, weren't we :rolleyes: ). We assigned a couple of our teammates to monitor him at the next match. Sure enough, they reported he had fired 2 fewer rounds from 50 yards than he should have. This guaranteed him 20 points, when he might have dropped a point or two if he'd actually fired the required number of rounds.

Not a problem! :D At the next match (which happened to have some pretty nice prizes for top shooters), we agreed; whichever of us was having the ineviable "bad day," and had no real chance at any top positions, would "donate" two rounds to the suspect. Of course, both donated rounds were completely outside any scoring rings. :neener:

Thus did he drop 20 points, yet have the correct number of holes in his target!! He knew what happened, but never figured out who!:evil:

Viking6
June 4, 2004, 10:24 AM
The guy was a jerk and his subsequent shot would probably have proved him a blowhard. Please don't flame, but I think this was over the top. Again, anticipating a spate of flames, "helping" people qualify by lane crossing isn't helping them. Remediate them. Good shooting to all.

Anna G.
June 4, 2004, 12:37 PM
How funny! I really dislike abusers and know-it-alls so I really liked this story. I just had to read it to my mother, who after laughing at it, as a merciful person, said she felt bad for the guy even though he deserved it.

I am leaving with a smile on my face too.

Mikul
June 4, 2004, 12:55 PM
It appears none of the 4 rules were broken.

It wouldn't be entirely unreasonable for the guy to have interpreted the group of strangers standing behind him with guns pointed in his general direction as a threat.

Daniel T
June 4, 2004, 01:19 PM
Mikul, you seem to be determined to be obtuse about this. Being familiar with Preacherman from a couple years of reading his posts, I'm sure that this "gentleman" had no "guns pointed in his general direction". While I wouldn't normally condone everyone at the range not being directly on the firing line while shooting, in this case, standing somewhat back, while off to the side does not even come close to someone having firearms pointed at them.

DWS1117
June 4, 2004, 01:30 PM
Two cylinders of ammo went into about a 20" group (at 10 yards), with nothing inside the 10-ring.

Heck even my friends 7 year old does better then that with a full auto uzi!!!

That made my day. Thanks. :D

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