Forget bear guns - how about a frying pan?


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Preacherman
June 4, 2004, 02:01 PM
From PRWEB (http://www.prweb.com/releases/2004/5/prweb128904.htm):

May 26, 2004

Canadian College Student Kills Bear with Frying Pan

Bear breaks into house, attacks, but resident attacks back. Local animal rights groups outraged.

VICTORIA, BC (PRWEB) May 26, 2004 -- In an attempt to get a free meal, what was described as a "very large" bear broke into the rural homestead of a BC college student, who was home on vacation at the time. The student, who would only give his name as Ryan, says, "I had just grilled out some salmon and walked back into the dining room to eat. Just as I had just sat down, it sounded at though someone was trying to break down my door." As Ryan went to investigate, the door burst open and the gaping maw of a northern Kodiak bear appeared inside his living room. Ryan recalls, "It was the scariest moment of my life, right up there with the fishing accident in Sasketoon when I was twelve."

As the bear forced it's way into the dining room area, the beast found the grilled salmon it had smelled from what authorities estimated was over a mile away, where they found the bear's tracks around a small cave. Ryan tried shouting at the bear to get it to leave, but the bear seemed to be intent on the salmon it was feasting on.

Ryan then proceeded to throw various kitchen utensials at the bear to get it's attention. "I wasn't sure what I was going to do," he said. "After I hit the bear in the head with a wooden spoon, the bear started coming after me!" The would-be bear snack ran to the other side of the kitchen counter as the bear raised up on it's hind legs and tried swatting at him. "The bear was blocking my way to my room where I actually have a gun, so I found the only thing I had that I did not throw at him, my frying pan." he relates. "I picked up the frying pan and shouted, bring it on, bring it on!" Ryan jumped over the counter and started swinging the frying pan. The animal, estimated at six feet tall on all fours and over eight hundred pounds, got back on all fours and started to charge the young man. When the bear was about 1 foot away from him, Ryan swung the cast iron frying pan and hit the bear on the right side of its head. "The bear appeared to be dazed, so I just kept pounding him with the frying pan."

"After I hit the bear about fifteen times, the bear fell to the floor, but I dared not let up. I hit him for about another five minutes until he was not moving at all," Ryan says. Only then did he take the time to call for local law enforcement. "When the police showed up, they could not believed what they saw."

"It was the craziest thing I've ever seen," said Officer F. Barnes, of the Victoria crime scene investigation unit. "He actually killed a bear with a frying pan." The local wildlife officer showed up and took measurements of the bear, one of the largest involved in a home invasion incident in recent memory.

The bear caused about $400 dollars in damage to the house. There is no word on what became of the animal's body, but local animal rights activists are filing to take posession of the bear's remains, claiming it was an immoral act of killing, and Ryan should not be allowed to make a bearskin rug out of it. Darcy Morris, president of the local chapter of Animal Rights Abuse Watch (ARAW), says, "This young man should be prosecuted, not praised. The bear was simply following his natural instincts, and had this Ryan criminal left it alone, no harm would have been done. It's disgusting, and he can expect to hear from our lawyers." Ryan's attorney could not be reached for comment.

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spacemanspiff
June 4, 2004, 02:11 PM
dem kodiak brownies sure do enjoy migrating to canaduh for de summer, eh?

:rolleyes:

SLCDave
June 4, 2004, 02:11 PM
Why don't the bears ever break into the homes of idiots like this Darcy Morris?

sm
June 4, 2004, 02:14 PM
:D
Observations-

- He had a gun in the other room.
-He did use his brain, chose / took action and did not give up.

Oh please tell me it was a cast iron skillet and not some Iwannacoolskilletthatcoststoomuchandhasashortlife span.:p

We are not supposed to type stuff like "ARAW Bear Treats" ... Thinking IT is Okay -right? ;)

Daniel T
June 4, 2004, 02:24 PM
There is no word on what became of the animal's body, but local animal rights activists are filing to take posession of the bear's remains, claiming it was an immoral act of killing, and Ryan should not be allowed to make a bearskin rug out of it. Darcy Morris, president of the local chapter of Animal Rights Abuse Watch (ARAW), says, "This young man should be prosecuted, not praised. The bear was simply following his natural instincts, and had this Ryan criminal left it alone, no harm would have been done. It's disgusting, and he can expect to hear from our lawyers." Ryan's attorney could not be reached for comment.

I can find no mention of "Animal Rights Abuse Watch", "ARAW", "Darcy Morris", or any combination thereof with Google.

I call BS.

erbo_CO
June 4, 2004, 02:28 PM
Would a fancy skillet even have enough mass to be able to stun a bear like that? (On the other hand, if I tried to use one of my wife's good pans as a bludgeon, I'd be worried about her killing me. :uhoh: )

And why do I get the feeling that ARAW is one of those groups that loves animals and hates people?

FPrice
June 4, 2004, 02:34 PM
"He actually killed a bear with a frying pan."

Was it a MAGNUM frying pan? Was it TEFLON coated to aid in penetration? Was this young man licensed to carry a deadly cooking instrument? Did he wait the necessary waiting period before taking possession of this from his local FFL (Federal Frying Licensed) dealer?

Inquiring minds want to know.

sumpnz
June 4, 2004, 02:47 PM
Oh please tell me it was a cast iron skillet and not some Iwannacoolskilletthatcoststoomuchandhasashortlife span.
When the bear was about 1 foot away from him, Ryan swung the cast iron frying pan and hit the bear on the right side of its head. "The bear appeared to be dazed, so I just kept pounding him with the frying pan."

Preacherman
June 4, 2004, 02:48 PM
Daniel T - a Canadian search engine, looking for "Darcy Morris", lists ten possible matches (see here (http://wp2.superpages.ca/wp/results.phtml?SRC=ca&STYPE=WS&PS=15&PI=1&WF=Darcy&WL=Morris&T=Victoria&S=BC&search=Find)). I haven't been able to find a listing for ARAW, but Animal Rights Canada (see here (http://www.animalrightscanada.com/)) has several organizations of interest, and ARAW is probably a subsidiary or affiliate of one of them. I agree that the initial mention of this article (in an e-mail) sounded fishy: that's why I looked up (and linked to) the source article, and searched a bit for confirmatory information. Hope this helps.

El Tejon
June 4, 2004, 03:01 PM
Ryan's full quotation before editing was: "Yeah, hey, dat was [sipping beer] da scariest of meye life since aboot when da Canadians almost lost to da Ukranians [munching pretzel sounds across telephone]. I almoost loost my dress denim jacket to da bare. Mom, yeah, we're oot of bacon again, yah, hey.":p

Garrum
June 4, 2004, 03:03 PM
That dude earned his bear skin rug. Let him keep that sucker.

"Eh, see that there rug? There's a story behind it, eh."

sm
June 4, 2004, 03:16 PM
Yeah ...I saw it...too good a line to pass up the "Practical" beats out "Bling Bling" dealie.

Practical and tacky I am.
Tactical I am not.
:D

I bet it was Lodge made in TN cast Iron skillet...

Daniel T
June 4, 2004, 03:17 PM
Preacherman,

I hadn't thought to use a Canadian search engine. I'll do a little more checking. A cursory check of the groups listed (http://www.animalrightscanada.com/groups/) on the page you linked to shows no "ARAW" or "Animal Rights Abuse Watch" though. As far as being a subsidiary, perhaps, but I don't think too many subsidiaries of fringe groups have their own lawyers.

The site http://www.animalconcerns.org/ is touted as "the most massive AR Resource EVER!", and searches on it for ARAW come up blank. With the way groups like this operate, any organizations of two or more people get listed, to boost numbers.

The whole paragraph I cited in my post above was so over-the-top that it smacks of satire or a joke. I don't think a private party would have any basis for a lawsuit over something like this. Even in Canada. :)

bogie
June 4, 2004, 04:02 PM
Hey, I _like_ my $80 12" anodized calphalon skillet... (and the 10" and 8" ones too...). And I've also got all three sizes of 'em with teflon. Along with a buncha other pans... including a mammoth 14" sucker that takes two hands to pick up.

mondocomputerman
June 4, 2004, 04:10 PM
It was a EBFP-evil black frying pan. Was it "tactical"?

sumpnz
June 4, 2004, 04:45 PM
Hey, I _like_ my $80 12" anodized calphalon skillet Me too. We had to ditch the teflon though because of my birds (the fumes are very toxic if the pan overheats).

treeprof
June 4, 2004, 05:14 PM
In the spirit of all bear threads, in which it it is customary for someone with nothing useful to contribute to offer a witless suggestion supposedly passed on to them from someone they know who knows someone else who might have seen a bear once:

"If you're going to use a frying pan for bears, make sure you file off the handle first so it won't hurt so bad when he shoves it up your ...."


Too many probs with this otherwise funny story, tho. I second the "BS" call.

Preacherman
June 4, 2004, 05:26 PM
In order to help clarify things, I've e-mailed the Victoria, BC Police Dept. to ask them whether the quote attributed to their officer is accurate. I'll post their reply here once I receive it.

MeekandMild
June 4, 2004, 05:41 PM
"Darcy Morris, president of the local chapter of Animal Rights Abuse Watch (ARAW)" GEEZE! Giving this guy a title is like painting a cow pie gold and calling it a trophy.

Andrew Rothman
June 4, 2004, 05:42 PM
It is BS.

PRWEB is a free service at which ANYONE can post a press release.

It's not a news organization.

Look at the contact info:

CONTACT INFORMATION
Bob Martin
MARTIN FISH HATCHERIES AND MORTUARY, INC
(904) 867-5309
Email us Here

8-6-7-5-3-0-9 ? Remember the Tommy Tutone song?

It's BS.

Andrew Rothman
June 4, 2004, 05:50 PM
Update: Called PRWEB, chatted with a nice guy. He read the release, said, "What is this?" and decided to pull it.

Heh. Good joke, and good lesson: Don't believe everything you read!

JackShandy
June 4, 2004, 06:06 PM
But I'd still like to see someone try to file a lawsuit...on behalf of a dead bear. Chances of sucess? Slim to none maybe?

Daniel T
June 4, 2004, 06:58 PM
Matt,

Thanks for pointing out the phone number. I skimmed the contact info, and that was yet another clue that this was a joke. Fish Hatchery and Mortuary? Heh. Turning people into fish food, hmm? :)

Preacherman
June 8, 2004, 06:54 PM
As I said, I e-mailed the Victoria, BC police to inquire about this story, since one of their officers is cited in the news release. I received a reply from them today, stating that:
... we have no Officer Barnes working for the Victoria police department.
I guess this is the final bit of evidence we need to prove that this story is false.

Pappy John
June 8, 2004, 07:07 PM
Well I hope the mounties at least got a good laugh out of it. I know I did.

BTW..I'd advise using a 'Griswold #8' on Kodiaks.

Detachment Charlie
June 8, 2004, 09:08 PM
True or false, the lesson for all of us is the same:

ALWAYS USE ENOUGH SKILLET.

Autolite
June 8, 2004, 09:43 PM
But a little too 'fishy'. Kodiaks are basically grizzlies right? I'm thinkin' no ones going to take down a grizzly with a skillet. Also, the bear rising up on two legs for an attack? Bears in our parts raise up on two legs to 'check you out'. They attack on all fours ...

Farnham
June 9, 2004, 02:02 AM
True or false, it was still funny! :D

And anyone that has the insight to catch that 867-5309 reference oughtta be workin for the CIA...:p

PS: 867-5309 used to be an actual number in Fort Morgan, CO...been ten years since I lived back there, so maybe it's not what it used to be. Somebody give it a call and let me know the name of the girl that answers the phone? ;)

Kruzr
June 9, 2004, 02:51 AM
Dianne Feinstein had already written the first 5 pages of her new Assault Frying Pan Ban Bill before they pulled the story.

Diamondback
June 9, 2004, 03:49 AM
The debate begins.........the flying "ashtray" vs. the flying "skillet"......which is better ? Could this be the next step in the evolution of bullet design ? Will we see a trend this summer among National Park employees.....frying pans hanging from belts instead of pepper spray ???? And will the "gun rags" now jump on the band wagon only to suggest going into bear country armed with anything less than cast iron is folly ? I dare say I'm contemplating using a skillet to "bag" the African "Big Five"...what da ya think ?
Cheers ;)

aguyindallas
June 9, 2004, 09:02 AM
This brings a whole new meaning to "Home Invasion Robery"

loose cannon
June 9, 2004, 09:13 AM
is do i have to get a dd tax stamp for 24"ebs:neener:

Dave R
June 9, 2004, 11:23 AM
Just outa curiosity, what's the Taylor Knockdown value of a cast-iron skillet?

Lessee, 12.some-odd caliber and 28,000 grains moving at 80mph. What's that in fps? Aw, heck,I cant do that math.

Must be some where around the same as a 500 grain .45-70 slug at 1,800 fps., I'm guessing.

middy
June 9, 2004, 11:32 AM
"3 Year Old Toddler Kills Pro Wrestler With Wiffle-Ball Bat."

Puh-lease... an 800 lb. Kodiak is going to use that frying pan to fry your liver after it bites your face off.

ckyllo
June 9, 2004, 11:48 AM
did anyone check to see if it was a older dated press release say April 1st? just a thought, would be a good april fool gag. or is a differnt day that canada has for a prank day?

MyRoad
June 9, 2004, 12:31 PM
my favorite part
"I picked up the frying pan and shouted, bring it on, bring it on!"
Would that have been before or after he soiled his shorts?

Funny story. :)

Clean97GTI
June 9, 2004, 12:57 PM
That was pretty funny. I liked the part aboot having a gun in the other room. Canadians aren't allowed to own guns. ;)

I think its funny that the bear was at least polite enough to go to the front door.

Andrew Rothman
June 9, 2004, 04:39 PM
And anyone that has the insight to catch that 867-5309 reference oughtta be workin for the CIA...

Thanks... I think. :uhoh:

Farnham
June 9, 2004, 11:44 PM
I just thought it impressive that you'd research the poster of the release, get his number, and quickly notice the farcical nature of the number...if you got something against CIA, I'm sorry, it was meant to be a compliment! :)

Once upon a time, when I was a lowly Marine intel specialist (0231, for you jarheads), the CIA was the pinnacle of my ambition...that has since changed, but I've still got mad respect for the agency.

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