Iraq, Kentucky Vie For Shooting into the Air Supremacy


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Drizzt
February 19, 2003, 11:48 AM
COON HOLLOW, KY—In a rivalry that shows no signs of abating, Iraq and Kentucky remain locked in a bitter struggle for world shooting-into-the-air supremacy.

"I'll be damned if any Muslim's gonna beat the great state of Kentucky at what she do best," said Coon Hollow resident Billy Joe Dupree, 39, in between bouts of firing his shotgun skyward Monday. "We been shootin' into the air for all kinds 'a reasons since they was a Kentucky, and that's a fact. Why, even my wall-eyed cousin Mavis could outshoot one o' them Muslims, and she ain't hardly finished the fifth grade."

Aziz Hourani, 24, of Baghdad, took exception to Dupree's claims of air-shooting superiority.

"Such is our anger at the Great Satan that we send many bullets into the air every day," said Hourani, raising his AK-47 carbine and firing several rounds. "No one can surpass us at shooting upwards—and certainly not the Americans."

Though worlds apart geographically and culturally, Iraq and Kentucky each boast rich traditions of vertical marksmanship.

"Expressing one's feelings and emotions via the firing of guns into the air is an ancient and noble artform," said Henri St. Germain, president of the Federation Internationale des Discharges-Aeriales (FIDA), the sport's governing body. "In fact, it may even predate the practice of expressing one's feelings and emotions by shooting into other humans. And nowhere on Earth does this tradition continue to thrive more than in Iraq and Kentucky. It is a vital part of these two unique cultures."

Continued St. Germain: "Whether shooting to celebrate a successful moonshine heist from neighboring kinfolk or the downfall of an imperialist Western regime, Kentucky and Iraq bring an undeniable passion and pride to their craft."

According to FIDA officials, in head-to-head competition, Iraq and Kentucky are closely matched.

"From a technical standpoint, the two competitors are virtually dead-even, with different but equally strong styles," veteran FIDA judge Olivier Resnais said. "The Iraqis' preference for automatic military weapons give them the edge in rounds-fired-into-the-air-per-minute, whereas the Kentucky double-barreled shotgun or squirrel rifle has a much greater bore, allowing for a louder, more full-bodied sound and a much greater weight of vertically propelled lead per shot."

"In terms of vocal style, they are again different yet similar, with the gun wielders of each region doing their best to drown out their weapon's report through fervent yelling of their native calls," Resnais continued. "Though they may have different meanings, the cries of 'Yeeeee-haw!' and 'Allahu akbar!' are, in spirit, not actually all that different."

http://www.theonion.com/onion3906/iraq_kentucky_vie.html

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DeltaElite
February 19, 2003, 11:53 AM
:D :D :D

Cliff
February 19, 2003, 11:55 AM
Gotta go with the great state of Kentucky, good hunting,wide open spaces,clean air.and damn good shine also,oh yeah,great shooting too.:D :D but most of all,Kentucky happens to be a part of the oh so great USA.:)

Marshall
February 19, 2003, 12:40 PM
That's well done, LOL :D

Justin
February 19, 2003, 12:42 PM
Expressing one's feelings and emotions via the firing of guns into the air is an ancient and noble artform," said Henri St. Germain, president of the Federation Internationale des Discharges-Aeriales (FIDA), the sport's governing body. Boy, they've got an organization for everything these days.:D :D :D ;) :p

The Onion, truly brilliant.

Kentucky Rifle
February 19, 2003, 12:50 PM
Well!!! It's just that..... it's....hummm...yeah, I guess. Maybe...hummm:uhoh:

KENTUCKY Rifle :)
(Oh alright. It's TRUE!!!)

blades67
February 19, 2003, 06:14 PM
That's funny! Ya gotta luv the Onion.:evil:

El Tejon
February 19, 2003, 06:20 PM
Is this a year around event? Or just special occassions?

If the latter, Gary, Indiana has them all beat (honorable mention to East Saint Louis and Detroit).:) Nothing like a New Year's Eve with your brainbucket on all night. It clashes with my formal wear.

joebogey
February 19, 2003, 08:36 PM
Y'all can laugh and say what ya want, but iffen ya send a few of these ol Kentucky boys and their squirrel rifles over there, they'd show ol Saddam what hard livin's all about.
An don't fergit, we aint above doin a little huntin with a six cell mag light and a Remington 742. So don't think the sun goin down and pullin the shades is gonna save yore sorry butt.
An that's about all I gotta say bout that! :D

Navy joe
February 19, 2003, 08:48 PM
I couldn't discern that it was a fake until I thought of the clever plant. They wrote in a Frenchman as the head of a sporting confederation that actually fires guns. Never happen.

Minute_Of_Torso
February 20, 2003, 02:00 AM
As a native of Kentucky who takes no offense at being called

Redneck
Dirt Farmer
Hillbilly

I find that post to be hilarious and I wholeheartedly agree with joebogey.

"I can skin a buck and lay a trot line . . . "

Sactown
February 20, 2003, 02:10 AM
The Onion is the best. Herbert Kornfeld is da schiznit. You don't mess with the Midstate Office Supply Krew.

techmike
February 20, 2003, 07:11 AM
I have always though a few of us "rednecks" could have a fine time with Sadam Insane. Here in the west end of KY we don't send much leat up in the air, but a whole lot goes downrange.:D

joebogey
February 20, 2003, 09:33 AM
techmike,
All our lead goes up in the air,cause they aint a flat place to shoot.


Minute_Of_ Torso,
I figure when folks call me a redneck or hillbilly, I've been complimented. Specially when I think back on some of the other things I been called. Some of them right here at home. :D

The thing you have to watch with us hillbillys, is that on any given day we might be havin a little sip on the side every now and then.
Then some outsider comes along and calls us a redneck, which serves to really get us POed. Not because it aint true, but because we figure a outsider don't know us well enough to be that informal.
And I know right this minute, all them folks down in Tennessee is a shakin their heads, cause they know zactly what I'ma talkin bout. Theys the same kinda folks, they just gotta better tan.

As far as ol Saddam, I figure bout 200 good ol boys from Ky and Tn should ease over there some night and put his lights out when he aint suspectin it. Then ol GW can call the rest of them folks home and save all that high priced ammo for North Korea when the time comes.

techmike
February 20, 2003, 07:10 PM
joebogey,

I believe you are ight on it! Throw in a few Texans and some good ole' boys from Virginney and We'd have ourselves a fine time. To me redneck = Down Home, honest talking,straight shooting, hard working, hard playing good man to cover you back. Not only am I proud when someone calls me that, I work toward it. As Skunk would say "ReeHaw!"

mike;)

El Tejon
February 20, 2003, 07:48 PM
tech, I've always felt that one should be proud of the term "redneck" as it implies that one is outside working at a job. Unlike most of the dazzling urbanites I see everyday.:rolleyes:

KY Moose
February 20, 2003, 08:28 PM
After they finish operations in Afghanistan, perhaps our Redneck Spec Ops Team could pay a little visit to Saddam.

http://policeone.mail.everyone.net/email/scripts/attach.pl/uid=1222548494&pn=2&noInline=0&folder=INBOX/redneck%20military.jpg

cratz2
February 20, 2003, 08:42 PM
I've been reading The Onion ever since... well, a long time.

My favorite Onion story ever: http://www.theonion.com/onion3819/pope_forgives.html

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