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ccw and dating question

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by Ermac, Aug 7, 2007.

  1. Ermac

    Ermac Well-Known Member

    I have a date this friday...I met this girl through and friend and we've been talking and finally decided to go out together. She knows that my primary hobby is guns, but she doesn't know that I CCW. Really, the only people know that I CCW are my parents and my best friend.

    We are going country line dancing...I carry my P7 in a in-waist-band holster. I carry everywhere (where legal) and I am just a little worried her finding out.

    How would any of you respond?
    Any tips?

    Only thing I know of her is that she has no problems with guns.
  2. Kacerdias

    Kacerdias Well-Known Member

    If you really like this girl then you owe it to her to be honest. You can breach the subject subtly in conversation to gauge her reaction. If you're going to be spending a lot of time with her, how long do you think it's going to be a secret? Who knows? She may end up being your next shooting buddy. :D
  3. Oleg Volk

    Oleg Volk Moderator Emeritus

    Better that she (and you) find out early. My policy has been to answer the questions directly and to treat the sidearm as normal part of the dress.

    So far, none of my dates ever objected and only one showed much interest. At least one was also carrying a sidearm (a .40 to my 9x19).
  4. NAK

    NAK Well-Known Member

    I do not try to change others and I expect them to extend the same courtesy to me. That said, I am not a big fan of trying to be something you are not during a first/early dates. Be who you are...I believe that everyone wins that way. If it does not bother her, GREAT. If she cannot deal with it, isn't it better to find that out early instead of after things get way more complicated?
  5. .cheese.

    .cheese. Well-Known Member

    I've dealt with this.

    On one hand, if she finds out later she'll realize she didn't know until then even though you were doing it - creates what feels to her like a trust problem.

    On the other, concealed is concealed and she doesn't need to know from that standpoint.

    The bottom line is that if she knows you well enough, if she finds out it shouldn't be a problem. It's who you are, and she isn't going to change that.

    Carry. At some point if she finds out, be honest. If she's ok with it, then you know you have solid trust with her. If she doesn't like it, you'll have to make a decision unfortunately, unless you're willing to not carry with her around. If she doesn't figure it out on her own, you can at some point drop a hint - doesn't need to be, "HEY, DID YOU KNOW I HAVE A GUN!?" - just something subtle, so if nothing else, later on, she can never say you never told her.

    She will eventually need to know. When to be sure she is aware of it is up to you. In my opinion, so long as you don't lie about it if she asks, and drop a hint so she can't claim you never told her, it can wait a while. Maybe 2nd or 3rd date before you outright make sure she's aware of it.
  6. brighamr

    brighamr Well-Known Member

    On a first date, and dancing no less, I say carry but either:

    a) leave it in the car
    b) carry a pocket knife instead
    c) ask her to carry it in her purse (read the note below about breaking the subject)

    The concern here isn't that she'll find out, it's that the gun will fall out while you are dancing. That is never a good thing.

    As for her knowing that you carry, the post by Kacerdias is a good idea. Another would be watching the news with her for a second sometime before the date. After watching the news, turn to her and say "all those rapes/murders/thefts gang violence/disasters we just saw make me want to be prepared at all times. that's why I personally carry a firearm. If a gang/murderer/etc confronts me, I want to make sure I can take care of myself and those I care for" then give her an embarressed look, letting the last phrase sink in.

    This worked for me with the girl who is now my wife :)
  7. Ermac

    Ermac Well-Known Member

    thanks guys...I think I will carry like normal and just be normal about it. if she asks, I will just tell her. she seems like a reasonable girl (and verified by numerous people).

    wish me luck with the date!
  8. crew590

    crew590 Well-Known Member

    I'll agree with the others. Just act normal. She'll accept the fact that you carry or she won't.

    Best of luck on the date. :)

  9. Mortech

    Mortech Well-Known Member

    Also if your really lucky , you'll find a woman that shoots better than you .
  10. JKimball

    JKimball Well-Known Member

    If you have a good time, you could invite her to go shooting with you on your next date. That'll make it easy to talk about it. Have fun!
  11. RubenZ

    RubenZ Well-Known Member

    Not the best of ideas if she doesn't have a CHL.
  12. Prince Yamato

    Prince Yamato Well-Known Member

    Just think nothing of it and if it comes up, act very matter of fact. It's not a big deal and if she makes it one, act sad and say and go Beaver Cleaver: "Gosh, I really never thought that protecting myself or you was such a big deal. You know, I kinda worry what would happen if we were mugged by a group of guys." You'll get sympathy points.

    Those two options are guaranteed to NOT get you a second date. I could also guarantee that most modern women would equate knife-carry on a first date with potential rapist.
  13. jeepmor

    jeepmor Well-Known Member

    Be who you are, if she can't handle that, well, be who you are anyway. A good match is out there. She already knows you like guns, CCW is not a real stretch from there for most folks. She may or may not agree with it, but it should not be a surprise to her none the less. Unless she's real liberal, which I doubt. You stated linedancing, IME, girls that line dance are country at heart, and country girls understand guns and RKBA better than liberal patchoulli packing hippie types. Although, both of them have their benefits. ;)
  14. 51Cards

    51Cards Well-Known Member

    Since I was a kid, carrying a pocket knife was "weird" to a lot of people. Not a MondoCombatSaber, but a 3-blade stockman, or maybe a little lockblade. Everyone got used to it, a few even picked up the habit: great to have in case you need it.

    Now ... well, I guess it's the same thing. Great to have, in case you need it. The pocket knife is more versatile.

    It shouldn't be a big deal. Relax. If it's an issue, take her to the range. I've never met anyone who didn't get into it once they had some experience.

    But --- line dancing/CCW? How about IWB, with a belt about 2 inches short? :D
  15. kd7nqb

    kd7nqb Well-Known Member

    YOUR MISSING AN OPPORTUNITY. Now you have a reason to buy a P3AT for pocket carry. As your "line dancing gun" Otherwise just be honest with her.
  16. zoom6zoom

    zoom6zoom Well-Known Member

    My last girlfriend didn't have any problem with my guns. It was the country music...
  17. kellyj00

    kellyj00 Well-Known Member

    my experience....chicks don't dig guys who talk about guns, but they don't mind guys who know about guns. which translates into the CCW argument...
    chicks don't dig guys who always talk about their RKBA, but they don't mind a guy who stands up for his rights.

    make the conversation about her and she'll like you even if you're a total jerk. It worked for me for years. Unfortunately, I'm getting married in October so the thrill of dating is gone. I got my CCW the same day as I got her an engagement ring ($1500!) so we went out on the town with new jewelry for both of us that night....of course my XD 9 was less than a third of the cost of the ring.... she has since taken that pistol as her own (and i'm free to use it whenever as long as I ask), and I'm back to my trusty old 1911.
  18. CajunBass

    CajunBass Well-Known Member

    If you're carrying legally what's the worst that could happen if she finds out? She'll get mad and go home? So be it. Need cab fare?
  19. tydephan

    tydephan Well-Known Member

    Personally, I would be very upfront with her about it. It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of, so why try to hide it.

    Explain to her in a very reasonable tone why you carry. We all have our reasons. I carry because I want all reasonable means of defending not only myself, but also my family, if the need ever arises.

    If you put her under the umbrella, she will be more understanding.

    But more importantly, this is an issue of trust. If she finds out and you haven't told her, then the trust-o-meter drops. If you tell her upfront, whether she likes it or dislikes it, she will at least see that you are honest with her.

    Whether she likes it or not, you have learned something else very important about her.

    Oh...and good luck, my friend!
  20. 2400

    2400 Well-Known Member

    Why would you ask someone that may or may not have a CWP to carry YOUR gun for you? If you're on the floor dancing, who's watching the purse with YOUR gun in it? On a first date not only does she not know you, you don't know her.

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