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Concealed carry and the anti-gun wife

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by Curare, Nov 26, 2007.

  1. Curare

    Curare Member

    May 30, 2003
    Buckeye Country
    "You are mentally ill." "You think you are a cowboy." "You are paranoid." These are the comments I've received over the last week since obtaining my concealed handgun license and informing my wife that I will carry whenever and wherever lawfully allowed.

    I will document my personal journey that will end in her acceptance of concealed carry or our divorce. I am committed to this cause and there will be no middle ground. This is activism on a very personal level.

    Today is day 6.
  2. markmc753

    markmc753 Member In Memoriam

    Jul 3, 2006
    Inform here that you are not crazy, but are in fact certain that zombies are breeding in your plumbing.

    Seriously... I feel for ya bud.. hope it works out for you
  3. igpoobah

    igpoobah Active Member

    Jun 20, 2007
    Goog luck with that, I respect your dedication to the cause.

    Have you taken her shooting?
  4. joffe

    joffe New Member

    Jul 30, 2007
    I know I'd never able to live with a person that disagreed with me on the most fundamental issues - the right to life, liberty and property. Guns are the foundation of all of those - without the 'equalizer' they're just words on paper. I have to hand it to you for trying, and also for realising that the 'other option' is on the table.

    Not that I have any first-hand experiences, but you could try printing out articles gleaned from forums like this and just lay them on the living room table in clear sight. Don't say a word, just pile them up. Also;

  5. orionengnr

    orionengnr Mentor

    Jan 3, 2005
    If you are an NRA member, their monthly magazine has a page called "The Armed Citizen". Always some good stories there about how people made a potentially bad situatiion better by having access to a firearm. I've been photocopying and filing them for about two years now.

    If you aren't an NRA member, please consider changing that. :)
  6. armoredman

    armoredman Elder

    Nov 19, 2003
    proud to be in AZ
  7. n00bish

    n00bish New Member

    Jan 30, 2007
    Did you two never talk about things like this prior to marriage? Just curious.
  8. Robert Hairless

    Robert Hairless Senior Member

    Oct 11, 2003
    My I suggest a reasonable compromise with your wife?

    Perhaps your wife would agree to respect your behavior if you promised not to lift a finger in her defense if she were attacked.

    I'm sure she will understand that it would be unfair to expect you to do otherwise, and a violation of her principles too.
  9. Ed Ames

    Ed Ames Senior Member

    Aug 21, 2006
    Tejas Norte
    Tell her you can't be a cowboy -- no hat. Unless you do have a cowboy hat of course. In that case she probably has a point. You may want to get some nice parchment paper and print up a "not insane" certificate for yourself (al la Homer Simpson's) too. Frame it and display it prominantly. Best to nip these little things in the bud before they get out of hand. :|

    In all seriousness, you have three choices:
    1) stop with the CCW thing until your wife is more comfortable. Unless you have a specific threat in mind (i.e. you are in the jewelry trade or have received death threats) this would be a reasonable course of action. Yeah, I know it's your right but the chances of you needing a gun while in public over the next few months (while you work the PR angles with the wife) are about 0.0000001%
    2) Make a concerted effort to convince her that she is wrong even as you antagonize her by doing something she is scared of and is deriding. That's not easy but you may win her over. Bad news is that if she really is freaked out and you aren't completely smoth she may respond with overwhelming force, e.g. by calling the cops on you or using your gun toting as partial grounds for a divorce (which could lead to a loss of your 2A rights if she's scared enough to ask for a restraining order).
    3) Get a divorce.
  10. BridgeWalker

    BridgeWalker Active Member

    Aug 20, 2007
    Lansing, MI
    First, define acceptance. Sounds like you already applied for the permit, bought the gun, and are carrying it. She is still living in your house. Sounds like she has already accepted it on one level.

    So give her some credit for that.

    Second, it's her house too, and she ought to have some input. If she doesn't want to have guns in her house, she should have the right to not have guns in her house. It sounds like she has already realized that she actually shares her house and has therefore given up some right to totally dictate terms. Seems you ought to do the same. What can you give? It seems like you already have what you want, except for the ability to do so without dealing with disparaging remarks.

    You've just announced to the entire internet that you plan on being absolutely inflexible. I think you ought to rethink that position.
    This should be about guns and acceptance of guns. By taking what you want and then demanding that she become ok with it or you leave (or throw her out?), you turn it into a power struggle.

    I think she needs to spend time around guns. Not necessarily handguns, probably not tiny carry pieces, but just guns, and gun people. I think the absolute worst person to introduce her to guns at this point is you. Married couples often can't teach each other well in general, and when the thing being taught is a point of contention it is unlikely to end well.

    She might be best off meeting with some women gun owners. Not even necessarily at a range or for shooting, but just to talk about guns and shootig and shooting sports and self-defense. Or maybe guns not but necessarily your point of interest, shotgunning, or rifle shooting.

    If you're any where near me, I'd love to take her out and her a few things in a non-judgemental, non-pushy way.
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2007
  11. macadore

    macadore Active Member

    Jun 21, 2007
    San Antonio
    I frequently e-mail my wife and daughters stories about heinous crimes committed against unarmed women. They know why I carry, and it’s not for me.
  12. m1009

    m1009 New Member

    Nov 28, 2006
    Northern Indiana
    concealed carry-good for you....

    I agree with another of the posters here, read her the articles from the Armed Citizen, take her shooting, try to work past her closed mind...I'm sure you have tried, maybe it'll just take a little more work. Tell her there are lots of people who carry, might even be people she knows and likes! Hell, I'm female and I carry whenever I can. I also try to practice whenever I can to keep my skills current. I like outshining the guys! :)

    P.S. I know my hubby wouldn't put up with the mentally ill comments, that's just too over the top! :scrutiny:
  13. TFin04

    TFin04 Member

    Oct 30, 2006
    Find a local news report of a random, violent crime. Shouldn't be too hard these days.

    Ask her if she would rather you have your gun with you, or not be armed if that happened to the two of you.

    If she can't reason with that, I don't know what else to offer you.
  14. m1009

    m1009 New Member

    Nov 28, 2006
    Northern Indiana
    Another reply .....

    Just told hubby about this post, and he had a beautiful response:
    He said, "when people have a fire in their home, their first action is to get out of the house, call the fire department" They expect that the fire department will be there instantly. Then they're sitting outside, waiting, waiting, going, "where's the fire department?" It takes quite a bit of time most instances for the firemen to get there....all this time the person is sitting there thinking, wow, if I had just gotten the hose out, I could have save that wall, (or whatever). If you haven't had a fire, you don't realize how long it takes for help to arrive, and maybe if it started small you could have contained it long enough for reinforcements to show up.
    Same thing with crime; people think that the police will show up instantly when you call. However, how many times have you heard on the news where the 911 operater dropped the ball and nobody was dispatched? Or they were so busy, nobody was free to come to your aid, or for whatever reason, they just couldn't get there fast enough? It's better to be prepared to defend yourself first, rather than depend on help to show up in time to save you. If you are trained in the use of your weapon, and are confident in its use, you are in a better situation to control the outcome of a situation where you might be in danger. The bad guys won't wait for you to make a phone call, they are in there to get what they want and get out. Just his thoughts on the matter.....
  15. Moondancer

    Moondancer Member

    Dec 26, 2002
    Granger, IN
    Wife was "Anti-", just Neutral

    My wife wasn't anti-gun when we first started living together, but wasn't positive either. She was 42 and had had zero experience in her entire life with guns of any kind. Not even BB guns.

    She knew I was into guns from the very beginning.

    Once I'd moved to Indiana from Michigan and could get a CHL (as Michigan was "May Issue" at that time and the local gun boards were NOT in favor of civilians carrying guns) I did so.

    She wasn't thrilled and made comments about my carrying and it being foolish as it wasn't necessary.

    Until we had a couple of armed robberies in parking lots of stores we frequented. Then it was no longer foolish, and a couple times she's said "Do you have your gun with you tonite? I hope?"

    I haven't convinced her to get her own CHL yet, but she is now accepting of mine. Hope yours works out.
  16. Im283

    Im283 Participating Member

    Mar 21, 2007
    Knox County, TN.
    These are not things two married people normally call another. I think there are problems other than your conceal carry.

    my wife is an anti. Not so much that she hates me owning guns or shooting them but she is not thrilled about me carrying. She has patiently listened as I give her my reasons. She has not to date ever tried to counter those reasons either. We had the talk back in the summer when I was going about getting the permit and her biggest reason to dislike guns is a couple of relatives killed themselves with guns. When I asked her if they did not have guns would they have jumped off a bridge, or overdosed or some other method and she replied that " probably they would have. "

    A Saturday a few weeks ago we hung out with another couple I know who are both into guns. It helped a lot for her to see the other wife show off her two carry guns. My wife would not touch them but she did not get up screaming and run out of the house.

    I doubt she will ever become a shooter but she has come a long ways in acceptance of my carrying a firearm.

    Questions , How do you store your guns? Are there kids around?
  17. copper4262

    copper4262 New Member

    Nov 14, 2006
    This is an interesting thread - Looks like this has been quite an issue in some homes - I was young when i got into shooting - It wasn't until after i had decided i wanted to own and carry guns that I started looking for a life partner - Weird as it sounds when i was dating i made it a point to find out a girls standpoint on guns. I actually ended a couple of serious relationships because we couldn't come to terms about me owning or carrying guns(not sure how those two managed to get into the "serious" catagory). One girl told me when we were married i could own a shotgun and that was all. Her reason was because her father had one locked away in the closet when she was a child and so that would be ok for me - didn't go real far.

    When I met my wife i knew she and her family were into hunting. So that was a good sign. The first time i was showing her around my house she popped her head into my office and saw my swat equipment sitting out on the floor to be cleaned(i was single at the time obviously and didn't yet have any kids running around to get into it). She saw my subgun sitting there and her eyes got big as... well - big I didn't get her out of the house until i let her hold and play with the gun - Our first official date was to the gun range - I guess im just lucky - she doesn't complain about me carrying and kind of understands its part of me being a cop and part of me being a US citizen - So i'll say it again - guess im just lucky

    My heart goes out to all who aren't as luck - wish i had some advice for ya but i dont - i never stuck around long enough with a girl who didn't let me carry guns around her
  18. yesit'sloaded

    yesit'sloaded Participating Member

    Aug 15, 2007
    There is always the "how many rape victims have been armed" angle. I"m about to take my girlfriend out to dinner so when I get back I'll have an answer from the female side of the shooting bench, which looks like this.
  19. Shadow1198

    Shadow1198 Member

    Jul 10, 2007
    Austin, TX
    I've never understood how some people can have the perspective that being able to defend yourself is somehow a bad thing. A concealed carry permit is not a license that instantly turns every holder into a person that looks to use their gun to solve every issue. Most CC permit holders I know have the utmost respect for human life and view their CCW as a last resort in a life or death situation. Most of them hope to God they never have to use it, but they like living even more and will do whatever it takes to survive. The police do the best they can but, they can't be everywhere all the time.

    You might want to show her this link and then see if she feels the same way: http://www.gunowners.org/sk0802.htm
  20. sdj

    sdj New Member

    Jun 16, 2007
    Interesting thread...

    Having made the journey (not in the grand sense...) in just a couple of years from never having fired a handgun in my life to being very enthusiastic about pistol shooting, I would encourage you to go shooting. When I first started shooting, I was surprised by the complexity of it. I was surprised that so many small movements when added up, became what amounted to the correct way to shoot, which itself lead to bullseye's. I was surprised that the sport was more mental than a sport such as golf. It is rare that books, arguments, films or other such media will change human behavior. I would offer that if you were to have a direct and positive experience of the sport (together), the difference that you are now experiencing will work itself out.

    Good luck.

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