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Good for a laugh at France's expense

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by JBusch8899, Aug 8, 2006.

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  1. JBusch8899

    JBusch8899 member

    (Though I do fully expect that this thread to be closed almost immediately. My preemptive apologies to the administrator who will do this.)

    You can hardly blame the French. France is example number one when comes to natural selection of a nation's character.

    Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

    Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

    Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

    Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

    Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

    War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

    The Dutch War - Tied

    War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

    War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

    American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

    French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

    The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

    The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

    World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

    World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

    War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

    Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

    War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

    Let's face it. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. They've been beaten so many times there's no fight left in them.........

    For the full thread, go to:
  2. Rich K

    Rich K Well-Known Member

    isn't the truth funny sometimes?
  3. Roadwild17

    Roadwild17 Well-Known Member

    humm... where to go with this :eek:
  4. Limeyfellow

    Limeyfellow Well-Known Member


    There were more French on the field at most the major US victories than colonists, then there was the French navy and artillary that were the only reason the US isn't still bowing before the Queen. Thats like cllaiming the US win when France and Russia does most of the fighting and is just as true. They lost the seven year war but got their revenge by pulling the pro republic colonials up out the gutter and to victory mainly against other colonialists. Very few British even fought in the war.
  5. Zrex

    Zrex Well-Known Member

    Too bad the French didn't have Grenada or Panama to up their score.
  6. Justin

    Justin Moderator Staff Member

    Off topic.
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