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Holiday humor ....

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by P95Carry, Dec 19, 2003.

  1. P95Carry

    P95Carry Moderator Emeritus

    Jan 3, 2003
    South PA, and a bit West of center!
    Ramblings of a retired mind .... (some shooting relevance!)

    I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one, so I'm wearing my garage door opener. Now everyone thinks that I'm cool, too.

    You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

    I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

    I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

    I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust."

    I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease.... that's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

    You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"

    Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!", or Sex, "Yes, Sometimes."

    Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these people? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mail carriers could look for them while they delivered the mail?

    Still love my shooting but that ain't all it used to be .................

    I never bothered with bipods before but now it's Harris all the way. Why do my rifles seem so much heavier?! They've all got slings now too.

    I used to think ''limp wristing'' was an insult but now know exactly what it means.

    I still reload - of course - but now find that a full length resize stroke needs both hands, on a good day.

    Iron sights ..... <bletch> ....... I have converted everything now to red-dot or scope ..... even my reading glasses don't cut it any more.

    Do people realize how hot you get when dressed with three layers of clothes - in summer? Just because recoil on bone is so damned painful.

    ''Practical pistol'' now, is no longer speed ........ it's finding the knack of overcoming gravity AND arthritis at the same time.

    I finally realized I should maybe stop spending on shooting and put some money aside for my funeral but then thought ... shucks, why bother. My guns will make enough money to bury me three times over.

    I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they were cramming for their finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on a curve rather than pass/failed.
  2. BluesBear

    BluesBear member

    Jul 25, 2003
    The Great Pacific NorthWet
    Chris, you are TOO funny!
  3. sm

    sm member

    Dec 22, 2002
    Between black coffee, and shiftn' gears
    :D LOL:D

    I've decided a while back ( ok I had people and one ex substanitate) I'm going to be a great old fart...why wait and waste all that time...I'm being an old fart at 48. :p

    You know they say hold onto to something long enough and it comes back into style? Always liked 1911 style and K frames...I've been in and out of "style" a few times already...I think I'm "in style" today...tomorrow may change that tho'.

    Yep - I have some "BTDT's" just wish I remembered them...especially, well...nevermind.

    Real pisser when a kid shoots your model 94 in 30-30 and says " hey that is like the gun in the OLD back and white movies my dad likes to watch on that OLD movie channel on cable.

    Same kid : " they really had these ( model 94's), I just thought they were only made for movies.

    Same kid again: Your shotgun was made in 1974? Gee mister that is ten years older than me.

    When is my state gonna change CCW statues where the Whippersnappers are legal?

    O/U and SxS may be status symbols and all for young yuppies...but I know I don't have to bend over to pick up hulls.

    Revolvers , hey classic design, again no policing of brass...and when the brain fades and you forget or bring the wrong mags...who needs a mag ?

    True story: I'm coming back from a shoot in my 'land yacht' . I stop at a diner in TX. "Your vehicle is sitting a bit low...you running moonshine?" [older trooper] Young Trooper "What's moonshine?" Me...I explain to the older trooper and show my shoot info and all, he is cool and we talk guns. I pop the trunk to show him somethng...Young Trooper " Jiminey what all you got in there?" Two part harmony me and the nice older Trooper..." Anything in particular you have in mind?" :D ( hey he ran front door to get me around traffic and construction to boot)

    Though you appreciate less recoil...you still shoot larger caliber/gauges...you can pick the darn things up when arthritis kicks in the fingers and you can see the darn thing when you drop it...and police yourself. [even do good w/o glasses]

    You realize you were taught to shoot for a reason as a kid without any sights...the reason didn't become apparent until you became older...what sights?

    I think I have the right attitude to be a great old fart at such a 'young' age...how am I doing so far?
  4. P95Carry

    P95Carry Moderator Emeritus

    Jan 3, 2003
    South PA, and a bit West of center!
    Steve buddy ------ you are doin great!!! Glad to have you in the outfit, even if a ''junior'' member!!:D

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