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Stupidest Criminal...

Discussion in 'Legal' started by matt81, Dec 5, 2004.

  1. matt81

    matt81 New Member

    Nothing is funnier than a stupid criminal, right?

    There was a case where a burglar fell asleep on the bed, in the house, with the couple whose house he was robbing. It sounds crazy, but it's a true story. The folks at The Smoking Gun are having a funny award for this year's "Stupidest Criminal", so I thought to start a thread here to see if there were any good stories out there that we can submit to their editors (long-shot but hey, you never know!!) In case you want to check it out the show (it's called The Smoking Gun Year End Special), it's going to air next Thursday night, I believe at 10pm. These guys can be pretty hilarious so it's worth taping in case you aren't going to be home.
  2. SiG Lady

    SiG Lady Well-Known Member

    Dumb and Dumber, Oregon style...

    The Lane County Sheriff's Office is fond of calling this case the "dumb-and-dumber" case... Two guys of questionable intelligence broke into a guy's home, brutalized him, tied him to a chair (not necessarily in that order) and then realized they were in trouble because cops were driving up the road. (The brutalized guy's daughter was in a closet on her cell calling the Sheriff...)

    So in order to create a story that THEY had been brutalized FIRST (by the victim), the two jerks beat EACH OTHER up to fake wounds from an 'assault'. My contact informed me that these guys were a VERY sorry sight by the time the depiddies dragged their sorry asses back to the jail--and the cops could hardly keep a straight face during interrogation. :D
  3. mussi

    mussi Well-Known Member

    And there are still the uncounted occasions of people that should never have bread and whose offspring goes robbing a gunstore, or burglarizing a home where the owner is known (or at least very, very likely) to be armed.
  4. El Tejon

    El Tejon Well-Known Member

    "Should never had bread"??? :confused: Is that the Atkins philosophy mixed in with genetics? :D

    Two from my LEO daze:

    1. Doper driving down I-65, hears car make funny noise. So, of course, he pulls into Indiana State Police Post in Battle Ground and has trooper check car out. Trooper spies dug out covering VIN number on dashboard of vehicle.

    "Is this yours?" "Yeah, man, but what's up with my car?"

    There is a reason they call it dope. :D

    2. Two mopes tossing a drug store for Xanies and Paxies. In tossing the place they ignore a half kilo of pharm grad cocaine and just scoop up pills. :eek:
  5. nhhillbilly

    nhhillbilly Well-Known Member

    When I first became a police officer. I was at the station typing reports. Two young rocket scientists come to the door wanting a ride home. I tell them ok but they have to empty their pockets so I could search them for weapons before allowing them in my cruiser. They proceeded to empty their pockets of checks and items they from a house they had just burglarized. They were given a ride all right to the county jail.
  6. Preacherman

    Preacherman Well-Known Member

    Breaking news - from WFTV (http://www.wftv.com/news/3971517/detail.html) via the Drudge Report:

    Police: Dealers Report Stolen Marijuana To Authorities

    POSTED: 10:45 am EST December 4, 2004
    UPDATED: 10:58 am EST December 5, 2004

    CALLAWAY, Fla. -- Help, police, someone stole my pot!

    A Panhandle couple is under arrest after notifying police Thursday that their quarter-pound stash of marijuana was stolen and that they needed the weed back, because they were going to later sell it.

    "They're America's dumbest criminals," said Lt. Ricky Ramie, head of the Bay County Sheriff's Office narcotics task force.

    Deputies arrested 18-year-old John Douglas Sheetz and 17-year-old Misty Ann Holmes and charged the duo with possession of marijuana with intent to deliver and possession of drug paraphernalia.

    According to the police report, the couple returned to the home they share and found the home broken into and a quarter-pound of marijuana missing. They immediately called authorities to report the break-in and theft.

    Police said the couple told them they were going to resell the marijuana and allowed the detectives to search the apartment. Investigators discovered several marijuana stems among other drug paraphernalia during the search, The News Herald in Panama City reported for Saturday editions.

    They were taken to the Bay County Jail and are each being held on $17,500 bond.
  7. ravinraven

    ravinraven Well-Known Member

    selective thievery

    A friend of a friend of mine is a fairly successful artist. This event took place about thirty years age. The artist leaves his home for months at a time to go to shows, etc. At the time he had a cheap eight-track stereo system. On his wall he had an original Monet worth many thousands of bucks.

    My friend is checking the place out one day and notices that it has been broken into. The wizards who did that job took the eight-track stereo and left the Monet on the wall.

  8. SiG Lady

    SiG Lady Well-Known Member

    Similar thing happened to me and the ex on one occasion... came home to the quiet aftermath of an obvious break-in. No major damage, but noticed they'd taken 11 one-dollar bills out of a closed jar I kept such things in, AND my cheap-o, dorky hair-dryer. OK, so they were kinky or something and liked pink hair-dryers I guess, but they left the CAMERAS behind that were just sitting right there on the bed! Along with the jewelry, the stereo and other valuables. All intact. Wha'...??
    Dumb and getting dumber, folks.
  9. White Horseradish

    White Horseradish Well-Known Member

    Have I got stuff for you...

    Last week, someone got into my parents' basement because someone forgot to lock the door. They turned everythig upside down, ignored luggage and power tools and stole 2 souvenir t-shirts my mom got in Florida last year.

    Last month someone broke into my van and pulled the radio out of the dash. They left it on the seat.

    Last year my 14-year old van got stolen. It had coffee stains inside and rust outside. It was recovered 3 weeks later minus the coffee-stained upholstery.

    The year before that someone broke into my other old van, turned everything upside down, did not take anything, but left me a worn-out loafer.
  10. SiG Lady

    SiG Lady Well-Known Member

    Is it 'dumb' or is it just 'out there'...?

    There's just no understanding some humans...... :rolleyes:
  11. Hypnogator

    Hypnogator Well-Known Member

    A long time ago, in a country far far away.......

    I worked on a rape case where a female soldier was attacked in her barracks room. As he fled, the rapist left a Christmas card behind. In an envelope with his name and address on it. :D

    On another similar occasion, the idiot rapist actually left his ID card at the scene. :D :D :D

    The most hilarious case I ever heard of, though, was the Great Kornwestheim Cow-F---er Caper. It seems a farmer near Ludendorff Kaserne in Kornwestheim, Germany complained to the Poleizi that someone had been, er, intimate with his cows. A distinctive trail led from his barn to the back fence of Ludendorff Kaserne, so naturally, the Poleizi were happy to turn it over to the US Army CID. Being too busy to surveil the path, our intrepid agents dusted ol' Bossy's rear with thief powder (Gensen Violet). Well, the next day, the farmer again found ol' Bossy with a bucket behind her and a contented look on her face, so he informed us that the miscreant had been at it again! We contacted the unit commanders at Ludendorff and held a noontime formation, at which we had all personnel drop trou. (This was '73 -- we could do stuff like that back then). Sure enough, one of the young soldiers was blue from his belly button to his knees! :what: When we approached him, he said, "I have no idea how this got there." to which our intrepid agent replied, "We do, son. We do." :evil: :evil: :evil:
  12. SiG Lady

    SiG Lady Well-Known Member

    ...caught with his pants down... sorta...

    God, that's hilarious!!
  13. JohnBT

    JohnBT Well-Known Member

    Richmond police arrested a street corner dealer a few years ago. They got on to him because he was handing out business cards with his home phone number on them.

    More years back down around Petersburg a kid doing a deal ran from the police, but they caught him in the woods. See, it was after dark and he was wearing those sneaks with the flashing lights in the heels.

  14. ravinraven

    ravinraven Well-Known Member

    Another funny one...

    About 15 or more years ago, a friend of mine was getting her son ready to go back to college. She's helping him pack his stuff.

    Their conversation went something like this:

    mom: "Where's your razor?"
    son: "Somebody ripped it off."
    m: "Where's your calculator?"
    s: "Somebody ripped it off."
    m: "Where's your clock radio?"
    s: "Somebody ripped it off."
    m: "These are great tapes, son. Where did you get them?"
    s: "I ripped them off."

    I guess the idea is to come out at least even in the rip off game.

  15. PMDW

    PMDW Well-Known Member

    Something similar happened when I lived in Louisiana, only it was a bank robber.
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2004
  16. jke456

    jke456 Well-Known Member

    just curious how they could charge them with possession with intent to deliver as the had just a few stems actually in there possession??????????? :confused:

  17. SMMAssociates

    SMMAssociates Well-Known Member

    (These are ancient. Sorry....)


    An apartment complex my Guard Service had responsibility for was having wheels and tires vanish off cars in the parking lot. We'd find concrete blocks where they used to be. I used to take a ride through the lot "off duty" just for the heck of it on nights that I was bored and not on duty.

    I spotted a nice looking red Mustang doing pretty much the same thing as I was.... Which was kind of funny 'cause nobody in our group had a Mustang.

    Eased out of the property and drove to another parking lot where I could keep an eye on things a bit, and grabbed for the radio. That's when I noticed that the Mustang was now in the parking lot of a building under construction, with a Township PD car....

    The PD guys and I had a good laugh when I told 'em where those kids were going with the concrete blocks they'd just put in the back seat of the Mustang....

    Oh yeah.... The car belonged to the driver's older sister. She was not amused.... :eek:

    (Mustangs were brand new at the time. I probably wouldn't have noticed an old Chevy.)

    Or, there was this guy that a Township PD guy and I caught in one of "my" apartment buildings. One of the tenants noticed him. We caught him with a wire coat hanger tucked under his shirt. Never would have attracted any attention if he'd stayed outside and boosted whatever he wanted, but apparently he decided to come inside to stay warm. Whoops.... :D

    There's a "Darwin Awards" site out there someplace that lists a ton of these.
  18. Art Eatman

    Art Eatman Administrator Staff Member

    jke456, isn't an admission of having had possession of an illegal substance good enough?

    I still like the story of the bank robber who handed the "gimme the money" note to a teller. Trouble was, he'd written it on his own deposit slip...

  19. SiG Lady

    SiG Lady Well-Known Member

    The robbery-note-on-the-deposit-slip is a classic.
    Might as well write your threat right on the back of your business card!
  20. Hkmp5sd

    Hkmp5sd Well-Known Member

    I like the guy that happened to choose a government payday to rob a bank. He also happened to choose a bank across the street from a federal office building. Apparently, he didn't notice the large number of well dressed folks standing in line all through the bank. He was wise enough to not want to see how well the FBI teaches their agents to shoot.

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