Possessing a gun in a parent's home

runningfast · Jan 25, 2010

I couldn't really come up with a more succinct and informative title, so I apologize if it's stilted.

Long story short: if you're in a position where it's not viable for you to be financially independent (re: live on your own), and your parent is adamantly anti-gun, is it unethical to covertly possess a gun in his home, anyway? Let's say you know with absolute certainty that he wouldn't approve, but you feel unsafe without carrying.

Knowing his views on guns (however irrational and culturally conditioned they may be) and his almost certain response to your carrying... are you under any ethical imperative to be open about this?

Part of me says that it's his house, and so if I'm doing something that would make him uncomfortable- even if he's uncomfortable for a silly, unjustified reason- it's my responsibility to be open with him or just not do that thing.

The other part of me says that I know I can be trusted to be safe with a firearm, and as long as my possessing it doesn't impact him or his home or his way of life... I am no more obligated to tell him I have it than, say, a tshirt depicting imagery he'd object to.

I don't want to be a self-serving, snot nosed brat, so I am totally opening myself up here to the possibility that I'm being unreasonable. Am I?

If I know it would bother him to discover something that I can hide easily, am I obligated to share it with him since it's under his roof?

Deus Machina · Jan 25, 2010

Well, that's a personal thing.

Would he kick you out if he found out?
Do you feel so completely unsafe that you have to have a gun, that can't be attributed to paranoia?
Did he have a bad experience, or just an irrational phobia?

In my case, both my parents knew I got my carry license--it's a good ID and less paperwork--but were against me actually using it. Mom thought I'd accidentally shoot myself (like I'd treat it any different than carrying it at the range?) and dad thought I'd unnecessarily escalate anything and saw no need to carry--but dad's also a 6'8" tree of a man that steers people away with a glare.

Mom eventually got used to the fact, and after surprising dad a few times by pulling my 9mm from its holster to check it in at the range, he doesn't berate me any more.

The point being, maybe your father can be educated, get used to it, or be surprised into "Oh, well I guess he is responsible." Whether or not it's right or excusable is a personal call.

Tom Fury · Jan 25, 2010

The words respect and integrity come to mind...giving others the level of respect they deserve simply for being others will always require painful choices.
Does he trust you? Does that matter to you? Freedom comes from who we are inside; A Colt won't defend it.
cheers, tf

runningfast · Jan 25, 2010

I guess I should rephrase 'don't feel safe'. I'm not what I'd describe as paranoid- I should probably say "I could feel safer". I could feel safer walking around in kevlar and with armed bodyguards, too, but carrying a gun is the biggest improvement I can make to my safety right now with the smallest 'investment', so to speak. Plus it's a fun hobby.

I think the tone of my OP was probably off, too. This wasn't really meant to be an advice thread- it was more of a generalized thing, the way I meant to word it.

I'm really not sure how my relationship dynamic would change with my dad if something like this came to a head... I haven't known him all that long, as he wasn't around. I'm more wondering about the general principle- firearms and to what extent they should be awarded more 'consideration' in stuff like this.

If you knew your parents were deeply opposed to displays of organized religion but you decided to hang up a religious poster in your closet, secretly, that obviously wouldn't merit much discussion... so I think what I'm wondering is "are we obligated to consider guns differently"?

We know that when handled responsibly they're not mini nukes. Not everybody knows that, and so how much should we pander to that disparity?

runningfast · Jan 25, 2010

Thanks for the input so far, by the way.

ClayInTX · Jan 25, 2010

runningfast,

Whose house is it?

Does that answer your question?

Bliggida · Jan 25, 2010

Do you have a right to protect yourself and own a gun?
Yes.

Does He have the right to dictate what will happen under his roof?
Yes.

Is there something you can do in regards to either of those questions?
Yes.

Financially viable?
Military is always looking for individuals willing to take up arms to protect what the believe in!
Right up your alley.

Martyk · Jan 25, 2010

It's disrepsectful if you are living off of them

It's disrespectful if your parents are providing a roof over your head and supporting you. If it's THAT important for you to own a gun right now, then Man Up and move out and support yourself so you can have a gun. Otherwise, consider taking the money you would spend on a gun, and contributing it to the household. I'm assuming you are probably not paying rent. Not only that, but your parents have the legal right to forbid anything they want since they OWN the property and if they found out, that could have your sorry ass evicted if they so choose.

Mr. Bojangles · Jan 25, 2010

It's their house and their rules. I am all for personal protection, but I also want others to respect my wishes (rules) when they are in my home or on my property, even if their behavior is otherwise legal.

Sav .250 · Jan 25, 2010

looks like a "respect" issue to me. Your call.

cambeul41 · Jan 25, 2010

If you knew your parents were deeply opposed to displays of organized religion but you decided to hang up a religious poster in your closet, secretly, that obviously wouldn't merit much discussion... so I think what I'm wondering is "are we obligated to consider guns differently"?

I am not sure I understand your point. Your religion is your business, but it would be rude to rub it in your parents' faces in their house. What if your parents were quite religious. Would it be all right to keep a stack of skin mags "they would never find out about" in the closet or to decorate "your" room with erotic art that they found offensive?

Their home -- including the room you call "yours" -- their rules.

Martyk · Jan 25, 2010

I guess I should rephrase 'don't feel safe'. I'm not what I'd describe as paranoid- I should probably say "I could feel safer".

This is just your mental justification for getting your way. Demonstrate the factual, rational thought behind this statement

I'm really not sure how my relationship dynamic would change with my dad if something like this came to a head... I haven't known him all that long,

Huh..???!!!???

If you knew your parents were deeply opposed to displays of organized religion but you decided to hang up a religious poster in your closet, secretly, that obviously wouldn't merit much discussion... so I think what I'm wondering is "are we obligated to consider guns differently"?

Are you serious? If you can not differentiate between Religious ideology and a physical firearm, then you should not own one. I think you are trying to rationalize "Getting your way" but there is no way to do it.

Move out, if it's that important to you. Otherwise, work on building a relationship with your Father.

CajunBass · Jan 25, 2010

Your father, or any other landlord actually, has the right to make the rules. It's his property.

You have the right to leave if you don't like them.

Walkalong · Jan 25, 2010

It is a personal thing that no one can answer for you.

SSN Vet · Jan 25, 2010

is it unethical to covertly possess a gun in his home,

imo.... yes. But from the sound of your post you already know that.

viable options...

1. rent a secure storage locker someplace.

2. bolt a secure storage device into your vehicle

wishin · Jan 25, 2010

Is there no possibility of compromise? A lot depends on what his reasons are for not wanting firearms in the house. Is it a "guns are unsafe" issue with him, or some other personal reason that he'll articulate to you? Since he's not been around, is it possible that he can't legally have weapons in the house? Can you suggest to him that you'll keep the gun unloaded, well out of his sight, without specifying where you'll have it? Conversely, pointing out to him that it will be in a lock box, is another tact?

The bottom line is that if he insists on not having guns in the house, you must comply.

The Tennessean · Jan 25, 2010

This falls under the "don't bite the hand that feeds" category.

shenandoah · Jan 25, 2010

Dads' house, Dads' rules....end of argument.

sv51macross · Jan 25, 2010

My dad is one of those optimistic futurists; He think that someday we won't need guns and that he 'wants to do his part to start humanity towards that goal'. I've tried, no dice. But my mother's the breadwinner right now, and she's said if I pay rent and get a safe, she'll allow gun/s in the house. And I think she's the 'uneducated hoplophobe' type who can be neutral-ed with a little range time. Time shall tell an interesting story.

HighStrung · Jan 25, 2010

Just as you are entitled the right to own a firearm, you are also allowed the freedom to live somewhere else. Just as a previous poster mentioned, it may be that he's not allowed to have guns in his house. He's been away and you said that you don't know him that well because he hasn't been around right? Would really hate to see something bad happen to him for your decision to hide this from him. It's a matter of respect, how would you like it if this was your son asking these same questions? Quite honestly, anything that happens or is brought onto his property, he should be made aware of. I'd probably go for the "securing it in your vehicle approach", even though I'm guessing you park on his property.

KarenTOC · Jan 25, 2010

I'm with the "his house his rules" and "show some respect" crowd.

OTOH, I disagree with the folks who say there's a world of difference between secretely hanging a religious poster in the closet in an anti-religious home, and hiding a gun in an anti-gun home. IMHO, both are seriously disrespectful and neither should be done.

NMGonzo · Jan 25, 2010

Put a gun safe in your car.

runningfast · Jan 25, 2010

Thank you for your thoughts, everyone.

I think that my age/upbringing is definitely showing, here. In reading all of your responses I'm starting to feel childish and small. Good job making me reconsider my position.

For the person who asked: I don't have a relationship with my dad because he skipped out on me as a kid. After my mom passed away, though, he elected to introduce himself and help me out.

Madcap_Magician · Jan 25, 2010

Good attitude. I think the car safe is your best compromise.

Fremmer · Jan 25, 2010

if you're in a position where it's not viable for you to be financially independent (re: live on your own), and your parent is adamantly anti-gun, is it unethical to covertly possess a gun in his home, anyway? Let's say you know with absolute certainty that he wouldn't approve, but you feel unsafe without carrying.

Yeah. Sorry man, but yeah.

Either keep the gun somewhere else (I don't know about the car, too many theft problems), or just bring it up and see what he says. But you can't keep it there without talking to him about it.

Possessing a gun in a parent's home

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