funniest gun stories/quotes

I knew a guy who was a bit of a horse trader who's first question was always, "Is this an automatic or a V 8?" I traded him a Dan Wesson and 2 truck loads of tomato stakes for a Plymouth station wagon.

I heard a guy at the gun counter asking about a rcoil pad for hisrifle. The clerks asked him what kind of rifle was it, and he didn't know and said it was given to him by his grandfather. They asked him what caliber, and he said, "I don't know. All I know about it is that it is a 30-06." Sad thing was I knew this guy and he stated to me he grew up around guns and was an avid hunter. BS I think.

Also I heard a girl say one that killed me. We we're driving up I-25 in Colorado and she just stared out at the freeway median. There were bails of hay out there for barriers. Out of no where she said, "It's amazing how hay grows so square like that." She actually thought that the barriers were wild hay growing.

"You don't even have to aim it. Just point it in their direction and you can't miss!"

I've heard this one said about shotguns several times now. Mostly by "non-gunnies" but by one guy who only owns pistols and rifles.

One of the ones who said it was an actual redneck. I only corrected him so he didn't say something that dumb around other backwoods guys who know what the crap they're talking about. I made sure he remembered it so he didn't ruin his credibility with the rest of the guys. Most of whom hunt turkey.

My Grandma asked me once if I could teach her to shoot a double barrel automatic.I said of course if you can get me one. That would be a collector deluxe.

Fella next door told me his tiny brand new Peugeot car was a V8. I disputed this, he went and got the documents to prove it.

It was an 8V, i.e 4 cylinder 8 valve. Not even a 16 valve

I'm glad he don't have guns

"The Navy has a new gun that is awesome, it can shoot bullets around corners. You have to be careful that you don't shoot it around a building and get yourself in the back with it!" From an old guy in the local Dicks Sporting Goods.

someones sig line here

"that is a 5 five shot revolver" "no way its six you idiot, 5 in the cylinder and 1 in the chamber"

I used to hunt with a guy who was pretty small... as a matter of fact his pants sized used to match up with the gun he carried... when asked what he hunted with he would respond "I shoot's what I wear kid... a turdy-turdy"

My brother-in-law and I were shooting at 100 yards with his 30.06. My son (10 years old) was watching. My BIL is a better shot than I and he has zero problem telling everyone. Now the good part.....

My son: Uncle Dave, you sure are a good shot
Dave: I know, I can beat your dad any day
My son: Wow, if I stand out there by the targets can you hit an apple in my hand?
Dave: Nope, but I can make you drop it.

I almost wet myself laughing.

Asked by a first time shooter, female variety, "Which sight is the front sight?"

"This one, the one in front, how could it be otherwise?"

"Well, the other one is closer to my front."

She then proceeded, at seven yards, to put her first 50 rounds into an area that might have been covered with one hand. She may not have been able to name the sights, but she could use them.

My brother laughs himself silly talking about a "Deagle with da beams" and how dangerous it is as a firearm. Apparently in ebonics a "deagle with da beams" is a Desert Eagle with a laser sight. According to the fellow describing it to his buddy all you had to do is "put doze beams on a m-fer and he is dead".

He has a friend who owns a pawn shop on the edge. Adding "da beams" to a gun apparently sends it flying out the door. Nothing says bad like a Bryco 9mm with a 29 dollar laser.

I've told this one before, but it bears repeating:

I got a phone call at the shop from a customer asking about rifle scopes.

HIM: What does it mean if a rifle scope is a 4x-32?

ME: That means it's a four power scope with a 32 mm front lens.

HIM: What does 4 power mean?

ME: That means if your target is 100 yards away, it appears to be only 25 yards away.

HIM: Does the bullet still have to go the whole 100 yards?

Long pause.

ME: Yes, sir, the bullet still has to go the entire 100 yards. The scope merely makes the target look like it's only 25 yards away. It does not have the ability to warp the space-time continuum.

How I managed to hang up without laughing out loud, I'll never know.

lonegunman said:

He has a friend who owns a pawn shop on the edge. Adding "da beams" to a gun apparently sends it flying out the door.

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Phased plasma rifle, in the 40 watt range.

"10 gauge is the smallest caliber shotguns-hardly any recoil"

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Are sure you didnt miss the 4 at the beginning as in 410 being the smallest shotgun shell made? Which is subjective when you consider .22lr birdshot.

Tommy standing at a press and was asked what he was working on.

Well I got this new thang, that I gotta press into this thang, so when I get finished, I'll have a new thang to put back into this thang.

He was from Oklahoma and was serious.

ME: Yes, sir, the bullet still has to go the entire 100 yards. The scope merely makes the target look like it's only 25 yards away. It does not have the ability to warp the space-time continuum.

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A friend of mine who's a SEAL says they have a scope that does make the target come closer, but he can't talk about it because it's classified n stuff

Frog0207 Germany made guns that would shot around corners, they used them in tanks. Also Israel has one that will shoot around corners with a TV monitor on it.

It doesn't really shoot around corners, rather it's basically a door pivot and a camera with a glock strapped to one end. All the size of a full sized carbine, all the stopping power of a handgun.

That's right on the Israeli one, but the German one does shoot around a corner.

Back in the day (the 80's) when Jack First still had the store in Lancaster, CA. They had a great answer to the newbie would walk in and ask for a "dirty hairy gun". The would pull out a gun that they had glued hair and dirt to and put it on the counter. The first time I saw them do it I almost hit the floor laughing.

"If guns cause crime, all of mine are defective."

Ted Nugent

I am aware of the firearms that can see and/or shoot around one corner. BUT around a building and shoot yourself in the back!!!! He was dead serious about this and I had all I could do not to laugh on the way out the door.

FROGO207 said:

I am aware of the firearms that can see and/or shoot around one corner. BUT around a building and shoot yourself in the back!!!! He was dead serious about this and I had all I could do not to laugh on the way out the door.

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I was thinking he was joking...some of those old timers can really belt out a joke with a straight face.