Minority Living with AntiGun Majority

I think your biggest problem right now is you're about to marry a woman who HATES something you LOVE.

Other than that, I got no useful advice for you.

Does anyone else have to deal with the same crap?

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Nope, and I wouldn't.

Like for example, my fiance says that when we live together, she doesn't want it in our house.

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Family you can't choose. Fiances you can. If you marry her knowing her feelings about guns, you have no one to blame but yourself when you don't have them. You have to decide what's more important to you.

I won't go into what I would do, and hopefully others won't either, because that tends to get threads locked quickly.

Bad situation. Unless you can convert her, you'll probably have to give up either the guns or her. What will you do when (not if) she issues her ultimatum?

Do a search. There are plenty of threads on this subject.

Life is hard enough as it is.

Marriage is hard, too, even if you start out with someone who shares your fundamental outlook on life.

Choose someone who is very different, and you choose an infinitely harder life for yourself.

The good news is...you are young, and there is a whole world of potential partners.

I wish you luck, my friend...you will need lots of it. And luck does not favor the unprepared.

Your stuck w/ family...but headed for a world of pain with the fiance. I wouldn't have had that problem, I CC'd back in college even, any anti I accidentally dated would have split.

I'd make a solid effort to convert her, take her shooting a .22, teach her firearm safety, prepare some good arguments. If that fails, your choices are to completely give in or leave. How important is firearms ownership to you vs. being w/ her?

My family is all anti-gun as well. My mother is your typical NY liberal and also sees guns as nothing but killing machines. I blame this in part due to the fact she has been a nurse for over 35 years. She has seen so many people hurt that she has turned into a protectionist. I choose not to let her know about my firearm ownership, although I think she has a pretty good idea after seeing my 44 gun safe in the house.

On the plus side though my wife is completely pro-2a. Once she shot my AR she was hooked, same thing with my sister! Perhaps try getting your fiance out there shooting. From my experiences women end up loving it.

You can't choose who raised you. You can't choose who your natural family are. As you mature you do get a few brief moments where you may set out the circumstances under which you will live your own life. Standing up for yourself and becoming your own man doesn't require you to argue with anyone or convince anyone of anything. It only requires that you 1) decide and 2) proceed to live under your principles, not theirs.

You may find that after you've lived part of your lifetime as a responsible and peaceable man your example may have swayed your family's opinion far more than any argument or confrontation ever could have. But for that to happen, you have to get out and live the life you want to live.

Now, part of growing up and becoming a man also means making a firm (but gentle and earnest) stand with the loved one you've invited to share your life with you. You are not a pet, nor a subject. You are a partner. And if the terms of your relationship are not able to accommodate things you hold dear, then you need to be able to offer her the chance to not be bound to someone she'll have to subjugate in order to feel comfortable. If that's the relationship you build now, it will be very unhappy and, at best, short.

I agree with getting her out to the range. If she is at all 'reasonable' she should be amenable to at least that, and I would make that non-negotiable. Most people are converted to an extent just by getting familiar with the fun side of shooting.

Does anyone else have to deal with the same crap?

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Not me. My wife owns 8 guns and competes in action pistol. You only get to live your life one time. I'd suggest carefully evaluating all of your decisions to make sure you live it the way you want to. If you have one point of contention that severe with a fiancé - I will guarantee there will be more. The solution to the problem of disagreements after you're married can be quite expensive...

Hmmm, reminds me of someone who once said -- ask yourself what things you'll want to find in your second wife -- and marry her instead. You may never get the chance to meet her later on and it will be a painful and costly road to get you there if you ever do.

Or to quote a very good (and ultra experienced in the field) friend........."I ain't gettin' married again, I'll just find someone I hate and sign a house over to 'em"!

Sam's right about that!!!

Stop kidding yourself and find someone that shares your interests (all of them.)

Jim

Praxidike said:

Does anyone else have to deal with the same crap? Are 99% of the people in your life against firearms, and you feel that you constantly have to hide, argue, and defend your rights to your loved ones? If so, how do you deal with it?

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Nope. Can't help you with advice to deal with it, except to say that you don't have to. Not saying the only solution is to move and/or find a new mate, but have you considered it? There are plenty of great states in this country where the majority are pro-gun, or at least not-anti. I'm in the process of organizing a range outing for my group at work and about half my coworkers have guns to bring. I don't know how large a part of your life firearms are, but it sounds like you will be giving up something that is important to you if you continue on this path. Think hard, my friend, but be sure to talk to your fiance - a lot.

Break the engagement and put yourself up for adoption.

Praxidike said:

LOL mine too man. All my family are New York Liberals... I figured there would be more who were in my situation, but I guess not. I'm not too worried about the fiance, or the fam. It's more of an annoyance than anything. It just gets old having to hide the crap, explain myself, and not dealing with all the drama... Because most of you have not had to deal with it, it's like being an Atheist in living in a deeply religious town with deeply religious family...

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I'm all for the "gray man" mode of low profile living, but anytime you have to lie or hide anything truly important in your life than something isn't right. I believe over time it will be a big deal and that you're only fooling yourself to believe otherwise.

If your fiance isn't going to accept everything about you, then you need to get a new fiance.

Hmmm...

Lots of advice to essentially give the fiancé the boot. However, I've a wee bit different approach.

Dating, even at the fiancé level, is about two people doing things together, enjoying each other's company, and LEARNING about each other. And, contrary to what appears to be popular belief among many (even older people), just because you're dating someone DOESN'T mean that person HAS to be "the one and only".

In fact, part of the learning about each other aspect of dating is learning whether or not the relationship has the capacity to become a lifetime commitment. There is absolutely NO dishonor for either person to break off the relationship if they come to the conclusion that the relationship really shouldn't go any further...regardless of what the other person feels about it.

That said, your decision in this matter is your own to make. But I would put to you that this having to "hide the fact that I own firearms from my family" shows a character flaw that you, as a responsible adult, need to work on. Your life is your own and, as Sam1911 said, you need to live it as if it's your own...not somebody else's.

You will have to break this issue with guns to your fiancé and discuss it. The issues go deeper than "me or the guns", which may be all that she sees or ever will see. If you cannot get past that to the core values YOU have and the level of maturity and responsibility YOU should be living accordingly...then I submit to you that you'll never get past any other superficial issue to these matters later on.

I also strongly suspect that there are other issues which the two of you either are, or will have but haven't discovered, which are hot-beds between you. You need to work to figure these things out, understand your own core values with respect to them, get a handle on HER core values, and decide how this fits into a continuing relationship.

The relationship status shouldn't be determined solely over gun ownership...it should be determined over core values. Core values are deeply ingrained in who we are, established and rooted in our earliest upbringing, education, beliefs, and experiences. They do NOT change easily, nor quickly...and often require years to do so when the attempt is made.

Two of 'my' favorite guns technically belong to The Wife, so I can not imagine your situation OP...

The only thing I can imagine is that if it were me (and it aint), I'd run...

Good luck...

My mom has similar anti-gun feelings, but she's willing to accept my gun ownership and pro-self defense views. We've even had some calm discussions about our opposing philosophies.

When we first started dating, my wife was extremely anti-gun. She didn't even want me to keep an unloaded .22 pistol in our apartment. Eventually, with patience, logic, and not forcing the issue, she came around. I was enrolled at CST at the time, and I pointed out that I was going to be around guns the rest of my life and it would be a good idea if she at least knew how to clear a loaded firearm safely if necessary. She eventually decided to go out shooting with me on her own, and loved shooting the same little .22 from above. Now she's very pro-gun, and pro-self defense.

I wouldn't advice breaking up or not breaking up, it depends on how volatile an issue it is between you. I'm going to go out on a limb and make the assumption she's your fiancee for a good reason, whether she likes guns or not

Relationships should be based on mutual respect (among other things). She doesn't have to like or share your enthusiasm for firearms...but she should respect your interests. If she cannot even do that, you will face 'difficulties' down the road.

You can't change your family or their views (although you can try), it is what it is. But to spend the rest of your life with someone who 'hates' your interests and doesn't respect or tolerate them is something that needs to be addressed now. Is there anything else she 'hates' besides firearms? (Don't answer that here, but list them on paper and start adding them up - if applicable ). Whatever the case, let the facts (not emotions) be your guide. Take the blinders off and look at things now, then 5 years, 10 years and 25 years from now. What do you see? (Don't answer that here, just write it down privately.)

Good Luck

you need to break it off with the fiancé. trust me on that one! you will thank us and yourself later on. marriage is hard enough as it is... trust me I know first hand. If you are on opposite sides on something you love its going to be hard now but will only get worse... and believe me it will get worse. You will end up in a nightmare you cant wake up from.

Does anyone else have to deal with the same crap?

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I ended up getting a divorce for a variety of reasons, and this was one of them. My Ex was unreasonable too. Don't do it.

Anti's are usually very passionate about their resolve. It's not like your hobby is playing golf.