Kalashnikovkid
Member
Hi there, Highroaders!
It's been awhile, but I recently had an issue with the wife I imagine a few of you here have dealt with, and I'd like to know what came about. What follows is the backstory to why I'm asking this question; if you'd like to just read the question *SKIP TO THE END*!!!!
I got married about a year ago to my college sweetheart, and due to my being in the military, my wife and I currently reside in a foreign country that prohibits gun ownership. As much as it stinks to not get to really shoot for a few years (no, qualification once in a blue moon doesn't count!), we're in a country my wife loves so I've got some encouragement. However, a man's got his passions, so early in my arrival I got in contact with a gun dealer I've done a little business with in the past and he is holding any guns I order on Gunbroker until I get out of the service (O what a glorious day that will be!!!) and return CONUS.
Without saying the exact number, let's just say I'm in my mid twenties and I own more than a couple a guns, which my wife knows. However, because we were together in college for over a year and my guns were stored at home, she doesn't know the EXACT number that I own. I originally thought that due to a lack of inquiry on her part, she was good with only knowing as much as she knew (silence is consent!). I told her about my deal with the FFL, and that I was going to pick up a few new toys from time to time while we're here. She then gets into her wanting me to tell her whenever I get a new gun, and that's where the issue starts. Here's why:
1. In the past, she's seen me buy guns and not said a word. Not one. Hell, she's even been on the range with me when I've bought a new gun, and then shot it with me in addition to the 3 or 4 I already brought with me.
2. We have separate finances, and had no issues with it as a couple. Mind you, with her looking for and finally starting a new job after 7 months of unemployment, with me being the primary breadwinner I've assumed all family costs. I bought our first car, pay for the insurance, buy all the food, put clothes on our backs, pay her college debt, and give her money for literally anything she needs without a single complaint. I do this because it's the right thing to do, and it's not something I wave in her face as a guilt trip because I want to see her succeed and be happy.
3. Because we have separate finances, we've always had the "buy what you want as long as we take care of mutual expenses" mantra, and it works. It also goes both ways. She could literally come home in a brand new Lamborghini, and as long as she paid cash for it and didn't put a burden on us, my only question would be, "can you take me for a ride in it?"
All that being said, I asked her why she wants to know when I buy a new gun but not any other inanimate object, and she said, "because I didn't grow up with guns, and they make me uncomfortable." With me coming from a philosophy background in college,her statement was not sustaining critical inquiry from the husband half of the equation. I pushed the point that guns are inanimate objects just like a lot of the other things I bring home that she doesn't ask to know about, so again, why have you relegated them to special status?
Her response: "They're dangerous, and they make me uncomfortable."
Me, with her implicit assumption about the inherent nature of wholly inanimate objects aside: "statistically speaking, and according to Center for Disease Control statistics, the cars we own are more dangerous than guns. The alcohol we consume on a regular basis helps to end more lives a year than both guns and cars combined. The occasional cigar you've seen me smoke will assist in killing more people then all of the above. All that being said, is it really fair that you've attached such special significance to guns, something you've long known I have a passion for?
Her, now in tears:"You're placing guns before me. You make me feel like I can't trust you because you don't want to tell me when you buy a gun. If it makes me feel comfortable, why does it matter?"
At this point, we've reached an impasse, so we agreed to disagree for a few months. Yes, I kept buying guns that she didn't know about during this time. When it finally comes up again in another argument, I tell her that one of the reasons I do not think me telling her is necessary, besides all the ones I've already mentioned, is because I do not see how the exact number of guns that I own has any actual bearing on how dangerous it is within our home. If she believes that 3 guns are dangerous, and she knows I already have that many, then does our home get exponentially more dangerous if that number becomes 30, or 300? No. Second, if the "they're dangerous" reasoning is rejected, the only plausible reason she'd need to know how many guns I have is CONTROL. However, we've already agreed that as long as our mutual expenses are paid for, our money is our money and she has no logical basis to influence how many guns I buy. Of course, me bringing all this up only leads to more tears and her admittance that her view is based on feeling, but that she can't be comfortable in our home unless she knows.
So, like most married guys, I had to accept that her feelings and comfortability matter more to me than sustainable logic, so I've apologized and agreed to tell her the number. However, besides telling her that I disagree with her reasoning, she needed to understand the absolute trust that she'll be the first girlfriend or wife (to include my own mother) I've ever met who knows the true expense of her boyfriend's/husband's hobbies and doesn't make it a control issue. Whether or not this holds true remains to to be experience(proof is in the whiskey!).
THE QUESTION: If you're spouse wanted to know whenever you bought a new gun for the reasons my wife stated, even if you've agreed to have separate checking accounts as long as mutual expenses are paid for, you make sure all needs are provided for, and you give to the other person liberally, would you also provide this information?
It's been awhile, but I recently had an issue with the wife I imagine a few of you here have dealt with, and I'd like to know what came about. What follows is the backstory to why I'm asking this question; if you'd like to just read the question *SKIP TO THE END*!!!!
I got married about a year ago to my college sweetheart, and due to my being in the military, my wife and I currently reside in a foreign country that prohibits gun ownership. As much as it stinks to not get to really shoot for a few years (no, qualification once in a blue moon doesn't count!), we're in a country my wife loves so I've got some encouragement. However, a man's got his passions, so early in my arrival I got in contact with a gun dealer I've done a little business with in the past and he is holding any guns I order on Gunbroker until I get out of the service (O what a glorious day that will be!!!) and return CONUS.
Without saying the exact number, let's just say I'm in my mid twenties and I own more than a couple a guns, which my wife knows. However, because we were together in college for over a year and my guns were stored at home, she doesn't know the EXACT number that I own. I originally thought that due to a lack of inquiry on her part, she was good with only knowing as much as she knew (silence is consent!). I told her about my deal with the FFL, and that I was going to pick up a few new toys from time to time while we're here. She then gets into her wanting me to tell her whenever I get a new gun, and that's where the issue starts. Here's why:
1. In the past, she's seen me buy guns and not said a word. Not one. Hell, she's even been on the range with me when I've bought a new gun, and then shot it with me in addition to the 3 or 4 I already brought with me.
2. We have separate finances, and had no issues with it as a couple. Mind you, with her looking for and finally starting a new job after 7 months of unemployment, with me being the primary breadwinner I've assumed all family costs. I bought our first car, pay for the insurance, buy all the food, put clothes on our backs, pay her college debt, and give her money for literally anything she needs without a single complaint. I do this because it's the right thing to do, and it's not something I wave in her face as a guilt trip because I want to see her succeed and be happy.
3. Because we have separate finances, we've always had the "buy what you want as long as we take care of mutual expenses" mantra, and it works. It also goes both ways. She could literally come home in a brand new Lamborghini, and as long as she paid cash for it and didn't put a burden on us, my only question would be, "can you take me for a ride in it?"
All that being said, I asked her why she wants to know when I buy a new gun but not any other inanimate object, and she said, "because I didn't grow up with guns, and they make me uncomfortable." With me coming from a philosophy background in college,her statement was not sustaining critical inquiry from the husband half of the equation. I pushed the point that guns are inanimate objects just like a lot of the other things I bring home that she doesn't ask to know about, so again, why have you relegated them to special status?
Her response: "They're dangerous, and they make me uncomfortable."
Me, with her implicit assumption about the inherent nature of wholly inanimate objects aside: "statistically speaking, and according to Center for Disease Control statistics, the cars we own are more dangerous than guns. The alcohol we consume on a regular basis helps to end more lives a year than both guns and cars combined. The occasional cigar you've seen me smoke will assist in killing more people then all of the above. All that being said, is it really fair that you've attached such special significance to guns, something you've long known I have a passion for?
Her, now in tears:"You're placing guns before me. You make me feel like I can't trust you because you don't want to tell me when you buy a gun. If it makes me feel comfortable, why does it matter?"
At this point, we've reached an impasse, so we agreed to disagree for a few months. Yes, I kept buying guns that she didn't know about during this time. When it finally comes up again in another argument, I tell her that one of the reasons I do not think me telling her is necessary, besides all the ones I've already mentioned, is because I do not see how the exact number of guns that I own has any actual bearing on how dangerous it is within our home. If she believes that 3 guns are dangerous, and she knows I already have that many, then does our home get exponentially more dangerous if that number becomes 30, or 300? No. Second, if the "they're dangerous" reasoning is rejected, the only plausible reason she'd need to know how many guns I have is CONTROL. However, we've already agreed that as long as our mutual expenses are paid for, our money is our money and she has no logical basis to influence how many guns I buy. Of course, me bringing all this up only leads to more tears and her admittance that her view is based on feeling, but that she can't be comfortable in our home unless she knows.
So, like most married guys, I had to accept that her feelings and comfortability matter more to me than sustainable logic, so I've apologized and agreed to tell her the number. However, besides telling her that I disagree with her reasoning, she needed to understand the absolute trust that she'll be the first girlfriend or wife (to include my own mother) I've ever met who knows the true expense of her boyfriend's/husband's hobbies and doesn't make it a control issue. Whether or not this holds true remains to to be experience(proof is in the whiskey!).
THE QUESTION: If you're spouse wanted to know whenever you bought a new gun for the reasons my wife stated, even if you've agreed to have separate checking accounts as long as mutual expenses are paid for, you make sure all needs are provided for, and you give to the other person liberally, would you also provide this information?
