It's not too uncommon to find complaints about gunsmiths on the internet. Some are legitimate gripes, some probably misunderstandings, and some are...well, very much otherwise.
So at the risk of bringing the world-wide hoplosphere down on my unsuspecting head, I thought I'd throw up some counterbattery from the other side of the shop window. I think some of these may be slightly funny. Then again, I work in this field so my mental state and stability are in question from the start. Probably best to take it with a couple of tablespoons of salt.
***
Unless I promised a gun to you on a specific date, I’ll call when the work is finished. In the meantime, calling requires me to answer the phone. Answering the phone takes me away from the bench. The bench is where the gunsmithing magic happens. If your gun isn’t getting done fast enough, I assure you that keeping me on the line won’t make it go any faster.
***
The last gunsmith left before I hired on. I am unfamiliar with and do not honor special deals, standing arrangements, or handle unusual requests free of charge as may have been his practice. You may also notice that he wasn’t here that long…
***
Yes, we can do painted finishes. Some flavors of paint exponentially more difficult than others. This can include most every light and/or fluorescent color and certain camouflages, patterns, or combinations. Sometimes the work takes more time than expected. I appreciate your patience while I try to deliver you a quality product next week rather than a turd tomorrow.
***
“No sir, the UPS truck hasn’t delivered your parts yet. No sir, I don’t have the invoice. No sir, I can’t get the shipment here any faster. Once your part arrives I can have that sucker installed and the gun turned and ready to pick up in thirty minutes or less (usually). Until then, by all means carry on explaining how me, the delivery service, and probably the universe are conspiring against you.”
***
A gun purchased here three years ago does not entitle you to free parts, labor, or modifications today. This goes double for guns modified since they left our book.
***
“I recall that rifle coming through, and I halfway remember the work, but this shows signs of a monkey wrench and a five-pound sledge, and I don’t remember being that dumb.”
***
English is a prerequisite. I am not bilingual by any stretch of the imagination, and about the only Spanish words I’ve committed to memory are the sort that result in broken bones, sucking chest wounds, and stitches. If you do not habla ingles, por favor bring a friend who does.
***
Yes, I know how to convert all kinds of things to full-auto. I could convert your patio furniture to full auto, given time. No, I will not do one ‘off the books’ nor will I instruct you how to do it yourself. If you’d like to pursue this, I can give you the number of some upstanding experts who know a good deal about firearms (also alcohol, tobacco, and explosives) who would be happy to swing by your house and explain the situation in detail.
***
You bought a cheap pocket pistol with a 14lb trigger pull and no safety. I cannot lighten the trigger, regardless what Reddit told you, and no one makes a drop-in replacement because the aftermarket parts retail for more than the cost of the gun.
***
“You’ve got a Browning A5 owned by Hitler? Awesome. I’ve got a pair of Broomhandle Mausers carried by Genghis Kahn. Of course, his were chambered for .357 mag….”
***
I understand that you hold this establishment in low regard. You think the manager is a horse’s ass, the counter help are idiots, the prices are stupidly high, and the range rules suck. That’s cool. Also, hi…I’m the gunsmith, and I work back here in the gunsmith cave. Outside my tiny fiefdom I control nothing on the premises and cannot address any of your grievances, no matter how loudly you shout them at me.
***
That last gunsmith was great. Yeah, I hear that a lot. I don’t have his phone number, nor do I know where he presently resides. He didn’t leave us any forwarding information…probably for a reason.
***
This is a business. While we try to accommodate all of our customers and their needs, there are some jobs we won’t take. This does not reflect on your character, lineage, or choice in firearms. This is a factor of our avoiding unnecessary liability, not taking work for which we are not tooled and/or qualified, and recognizing that some jobs are sinks for time and money.
***
The sign by the desk that says Employees Only? That means the other gunsmith, the rest of the staff, and me. Please respect the sign. If we need you back here (as we occasionally do) we will invite you.
***
“No sir, 6.5 Grendel won’t work in a 6.5 Carcano, even though the cartridges sound the same…”
***
When you’re picking up a gun that we repaired, I’ll be happy to give you the gist of what was done. I won’t teach you how to do it yourself next time, nor will I walk you through the required tooling or processes. If you must know I can give you some literature on reputable trade schools which gladly pick your pockets while imparting the arcane knowledge and forbidden practices of this dark art known as gunsmithing.
***
Between the limitations of my imagination and your wonky attempts at describing the problem we’re getting nowhere. Bring it in and I’ll look at it.
***
Someday I hope to be a master gunsmith who can fashion world-class match rifles and trap guns from scratch using just a file, a hammer, and a hand saw on raw ore and walnut which I personally harvested. That day is not today.
***
My schooling covered stockmaking, machine work, finishing and repair, all of it hands-on and all of it shop-intensive. So yup…that’s exactly the same as your brother’s Penn-Foster mail-order gunsmithing degree. What kind of rifles did he build in school, how did he finish them, and what’s his preference as stock blanks go?
***
An emergency job brought in five minutes before closing will not be ready by 9AM the following day, no matter how long the hunting trip has been planned.
***
‘Return to function’ means that the gun in question is mechanically sound and all the levers and switches work as intended. It does not include a free cleaning, refinish work, stock fitting, or accurizing.
***
Gunsmithing is a glamorous profession. I try to stay humble. Actually, 99% of what I do is sit at a bench with a punch and hammer and play raccoon until stuff works again, and 99% of my raccoon work boils down to gunsmithing somebody else’s gunsmithing.
***
This line of work is not ‘just like’ any other. That’s not arrogance. Aviation line service is not finance is not computer programming is not brain surgery is not gunsmithing. So forgive me if the internet’s ideas about my trade and how things ought to be don’t square with reality. I’m sure everybody at your favorite online hangout knows all about it….
***
The attributes that make a good gunsmith don’t always go hand-in-hand with the attributes that make for a bright and sunny personality. I try to be friendly, but past a certain point I can either focus on giving you the warm fuzzies/customer of the year feelz or repairing your problem firearms. Pick one.
***
I will happily refinish your old firearm. I’ll do my level best to preserve the markings. No, it won’t be on par with Doug Turnbull, but I operate on the assumption that you’d like your gun back sometime this decade for less than the price of a modestly used car.
***
There is no such thing as a bargain custom rifle build.
***
If you demand a gunsmith who admits to not knowing the answer to your question, you lose the rationale for being irate when said gunsmith admits he doesn’t know the answer to your question.
***
Can we order and install parts? You bet. Can we order parts for you to pick up and install yourself because you don’t have a working credit card/don’t like other people working on your guns/don’t trust the interwebs? No.
***
If you buy the gun here, the range session is free. If you buy the gun at Academy, it’s not.
***
Occasionally, certain replacement parts aren’t available. We don’t like having guns around that we can’t fix, either, but sometimes that’s how it goes. You can come pick it up or you can have us wait. Those are pretty much the only options short of manufacturing a new one.
***
If at any time you feel compelled to point out that “It’s just (insert procedure here)!” I will try to explain that doing it right requires equipment and skill, both of which tend to be expensive. Attempting it in your garage is cheap. Getting it fixed afterwards usually isn’t.
***
This customer is right until he’s not.
***
“Speed” is not a concept germane to a man trying to do quality work. Certainly I can inlet your stock blank with a chainsaw and have it done in a day or so, but chances are you won’t be showing it off at deer camp.
***
Some gunsmiths are machinists. Some are repairmen. Some live to refinish and restore. Rest assured, swearing and complaining will not convert one into another, regardless of volume or barrage duration.
***
Nine times in ten the phrase “I don’t think that’s possible” should not be construed as a challenge.
***
You aren’t paying for the bluing process – you’re paying for the prep. Bringing a worn or abused firearm to the point of being pretty is an art form unto itself, which is why it costs money. Making the metal change colors is easy. Hiding fifty years of neglect is the trick.
***
“My brother/friend/neighbor is a gunsmith and he said…” is a red flag. Either he hasn’t actually seen the gun and had a chance to diagnose the problem, he’s looked it over and had enough sense not to touch it, or he’s adopted the title without understanding what it means and therefore rendered his diagnoses questionable. Don’t be offended if we don’t take his judgment at face value.
***
Don’t ask us to recommend the competition. If it’s a highly-evolved specialty field that we don’t cover, we’ll try and help you find somebody. If you want to know another shop that can do the work cheaper…you’re on your own.
***
Cheap guns do not translate directly into cheap fixes. Usually, the opposite. This is the sharp end of saving money on the front end, and it applies in a whole lot of situations outside the shooting world.
***
Yup, the world sure is going to hell these days, what with the politics and the music and the kids not minding their parents. Did you have a gunsmithing question?
***
And finally…
…a solid 95% of the customers who visit the shop are awesome, outstanding, first-rate people who brighten my day when they show up at the window. The other 5% are responsible for this list.
Have a nice day and come back to see us.
So at the risk of bringing the world-wide hoplosphere down on my unsuspecting head, I thought I'd throw up some counterbattery from the other side of the shop window. I think some of these may be slightly funny. Then again, I work in this field so my mental state and stability are in question from the start. Probably best to take it with a couple of tablespoons of salt.
***
Unless I promised a gun to you on a specific date, I’ll call when the work is finished. In the meantime, calling requires me to answer the phone. Answering the phone takes me away from the bench. The bench is where the gunsmithing magic happens. If your gun isn’t getting done fast enough, I assure you that keeping me on the line won’t make it go any faster.
***
The last gunsmith left before I hired on. I am unfamiliar with and do not honor special deals, standing arrangements, or handle unusual requests free of charge as may have been his practice. You may also notice that he wasn’t here that long…
***
Yes, we can do painted finishes. Some flavors of paint exponentially more difficult than others. This can include most every light and/or fluorescent color and certain camouflages, patterns, or combinations. Sometimes the work takes more time than expected. I appreciate your patience while I try to deliver you a quality product next week rather than a turd tomorrow.
***
“No sir, the UPS truck hasn’t delivered your parts yet. No sir, I don’t have the invoice. No sir, I can’t get the shipment here any faster. Once your part arrives I can have that sucker installed and the gun turned and ready to pick up in thirty minutes or less (usually). Until then, by all means carry on explaining how me, the delivery service, and probably the universe are conspiring against you.”
***
A gun purchased here three years ago does not entitle you to free parts, labor, or modifications today. This goes double for guns modified since they left our book.
***
“I recall that rifle coming through, and I halfway remember the work, but this shows signs of a monkey wrench and a five-pound sledge, and I don’t remember being that dumb.”
***
English is a prerequisite. I am not bilingual by any stretch of the imagination, and about the only Spanish words I’ve committed to memory are the sort that result in broken bones, sucking chest wounds, and stitches. If you do not habla ingles, por favor bring a friend who does.
***
Yes, I know how to convert all kinds of things to full-auto. I could convert your patio furniture to full auto, given time. No, I will not do one ‘off the books’ nor will I instruct you how to do it yourself. If you’d like to pursue this, I can give you the number of some upstanding experts who know a good deal about firearms (also alcohol, tobacco, and explosives) who would be happy to swing by your house and explain the situation in detail.
***
You bought a cheap pocket pistol with a 14lb trigger pull and no safety. I cannot lighten the trigger, regardless what Reddit told you, and no one makes a drop-in replacement because the aftermarket parts retail for more than the cost of the gun.
***
“You’ve got a Browning A5 owned by Hitler? Awesome. I’ve got a pair of Broomhandle Mausers carried by Genghis Kahn. Of course, his were chambered for .357 mag….”
***
I understand that you hold this establishment in low regard. You think the manager is a horse’s ass, the counter help are idiots, the prices are stupidly high, and the range rules suck. That’s cool. Also, hi…I’m the gunsmith, and I work back here in the gunsmith cave. Outside my tiny fiefdom I control nothing on the premises and cannot address any of your grievances, no matter how loudly you shout them at me.
***
That last gunsmith was great. Yeah, I hear that a lot. I don’t have his phone number, nor do I know where he presently resides. He didn’t leave us any forwarding information…probably for a reason.
***
This is a business. While we try to accommodate all of our customers and their needs, there are some jobs we won’t take. This does not reflect on your character, lineage, or choice in firearms. This is a factor of our avoiding unnecessary liability, not taking work for which we are not tooled and/or qualified, and recognizing that some jobs are sinks for time and money.
***
The sign by the desk that says Employees Only? That means the other gunsmith, the rest of the staff, and me. Please respect the sign. If we need you back here (as we occasionally do) we will invite you.
***
“No sir, 6.5 Grendel won’t work in a 6.5 Carcano, even though the cartridges sound the same…”
***
When you’re picking up a gun that we repaired, I’ll be happy to give you the gist of what was done. I won’t teach you how to do it yourself next time, nor will I walk you through the required tooling or processes. If you must know I can give you some literature on reputable trade schools which gladly pick your pockets while imparting the arcane knowledge and forbidden practices of this dark art known as gunsmithing.
***
Between the limitations of my imagination and your wonky attempts at describing the problem we’re getting nowhere. Bring it in and I’ll look at it.
***
Someday I hope to be a master gunsmith who can fashion world-class match rifles and trap guns from scratch using just a file, a hammer, and a hand saw on raw ore and walnut which I personally harvested. That day is not today.
***
My schooling covered stockmaking, machine work, finishing and repair, all of it hands-on and all of it shop-intensive. So yup…that’s exactly the same as your brother’s Penn-Foster mail-order gunsmithing degree. What kind of rifles did he build in school, how did he finish them, and what’s his preference as stock blanks go?
***
An emergency job brought in five minutes before closing will not be ready by 9AM the following day, no matter how long the hunting trip has been planned.
***
‘Return to function’ means that the gun in question is mechanically sound and all the levers and switches work as intended. It does not include a free cleaning, refinish work, stock fitting, or accurizing.
***
Gunsmithing is a glamorous profession. I try to stay humble. Actually, 99% of what I do is sit at a bench with a punch and hammer and play raccoon until stuff works again, and 99% of my raccoon work boils down to gunsmithing somebody else’s gunsmithing.
***
This line of work is not ‘just like’ any other. That’s not arrogance. Aviation line service is not finance is not computer programming is not brain surgery is not gunsmithing. So forgive me if the internet’s ideas about my trade and how things ought to be don’t square with reality. I’m sure everybody at your favorite online hangout knows all about it….
***
The attributes that make a good gunsmith don’t always go hand-in-hand with the attributes that make for a bright and sunny personality. I try to be friendly, but past a certain point I can either focus on giving you the warm fuzzies/customer of the year feelz or repairing your problem firearms. Pick one.
***
I will happily refinish your old firearm. I’ll do my level best to preserve the markings. No, it won’t be on par with Doug Turnbull, but I operate on the assumption that you’d like your gun back sometime this decade for less than the price of a modestly used car.
***
There is no such thing as a bargain custom rifle build.
***
If you demand a gunsmith who admits to not knowing the answer to your question, you lose the rationale for being irate when said gunsmith admits he doesn’t know the answer to your question.
***
Can we order and install parts? You bet. Can we order parts for you to pick up and install yourself because you don’t have a working credit card/don’t like other people working on your guns/don’t trust the interwebs? No.
***
If you buy the gun here, the range session is free. If you buy the gun at Academy, it’s not.
***
Occasionally, certain replacement parts aren’t available. We don’t like having guns around that we can’t fix, either, but sometimes that’s how it goes. You can come pick it up or you can have us wait. Those are pretty much the only options short of manufacturing a new one.
***
If at any time you feel compelled to point out that “It’s just (insert procedure here)!” I will try to explain that doing it right requires equipment and skill, both of which tend to be expensive. Attempting it in your garage is cheap. Getting it fixed afterwards usually isn’t.
***
This customer is right until he’s not.
***
“Speed” is not a concept germane to a man trying to do quality work. Certainly I can inlet your stock blank with a chainsaw and have it done in a day or so, but chances are you won’t be showing it off at deer camp.
***
Some gunsmiths are machinists. Some are repairmen. Some live to refinish and restore. Rest assured, swearing and complaining will not convert one into another, regardless of volume or barrage duration.
***
Nine times in ten the phrase “I don’t think that’s possible” should not be construed as a challenge.
***
You aren’t paying for the bluing process – you’re paying for the prep. Bringing a worn or abused firearm to the point of being pretty is an art form unto itself, which is why it costs money. Making the metal change colors is easy. Hiding fifty years of neglect is the trick.
***
“My brother/friend/neighbor is a gunsmith and he said…” is a red flag. Either he hasn’t actually seen the gun and had a chance to diagnose the problem, he’s looked it over and had enough sense not to touch it, or he’s adopted the title without understanding what it means and therefore rendered his diagnoses questionable. Don’t be offended if we don’t take his judgment at face value.
***
Don’t ask us to recommend the competition. If it’s a highly-evolved specialty field that we don’t cover, we’ll try and help you find somebody. If you want to know another shop that can do the work cheaper…you’re on your own.
***
Cheap guns do not translate directly into cheap fixes. Usually, the opposite. This is the sharp end of saving money on the front end, and it applies in a whole lot of situations outside the shooting world.
***
Yup, the world sure is going to hell these days, what with the politics and the music and the kids not minding their parents. Did you have a gunsmithing question?
***
And finally…
…a solid 95% of the customers who visit the shop are awesome, outstanding, first-rate people who brighten my day when they show up at the window. The other 5% are responsible for this list.
Have a nice day and come back to see us.
