If you're gonna wind up at 9mm "big and heavy", why not start with .22 "big and heavy" like a bull barreled Ruger Mark pistol? I start non-shooters with the 5.5 Mark bull, then the 6 7/8 Mark, then have a discussion about the mechanics of bullets and the process of firing them, that heavier guns dampen recoil. Then transition to an SR-22, so they get the feel for a little more recoil from the same sized cartridge to illustrate the point. From there, transition to a 9mm with 115 grainers in a heavier pistol, like a steel Star BM or a third Gen Smith 5906. All steel, nice and heavy, then ask if they want to try something a little lighter, where I'd go to a compact Gen # smith, like a 6904, then, if they want, something even lighter, like a 9mm XDs or a Ruger SR9c. Another nice discussion re: heavier bullets, more recoil, and, if they're willing, a full size 1911.
Had my sister in law and wife go through a basic gun safety first, then, with reinforcement of the principles, started them both on the 5.5 bull barreled Mark. One ran all the way up to the light nines, and decided she liked the Mark the best. The other shoots everything I own, down to the mouse guns and derringers, and one of them is a .357.
