Tell your funny gun story here

NorthBorder said:

I will share an anecdotal story that happened 35-40 years ago. I was a young cop, married. I Slept with a gun on the night stand beside me.
One night I was dreaming that someone broke into my home and was coming into the bedroom. I was nervous (in my slumber) and began weighing my options. I could pretend I was asleep and maybe the burglar would go away, I could grab my gun and shoot him, or I would hit him with my fist.
Still dreaming, I decided to strike out at him with my fist and socked my wife right along her left cheek. She woke up screaming, "Ow, you sonfab@#*"
Since that time I never sleep with a gun so close that I can grab it unless I am awake and aware.
I don't know I guess its funny (after all these years).
My wife sure didn't think so.
ETA I just realized this was in the rifle country thread.
Good thing I didn't have a rifle. I might have butt stroked her.
Ok, that didn't sound right but guys know what I mean.

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Hah!!! I've done the same thing a few times! Usually I'm smacking some random person or a big spider!

Not much funny in this one. But here it goes. I was maybe 9 or 10 helping the old man check traps on the Turkey river on our farm in NE Iowa. I just happened to glance in the right place at the right time to see a rifle leaning against a tree. The old man grabbed it and told me he'd try to find out who it belonged to and if no one claimed it then I could have it. Fast forward about 40 years dad asked if I remembered that gun I found. I of course did and he said that he finally got it done. Apparently he had spent a bunch of time getting it to the condition you see. He was very disappointed in the results of the receiver. I personally love it. It's not a collector piece so it's perfect as far as I'm concerned. I think the old man did savage one better.

If you like funny hunting stories. Back when I was still in HS, my brother and I went squirrel hunting. We decided to split-up and each go around this hill covered in oak trees. soon I heard tree rats barking and making alot of noise. I soon found 2 of them in top of a tree chasing each other and carrying on. so soon as they stopped I shot the bigger one, he fell straight down. Then I heard a bunch of swearing and hollering. My brother was napping at the bottom of the same tree, the big gray landed right in his lap. He was not very happy with me especially because I was laughing hysterically at him.

Vern Humphrey said:

When I was an Adviser to ARVN infantry in '66, we were conducting a joint operation with the US 1st Infantry Division. We had surrounded a very bad VC village and Regional Forces/Popular Forces ("Ruff Puffs") were searching house to house. Suddenly there was gunfire -- we went running to the source and found one dead VC and one badly wounded Ruff Puff. An American soldier told us he had seen a VC run into a patch of jungle.

Now this patch was surrounded by rice paddy. The VC was trapped. The 1st Div boys brought up a dog.

Now you could have ridden this dog with a saddle. He had a ruff like a lion's mane, and his unmentionables clanged when he walked. There was a trail into that patch of jungle. He sniffed it and started forward, all business.

Suddenly a PPSh 41 submachine gun came flying out of the bushes, and the VC popped up, hands as high as he could get them.

He was willing to ambush us, but he wasn't messin' with that dog!!

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First off, thank you for your service! My uncles were both over there.

Second, i just couldnt help think of Ralph in MASH while reading that (Yeah, i know that was Korea)

Guy at my gun club brought his 44 mag. He asked if my wife would like to try it. She said, "sure" and proceeded to hold it out there with one hand as she was used to doing with her 38 special target load gun.
He promptly stopped her and said hold it tight with two hands and don't let go.
A bunch of the "guys" came to watch.
She was wearing a sleeveless top and when the gun went off, her arms wound up waaaay over her head and a lot of stuff shook.
My buddy asked if she wanted to shoot it again and got an immediate NO for an answer.
All the guys that came to view were yelling, "shoot it again, shoot it again."

I've posted this here before...

My son, my concealed Taurus revolver, and I were at a local department store. We were in the shoe department. There was one other customer in the department and there was a saleswoman at the cash register. As I was looking at some shoes I heard someone behind me and to my left say in a somewhat loud voice, “Do you have a gun?” It startled me but I did not react. I was thinking, how in the world did he know?

I slowly turned around to my left and saw a store employee (suit and tie and store badge) walking into the department. I did not say anything, figuring that it would be best for him to continue the conversation. He walked right past me and up to the saleswoman at the cash register. He there retrieved “the gun” - one of those pistol-looking scanners they use to check price tags – and walked off to another department.

My son later told me that when he heard the man ask the question he thought, “Oh great, what’s my dad done now?”

I worked with a guy that spent a couple hours every day, grooming his flower beds. Every morning we heard about those beds.

Several days, in a row, he was griping about an armadillo digging up his flowers. He was furious about the digging.

Come Monday morning, he comes in laughing. Seems he and wife had been out Saturday night. Get home around 10pm. As he turns into driveway, headlights catch the armadillo, at far corner. He stops car and sneaks up the drive. Goes in back door and gets .22 rifle.

Sneaking to corner, he peeks around and can barely make out the armadillo in the shadow.
He takes aim and shoots. Armadillo jumps and is hissing. He continues to shoot, until armadillo stops hissing and jumping.

The next morning, reading newspaper and having coffee, his 10yo son walks in crying.
His new football is full of holes.

The next morning, reading newspaper and having coffee, his 10yo son walks in crying.
His new football is full of holes.

I don't care who you that's funny right there.

jak67429's story reminded me of a time when a large group of us were at the range.

One of the guys I shoot with was sighting in a new rifle and scope. Guy comes along and sets up next to him, waits for cease fire, sets his target right next to his.

Friend had stepped away from the bench, when he sat back down and looked at his target, the guy next to him didn't just shoot his target, he shot the plastic range target holder. The range charges a few bucks to rent, if you don't shoot it, they give you your money back.

He calls the guy on it and he said "it's nothing, they'll still give you some money back"!

So my friend proceeds to shoot the legs off the guys target! Guy gets all butthurt over it. He told him "I really got this new rifle and scope dialed in don't I"!

We all got a good laugh, guy packed his stuff and left.

Dad couldn't legally own a gun because of some stupidity that he did back when he was a Marine.
He set out to compound that stupidity yet again by going out to poach a deer in the forests of southern Oregon.
He left me with his in-laws while doing his hunting.
Grandpa was very proud of his '57 Chevy Bel Aire 2-door and drove it everywhere,
While driving, he'd always roll down the little triangular windows in the back so he could smoke his cigars without staining the interior.
I was out in the front yard when he came back from the corner store, looking shaken.
He walked around the car and opened the passenger-side door, tipped the seat-back forward and a fork-horn white tail buck calmly stepped out and began grazing.
He grazed to the front fence, bounded over the fence and the irrigation ditch and trotted into the woods across the road.
Grandpa said that the deer jumped into the back seat of the car through the little triangular window when the car was stopped at rhe stop sign by the corner store and then just sat down and looked through the window like this was the normal thing to do.

Dad didn't succeed in poaching a deer that day, by the way... .

Dad had a scoped Ruger 10-22 he used to shoot muskrats that were tunneling under his lawn from the pond. One day I decided to pop one for dad. I carefully rested the rifle on the porch railing, put the crosshairs on the varment, squeezed the trigger and bang but the critter was still standing. Upon inspection of railing, I realized the muzzle wasn't clearing the rail when I shot. Took dad a while to get over that one.

FL-NC said:

My idea of funny may not be appropriate here, but I will enjoy everyone else's stories!

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Let me guess, it was something that happened while you were in the Army correct?

Yeah most civilians with no military experience won't get some of our dark military humor.

Okay I have a semi clean funny story about when I was on the .50 cal range. We had 4 M2's online during qualification when a pack of wild bore hogs decided to cross the range at around 700 meters. Needless to say, we had a pile of sausage made before the range officer could get out "cease fire". The German Forest Meister was not very happy with us that day.

Most of what I would consider funny gun stories while in the military are not clean or for sensitive ears.

stonebuster said:

Upon inspection of railing, I realized the muzzle wasn't clearing the rail when I shot. Took dad a while to get over that one.

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Yep, I'll just bet it took your dad a while to get over that one!
It could have been worse though. About 20 years back, I saw the results of a buddy's 300 Win Mag's muzzle not quite "clearing" the hood of his pickup truck when he was "sighting it in" down at the gravel pit just before deer season.

I let a friend who had never shot a revolver shoot my Security Six. I stuck 5 rounds of 38 wadcutters in followed by a hot 357 load. He popped off the first 5 light loads with a smile on his face. His grin turned to a mixture of surprise and fear when he touched off the Magnum round. I laughed until my sides hurt.

I think I posted this incident on another forum sometime ago, but here it goes:
I was range officer for a small public shooting range. It was the same day that the local fairground was having a gun show so we got a number of first time shooters trying out their new purchases.
I watched a new customer trying to load his 45 ACP pistol and getting more and more frustrated. Walked over and asked if I could be of assistance. He told me he had just bought a Colt 1911 and 500 rounds of 45 ammo and the d...m ammo would not go into the magazine.
I take a look.....he had bought 500 rounds of 45 Colt ammo. Did not know that 45 Colt was not the same as 45 ACP. What the heck, I have a Colt 1911 45 pistol, why doesn't the 45 Colt ammo fit it.
Explained the difference, showed him what a 45 ACP round looked like and commiserated with him that he could not take the ammo back for a refund/exchange because of the gun show rules.
Kind of wished I had a 45 Colt revolver,,,,could have gotten 500 rounds at a good price.

epags said:

I take a look.....he had bought 500 rounds of 45 Colt ammo. Did not know that 45 Colt was not the same as 45 ACP. What the heck, I have a Colt 1911 45 pistol, why doesn't the 45 Colt ammo fit it.

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Okay, this is just a funny story that's sort of about guns. Back in 2005, my wife and I were down in San Diego (that's where my wife is from) visiting her family. Several of us were sitting around the table, and my wife's brother (my brother-in-law), my wife and I were talking about micro-breweries and different kinds of beer.
Out of the blue, my brother-in-law asked, "Can you still get Colt 45 up there in Idaho?"
I stammered and said, "Well yeah, I think so. I never did like it very much."
That's when my brother-in-law said, "I was just wondering because my boss has a Colt 45 and he can't find any ammo for it."
My wife later accused me of sounding "blustery" when I told her brother, "I thought you were talking about beer!"
I actually did calm down and told my brother-in-law to find out whether his "boss" had a 45 Colt or a 45 ACP. But I could tell from the look in my brother-in-law's eyes that I was talking over his head, and to this day, he hasn't told me what kind of gun his "boss" has or had.

9x56MS said:

My buddy hunted deer with a T/C contender with a 35 rem barrel. I had shot it a few ti.ex when he stopped up to the house with a new 14" barrel. He loaded it and handed it to me. I aimed at an old stump and fired. Damn thing near hit me it the top of the head. I ejected the empty and looked at the base. 45-70 in a handgun!! I got even by loading my new turkey gun with a 3 1/2" mag with 2 oz of shot the next spring.

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What's funny is I've shot a Winchester long beard 2oz 3.5in 12ga load before out of my Stoeger P3500 and it felt like a good birdshot load, not much kick at all... Now a 1-1/4oz 3in slug out of my Remington 870 Fully rifled slug gun will wake you up and make you sore after just one shot!

There was the time my brother, some friends of ours and I were at the range shooting one of the guys new "turkey gun" with a 3.5 inch chamber. We spent most of the day shooting 2.75 inch field loads while listening to the owner of the shotgun say how tough he is and how weak 3.5 inch magnum loads are. "Someone" "might" have slipped a 3.5 inch magnum shell into the magazine before said loudmouth went to do a magazine dump. He fired off 3 field loads and then hit the turkey load. He sounded like a little girl when the shove hit him. We all laughed after we made sure he was OK, but it took him a while to find it funny.

Then there was the time my best friend and I brought a small group of pistols to the range, including his girlfriends Star pistol. We each fired multiple magazines before the firing pin broke. We still blame the other one for breaking her gun, and it has been close to 20 years since that happened.

stonebuster said:

Dad had a scoped Ruger 10-22 he used to shoot muskrats that were tunneling under his lawn from the pond. One day I decided to pop one for dad. I carefully rested the rifle on the porch railing, put the crosshairs on the varment, squeezed the trigger and bang but the critter was still standing. Upon inspection of railing, I realized the muzzle wasn't clearing the rail when I shot. Took dad a while to get over that one.

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This post reminded me of this one. Had a buddy shooting down into the ditch resting his scoped rifle on his bedrail. He couldn't understand how he missed his target. It took him two more shots to realize he was shooting into the side of the bed.

Early one morning in YUMA while waiting for the sun to rise we were in the butts warming our hands at the burn barrel. I heard the barrel hiss and I asked the butts NCO what was in the barrel. He casually said some targets, paste, wood and cans of spray paint. Me and some others started moving quickly away from the barrel when all snot broke loose. About that time the range officer radioed from 200 yards away and asked what hell was going on in the butts. Those that had not gotten away were not too happy. You can't fix stupid.

We were cleaning out an old barn and discovered a couple of empty long unused 55 gallon drums. I had an old Colt 1908 vest pocket with me and decided that I’d use it to perforate one. So from about 3 feet away I took a couple of shots, and darned if those little .25 ACP’s bounced off and barked my shin! They didn’t break skin, but they did leave noticeable bruises. By buddy put the barrel of its misery with a couple of shots from a Ruger MK2. Those 22’s went through both sides!

.308 Norma said:

It could have been worse though. About 20 years back, I saw the results of a buddy's 300 Win Mag's muzzle not quite "clearing" the hood of his pickup truck when he was "sighting it in" down at the gravel pit just before deer season.

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Seen that, My father left a couple of creases in the hood of his truck while using it as a rest to sight in his BP Inline.

We had a member at our Deer Club that insisted in locking his stand, which was against club rules. I was younger and in better shape back then and I climbed up the leg of his stand and dropped some 8 gauge shotgun hulls over in it that my Dad had brought home from the paper mill. He came back into camp thinking someone was poaching out of his stand! About a week later I did the same thing with a bunch of 50 BMG cases! He worried and worried about that. Even changed the lock a few times!

epags said:

Kind of wished I had a 45 Colt revolver,,,,could have gotten 500 rounds at a good price

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I got a couple of boxes of "pre-owned" 38 Super from a gun shop back in the darkest days of the ammo drought. Customer bought them for their 38 Special, came back without actually attempting to fire any...and had a fit because they couldn't return them. Shop owner was sympathetic and bought them back, but must not have paid much. He sold them to me for $15 a box.