Boy that couch looks comfy...

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bradvanhorn

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Did a major OOPS... Saw another gun I just had to have, and $700 later it's on the way here. Wife asks me today, "Honey, what was this $700 for?" :eek: Deer in the headlights look! "Did you buy ANOTHER gun?" Uh-Oh! :uhoh: Wife then offers (as she usually does), "I don't care that you bought it, but all I've ever asked you to do is TELL me about it first :fire:." Doh! :banghead: Bad boy... bad boy...

(*sigh* Will I ever learn... ?)
 
Wife then offers (as she usually does), "I don't care that you bought it, but all I've ever asked you to do is TELL me about it first
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:uhoh:


That's a trap where you can't win.

I swear that women learn these things in from secret meetings they attend, maybe that's why when they are single, you always see them going to the powderroom in pairs- they are attending a secret society meeting that is held under the women's room- they attend in pairs so that one can open the trap door in the floor while the other descends the secret stairwell.

Next time you ask her first and the answer will be 'NO.'

If you don't ask her before you buy, you are in the dog house.

If you ask and get the dreaded 'NO' and buy anyway, you are in the doghouse squared.



Next time, do the right thing :evil:
 
Separate finances as a couple can be a beautiful thing. :)

("Field testing" it for 18 years here and counting...)



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If you stop feeling guilty for things you did that weren't wrong, You'd find your spouses to have a lot less leverage over you. :evil:
 
What's that saying?

'Tis always better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission? ;)

Sawdust
 
You've probably given this same talk to your young marrieds.

If it's your money instead of family money then it shouldn't matter whether she knows or not as long as you make sure that you splurge on her as much as you do on yourself. ;)


If it's family money then the two of you must consult on unanticipated purchases above some agreed upon amount if you want to keep your family finances in order and avoid bounced checks, missed payments, creditors, etc and all the divorce-making stress they bring.
 
Separate finances as a couple can be a beautiful thing.
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It can also bite you in the ass as well. I've seen it happen. Our compromise is to have two joint checking accounts and a joint savings account, all accessible via the same online account through our bank. We can each see everything the other is doing.

She doesn't care if I buy things I want as long as I don't get stupid. Same rule goes for her. Occasionally one of us gets stupid. Forgiveness is good. :)

I do have to say that if I buy any more truly expensive toys before she gets wood floors in this house I may learn just how comfy our couch is ... :uhoh:
 
Interesting- please elaborate.
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I've known people who suddenly found out that their spouse wasn't as financially responsible as they are. They found out when bill collectors called because spouse hadn't been paying "their" share of the bills on time. That couple worked it out.

Another set of friends finances were doing poorly. They kept finances separate. She was responsible for paying the car insurance. She let it lapse because she didn't have the $ to pay it and didn't tell him. He was driving around for several months assuming he had car insurance. Fortunately he didn't have an accident. She did. They are now divorced (for other reasons, this was just another symptom - and no it was not all her fault). Fortunately they didn't let the mortgage get behind.

As I said, my wife and I each buy things that the other just rolls their eyes at. If in addition to meeting our financial needs and goals I want to set aside extra cash for something I want, that's fine. Same for her. But we don't keep it a secret.

I have several firearms on my "me want" list. But I won't buy them unless I have the extra cash beyond other goals and needs. No borrowing, no hiding it. I want to build a new PC. Same rule. Before I buy another gun I will replace my car, put down wood floors, and build a new pc.


Unless I happen to run across an Incredibly Good Deal. :evil:
 
Torpid has it right. same here. as long as i can meet my financial responsibilities that we share (house payment, light bill, food, etc) i get to buy whatever i want without prior approval or guilt trips afterwards. it truly is one of the major keys to happiness. lots of love and separate finances.

Bobby

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I do have to say that if I buy any more truly expensive toys before she gets wood floors in this house I may learn just how comfy our couch is ...
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dude, you too? that's my summer project.
 
dude, you too? that's my summer project.
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Yep. 5 cats+ 1 dog + 2 people + prior owner of this home who didn't take care of their carpet = wood floors.

Dunno if I'm handy enough to put them in myself. I'll price it out.
 
BryanP-

Thanks for the info!

It sounds like lack of honesty and communication was the real issue in those relationships (ie: not a true "partnership").


Conversely, your agreement with your wife sounds like it's a really good one for y'all- with the cold war era "trust but verify" angle as a safety. :)

Ours works more similar to a "roomate" financial system (food, utilities, housing, childcare, etc. are all calculated and divided down the middle- but once that's all taken care of, our personal funds are our own business- sharing cash/info is an option between us, but is not required).

We have NEVER had any fight about financial matters in 18+ years- yipee!!!
(There's always tomorrow though...) :uhoh:


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Right now, my wife and I have it set to where all the money I make is "ours". She doesn't work outside the home, but once she does (after we've had a couple more kids and the youngest is at least in kindergarten) I definatly think we'll set up his-her-ours accounts (single checking acct for "ours" and seperate but connected savings accts for his-hers). We'll proportionatly divide the bills and other mutually desired spending (vacations, home-improvement, etc) and make sure there's enough to cover all that. Then some will go into various long-term savings (401k, IRA, kid's college funds). Whatever is left goes into the personal savings accts to be spent as desired by the holder.

The downside is that right now, I have to ask her when I can buy just about anything since she's in charge of the budgeting. And, with all the home-improvement projects, and the upcoming New Zealand vacation, plus her starting back at college in a few months (albiet part-time), there ain't much available for the gun-fund.
 
When one spouse is the breadwinner, and the other keeps watch over the home, money matters are more complex.

sumpnz- sounds like you have a good old fashioned Japanese household financial arrangement, where the "salaryman" earns the money and turns it over to the wife who takes care of finances, and then returns him an allowance out of that.

I always found it intriguing, as the wife doesn't ever feel slighted in financial matters, and the husband can buy what he pleases with his leftovers without hassle. :D



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My wife is in charge of the finances, mostly because she has a better head for it than I do (I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left!). I get the Ok beforehand for any purchase over a few bucks. The only reason she ever says "No" is if the finances won't support it, and even then it's always "Not yet, but next month" or whenever we do have the disposable income available. I, on the other hand, never question her purchases.

On the other hand (where I have five fingers) we maintain basically zero credit card debt, the only debt we have is our mortgage, and once that's paid off in 18 years I can think seriously of retirement, while I'm still young enough to enjoy shooting and model trains full time. I know a few guys who are in debt to their eyeballs and will probably be working full-time until they day they die, then their wives will pay off the bills with the life insurance. I like my way better.
 
Lying Lessons

You people need to learn how to look at ur womanfolk and tell em like it :cuss: is...I bought ANOTHER rifle, what you gonna do about it?

Oh, i'm sorry for that momentary lapse of reason.

But y'all need to learn how to skim money from the budget. I could write a book on the subject. :uhoh:

Spoon
 
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I think this separate accounts/roommate approach is interesting but it would never work for us. In addition to the normal household expenses and filling the emergency fund, we always have a list of future projects to save for. If the $700 came out of money after all that, fine (as long as I get to spend $700 myself LOL!).
 
Not married yet myself. I think my Dad always has some play money set aside every week/month to save up for that stuff. He didn't buy guns too often though.

Most couples I have known that did separate finances fell into the her money/our money category. I mainly heard about it due to post-divorce complaining though.
 
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