Story about a man and his taser...

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Texfire

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Forgive me if this has already been posted, but I haven't seen it here yet, so I'll share it. I found this little comic gem elsewhere and knew the appropriate people to share it with. The problem is I can easily imagine myself doing something this dumb. Is it a guy thing?

Tex

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife!
About a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "Pocket Taser"
for their anniversary....

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,. right?!!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh &blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of
caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself.
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.

Still in shock,
Tommy
Click to expand...
 
I could see myself doing it too . . .that's scary. When we bought a shock collar to train a particularly stubborn dog about 8 years ago, my two boys and I all had to put it on and shock each other just to see what it felt like. :)
 
Actually, I thought about buying one for my wife a few years ago, so I had a buddy test his on me. It really wasn't bad at all. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
On the other hand, I also considered pepper spray. I bought a can and had a buddy spray me in the face.
I can't describe the horriblility (it is now!) of the ordeal. Picture a 6'1", 190 lb long-haired bearded guy wearing black leather staggering around a C-Store parking lot, tears flowing at a gallons-per-minute rate, snot running out of his nose, arms straight out in front like one of Romero's zombies, coughing and wheezing like a TB patient, trying to make his way to a car wash bay that another customer was using, reaching the customer and taking the wand from his hands then spraying himself full in the face with what should have been water but turned out to be Clear Wax. It was uglier than a pecker on a dog.
Not one of Biker's shiniest days...
Biker
 
Nude, and sitting still,pressed agains a major muscle vs. thru clothes in a fight are two very different things.

Better than nothing, I guess. Probably a lot less effective overall than a baseball bat or golf club would be.

--wally.
 
When we bought a shock collar to train a particularly stubborn dog about 8 years ago, my two boys and I all had to put it on and shock each other just to see what it felt like.
Click to expand...

Yeah. I had to test drive the dog's new shock collar too. I didn't want to use anything on him that was too cruel. Boy was that dumb... At least it just gave me one little zap. I can't imagine if it had a button that you hold down...
 
Yes....

that is very DEFINITELY a guy thing :neener:

Springmom, who can just SEE any of the males in her family by whom she is lovingly surrounded doing EXACTLY that...
 
None of you guys have ever....

grabbed the spark plug wire on a lawn mower, have you........that was a funny post.........chris3
 
that was great, I once plugged a TV halfway in and touched my thumb to the prongs, that gave me a bit of a wake up. :D
 
Texfire said:
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.
Click to expand...
Sounds like he met my last girlfriend :eek:

I got zapped with one of these back in college (long story...), and I can say, it hurts. It hurts bad. Wetting your pants and burbling incoherently (and involuntarily) at the top of your lungs while turning into a quivering lump of Jello isn't fun. Not an experience I'm eager to repeat.

However...I'd still rely on a gun or knife for self-protection before I'd use one. First off, too bulky and slow to bring to bear. Second, there are plenty of folks who, either from intoxication, conditioning, or just plain toughness, are largely resistant to the effects of things like OC and electricity. With my luck, it'd be one of those types I'd be having to act against. No thanks.
 
Moved thread...

Whoops, looks like I posted this in the wrong place. I placed it in general due to the curiosity kills the cat male factor, rather than in here for the taser. Silly me. :)

Tex
 
the one in this story must be different than the one i had cause mine just didnt do much at all. i think mine was a 80,000 not a 100,000 but still, these are just toys. might do somthing if it was used right on the spine or neck but they dont do much on the ribs.

what are the differences between the hand held and the ones police use with the prongs? those seem to work from the videos ive seen. why are the hand helds so useless?
 
Looks like I'm in good company. :D

My wife's uncle was at a flea market last year and found an item that he found just too interesting to pass up. An electric fly swatter. So he picked one up for me as a Christmas gift. Probably knowing what would happen next...
winghopfung_1884_9648317


It runs on a couple "C" cell batteries. It has two protective grates that portect the terminally stupid from seeing just how much it takes to kill a fly.

[Larry the Cable Guy]Boy Ah tell you whut...[/Larry the Cablr Guy]

Of course I tested it in a house full of people. I thought they'd never stop laughing at me.:rolleyes:
 
I Feel The Pain

I also have been shot with a taser, the X26. I was going through training to carry a taser and after completing my written work and class work, one of the options was to get shot. Of course, the pain junky that I am, I thought also, it could not be that bad. My instructor, who also is a part of THR, was more than happy to administer the a shot carrying 50,000 volts. I could tell by the look on his face that he just hated to have to do it. It started out with three people, the instructor, myself, and a second a deputy to help prevent me from hitting the ground hard. By the time we got to the training room, we had attracted nine observers. It was an experience of a lifetime. The best way to describe it is that it felt like someone had kicked me in the twins. As they went north, it felt as if someone had hit me in the back with a bat full of nails. My eyelids wrapped around the back of my head as I was laying on the floor, and it felt like I got ran over by a 18-wheeler. After 4 or 5seconds of shock, it was all over. No problems afterwards. I would do it again for the right amount of money or for the right reasons. I feel your pain and I'm glad you got to experience the oh so wonderful feeling. I hear it puts a lead in your pencil. Thanks for the good humor, it brightened my day.
PHP:
 
I Feel The Pain

I also have been shot with a taser, the X26. I was going through training to carry a taser and after completing my written work and class work, one of the options was to get shot. Of course, the pain junky that I am, I thought also, it could not be that bad. My instructor, who also is a part of THR, was more than happy to administer the a shot carrying 50,000 volts. I could tell by the look on his face that he just hated to have to do it. It started out with three people, the instructor, myself, and a second a deputy to help prevent me from hitting the ground hard. By the time we got to the training room, we had attracted nine observers. It was an experience of a lifetime. The best way to describe it is that it felt like someone had kicked me in the twins. As they went north, it felt as if someone had hit me in the back with a bat full of nails. My eyelids wrapped around the back of my head as I was laying on the floor, and it felt like I got ran over by a 18-wheeler. After 4 or 5seconds of shock, it was all over. No problems afterwards. I would do it again for the right amount of money or for the right reasons. I feel your pain and I'm glad you got to experience the oh so wonderful feeling. I hear it puts a lead in your pencil. Thanks for the good humor, it brightened my day.
PHP:
 
rustymaggot said:
the one in this story must be different than the one i had cause mine just didnt do much at all. i think mine was a 80,000 not a 100,000 but still, these are just toys. might do somthing if it was used right on the spine or neck but they dont do much on the ribs.

what are the differences between the hand held and the ones police use with the prongs? those seem to work from the videos ive seen. why are the hand helds so useless?
Click to expand...

From all accounts, it's skin contact that makes the difference. Clothes act as an insulator, though different amounts are more or less effective. The major difference between the handheld and second generation models is standoff distance. The X26 has a pair of electrodes that are launched by compressed air and are darted on the end so they penetrate clothing. This allows you to be out of reach of the target that you are tasing.

Tex

ps- Some are assuming that I'm the guy in this story but I'm not. I have no idea who he is but I share his incurable curiosity, and while I've never been tased, I'm sure it's lack of opportunity rather than good sense. :)

Tex
 
Actually, the difference is what a "tazer" actually is. Tazers use low voltage (around 15,000 volts, IIRC) and higher amperage to do some kind of nervous system stuff. Stun guns use high voltage (80,000-150,000) and very low amperage to give you a static shock.

Put on some wool socks, drag your feet on the carpet, and touch a doorknob. Magnify that by a thousand times and you have a stun gun. It's like getting snapped with a big rubber band. It stings, and does absolutely nothing else. Tazers, on the other hand, totally override the central nervous system and cause spastic paralysis. Usually, anyway. They don't work 100%, and you only get one shot.

There is a huge difference. It's like comparing one of those toy guns that shoots soap bubbles to a real gun.
 
tazer info

ryan ,the tazer has 50,000 volts and the amps are around .0016 per pulse .it may not be right on buts its close give or take a .o its has been a year or so the last time i took a look at the work book.the x26 gives 19 pulses per sec. amps is what kills, if you get a chance look up tazer international it may help butter than how i explain it .
 
Biker said:
Actually, I thought about buying one for my wife a few years ago, so I had a buddy test his on me. It really wasn't bad at all. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
On the other hand, I also considered pepper spray. I bought a can and had a buddy spray me in the face.
I can't describe the horriblility (it is now!) of the ordeal. Picture a 6'1", 190 lb long-haired bearded guy wearing black leather staggering around a C-Store parking lot, tears flowing at a gallons-per-minute rate, snot running out of his nose, arms straight out in front like one of Romero's zombies, coughing and wheezing like a TB patient, trying to make his way to a car wash bay that another customer was using, reaching the customer and taking the wand from his hands then spraying himself full in the face with what should have been water but turned out to be Clear Wax. It was uglier than a pecker on a dog.
Not one of Biker's shiniest days...
Biker
Click to expand...

i imagine you'd be pretty shiny after the clear wax...

sorry, i couldn't resist :D

i have been tasered and pepper sprayed as part of training. i think getting shot hurt less.
 
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