Wesson Smith,
If you get a J Frame, your best bet may be a little bigger set of grips like the Pachmayr Compac Professionals or the standard Compacs as seen on the prior page. I bought a set for my 686 to replace the stock Hogues with finger grooves and am very happy with them.
Personally, the recoil with the standard boot grips doesn't bother me too much, though my hand is always a little sore the next day or two. If you don't mind shooting a service size 357 Magnum, you probably won't mind the 642, though the recoil is different. I guess the 642 is a little sharper/snappier and the 357 out of say, a K frame is heavier.
BTW, even the best shooters can develop a flinch when shooting guns with significant recoil. That's why I always bring along a 22 DA revolver. I warm up on the 22, shoot whatever else I brang (9mm, 357, snub 38), and end on the 22. Kinda like warm up and cool down before and after heavy exercise. Helps to avoid solidifying bad habbits like flinching. Dry firing is nice too of course.
I used to use a DA Taurus 22LR, but I have since upgraded to a S&W K-22 Masterpiece. I'm of the opinion that every gun nut should own
at least one snub nose and one 22 revolver.
My snub (642):
And my K-22
BTW, someone mentioned previously about pocket holsters. I don't think you can go wrong with the round cut Robert Mika: