How can you train it out of you?

Prozac


or, have you ever had an encounter that your agressive behavior produced a negative outcome? Learning is a good start.

I'm sure you can get and read any number of books on de-escalation/disengagement techniques in a confrontation. Heck, I bet someone even gives lessons. Then practice, anytime you can.

Traffic, crowded stores at Christmas, and bars (?!?!!!) all routinely give you great opportunities--once you're ready--to practice your de-escalation/disengagement skills. Anywhere where being rude is so common that people aren't even aware they're doing it (because they refuse to acknowledge your existence) should work.

For those living in mild-mannered areas, a field trip to the Northeast may be in order. May I suggest NYC and Philadelphia for advanced degree work in this area?

I was in a SD class once; I'm a big guy, but I was dwarfed by the retired Marine standing next to me. The instructor picked this moment to utter a version of, "If you can walk away, walk away; if you can run away, run away."

Mr. Marine turned to me with a big smile: "You know, a wasn't born a coward--but I've been working hard at it ever since!"

Best of luck developing your new skills.

(As an alternative--you run TOWARD danger? Ever thought of switching careers: we'll always need more police and fire fighters; maybe head back to the Army? If you've got a talent, maybe you can use it!)

I am the kind of guy who would earn the Congressional Medal of Honor. I say that not to brag; I know full well that most people who earn one die in the process of doing so.

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Consider that your family may prefer you love them enough to LIVE for them, rather than you loved them enough to die for them. Heroes, in my book, aren't eager to die--but they can accept it if there is no other choice, with honor.

I'd say start to think about your wife, and child(ren) (assuming you have any) and realize what a big part of their lives you are, and how if you were killed in a break-in, there wouldn't be anyone left to protect them.

Don't get me wrong, there are certain situations where it's best to ensure there is no threat, but most of the time, it is best to lay low and respond defensively-not offensively. That is, attack if attacked, don't look for an attack.

Remember Murphy's Laws: You are not a superman.

Or read a good urban survival book. I read one that shows you what to do if there is a suspected bomb in the room you're in, or if you're being thrown around violently in an angry crowd, etc. It will give you a better understanding of what to do in certain situations.

one good incentive to learn to not get involved unless forced to is read up on the possible punishments for manslaughter, assault, even murder and ask yourself if sticking your nose in where it may not belong is worth the jail time, permanent criminal record, huge expense of defending yourself in court and if you have a family, them living without a son/husband/father.

remember, discretion is the better part of valor.

Bobby

meekness

BD:

I believe that what you have is a reflex, and it may be spiritual driven.

No, I'm not talking about the occult here, but that we all have a certain "spirit" within us that tags along where ever we go.

If you would, read about the man who is God in the Bible. He gave us a devine example in that he spoke the heavens and the earth into being, yet to be obediant to his Father, he humbly submitted himself to extreme brutality unto death for us all.
What an example of power under control. And he was not passive or non agressive as some concieve Him to be.

The other suggestion is more of this "world."

My guess is that you have received martial arts training some where along in your life. Isn't that so? I had been involved with that through much of my life and this is my obsevation on the practicioners.
The striking arts such as Karate, Tae Q.D., even boxing tend to develop the reflex of seeking out an approaching danger. You mentioned a pugnacity, though not your own. I suppose it is to establish your own grounds of defense; to preclude being caught on the enemy's chosen situation.
-Try a few months of Judo training a competition. It sort of rounds you out and gives a more controled "spirit."

I am the kind of guy who would earn the Congressional Medal of Honor.

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There's a sig line floating around somewhere here -

"Until the day of his death, no man can be sure of his courage."

Have you ever been shot at? Have you ever seen your friends bleed out from a gunshot wound?

Be careful about assuming how courageous you will be in a situation you have never encountered. As is often quoted around here, "When the SHTF, you do not rise to the occasion - you are reduced to your level of training." Train to respond aggressively to real threats - threats against your life - and hopefully, when they present themselves, your actions will follow suit. But don't assume they will or brag accordingly - you do not yet know.

With that said, the important part is to discern a true threat from a mere aggrivation. Learn to recognize when that aggressive response is required, and learn to suppress it when it is not. I think that's the key.

I am the kind of guy who would earn the Congressional Medal of Honor.

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Or just get killed really, really early in the fight

I've seen a lot of self proclaimed tough guys have this problem rectified when they got the snot beat out of them.

Legal ramifications have also been know to help some people chill out.

For me, growing up and having good things in my life worth living and staying out of jail for made not being involved in unnecessary confrontation much easier.

I'm talking about punching the kid who threatens to kick my butt as soon as he draws back. I'm talking about turning my squad to engage the attackers while leading a "react to an ambush" drill in PLDC. I'm talking about searching the yard when I think someone is out there.

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Why would you want to change any of these behaviors? If aggressive force is required by the situation, then open up.

But don't go awarding yourself the MOH just yet. Adding the caveat "I say that not to brag" doesn't mean you're not bragging.

I'm talking about punching the kid who threatens to kick my butt as soon as he draws back.

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Respectfully suggest you leave the locale before it gets to that point.

I'm talking about turning my squad to engage the attackers while leading a "react to an ambush" drill in PLDC.

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Again, perhaps re-upping with the Army is an option? If this is what you were born to do, very few analogies exist in civilain life: consider fire and police.

I'm talking about searching the yard when I think someone is out there.

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I'll search my yard if I think someone MIGHT be out there. If I really think they're there--or I know they're there--then I call the police.

I think you must decide whether you WANT to start acting like a private citizen, or wish to act in a role more becoming the police. If the latter, wouldn't be better if you had the uni, the back-up, and the mission to go get the bad guy?

Me? My mission is to make sure that I and my family avoid (and failing that, survive) a lethal encounter. No CMH there, but I can live with it (I apologize for the pun).

another thing..

"Byron the Texan:"

It is difficult here on THR not to be misunderstood, misquoted, read in to, or jumped upon by conslusion.

I have had that happen quite often. And my thick old longhorn hide keeps the mosquitoes from biting through.

I think the timing you describe of pre-emptive punching is right on, but as you describe it; going out into the back yard to search for some one who may be out there also gives a glimpse of your reflexes.
Generally speaking, it has been my experience, that it is better to let the "enemy" come to you; on your terms. Stay in your foxhole and wait for him to approach. If you venture out into the back yard on what may be a search and destroy mission, you may encounter someone on their terms and you will be desperately trying to "catch up."
There certainly is a time to stand up and advance, but it must be done with circumspect.

Now, you asked for "training," and I stand by my recommendation.

Loosing in evenly matched or even to over matched competition in a one on one athletic contest will give you a good adjustment in perception.
I say loosing, because, unless you are exceptionally skilled, there will be wins and losses. Picking yourself up and dusting yourself off is character building as well as development for our spirits.

Some of the posters here have had experience too where courage is required and I agree that a man really does not know himself {not implying you at all
B.}, until he confronts deep fear.

Sgt Alvin York was not a hero type but did his duty and saved many men. Audie Murphy was not a hero but did his also and saved many men. I have seen big burly tough guys curled up in total fear. You do not know what you will do when confronted with destruction and death until it happens. The next day/hour may produce a totally different reaction. One of my former best buddies left me high and dry and I got the snot beat out of me because he ran. LOL, I would have also but they caught me before I could leave. There is a time for valor and a time to "know your limitations"(Clint Eastwood). wc

As usual, I'm right behind elChup and Treo.

There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity. As a young soldier, I was invincible. Now, as an older soldier, with troops under my charge and a family to take care of, I have concentrated much more on the Patton doctrine. ("No dumb bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. You have to make the OTHER GUY die for HIS country.")

Getting older and being forced to take care of others does wonders for the temperment. I haven't had a speeding ticket in several years. When I (rarely) go into a club, I no longer assess targets upon entry, I note the location of the back door first. When in public places, I don't look to see how I would assualt it, I pay attention to how I would use my weapon to COVER MY FAMILY'S RETREAT.

I'm not exactly sure when it happened, but somewhere along the line, I stopped thinking about how to kill people, and started thinking about how to survive. And survival includes not being imprisoned, broke, or BOTH, leaving my wife to take care of my family, because I wanted to prove whose was bigger.

If I suspected that my buddy was CMOH material, I wouldn't share a foxhole with him.

bdickens said:

I know I'm supposed to evade, avoid but I just can't seem to do it

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Yes, you bloody can, you just won't - you have zero discipline and you need to grow up and work on that before you leave your wife a widow; you can't always do what you want.

Now that I have your attention...

bdickens said:

When danger rears its ugly head -- I'm after it. So, any ideas about how I can train it out of me?

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Take a decent course in executive protection - once you learn that the focus is protecting someone else, you lose all interest in haring towards danger because that would obviously leave your protectee exposed. Then consider your family your protectees.

First thing is be REactive not Proactive when trouble comes a calling as you put it. Try to force yourself to think of what to do to protect yourself and not to just try to simply advance toward the threat with only threat resolution in mind but threat avoidence. You aren't being paid as a cop or service member who has to advance toward a threat, so just think and self train that feeling of wanting to do what you feel like doing out of yourself. Now of course there may be a time when you have to do that, but after good mental conditioning you'll know when that time is. I figure that out in a nano second now and use to be quite like you. Threat and conflict resolution is a gift but you can learn it.

Sgt Alvin York was not a hero type but did his duty and saved many men. Audie Murphy was not a hero but did his also and saved many men.

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I suspect that neither of these gentlemen, nor Joe Foss or any other CMH winner, thought they were the type that could earn the CMH.

Interesting replies as always, but allow me to spin this around a little.

Why play to your weakness? Why not stick to your strengths? The element of surprise can go a long way in a fight.

There is a difference between being stupid and being aggressive, find the line and you should be good; and maybe you have or you'd already be dead. Trust your instincts. Maybe just try to be a little smarter when you're on the attack. I'd figure that you won't have much success being timid, if that's the right word.

Now having said all that, this is not the way I would act. But then again I'm not an overly aggressive person.

Just playing devils advocate.

Trust your instincts.

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Relying on instincts is essential, especially in the "modern" world where too many ignore them. But instincts also must be tempered by reason, because:

1. Combining reason and instinct achieves far greater results than relying on one or the other.

2. Your potential opponent (or opponents) has the same ability to reason as you do. We shouldn't give up an advantage that the opponent may exploit and should thus assume to be exploiting.

3. Instinct doesn't take into account legal realities, unless you've trained yourself to make considering those realities almost instinctual. Advancing on someone may cow them down, or it may cause them to become the victim of your aggression in the eyes of the law.

I'm talking about turning my squad to engage the attackers while leading a "react to an ambush" drill in PLDC

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When I was in PLDC that was standard data turn in to the ambush and attack. That's what they TAUGHT us

I bet Greg Boyington ( who was probably hung over when he earned his MOH) never thought he was the type either.

I know what the bravest thing I ever did in the Army It was the day I looked Brigadier General Geoff Miller ( the guy from Abu Graib) in the eye and told him that I couldn't legally release confidential medical information to him. He wanted admitting diagnosises for soldiers admitted at Evans Army Hospital.

behavioral modification without taking the edge away from your instincts.....
between the 'see something' and the 'act on it' try and add a small 'what if' as in---what if someone's behind that suv. or what if the guy behind him has something in his hidden hand, just a small to non-existent pause. something just long enough to allow your conscious thoughts to catch up to your instant on instincts. yet, if your instincts are spot on....why would you want to doubt or dull them? what is SOP for the many does not mean that the exceptional person should dumb himself down.. some one here has a sig line----if its an even fight than your tactics suck.

Mr. Dickens,

None of my comments were sarcastic--just attempts to answer honestly what I take to be your honestly asked question.

I do understand that some folks (including me) will on occasion put just a bit of sting in the tail of their answer, hoping--as I would--that it will make the response more memorable, or just more entertaining.

If any of my comments were off-putting, I apologize for that. But what I have said has been due to patient thought.

I hope you sort this out to your liking. (Oh, and +1 on meekness, Mr. Thomas.)