How to introduce a handgun into the house with a 14-year old?

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Ally

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I recently bought a 9mm handgun. Currently it is kept with the slide locked back and a cable lock through it. I've been doing a lot of range/target shooting; I am taking my CCW course on the 23rd, and an NRA firearms course on the 30th. Until those classes are completed, the gun will remain unloaded in the house.

Here's the conundrum I have, and seem to be having a really hard time deciding which way to go. I have a 14-year old daughter who has never seen a gun in real life until now. My main concern is what to do with the gun if/when she is home alone.

On the one hand, I feel like it should be unloaded and locked if I'm leaving her home alone for any amount of time. This will prevent a possible tragic accident from occurring. On the other hand, if/when she was trained on gun safety, handling, shooting, etc., and it was kept loaded and accessible if I go out, it could save her life if she had to defend herself.

I don't know what level of maturity a child/teen her age needs to have to understand the danger and seriousness of a loaded gun. What I've done so far is posted the 4 rules of gun safety in five areas of the house. If she wants to see or touch the gun, she can ask me, recite by memory the 4 rules, and I'll take it out for her to look at and touch.

This has happened once. She did recite the 4 rules to me by memory, and I took out the gun for her to look at and handle. I taught her how to ensure that the gun is unloaded, and that you always triple check, even if it's got a lock on it, (it was kept cable-locked during this). The first thing she did was put her finger on the trigger (bad enough), but it's the second thing she did that horrified me. She pointed the gun at her face because she wanted to look in the barrel, (understandable curiosity). I immediately said "MOVE IT", explained why what she had done could get her killed, and put the gun away.

I imagine by the end of the month I will feel confident in keeping it loaded, as long as we are both in the house; it was purchased for self-defense after all.

What to do when I'm not in the house? Kids have friends over. Guns are fun to show to friends. Should I put it in a gun safe when I leave her alone? Then it gets back to the uselessness of the gun if I do that.

I'm guessing many of you have dealt with this. I'd appreciate tips, recommendations, whatever you have to offer for this situation.
 
Going to be a lot of judgement calls on your part, you know your daughter better than any of us do.

I'd say it would be pretty cool and helpful to both take something like the NRA's basic pistol course together.
 
Quick-access handgun safe. It's not your daughter I'm worried about, it's her friends. You can't be 100% sure that her friends don't get "curious" and take a look around the house. You can train and trust her, but you have no control of others when you are not around. My oldest is 14 and has been shooting since he was 5 (along with his 3 siblings). I would trust him to safely handle any of my firearms, and he knows the combo to the safes. He also knows NO ONE gets access to the safes without me, mom, or grandpa around!
 
I grew up in a house full of guns, and my father was of the opinion that all of his children needed to learn gun safety as soon as possible and that we needed to learn to respect what a gun can do. So, when I was about 8 years old, he took me to the gun range with several of his pistols and he taught me how to shoot. We started with the .22, and worked all the way up to his .44 mag (he had to stand behind me for that and make sure it didn't knock me over). Safety was preached to me all the time until I thought it was engraved in my brain. But the important part was that he took the "mystery" away from the guns.

Every time he went to the range, he took me with him. He would do his practice shooting, then help me practice as well. I even shot a few pistol matches when I was about 10 years old. When I expressed some interest in learning to shoot a rifle, he found a good used .22 and took me to the rifle range and taught me to shoot it. I joined the Junior Rifle club and shot regularly when we went to the range.

The suggestion to take a Basic Safety Course is a good one. You might also look around the local ranges and see if there some youth courses or clinics that she might attend.

Don't make the gun a mystery to her - she might turn out to be a good shooting buddy for you.

One last thing (from my father's advice): Don't tell/talk/or show any guns to anyone outside the immediate family. They have not had the proper safety training and it's not their business to handle any guns in our house.
 
Keep the handun in a quick access handgun safe, that only you know the code for. Keep the firearm loaded and ready but locked up in the safe in your bedroom where you have quick access to it at night time. This way you have it and it's loaded when needed...and kids and visitors can't access it. Best of both worlds.

Sounds like you're doing all the right things already. GOOD FOR YOU ! Kepp it up. This is a great place to learn.
 
Oh, and continue to allow her to see and handle the firearm, supervised of course, whenever she asks to. This makes the firearm not a taboo item and satisfies her curiousity. Perhaps take her shooting as well to show her how they work, to allow her to learn to shoot, and so that she can see and respect the deadly power of a firearm.

A .22 pistol or rifle would be the best for a new shooter to begin to learn the fundamentals with.

The Eddie The Eagle program is a good one...perhaps she is to old for that...but the principles are the same that kids should learn when finding a gun or coming across one(want to see dad's gun) at a friends house:
- Stop
- Don't Touch
- Leave the area
- Tell an adult.
 
Yeah at 14 just take her shooting with an instructor. Be warned though, she may cost you a lot of money if you do that. I made that mistake and now I have a 15 year old wanting a full blown USPSA rig and his own loading press.

He's a better shot than me too, his El Prez beats me by nearly a full second.

Sounds like she needs some real training though, and no offense but maybe a real instructor would be better. She should never have gotten to a place where she could point the gun at herself during instruction.
 
As have already been said, keep it in a quick access safe, for now.
Take your daughter to the ranhe with you, teach her to shoot, and to respect the gun. Get pictures of what a 9mm does to ballistic gel and show her.
If you generally have confidence in her good judgement, then you should be able to confidently leave her access to the loaded gun within months from now, when you know that she can handle the gun, that it holds no mystique or "Tabu Attraction" to her.
Also, for Homedefense, maybe a gun isn´t necessary for your daughter, an emotionally distraught teen may do stupid things even if she i generally a sensible girl with good judgement, so maybe you should keep access to the loaded gun to yourself, but get a longgun for selfdefense. An AR-15 or a Shotgun is less likely to be brought on a revengetrip after being dumped by or cheated on by a boyfriend.
 
All our children received a rifle on their 14th and grew up with pistols. They each got one on their 21st but had limited access to them much earlier. They were taught safety first and shooting second. Far as I know none of them have ever had an AD or shot close to anyone. Each have a variety and some have started accumulating a few.
You know your daughter and none should try to tell you how to handle her education/safety. Some take to guns like "ducks to water" and others are offended by their mere presence. By all means secure all firearms from visitors. A "visitor" to our home shot me as a kid.
 
I don't have kids, but I've found the best thing to do to make myself feel better about someone handling my guns is teach them how to make it safe and eject the mags and a bullet from the chamber. Most young only know that guns go bang when you pull then trigger. If you show your daughter how to clear the chamber and check to see if its loaded and such she would be educated about it.

Education is better than avoidance.
 
It's your child, personally we taught ours gun safety and handling starting at 6-8 years old with a .22. It takes the mystique out of the weapon. You only touch the guns when mom or dad is with you. 5 daughters, never had a problem. The oldest one now competitavely shoots her own weapons (she's over 40)

We had a young male foreign exchange student from Germany with us for a year..same with him...taught him safety, and proper handling..took him shooting with us...he loved it. None of ours ever took the guns out without permission.

Take her shooting with you. Take her to the class with you. 14 year old is pleanty old enough to learn how to handle a weapon properly.

Next thing is, train you child to not be telling everyone you have a weapon. You really do not word out on the street that you are not home, but there is a gun in the house.

If the gun is home, and no-one else is..it should be locked in such a manner it will not be stolen. Register the model and serial number with your insurance company so their are no arguments if it is stolen.

At 14 your daughter is old enough you should also be concerned with her safelty.. She should know how to handle that weapon properly and be able to use it if needed.
 
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+1 on the friends being the big concern. I think you should teach her to shoot and be familiar with it but then still need to keep the pistol secured. Other female friends would worry me less than boyfriends who might be in your house unbeknownst to you and who might either take it or do something stupid playing around with it.
 
My main concern is what to do with the gun if/when she is home alone.

Since you're getting your CCW and that was the purpose of getting the handgun, why would you not have it with you when you leave the house?

Yeah sure, you can cite "exceptions" on when you won't be able to carry - etc.... but all the basic rules of having a gun in a home with children should apply - if a QUALIFIED adult isn't there and the gun is - LOCK UP THE GUN.

Sorry, it MAY only be MY rule, but I don't see an "exception" to it.
 
You would not allow your child access to a car until you are absolutely convinced she can operate it without injury to herself or others. Same for the gun. You aren't there yet.

You moved too fast. Ensure she understands basic safe gun handling with a toy gun first. Only when she demonstrates continuous awareness of muzzle direction and control do you go to the range with the real thing.
 
Show Her What Happens When..

I agree with all the others who posted here.

One thing I did with our daughters when they were young was to set up a big watermelon as a target and showed them live what happens when the melon took a direct hit from being shot with a 12 ga.

It was enough to show them the respect (and safety that must be used), one needed to give a firearm.. yet the demonstration (and the teaching that went along with it), wasn't such that they became fearful of handling firearms.

Of course I started them off shooting with a .22 until later years when the 12 guage was introduced and used.

Single Action Six
 
Quick-access handgun safe. It's not your daughter I'm worried about, it's her friends. You can't be 100% sure that her friends don't get "curious" and take a look around the house. You can train and trust her, but you have no control of others when you are not around. My oldest is 14 and has been shooting since he was 5 (along with his 3 siblings). I would trust him to safely handle any of my firearms, and he knows the combo to the safes. He also knows NO ONE gets access to the safes without me, mom, or grandpa around!

+1

This is the only way to go, although I might quibble about the 14 year old knowing the combination as a general rule; it's a case by case call.

Stress that the child can see the gun anytime they want as long as you are around. This removes the forbidden fruit temptation. Also stress in no uncertain terms the draconian punishment that awaits if they ever touch the gun if you're NOT around.
 
Keep this in mind:

First, get the daughter trained. At 14 you can take her to the range and let her know how to use it.

Second. NC GS 14-315.1 Storage of Firearms to protect minors:
(a) Any person who resides in the same premises as a minor, owns or possesses a firearm, and stores or leaves the firearm (i) in a condition that the firearm can be discharged and (ii) in a manner that the person knew or should have known that an unsupervised minor would be able to gain access to the firearm, is guilty of a Class 1 misdemeanor if a minor gains access to the firearm without the lawful permission of the minor's parents or a person having charge of the minor and the minor:

(1) Possesses it in violation of G.S. 14‑269.2(b);

(2) Exhibits it in a public place in a careless, angry, or threatening manner;

(3) Causes personal injury or death with it not in self defense; or

(4) Uses it in the commission of a crime.

Keep it in mind. I know where you are going. Would be nice to have them protect themselves. You cannot trust their friends parents have trained their kids accordingly.

At the very least get her trained I have a 9 yr old that is getting trained up on 22's right now. Good luck.
 
Completely up to you as it's your daughter. My own PERSONAL opinion though is that kids are better off educated than protected. I'd take her out and let her shoot. Satiate the curiosity and it won't be an issue. My dad kept loaded guns sitting EVERYWHERE in the house. Just part of growing up in a rural area. We (me, my brother, and sister) never touched them because we'd already shot them and weren't curious. Not to mention by the time I was 9 years old I was already trusted enough to be out deer hunting on my own.

As I said - it's your call, but to me education trumps protection.
 
It's not your daughter I'm worried about, it's her friends

Can't say that enough!

Yeah at 14 just take her shooting with an instructor. Be warned though, she may cost you a lot of money if you do that. I made that mistake and now I have a 15 year old wanting a full blown USPSA rig and his own loading press.

He's a better shot than me too, his El Prez beats me by nearly a full second.

Sounds like she needs some real training though, and no offense but maybe a real instructor would be better. She should never have gotten to a place where she could point the gun at herself during instruction.

Excellent advice. You are both new and she obviously wants to learn. Let her take that introductory class with you that you mentioned in a previous post. You'll both learn a few things. It will be a good bonding experience, to boot.

I have a 12 year old who can't get enough of firearms. He'll sit down to help and watch me working on an AR or polishing a trigger mechanism until I'm done. He gets giddy over the stuff like I do. I have an eight year old who is interested from time to time, but not as often. Good luck!
 
I definitely agree that when "visitors" are in my home, whether I'm there or not, the gun needs to be locked up. I'll need to buy a quick-access safe.

I'm getting some mixed opinions, which I expected, as to how to approach the whole weapon issue with her. I tend to agree that she needs safety training, and I agree it should not be from me, ("Oh c'mon mommmmmmm" + eyeroll). I think she needs to see what kind of destruction the gun can do. An indoor range might be the place for that. The bangs are loud even with muffs, and when she looks at the target that could make an impression on her . But I can't be certain.

As for why the gun will not be CC on me at all times, North Carolina is a very restrictive state, and there are a lot of places you cannot go with a firearm, and there will be times I simply cannot have it. I think the gun safe, that can't be lifted and carried off, is the best solution.

I've got a lot to think about how and in what order, she is taught about gun safety, respect and learning to fire it. Maybe an instructor can help with those considerations. Some will say she shouldn't be shooting it at all for any reason.

This is an enormous issue and one I've been grappling with for some time. This is the main reason the gun is being kept unloaded 24/7 for now; this and because I'm not going to keep a loaded gun for self-defense until I receive proper training (this month). Shooting at the range is one thing, prepared to use lethal force under adrenaline surge is a whole other matter.

Thanks for the feedback.
 
Let her shoot some to remove most of the curiosity aspect. I was taught safety rules first, and after that most everything else falls into place.

Let her get comfortable shooting, and she will understand the true, devastating potential of firearms. This will teach her how important safety is.

When the gun is not in your control, and you are not home, keep it locked up. However, I would say that at night, you should keep it loaded and somewhere within your reach in case you need it (a handgun safe is the best recommendation).
 
As for why the gun will not be CC on me at all times, North Carolina is a very restrictive state, and there are a lot of places you cannot go with a firearm, and there will be times I simply cannot have it. I think the gun safe, that can't be lifted and carried off, is the best solution.

You're telling me. I keep a lockbox bolted in my truck for that reason. I recommend against it, as it can still be stolen. None the less, it is what I do and I carry as often as I legally can. It is what it is.
 
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