An unsafe gun friend

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by Bazoo, Apr 20, 2022.

  1. Bazoo

    Bazoo Member

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    I have only one shooting buddy. He is somewhat unsafe. I enjoy running around to gun stores with him and we talk guns. But he does little things that ain’t safe.

    He occasionally will muzzle me or others. Okay no big deal, everyone makes mistakes. He keeps making them.

    But he does other things. He often leaves the safety off on his gun when shooting. It’s just not a habit like it is for me to put the safety on. Especially when shooting clays. Like for example, if he lets me shoot his gun , he’ll hand it to me with the safety off. When I return it with the safety on, he will always pull the trigger and no bangy because he didn’t assume the safety to be on and didn’t check. Does the same when we are shooting 22 rifles.

    But when shooting a Rossi 92 he will put the safety on, as if half cock ain’t enough there.

    Then sometimes he will show me his carry gun, unload it and look at it. When he loads it back, instead of stop looking at it, he has occasionally, turned it sideways and muzzled my wife, or me to show me a feature of the gun he forgot to mention. Finger off the trigger cause it was loaded...

    Once he shot a round off in my house. He’s always dry firing. So in this instance he showed me his loaded carry gun, I unloaded it, checked it out, loaded it back and handed it back in the same condition it was handed to me in. He pointed it and bang. No one was hurt. He did have it pointed in a safe direction. He said he thought I unloaded it and was just going to dry fire. So trying to duck the blame and put it on me.

    I found out later he did the same at his house. Dry firing.

    I’ve seen him have his finger on the trigger when readjusting the grip on a cocked single action. Muzzle was pointed upwards. On the range. I mentioned it and he got huffy. I’ve seen him do the same thing with his off hand over the cylinder gap.... that would have sucked for him.

    I’ve tried to mention things here and there and he always gets defensive. He was in the air force. He says I was safe enough in the AF and now I’m not safe I guess. He goes to an indoor range and he must be safe enough for them? Maybe they ain’t got high standards.

    I’ve been friends with him 20 years or so. He’s only been “into” guns 10 years or so. Friends with his son. He’s a nice guy, Christian, fun to go to gun stores with. But he just does these little things here and there that are unsafe.

    Then of course he’s had 3 NDs I’m aware of. One was on the range, so it wasn’t as bad but still. He was behind me I here pow. Single six was in his hands. He shot his car. We were using his trunk for a table.

    So anyways. He’s a great friend, and fun to go to gun stores with. And he’s my only friend to go do that sort of thing with. So, I put up with his unsafe gun handling. I’ve considered several things. Just telling him he’s unsafe and so be it if I lose him as a friend. I have been limiting the amount I’m around him on the range and try to look at guns outside rather than inside the house to help mitigate the issue. I don’t particularly want to hurt his feelings and just run him off. He’s not just my only shooting buddy, he’s really one of only a handful of friends I have.

    How best to approach this?

    Thanks for reading. Prayer and advice welcomed here.
     
  2. bigmike45

    bigmike45 Member

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    "I’ve considered several things. Just telling him he’s unsafe and so be it if I lose him as a friend."
    If this happens he was never a true friend!!

    "I have been limiting the amount I’m around him on the range and try to look at guns outside rather than inside the house to help mitigate the issue."
    Good first step and hopefully he will get the message that you are not happy with his actions.

    "I don’t particularly want to hurt his feelings and just run him off. He’s not just my only shooting buddy, he’s really one of only a handful of friends I have."
    Better to loose him as a friend than to loose a family member or even your own life due to his unsafe and deplorable gun safety habits.

    I had to do something similar to a former friend who would point his loaded gun at anything or anyone when hunting, or just shooting at the gun range. We grew up together but after almost 50 years of friendship, he chose to end the friendship rather than follow the rules of safe gun handling practice.
     
  3. twarr1

    twarr1 Member

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    For me, no question at all. Talk to him about the safety issues and let him know he must improve! If you ‘lose him as a friend’ he was never a friend in the first place.
    Unfortunately, bad things DO happen. Look at it this way; if, God forbid, an ND killed your SO. Would this person still be a friend?
    If he doesn’t respect you and your family enough to practice safe firearm practices he doesn’t deserve to have YOU as a friend. Period.
     
  4. twofewscrews

    twofewscrews Member

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    There's never an easy way to tell a friend they are being a jack___, but when being a jack___ might end in tragedy not telling them is not an option.

    I've found alcohol can be of use in situations like this. Spend a couple hours drinking, not getting plastered, and then break it down to him. You can be diplomatic about it and try to impress upon him that your not telling him this because your some kind of rule abiding wacko but because you don't want to be either witness to or the victim of his careless actions. You're telling him this because don't want him to end up in a world of serious legal/moral trouble, and you're concerned for the safety of you and yours and others. You are telling him this because you value his friendship and friends owe it to friends to be honest with each other and watch each others back.

    If he's continues his reckless behavior or gets all pissy with you, well, I personally would rather lose a friend then a loved one or my life.
     
  5. unclenunzie
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    unclenunzie Contributing Member

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    You need to have a sit down with your friend. No guns, no ammo in the room or on anyone's person. His unsafe behaviors are proven dangerous and he is damaging your friendship. He needs to be educated, but if that doesn't take, when it comes to guns, avoided.
     
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  6. Mark_Mark
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    Mark_Mark Contributing Member

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    Go take a gun safely class together, tell him… We don’t know what we don’t know.

    tell him: Do me this favor and I’ll buy the class and dinner.

    if not, I would not let him near my family or me
     
  7. Mark_Mark
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    Mark_Mark Contributing Member

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    Also… I was peppered at the trap range and it hurt like HELL! that was bird shot. I consider myself LUCKY!

    the young guy had his finger on the trigger of a pump gun. and you know the rest of the story.
     
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  8. Blue Jays

    Blue Jays Member

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    This is not complaining about that one stupid time he drove buzzed in the summer of 1981.
    This is about people right now who could be tragically injured or killed without intervention.
    We all have a handful of rare occasions in all our lives where we simply must take a stand.

    Good luck speaking with your friend about this situation.
     
  9. Scooter22

    Scooter22 Member

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    REALLY??? You must be a gambling addict because thats what your doing. Tell him how unsafe he is or stock up on life insurance if you have dependents. I've had no problem telling ANYBODY when they aren't handling a fire arm safely. I don't care what they think or feel. You might not care about your own life but others do that may be around him and not notice. I'm blunt because I've had several close calls over the years and I jumped on them the FIRST time. Good luck.
     
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  10. Mark_Mark
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    Mark_Mark Contributing Member

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    I had a college friend who was cleaning a revolver with dad after a range trip. He broke all the rules of safety.

    Assuming the gun was not loaded
    Finger on the trigger when not ready to fire
    Pointed at his dad’s head

    Well, you guys know the rest of the story. I never seen the guy after the shooting. Now that I have boys of my own, that incident replay in my head as if it was my own boy. I would never want to put that guilt in my boys mind.

    I’ll take a safety class with my boys too!
     
  11. Hugger-4641

    Hugger-4641 Member

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    Is he a really good friend, like he would forgive you for punching him in the gut?
    Im kidding,..but not really.
    When I was about 10, my grandad and I were shooting a 22lr and I handed it to him with the safety off. I found out what I did wrong after picking myself up off the ground. Some may call that abuse, but I've never made that mistake again.

    If he can't take a punch in the gut, then the safety class is a great suggestion imho.
     
  12. CarJunkieLS1

    CarJunkieLS1 Member

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    I guess maybe I'm a big stickler because after 1 ND I'd basically be done. After 3 ND's I wouldn't want to be around that person and a firearm in the same room.

    This person may be a great friend and he definitely needs a talking to about his safety issues. If he's not able to take some criticizing that could potentially save a serious injury or death then he's no longer your shooting buddy.
     
  13. Mark_Mark
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    Mark_Mark Contributing Member

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    PM me the guys phone number! I can talk with him.
     
  14. Insignificant bill

    Insignificant bill Member

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    Just wow, 3 NDs and still doing the same thing. Sorry but there is something wrong with him.
     
  15. CapnMac

    CapnMac Member

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    Life, sadly, is full of compromises.
    Which is complicated as true friendship tends to be uncompromising.
    I've had to reassess my acquaintances/friendships a time or two.
    There are certain folk I will not drink with.
    There are folks I'll not go to sporting or music events with.
    And, this is true of shooting, too.

    Invite people that never seem to have any of their own ammo when they get to the range? That's like the buddy who always invites out to lunch but has always forgotten a wallet.
    Do unsafe things at the range, or, worse yet, get me banned from my favorite range?

    All of these things will change the way your call, or text, or email is received.

    Half the world out there is already "below average" and I must needs cope with them all, uninvited. That's the nature of life. But, it means my tolerance is low, too.

    Now, come to me and ask, can you help me? That's different from "you must accept my failings." Which, in my world is subtly different from "Accept me as I am." If you are going to insist that the 123superblammo is the best ammo in the world, ok, fine, that's your opinion. Just don't wave any at me in a loaded firearm.

    Maye I'm too harsh and demanding. Such questions nag at me.
     
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  16. DustyGmt

    DustyGmt Member

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    The first couple paragraphs I read and thought, okay, I have a friend or two like that, been muzzled a few times, seen pretty lousy gun and muzzle discipline, not cool but the first time I would probably make mention of it in a lighthearted way, or frame up the discussion so that he knew that I thought people with poor disciplines in this regard were idiots and poor gun handlers, without specifically naming him. Maybe to get him thinking and practicing good discipline out of pride and oneupsmanship if not for anything else. I would happily have a friend try to best me on safe gun handling and feed into it him that way.... if instances kept occurring I would have the hard "Hey man, we have to talk".

    After about the 3rd or 4th paragraph I stopped reading......1 ND at your house!!!? And 1 at his house! Shoot man, I like having a shooting buddy, lost my best shooting buddy year before last, but if any of my buddies ND'd at my house, I would have to think that if I didn't slap the brakes off of them for endangering my home, they would not be welcome in my home and I wouldn't shoot with them until they had some accountability and apologized and promised to do better and didn't fob their stupidity off on me....

    Yikes man, thats a pickle....
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2022
  17. Night Rider

    Night Rider Member

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    I would certainly never allow him in my home armed ever again.

    I wouldn't go shooting with him either.

    He would be free to make his own decisions as to our friendship
     
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  18. DustyGmt

    DustyGmt Member

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    Like "yeah man I have this strange rule about having guests who habitually ND inside of homes, you know, where families live".

    If you don't have the wherewithal to operate your weapon competently and be appropriate, gtf away from me and mine.....
     
  19. Armored farmer

    Armored farmer Member

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    I sympathize with you @Bazoo , but he sounds dangerous.

    The trap range thing about the safety not being engaged....maybe i could overlook that one. Many trapguns do not have safeties. My model 12 trapgun has its safety removed.
    The nd's and other personal fouls must be dealt with.

    Maybe he would make a good fishing or golfing buddy?
     
  20. Mark_Mark
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    Mark_Mark Contributing Member

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    it only take 1 bullet . Be safe
     
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  21. Bazoo

    Bazoo Member

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    I pretty much figured these responses. And I appreciate them. I also appreciate the idea of a safety class. I hadn’t thought of that.

    He did apologize profusely after the ND in my house.

    After he muzzles me, and I say, you just muzzled me, he says oops sorry bout that. I’ve called him on it several times.

    On the occasions that I’ve said something more he always gets defensive.

    One complication is that he shoots on my range. I feel bad for running him off as this is his main place to shoot. I also enjoy trying all the new guns he trades into, and a handful or two of brass here and there.

    I just don’t know how to address it yet. But I’m thinking on it.

    I got to thinking about it because he came down today. Nothing real major today.

    One of the things he does is he will dry fire a gun that has been unloaded, without checking it upon picking it up. So if he unloads his gun, hands it to me, and I hand it back, he’s likely to dry fire it without checking if we are outside.
     
  22. Mark_Mark
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    Mark_Mark Contributing Member

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    that’s true… You can say, “lets go fishing or golfing and drink beer, but we can’t go shooting”
     
  23. J-Bar

    J-Bar Member

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    Your premise is wrong.

    He’s not a friend.
     
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  24. DustyGmt

    DustyGmt Member

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    I know some here would advocate for swift and ruthless "excommunication", and while they are probably right, I get it man. I know it's hard to have these conversations, especially if they are good friends that you otherwise respect, have great qualities and might be the type to be the only one to show up on moving day, won't take gas money, etc.... don't want to throw away a friendship over something so........."fixable" but can't be addressed without offending.

    If it was just you and you wanted to continue to roll the dice, I'd say that's on you. If you have a wife or kids or family in the house, I would say it's your duty to have a talk and if necessary, cut things off if he isn't receptive....
     
  25. twarr1

    twarr1 Member

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    @Bazoo , I’m going to be frank. You’re asking for comments, but at the same time, you’re making excuses for him and rationalizing. You need to accept the fact that this ‘friend’ is a danger to you, your family, and himself. Until you do that, all the advice in the world isn’t going to help your situation.
    .
     
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