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Article for opinion piece - please critique

Discussion in 'Activism Discussion and Planning' started by ZeSpectre, Oct 28, 2011.

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  1. ZeSpectre

    ZeSpectre Member

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    This one is for a couple of local papers. Please critique HEAVILY before I put it out there.

    Thanks!
    Ze

    ---------------------------------------

    The Virginia Citizens Defense League announced plans for a Nov. 17’th demonstration date supporting a proposed carry conceal law for handguns on Virginia college campuses. Response to this has covered the usual spectrum but it seems like a particular word keep popping up, that word is “insane”.

    This has brought to mind the classic old definition of insane as “doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result”.

    In 2006, House Bill 1572, proposed by the Virginia Citizens Defense League and brought to the table by Del. Todd Gilbert, R-Shenandoah County, was defeated. Virginia Tech spokesman Larry Hincker was happy to hear the bill was defeated, publicly stating, "I'm sure the university community is appreciative of the General Assembly's actions because this will help parents, students, faculty and visitors feel safe on our campus." When questioned, Mr. Hincker also assured the campus community that there was no need for individuals to be concerned with personal protection because Virginia Tech had “a very sound policy”.

    Tragically, on April 16, 2007 there was a clear demonstration of how easily a murderer disregards rules and restrictions. Virginia Tech’s “sound policy” was revealed as being closer to tissue paper than bedrock and 32 people paid the price for entrusting their safety to words on paper.

    Virginia Tech responded with more policy.

    Then in Jan 2009 another murderer cut a female student’s head off in an on-campus restaurant.

    More policy.

    In 2011 the officials of Virginia Tech have decided to enact even more clearly worded “policies” and stronger “regulations”, perhaps in the hope that the next murdering lunatic will convinced to pause to read the rules before engaging in bloody mayhem and many have chosen to support that method of addressing the problem while denigrating anyone proposing a different method of personal protection.

    I understand.

    It is simply easier to entrust personal security to someone else, easier by far to ignore that violence can happen, easier to believe that a paper regulation will protect you.

    It's easier...but is it sane?
     
  2. Japle

    Japle Member

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    The Virginia Citizens Defense League announced plans for a Nov. 17th (apostrophy deleted)demonstration ("date" deleted) supporting a proposed concealed carry law for handguns on Virginia college campuses. Response to this has covered the usual spectrum but it seems like a particular word keep popping up. That word is “insane”.

    This has brought to mind the classic old definition of insane as “doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result”.

    In 2006, House Bill 1572, proposed by the Virginia Citizens Defense League and brought to the table by Del. Todd Gilbert, R-Shenandoah County, was defeated. Virginia Tech spokesman Larry Hincker was happy to hear the bill was defeated, publicly stating, "I'm sure the university community is appreciative of the General Assembly's actions because this will help parents, students, faculty and visitors feel safe on our campus." When questioned, Mr. Hincker also assured the campus community that there was no need for individuals to be concerned with personal protection because Virginia Tech had “a very sound policy”.

    Tragically, on April 16, 2007 there was a clear demonstration of how easily a murderer disregards rules and restrictions. Virginia Tech’s “sound policy” was revealed as being closer to tissue paper than bedrock and 32 people paid the price for entrusting their safety to words on paper.

    Virginia Tech responded with more policy.

    Then in Jan 2009 another murderer cut a female student’s head off in an on-campus restaurant.

    More policy.

    In 2011 the officials of Virginia Tech have decided to enact even more clearly worded “policies” and stronger “regulations”, perhaps in the hope that the next murdering lunatic will be convinced to pause and read the rules before engaging in bloody mayhem. Many have chosen to support that method of addressing the problem while denigrating anyone proposing a different method of personal protection.

    I understand.

    It is simply easier to entrust personal security to someone else, easier by far to ignore that violence can happen, easier to believe that a paper regulation will protect you.

    It's easier...but is it sane?
     
  3. ZeSpectre

    ZeSpectre Member

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    Nice editing catches. Much appreciated.

    Anyone else? Other comments?
     
  4. beatledog7

    beatledog7 Member

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    The Virginia Citizens Defense League announced plans for a Nov. 17th (apostrophy deleted)demonstration ("date" deleted) supporting a proposed concealed carry law for handguns on Virginia college campuses. Response to this has covered the usual spectrum comma but it seems like a particular word keeps add s popping up. That word is “insane”. move period inside final quotation mark

    This has brought to mind the classic old definition of insane as “doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result”. same as last time

    In 2006, House Bill 1572, proposed by the Virginia Citizens Defense League and brought to the table by Del. Todd Gilbert, R-Shenandoah County, was defeated. Virginia Tech spokesman Larry Hincker was happy to hear the bill was defeated, publicly stating, "I'm sure the university community is appreciative of the General Assembly's actions because this will help parents, students, faculty and visitors feel safe on our campus." When questioned, Mr. Hincker also assured the campus community that there was no need for individuals to be concerned with personal protection because Virginia Tech had “a very sound policy”. and again

    Tragically, on April 16, 2007 there was a clear demonstration of how easily a murderer disregards rules and restrictions. Virginia Tech’s “sound policy” was revealed as being replace blue with proved closer to tissue paper than bedrock when 32 people paid the price for entrusting their safety to words on paper.

    Virginia Tech responded with more policy.

    Less then two years later, in Jan 2009, another murderer cut off a female student’s head in an on-campus restaurant.

    More policy.

    In 2011 the officials of Virginia Tech have decided to enact even more clearly worded “policies” and stronger “regulations”, move comma inside quotation mark perhaps in the hope that the next murdering lunatic will be convinced to pause and read the rules before engaging in bloody mayhem. Many have chosen to support that method of addressing the problem while denigrating anyone proposing a different method of personal protection.

    I understand.

    It is simply easier to entrust personal security to someone else, easier by far to ignore that violence can happen, easier to believe that a paper regulation will protect you.

    It's easier...but is it sane?
     
  5. Bobson

    Bobson Member

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    +1 on Beatledog's final catches. All correct.
     
  6. beatledog7

    beatledog7 Member

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    Should have said, less than two years later, just a typo.
     
  7. ZeSpectre

    ZeSpectre Member

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    Okay, I think I'm ready to publish. Thanks for the editorial run guys!
     
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