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Author Requests Help

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by LiamFisher, May 7, 2012.

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  1. LiamFisher

    LiamFisher Member

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    Hello, All. I am an author of a soon to be published book, and while I am a gun owner and NRA lifer, and was a "shooter" back in the day, I am writing about guns and weapons use and want to make sure I get things EXACTLY right in those small details. I want to start a new standard in print in this regard, so I figured asking you guys for a beta read might be helpful.

    You can find the parts of my free story posted online here:
    http://www.liamfisher.com/2012/05/prologue-part-1.html
    http://www.liamfisher.com/2012/04/sheriff-of-stone-country-part-1.html

    If you could post comments here on THR, and not on my blog, I would appreciate it. Thanks for your time!
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2012
  2. allaroundhunter

    allaroundhunter Member

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    Part 1, paragraph 3:
    Part 3, paragraph 1:
    Part 4, paragraph 1:
    Either remove "both", or instead say, "...and they each smiled briefly at each other."

    Part 4, paragraph 5:
    Part 4, paragraph 6:
    He felt more what?


    Now I have to go prepare for a final, but I will read into a little more detail later when I have more time. (And I did not get to parts 5 and 6)
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2012
  3. mnrivrat

    mnrivrat Member

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    I think the OP was looking more for firearm related details rather than a proof read.
     
  4. allaroundhunter

    allaroundhunter Member

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    I was looking for firearm related errors, but what I found instead was that these errors were much more glaring. Part about getting to small details is that you have to fix the bigger ones or the smaller ones will be less apparent.
     
  5. LiamFisher

    LiamFisher Member

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    While I sincerely appreciate the effort, it will get a heavy editing, but I'm not here for that. I'm more interested in you guys commenting on firearms than on grammar.
     
  6. Tim the student

    Tim the student Member

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    I skimmed over a couple pages, and didn't even read those over a few times like I should to be able to give you great feedback.

    I didn't think you got too many things wrong necessarily, but I don't think you were very detail oriented.

    A couple things jumped out at me though:

    Part 1 - Mag pouch, not mag case. That is what we called them in the Army at least... If for the guy (the son, I think) carrying a shotgun, why a mag case? He has a pump gun, of which I have to assume has a tubular magazine... What kind of pump? An 870? If they are going to have all that crap on a belt, why not give them an old surplus LCE? Maybe they could put whatever is in their pack into a butt pack?

    Part 2 - What kind of rifle did she have? How about a Colt 6940 with a pink stock with a rail mounted Surefire with a pressure switch? Or she could tape it to the stock, not the muzzle.

    Respectfully, you have a long way to go before you can top Stephen Hunter in the gun geek appeasement department, IMO. One of our own here (Larry Correia) wrote a series called Monster Hunter International. I haven't read the MHI stuff yet, but it was written for gun guys, by a gun guy, so I bet his stuff is pretty good in that department. Check out some of their stuff. I myself really enjoy how SH works in the gun details. You can tell he knows about guns, but he isn't smothering the reader in details either, IMO. I enjoyed the part of your story that I read, but I'd like to see the guns written about in a way similar to the SH style.

    Good luck with your book. Please let us know when it is published.
     
  7. LiamFisher

    LiamFisher Member

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    Thanks, Tim. I agree -- both Hunter and Correia are great. They are just so rare. I really appreciate the feedback. I want to provide details without, as you say, "smothering" the reader. The focus is the action and the characters, not the guns. But as you say, details do matter. That's valuable feedback! Anyone notice any errors with gun handling?
     
  8. LiamFisher

    LiamFisher Member

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  9. LiamFisher

    LiamFisher Member

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  10. Magoo

    Magoo Member

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    Part 4 gun related:
    Is there more gun related stuff in other sections?
     
  11. LiamFisher

    LiamFisher Member

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  12. SunnySlopes

    SunnySlopes Member

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    Oh, another writer hawking his wares on a gun forum.:rolleyes:
     
  13. LiamFisher

    LiamFisher Member

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    Nope. It's free. Nada. Zilch. I'm really more interested in opinions on the gun handling, which I don't seem to be getting much of, to my surprise.
     
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