CCW mindset (long)

[blackguns]

So my wife and I were stepping out today to do the Christmas "blitz" as we have come to call it. We get our act together and pretty much do all of our shopping in about 4 hours.

I am a upstate NY CCW'er, (yes you can carry in NY) anyway, I havn't had it very long and have not carried that much. I usually strap it on for trips to the corner store and such. I'm still working out the bugs of my carry rig. Well today I decided to carry for our shopping spree. I didn't tell my wife.

There was an incident at the local mall last week, where a shopper basically snapped when she was acidentially bumped into when standing in the checkout line. The shopper went nuts and started beating the woman that bumped her in the face with a tape dispenser. I told you that story so I could tell you this one.

On the way to the mall my wife looks at me and says "what would you do if someone started beating me with a tape dispenser?" My first thought was "wow did she notice I was carrying?" I played it cool and said that I would prevent someone from hurting her and defend her life. I got a dirty look.

I got a dirty look because even I realised that it wasn't a normal response for me. I am a 6'3" 270lbs guy, I spend time in the gym on a regular basis. I carry myself with subdued confidence because there aren't many members of the gene pool that I couldn't persuede to back off if we were equally (dis) armed.

BUT because I was packing, my attitude had changed without me even knowing it. For lack of a better term I had become polite. Not that I would hesitate (too much) to use deadly force if needed, but I would do everything I could to not need to.

I found myself more aware but not nervous or paranoid. Several times I honestly caught myself wondering what just pinched my side....my rig! oh yeah I'm carrying!

I was very pleased with my response, my wife questioned why it was that I wouldn't be kicking some a$$ in that situation....I spend several minuets explaining that even a justifed use of violence has consequences and that we were better served by de-escalating that situation and moving on.


Many people have had similar experiences when they start to carry, I wanted to share mine so that others may realized what carrying is all about.

 

[Rob1035]

My CHL came in on Friday, so I'm just starting the weird "I have a gun on me" phase. It doesn't bother me, its just different, and I think it takes a little getting used to for a non-Professional whathaveyou.

Good post!

 

[P95Carry]

You have realized what I think most of us do when carrying - certainly at early stages the transition can be quite profound.

Even if we were not obliged (as in most states we are) to retreat - the mere knowledge that we carry a lethal force implement, is and should be, enough to make us ever more reluctant to engage in any (avoidal) confrontation.

This combined with a vigilant condition yellow should keep all but very very few of us away from ''the worst'' - and the knowledge of what we have with us does indeed bolster our confidence - hopefully in a peaceful manner.

I would suggest (only my preference) - make your carry a dedication and not just a casual process. Remember, there is no way to make appointments for emergencies - and Murphy is unpredicatable. Imagine an occasion when you might for once just need that protection, badly - only to find as you reach for it - ''oh crap, left it off".

I cannot persuade anyone to carry all of every day - it is up to them, naturally - but I sure try to have folks think on a more dedicated approach. If you have made the decision to carry - have adjusted your mindset - then do it if possible.

Stay safe and remain a responsible CCW.

 

[blackguns]

P95

Yes, i agree that Murphy is a fickle fellow, you see I am a safety engineer at a heavy manufacturing plant, if it's bad, I investigate and fix it. Unfortunately and ironically my work place like many is not condusive to CCW. I work about 40 miles from where I live so much of my daily life prohibits me carrying.

I am in the early stages, I certainly gained a lot of confidence, not only in my carry rig (c-tac) but also in my mentality. Honestly, I was more worried about my mindset than anything. I am by nature confident, I am not in the habit of going out of my way to avoid conflict. My response to my wife suprised me and my wife, but it showed me that deep down I knew my responsibility and took it very seriously.

I will carry more and continue to develop the right mentality to be vigilant and reluctant, but always ready.

 

[Standing Wolf]

...because I was packing, my attitude had changed without me even knowing it. For lack of a better term I had become polite. Not that I would hesitate (too much) to use deadly force if needed, but I would do everything I could to not need to.

Shhhhh! Don't say things like that in public internet forums! We don't want the leftist extremists to find out keeping and bearing arms doesn't turn us into wild west whackos. They'd be so disappointed to find out it actually deepens our sense of responsibility.

 

[blackguns]

Yeah, it's true. Knowing that I have the ability to defend myself and my loved ones actually drives me towards pacifism. I don't know if others here would agree but that is how I feel. Maybe pacifism is too strong, reluctance is a good word.

If pushed I can respond. But I don't want to if it's not needed. Quiet confidence leaves nothing to be proven to my pride.

I never quite belived the idea that "an armed society is a polite society" until I spent a day armed among (agitated masses of) society.

 

[MCgunner]

I carried when carry was illegal here. However, now, I have the permit. I've never been a hot head type, so I don't think I'm really changed. Oh, I do have a temper, but don't often show it around strangers. Of course, I've carried a gun for 35 years. The only thing that changed when I got the CCW permit was the size of the gun and the method of carry. I used to not feel right with IWB. Took me a while to realize I didn't need to worry so much about it, it's not detectable using proper attire and gun leather.

I think the main thing I've learn over the years is to be situationally aware. Don't walk around with hour head up your butt. Watch what people around you are doing and anticipate things. Think about security. Don't park in the dark of the parking lot, common sense stuff to keep me out of trouble.

It's the big cities which I rarely visit anymore that seem to have the people with attitudes. I live in a small town, 30 miles from a bigger town of about 60K. I'm quite a ways from big cities. Normally, I don't feel threatened, but I do keep my eye on things anyway. If nothing else, it's good practice for when I do have to travel.

 

[chris in va]

My roommate thinks I've become darker, less fun because of it. Perhaps, but it's hard not to be changed somewhat after realizing there is in fact an evil element in the world, however small, that would love to cause you harm.

I certainly don't go around thinking like that all the time. Frankly this piece of steel on my side has been relegated to the level of my Leatherman on my left hip.

 

[freediver]

good post, yes polite is a good word, as well as being more aware, if I am awake I am usually carrying because as others have said trouble does'nt make an apointment. What will get you in trouble is thinking that your size is an asset.

 

[axmurderer]

Good post. I've noticed the same thing in myself since I started carrying a couple months ago. I think once you actually get your CCW permit, it really comes home what a big responsibility it is. I tend to be less reactive and more polite than before.

 

[Thin Black Line]

I've carried on and off for 14 years as a civilian and 1 year deployed in a
combat zone. I've seen one minor riot in a mall in a small midwestern *US*
city. My response was just to leave that day. I noticed in the crime
stats released this week that assaults have increased in some areas across
the country. I see no explanation why except that IMHO this is more likely
the result of a changing social culture rather than the economy.

Attitude, mindset, body language, and voice tone can do more to diffuse a
potentially violent situation than your CCW/weapon ever will. You're a big
guy and your presence alone would be perceived as very imposing. That will
be more likely to discourage a crime against you and your wife.

However, if someone is carrying a weapon (even legally) and they begin to
ponder regularly that they will most likely shoot and kill someone at some
point in their life, then YES, you will become a "darker" person. Obviously,
this is more noticable (and necessary) in parts of the world where armed
conflict is already raging and death is all around you. It will be required of
you to survive in a place like Iraq for instance. But, this same mindset would
be inappropriate and damaging to your psyche over the longterm in most
places in the US.

 

[usp9]

I've carried for about 30 years. First in some really rotten neighborhoods in Maryland and now in a very calm, suburban Virginia area. I found myself over the years thinking of how to minimize the chance of ever having to use a weapon to kill someone. I made some changes in my lifestyle that made life less risky and more satisfying at the same time.

The other change in attitude is that now when I'm without my CCW I feel a little vulnerable. That bothers me as I seem to have allowed it to become an emotional crutch of sorts, and I don't like that feeling one bit.

 

[Monkeyleg]

I suspect most people who've been trained for carry become more polite. When you realize that the implications of even the most minor slight can escalate, and what you'll be faced with, you're more likely to let things go.

For example, some time ago I had a guy very aggressively cut me off in traffic, and then start yelling when we reached a stoplight. I just said "sorry" and let it go.

Years back, I would have called him every name in the book. Thirty or more years ago I would have been stomping on his windshield.

 

[George Hill]

Would you be a better more politically correct person if you stood by and did nothing in the face of evil?

 

[38SnubFan]

I, too, used to have a rotten temper. I was ready to tell off anyone who crossed my path. If someone wanted a fight, I'd give them one. If they confronted me and threatened, they got their a** beaten right then and there (or at least a strong verbal threat thereof).

When I got my permit and started doing my research, along with reading posts here and studying more about CCW and handling potentially dangerous situations, I learned to calm my temper down. I learned what I've learned before and forgot - that aggressive behavior is not always handled best with aggression - it's calm, assertive, positive behavor that previals every time.

Like I read somewhere, "Discretion is the better part of valor."

Another thing I've learned: the people around you ALSO have to be careful what they say or do when they're around you. My girlfriend tends to LOVE verbally putting people in their place when they tick her off. Many times I've had to tell her to calm down. While reading the previous posts here with her sitting next to me, I advised her that there have been times where I should keep a BIG roll of duct tape next to me to keep her mouth shut when she decides to "spout off".

I'm not saying I no longer have a temper, because all of us here do. But I save it for in private, when there's no chance I'm going to escalate anything.

I've also noticed that in the rare times I'm not carrying, I'm a calmer person, still alert to everything around me as if I were carrying, and would rather verbally de-escalate a situation rather than use aggressive force.

The other thing that's been said here: "You can afford to carry a gun. You can afford to lose your temper. YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO DO BOTH!"

Stay safe and responsible,
38SnubFan

 

[ralphie98]

I think our mentality changes because we no longer have anything to prove to anybody or ourselves. We know that if it really came down to it, we would win the fight and we are comfortable in that knowledge. Anger comes from fear, and since we can be more confident in our safety, we have less occasion to get angry. This is the way I see it anyway...

 

[blackguns]

What will get you in trouble is thinking that your size is an asset.

All else being equal size is an asset, if I were to square off with a smaller person that was skilled and experienced in fighting I would probably go down like a sack o' taters.

Just like a marksman packing a .25acp still has an advantage over a street punk with a .357. My size and strength makes me a .357 but my lack of experience makes me a punk.

With two punks the bigger one usually wins.

More than actual performance is perceived performance and it's ability to prevent escalation through intimidation. Even I know people who intimidate me, who, given the choice I would rather not tangle with. Maybe I would win but I would look for a way to prevent the confrontation before I engaged.

Until I started CCW size was the only tool in the bag. Now I have actually gained several tools because I desire to remove myself and de-escalate situations because I have the ability to take the situation further than I want to.

Tools are good.

You know what they say, "when all you have is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail"