Concealed carry and the anti-gun wife

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My GF isn't anti exactly but she isn't comfortable with my carrying either. I can't really blame her. Guns have been part of my life for over 20 years. She just fired her first shots a few months ago.
Her last comment about my carrying was to the effect that it was "innappropriate". I pointed out that the things that criminals do to people are also "innappropriate" and that using similar tactics might be the only way to stop them.
She is also convinced that carrying for personal defense can only possibly lead to jail time. I often point out to her that the overwhelming majority of defensive gun uses don't involve a single shot being fired. They still save lives every day. If they didn't police officers wouldn't carry them.
The thing about her is that she is really smart and entirely capable of figuring this stuff out for herself. She as indicated that she is mostly interested in learning about handguns (presumably because she realizes that they are the most portable and effective life insurance available). My situation isn't bad - all I really have to do is present her with information and give her time to work it over. She'll come around.
I'm not married but it would seem to me that the worst thing you could do is lay an ultimatum at your wife's feet. My understanding of women is pretty limited but I have never heard of that type of approach solving anything.
 
Some good advice, there's unfortunately plenty of "hard data" available for you to use as rationale for going about armed.

Also agree that:
These are not things two married people normally call another. I think there are problems other than your conceal carry.
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Unless she was calling you 'mentally ill' or the others in a joking/teasing manner....

Either way, "May the Force be with you!"
 
My ladyfriend has only been shooting once, and she was intimidated by the guns. My fault. Perhaps a snubby and a 1911 weren't the best first time shooter guns. I pick up a Ruger Mk.III tomorrow, that's a better place to start.
She loves it when I carry. She's got no problem with guns, or me owning them, she just isn't ready herself yet.
 
Sorry my girlfriend said it's common sense and any woman should know that the best defense against a criminal is one that goes bang. She also brought up the "what if a crazy person starts shooting in a public place" scenario. She also mentioned that if you are carrying a Glock...never mind. Something about how you can tell a man designed it because it's ugly and has no curves.
 
Day 7

Good advice from all. I am a 31 year old physician, a Christian, a loving father and husband. I have been married for 6 years. We have a 2 year old child. Firearms have been a part of my family for generations, since the Revolution, and my wife was well aware of that when she met me. She's shot a gun a few times with me from a Ruger MkII to a Enfiled No. 4.

Concealed carry has been allowed in Ohio for a few years. I recently obtained my permit when our law was improved, by SHB 347, removing the ridiculous "in plain sight" restriction while in a motor vehicle.

My wife is her own woman. She is a CEO, a Liberal, has been valedictorian at every school she has attended, has several degrees, a hyphenated last name, and she is a vegetarian. Usually I enjoy our differing views on topics, but rarely do those topics deal with life or death. She becomes extremely emotional about some issues, hence her language. This compares similarly with how she reacted when I talked about getting a motorcycle. She replied that I would "have to find someone else to change my diaper if became a paraplegic." She told me that she would leave me if I ever took up deer hunting, though has no issues with me taking groundhogs on her parent's farm. She's complex, tough as nails, and I love her.

If I waver with concealed carry, and compromise, I will end up with no concealed carry. She will eat me for lunch.

Last night, we traded statisitics, and she keep pinging away with the fact she is "7 times more likely to die" because there are guns in the home--guns and ammunition that have been there all along, a situation unchanged by my CHL. That's the best she can do. She believes that any statistics I present are heavily biased. I need something as unbiased as possible to present to her.

The interesting thing is that she is a victim of attempted sexual assault. She explains that she got out of that using her hands, and didn't need a gun.

Right now the mood in the house is improving.
 
Good luck but I almost expect the out come to be a DV complaint and a loss of 2A rights on your part. Not intended as a flame or anything but from your description and my point of view, she is the one who is mentally ill.
 
A few incidents of "close-to-home" violence got my whole family more interested in firearms. Given your wife's experience, I would like to ask what is the basis for her anti-gun stance:
--unwilling to fatally injure another person?
--peer pressure from her liberal crowd?
--just an instinctive fear of guns?
Progress will be easier, if you fully understand her objections.

In your intial post, you rather strongly stated your committment to guns over your previous committment to your Christian marriage. Proceed with wisdom and love. Best wishes.
 
She's complex, tough as nails, and I love her.
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That doesn't matter. The question is, does she love YOU? Given the insults and "I'll leave you" over deer hunting, it sounds like her love is conditional.

This is not about guns, this is about POWER. And you don't have it, because you failed to bring firearms and CCW up before you said your wedding vows.

Love is not conditional. Love means accepting the other person no matter what, and no matter which direction they grow.

I had a girlfriend like your wife, complex, driven, and tough as nails. Unfortunately women in that mold also tend to be conditional and manipulative about love - "If you do this, I'll leave. If you do that, I'll insult you."

Her objections to CCW are not rational, they are emotional. As such, you can never persuade her, she must persuade herself.

Therefore, all of the statistics and logic in the world will not sway her. Only emotion will.

Your course, should you choose to accept it, is to simply carry a gun, tell her you are doing so, be a good and levelheaded person, and leave it at that. Print out www.gunfacts.info and leave it in the bathroom. Be prepared for months of no sex. She will berate, insult, and shun you. Shrug this off. Eventually, she will come around, because you have given her an emotional reason to accept CCW - that you are a rational, caring, human being who loves her.

Sounds like you got a problem there mate. Best of luck to you.
 
I need something as unbiased as possible to present to her.
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It's not statistics, and its a gun issue more than a CCW issue, but this story may help:
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/07/23/home.invasion.ap/index.html
"At least two men broke into a prominent doctor's home early Monday, kidnapped a female family member to withdraw money from a bank and then killed his wife and their two daughters, police said."

There's also the Luby's Massacre:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luby's_massacre
"Luby's massacre was a mass killing that took place on October 16, 1991, in Killeen, Texas, United States when George Jo Hennard drove his pickup truck into a Luby's Cafeteria and shot and killed 23 people, wounded another 20 and then committed suicide by shooting himself. It remained the deadliest shooting rampage in American history until the Virginia Tech Massacre."
 
Unfortunately women in that mold also tend to be conditional and manipulative about love - "If you do this, I'll leave. If you do that, I'll insult you."
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Funny. Seems to me this thread started out with the OP announcing he was gonna leave her if she didn't acquiesce to his CCW.

Looks like a two way road here.
 
Funny. Seems to me this thread started out with the OP announcing he was gonna leave her if she didn't acquiesce to his CCW.
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Actually, she would be the one leaving me--I'm not going anywhere. She told me that she didn't know if she could be around someone who carries a gun, and that she was going to have to think about this (as it pertains to the future of our marriage). I have not threatened to leave her.

Also, jlbraun, concealed carry did not exist in Ohio when we exchanged vows.
 
Recent conversation with my (mostly gun neutral) wife (after getting home from a night out) when she hugged me and bumped the SIG which I hadn't yet removed for the night.

Her - I wish you didn't have to carry that thing.
Me - Me too...pointing at the TV which was talking about Sean Taylor.

She gave me an odd look and not a single word more was said.

On a (hopefully) more productive note...
The abrupt presence of firearms in a house can be a HUGE shock to some people, especially as it represents danger. No, not the danger of the firearm itself (though that's what they'll say) but the danger of popping the illusion of safety that many of us wrap around ourselves.

It takes some time and gentle action to coax people into the "hey did you know that we can ALSO take care of ourselves" mentality.

Go slow, go gentle, but give respect and do not accept disrespect in return.
 
So what's the meat of her argument? I can see it cutting two ways.

1) The world would be safe if not for cowboys. You becoming a cowboy makes the problem worse. She wants to discourage you from making the world a worse place so she will pressure you not to be a cowboy.

2) The world is safe. If you think it isn't safe your grip on reality has slipped. She doesn't want to be around people with reality perception problems for any of a number of reasons.

If she's arguing position 1 you can concentrate on a couple of themes. First, use the stats about CCW crime rates.. if the average person has a crime index of 1, a CCW holder has an index of 0.01. So the cowboys aren't the problem. That doesn't mean they are good to have around but they aren't the problem. You can move from there to explaining the real problem: the drug war.

If she's arguing position 2 you've got a bigger challenge. You are male. Males aren't normally an attractive target in their own right. If robbed you can give some money and 99.999% of the time you'll get off with nothing more than a sense of outrage. On the other hand you are in an increasingly dangerous line of work. The drug war has made you and those around you a real target of organized criminals. You need to have a realistic talk with her about the difference between general risks (which are much higher for her than for you... there are plenty of real crazies that would rape and kill her given nothing but the opportunity) and specific risks (which may be quite high for both of you, given your professions).

There is no single resounding "ta-da!" argument you can roll out and convince everyone. You aren't going to argue it anyway. The best you can do is educate and persuade. The worst acceptable outcome is "I don't like it but I trust you" which just buys you time.

In any case you'll need to understand where she's coming from to address the issue.
 
You got some Stones my gun-totin friend! And I mean that in a good way... If your principles are such that you are willing to potentially sacrifice your marriage, then that is your choice.

IMO, nobody should tell anybody they shouldn't be able to protect themselves by the best means available.

Hopefully you will be able to work it out to where that is not necessary...
 
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You're a doctor, eh? That should help strengthen your position somewhat - sadly, but quite true.

Apart from the aforementioned drug abuse epidemic, stories like the "too close for my comfort" murder of Doctor Brian Ling are probably all to easy to find: http://www.blueridgenow.com/article...S/Beavers_found_guilty_of_first_degree_murder

In a nutshell, grieving father takes out his son's death on ONE doctor that treated him - and IIRC, Dr. Ling wasn't even the primary doctor.

After that....well, I won't lie, there have been times where I've gone to the doctor unarmed. But there's sure no excuse NOT to.

People can be impulsive and irrational at the best of times, let alone when they're ill...
 
Also, jlbraun, concealed carry did not exist in Ohio when we exchanged vows.
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Yeah, I think most weddings include this in the vows now. -- LOL.

Is this is also why a lot of old men go after young women - -these girls were not born when they exchanged vows? Gimme a break - - do you really think that the vows made to your wife before God are conditional? Better work another angle with CC in mind.
 
I know I'd never able to live with a person that disagreed with me on the most fundamental issues - the right to life, liberty and property. Guns are the foundation of all of those - without the 'equalizer' they're just words on paper. I have to hand it to you for trying, and also for realising that the 'other option' is on the table.
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Spot-on. I bring up guns and self-defense to potential mates as early as I can precisely so I will be avoid this sort of thing, or at least lessen the possibility of it happening.
 
btg3 - the OP isn't the one who made it conditional. His wife is.
 
goon - I think each of them laid down some conditions. I was referring to this one. Peace.
... her acceptance of concealed carry or our divorce.
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Last night, we traded statisitics, and she keep pinging away with the fact she is "7 times more likely to die" because there are guns in the home--guns and ammunition that have been there all along, a situation unchanged by my CHL. That's the best she can do. She believes that any statistics I present are heavily biased. I need something as unbiased as possible to present to her.
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Oh, dear; (variant) Kellermann again. Try this link.

But statistics do not trump emotions, as already noted.
 
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