Frightened & Defenseless

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DustyGmt

DustyGmt

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This might be a lil long winded, bear with me.

My sister was in her home the night before last, in a nice town where violence and home invasions/intrusions are rare. It was just before midnight and she was up with her infant son and her 5 year old son, (both my nephews obviously). She lives in a small modular on a main st and she went into her bedroom for around 10 minutes while my 5yo nephew was sitting on the couch in the living room. My sister got her baby to sleep and came out and my nephew told her a family member had just come in the house, except he told her he was acting strange and sounded funny. My sister was confused and a lil creeped out at this point so she called this family member and they most certainly hadn't been in my sister's home.

She called the police and while she was waiting tried to get more complete information from my nephew about what he'd seen. He said that this person (who he confused with a family member),wearing a mask and looking "funny", walked in the front door (of a house pretty much dark and all shut down for the night), walked past him in the living room, past the bedroom door where my sister was putting her baby down, opened the fridge and stared into it for a minute, walked past my nephew and down the hall where a couple more bedrooms were, then back past my nephew on the couch where he then "found" my nephew, crouched and told him "don't live in a glass house". My sister thinks what was probably said was "don't throw stones if you live in a glass house" but "don't live in a glass house" is what my nephew was able to articulate. Then proceeded to take out his phone and play a game, although he might have been taking pictures or something else, could just be my nephew thinks phones are for playing games, idk.

So the police came, state police, took a look around, told my sister that she should invest in some security cameras and keep her house secured and locked up and to stay alert and call if......whatever, pretty much standard stuff that police would do.

My sister seemed surprised that they weren't interested in his footprints outside or the fingerprint on the doorknob so I had to explain some of the realities of police priorities and resources. I went down there last night to make sure all her windows were locked up nice and secure, hung around for a bit because I know she was wigging out a lil, single mom with children in the house, 100lbs soaking wet and pretty much defenseless. Not a fighter, more of a panicky, curl up into a ball kind of person that doesn't want to hurt a fly, and realistically, probably couldn't.

I brought the 12 ga down with me and was considering leaving it with her for "peace of mind" for both our sakes, but thought better of it. She has no experience with guns and with her mentality and lack of experience I'd be more worried about giving the intruder a weapon to use against her, she concurred with that. Not really sure what to do at this point, we talked on the porch for a while and she mentioned wanting to learn to shoot and maybe carry a gun. I have a .22lr that I'm fairly confident she could learn to shoot but it's going to take alot of time and with her, there are other considerations. Like will to live, fight or flight, etc... she isn't good under pressure, I hate to say it but I don't have alot of confidence in her in terms of ability to protect/defend.

Any advice? I've been down this road before with trying to arm my mom after a strange encounter. I left that experience being more scared of my mom with a gun than anything else. I haven't completely given up hope that my sister could competently and safely carry, but I almost have the more I think about it, but I believe certain people just don't have the aptitude to take reasonable care with a firearm, especially amplified when you throw kids into the mix, but you want your loved ones to be protected. I know there is no magic answer but I'm kind of drawing a blank here, any suggestions or alternatives you guys might know of.

I will be thinking about this for a while, I'm troubled by the fact that somebody entered my sister's home with my young nephews in there. I can't post up as a guard 24/7 and the police can only do so much. I also wanted to share this for folks who live in nice quiet towns who leave their doors unlocked and only carry in the "bad part of town". There are creeps everywhere and the town I grew up in and around is about as quaint and Norman Rockwell as it gets.
 
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Security 101.

1. If it has a door, close it.
2. If it has a lock, lock it.

No real point in doing anything else until that has been accomplished.

Wait a few weeks and then talk to her. See if she's locking her doors regularly. If she is, maybe move on to something else. If not, forget it--there's nothing you can do.
 
Glad everyone's okay. How about finding a well-reviewed local woman who teaches beginners' gun safety, and how to shoot? Give your sis a gift card as a present for that instruction. If after the class she still has interest, you can look at next steps, like helping her sample different firearms, etc. If your opinion is unchanged about sister's self defense abilities and she doesn't move forward, the training will give her a good overview, anyway.
 
The fact she said she wants to learn how to shoot is a big plus. Most people refuse to accept any kind of responsibility for their own security.

So maybe she doesn't have what it takes, but give her a chance. Teach her what you can, and maybe help her set up a home security system.
 
Locked doors.
Impact windows.
Electronic alarm system.
Large dog (alarm and deterrent).
A gun and the willingness & ability to use it effectively.

I know people that are proactive about preventing death from illness (get flu shot) but do near nothing proactive to address potential death from criminal.
 
For $20, Kangaroo sells a door camera that works on motion detection and/or the ringing of the doorbell. It has excellent recording, both in daylight and night vision. Automatically records a 15 second clip to your phone while giving you a text alert. Simple install and easy to understand software. Can also be used with a alarm siren and automatic police contact.
 
In order of difficulty
1. Make sure locks work, that she carries key, and they are used routinely (as with car, even if in garage)
2. Motion triggered security cams are inexpensive, and will let her keep track of activity at front and rear on her phone. "warning: video surveillance" signs.
Similar homes nearby? May have been an intoxicated neighbor, but she can't afford to let it happen again.
 
James Fonteneaux said:
+1 on a dog. Maybe some pepper spray or gel?
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Yeah I was thinking the same thing, we grew up with dogs in the house, I could never not have a dog. I've talked to her about this well before all of this happened about being alone with kids and the benefits of a dog. I'm going to revisit this with her. Bear gel is a good idea too, maybe not ideal but better than her taking pathetic swings with a baseball bat like Shelley Duvall in the shining.....
HoploDad said:
Glad everyone's okay. How about finding a well-reviewed local woman who teaches beginners' gun safety, and how to shoot? Give your sis a gift card as a present for that instruction. If after the class she still has interest, you can look at next steps, like helping her sample different firearms, etc. If your opinion is unchanged about sister's self defense abilities and she doesn't move forward, the training will give her a good overview, anyway.
Click to expand...

This is an excellent idea,, I would love it if there was somebody, especially a woman, that was in business doing this around here. Unfortunately there isn't at this time.

JohnKSa said:
Security 101.

1. If it has a door, close it.
2. If it has a lock, lock it.

No real point in doing anything else until that has been accomplished.

Wait a few weeks and then talk to her. See if she's locking her doors regularly. If she is, maybe move on to something else. If not, forget it--there's nothing you can do.
Click to expand...
Good call
 
buck460XVR said:
For $20, Kangaroo sells a door camera that works on motion detection and/or the ringing of the doorbell. It has excellent recording, both in daylight and night vision. Automatically records a 15 second clip to your phone while giving you a text alert. Simple install and easy to understand software. Can also be used with a alarm siren and automatic police contact.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the heads up on that. It occurred to me that some kind of wireless recording device would be good, but assumed they would cost significantly more than $20. I'll have to check it out... thanks.
 
jmorris said:
I always like having an alert when people are in close proximity to my home, before they actually get to it.
Click to expand...
She actually used to have some sort of censor thing, but I think it was constantly nuisance tripping from leaves, squirrels, etc... they have better options now, like mentioned in this thread. Apparently very affordable now
 
Hopefully the scare she had will motivate her to take action. My wife had a similar scare only she was out of doors and vulnerable. We live in a rural area. A buddy and me had been working on one of my tractors..needed to run have a hose made..I told the wife where we were headed. In our abscence she was out and about working on flower beds etc... I had been after her to carry when she was out alone..she said she wasn't comfortable with it. Didn't know whether she could shoot someone. Well a young fella come walking up the drive and wanted to use her phone to call someone for a ride because he had been out running and got lost (hard to do around here). He wasn't sweating or looking fatigued. She told him she didn't have a phone to lend him. She gave him directions on where he wanted to go and he turned and slowly made his way up the driveway..stopping on occasion to look back. She wasted no time getting in the house and securing all the doors and grabbing a gun that I keep loaded and secured. Since that time we've had a couple of other strange visitors and it has her on increased alert. She now keeps her own gun that she trains regularly with in a drawer and on her person when she goes outside. The moral of the story is a good scare changed her mindset about her safety and what a stranger could be capable of doing to her. You may want to relay the fact to your sister of how a weirdo could have his way with her and her kids...once you include the kid factor she'll probably change into a Mama Bear frame of mind and prepare herself for whatever it takes to protect her young
 
Sorry to hear about this it hit home and made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. I too have a sister who is a single mom, also petite. I was happy when she decided to get a gun and learn to use it at the beginning of the pandemic. In addition I’ve been robbed before years ago, someone broke in and stole some stuff while my wife and I were asleep down the hall. Very scary stuff and it has changed the way I think about self defense.
I know you worry about your sisters ability to defend herself but I believe in the mother bear type mindset that moms take on in defense of their kids. I think In addition to some sort of alarms and or cameras you should revisit trying to teach her how to shoot. If she has trouble shooting a pistol(can’t control it) perhaps a light recoiling 20ga would be a better option.
 
DustyGmt said:
Any advice?
Click to expand...

Harden the house to prevent intruders getting in. Cheap solar motion sensor lights at every approach so someone coming to a door or window gets light in the face. Motion sensor light at every exterior door. Wireless security cameras feeding and recording to her computer and then transmitting out for record. Something you can see on your phone if it can be afforded. New deadbolts with reinforced strikers. Replace all screws on doors with 4"+ deck screws. Motion sensor lights in the rooms where exterior doors access. Keep unwanted persons out so you don't have to shoot them.
 
Locks are definitely an important first step. Invest $2 in some longer screws for the frame-side of the door hinges. There are a number of small, easy devices that can be installed that provide a block at the base of the door. Motion activated lights (adjustable, so they don’t go off at every puff of the wind). Those things will help keep out the “random” intruder.

If someone really wants to get in, there’s not much that will stop them. At that point, it comes down to how she’s prepared to defend herself ( and her sons) - and what tools she has at her disposal.
 
WheelGunMan said:
You may want to relay the fact to your sister of how a weirdo could have.......
Click to expand...

From the sounds this guy walked in like he didn't have a worry in the world, I did explain to her the story could have taken an ugly turn. I consider her very lucky that nobody was hurt and had she walked out while he was casually roaming past her bedroom door and he was confronted and forced to act, there is no telling what he may have done. I assume he was on drugs, walking around the way he did, saying weird stuff. Seemingly oblivious to the fact that he could have very well been confronted by a big irate scary man. It's unsettling to think maybe he knew she was in there alone...

I wish my dad and uncle had spent time with her as a kid teaching her to shoot, every kid, well almost every kid should learn to shoot.
 
DustyGmt said:
Not really sure what to do at this point, we talked on the porch for a while and she mentioned wanting to learn to shoot and maybe carry a gun. I have a .22lr that I'm fairly confident she could learn to shoot but it's going to take alot of time and with her, there are other considerations. Like will to live, fight or flight, etc... she isn't good under pressure, I hate to say it but I don't have alot of confidence in her in terms of ability to protect/defend.
Click to expand...

That's a scary situation, makes me worry for her as well. There are some good options for better security, led type exterior lights on motion detectors combined with removing exterior hiding places, trees, shrubs..., and security cameras. Dead bolt locks on each entrance in addition to the door handle lock gives an added level of home security.

I'd definitely take the time to teach her to shoot, but also consider a martial arts class, for in close no weapon available situation, that will more likely than not instill the fight response with knowledge and practice.

Dogs ate also a great deteremt, we have German Shepard and German Shepard mixes that will come after me, when I'm playing with the grandkids too rough for their liking. They are very protective of their people.
 
Your sister may not be able to control a heavier recoiling weapon, but I bet she can handle a .22LR. There are a multitude of .22LR handguns out there and many are inexpensive and practical.

My advice is to teach her how to shoot with a .22LR handgun, preferebly a DA revolver. A Taurus M94 is inexpensive and carries 9 rounds. Being a DA revolver it is point and shoot. A .22LR makes a very loud noise in a confined space like a house. If you are an intruder and someone starts shooting at you, I doubt you will care what the caliber is and you will make haste to get away. If not, 9 rounds of .22LR to center of mass is likely to end his career.

ETA: Dogs are really great. They bond quickly with children and are often as protective of them as the kids' parents.
 
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