Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by ObsidianOne, Jan 25, 2011.
It's not the gun carry thingy where the problem is located.
Amen to that!!
Old Bear wrote: "Sadly it sounds as if you and your lady friend may never be able to resolve this, and along with her jealousy of some of your toys it may be time to rethink your relationship with her. Remember if you give in to her temper tantrums now that behavior may come out every time she does not get her way."
Couldn't have said it better myself.
I had a girlfriend that acted like that once. My wife hates that chick. Haha
Seriously though, you don't seem to be dealing with your average "anti". What you're talking about here is emotional abuse. You need to make a pro's and con's list of that relationship and I'm guessing that there will be one side that outweighs the other. If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that it takes more than just love to make a relationship work. Try to reason with her and if that doesn't work then you need to ask yourself how closely you want to be involved with an unreasonable person. Just my $0.02.
I agree with what NMGonzo said.
And a lot of others as well.
It's very doubtful she is going to change and having been in a similar romantic situation in my youthful 20's with someone very much with a personality like your girlfriend I can say that the relationship eventually turned violent.
Yes,her attacking me physically.
Please dont let things get to that point.
If it cant get worked out move on.
It really sounds like it is more than the problem with guns. You have to really think about whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that. And if you don't, then it is better to cut your ties sooner than later. If you want to stay with her, tell her that you protecting yourself and her is important to you, you will continue to carry and it is just something that she have to learn to accept.
"Yeah, nothing I do is supported. Anything that becomes a focal point in my life, anything I get excited about, is considered "stupid" or "ridiculous" and thinks my priorities are out of place. My part of the bills are always paid in full, on time. I'm thinking that this is more to the point of the issue, but I'm not being quick to eliminate the issue with the gun as a standalone thing."
This is the essence of the problem. The whole gun/shooting issue is, in this case, entirely incidental. This girl has some serious emotional problems and is engaged (seemingly with some success) in a control game with you.
You need to break the cycle and get her out of your life. Life's way too short to deal with people like this. You can do better!!
What does "jealous of my personal possessions" mean?
Seriously. What does that mean? It does not sound sane.
This whole page doesn't mention guns, but it might mention her a few times...
Life is too short for this stuff. Time spent mitigating the daily damage of an insane significant other is a waste of your life that you will never get back. One day, we all die. You really don't have all the time in the world.
Think about this: if a man treated a woman like this, he'd be considered abusive, psycho, even downright evil. For some reason, we don't judge women as objectively, but we sure should.
This isn't about guns. It sounds like immature behavior, which is okay if you're in middle school.
Mature adults don't do this. They do work through an issue, and don't say things like, "if you loved me, you wouldn't . . . " and end the conversation there. Or, "if you loved me you would . . . "
If she's mature enough to have a discussion like an adult, then don't settle for less than an adult conversation and adult behavior. If she won't, then I guess you'll need to decide now how you're willing to live, because believe me it won't end here.
As a middle aged married man I give you fair warning.
Do not let your signigicant other make rules for you or get her way by acting crazy.
You are not her pet or possession she does not get to rule (or Rule) you.
Niether do you get to Rule her.
A long lasting, happy relationship does not include that kind of behaivor.
P.S. I know someone will say but we have rules to be monogomous, etc.
I say if you are only behaiving that way because of the rule then its not who you really are. For example, if there was no law against stealing from a certain group of people would you do it?
The only person you can change in this equation is you. You can change what you do or how you react to what she does, but you can't change her.
It sounds like guns are for you are like horses are for me. Regardless if a guy (I'm female) has a million other issues (or a million dollars), if he doesn't "approve" of my horse hobby it's a non-starter. It's not up for debate; horses have always been my very important to me and always will be, and if that means I love horses more than I love a guy, I guess that's what it means. I don't care who the guy is, I would be miserable if horses were not part of my life.
If you replace "horses" with "guns" in the above paragraph (and "guy" with "gal") and you find it describes how you feel, move on. Better to be single and happy, and hey, you might just find someone who is accepting of or even interested in shooting. Why settle for less?
Oh, and while two years is a significant investment of time in another person, if after this much time together you have any doubts at all about the relationship, it's time to move on.
Best of luck.
That kind of lashing out, insecurity, "jealousy", "screaming", "crying", "unreasonable-ness"and "hurling insults" are MAJOR PERSONALITY FLAWS that you know she has.
This has NOTHING to do with firearms...she has problems. Just look at the words that I quoted that you typed above to describe the girl that you are dating. They are your words...so why are you still with her?
This is not worth even convincing her. She will use this exact strategy to attempt to control you as much as she can. There is better out there, and you deserve it.
Reading your description of your girlfriend, it sounds like she is the kind that would call the police, saying you have guns and you are threatening to kill her.
She is too unstable and immature to be a gun owner's girlfriend, let alone a gun carryer's girlfriend.
The problem here is that this situation is not likely to end well if your back is not covered. By that I mean WHEN she calls the police to tell them you have guns and want to kill her, whether it simply is because she didn't like the way you talked to her, or you talked about quitting the relationship, you may lose a lot.
She has problems, they are not caused by you owning guns but the two don't go together well. You don't need to deal with her for the rest of your life...
Your part of the bills? Is that to assume you two live together?
Things just got more complicated. I think you already know what's going on here in your relationship, and it's not about gun control.
Take it from someone married 40+years women as a group seldom argue about
the real issue, she is trying to tell you something.
Judging by how she wants to control every aspect of your person and life, she doesn't belong in it.
EDIT; I just re-read that part:
It's prettys imple to figure out what the issue is.
Gun control isn't about guns, it is about control.
Take a step back and try and see what is really going on here.
Get a new girl. Life is too short to convert folks who can't think sensibly.
How about professional help? I think enough has been said to make a strong case for it not being specifically about guns (or carrying), and if you have stuck it through for two years, then it might be best to get a professional's opinion.
And this is coming from someone who would probably make a shrink cry. But there probably isn't anything these people haven't seen.
::EDIT:: 'these people' refers to the head-shrinkers, BTW.
If your asking this question then you already know the answer. I dealt with this type of situation several years ago. Nothing you can say or do will change her behavior or attitude. You need to decide what your priorities are. Once that decision is made the rest will fall in place and life will be good, trust me.
My priorities are family, freedom, and firearms, try and take one away and see what happens.
Hard to reply to every single response, lol.
I'm not going to pretend there aren't other issues, lack of trust, communication, etc.
Overall, I do care about the girl.
And while I do care, it is also getting to the point where the relationship itself seems to be failing.
I do want to fix things, if at all possible, and make things work; though it doesn't look very hopeful.
For some reason though, this issue seems to stick out to me that it is a seperate issue. I've never seen her spaz out like this.
She's been irrational before, but she just won't humor the thought of even understanding my point of view or respecting my decisions.
Her stepdad, avid gun owner, and I are good friends and we often go out shooting. We've discussed an issue that she and I had when my friends and I were going four wheeling and she was going to ride along with me.
I was taking my gun with me (desert can be rather dangerous, people lose their minds out here) and she blew a gasket about the issue and didn't want to go afterwards.
He was completely blindsided by this, because when she was younger (I think around 12) they were out camping in the desert, and some maniac just open fired on her, her brothers, mother, and step dad. The only thing that saved their lives was the fact that her step dad returned fire and the guy hopped on his quad and took off.
As he said, she, of all people, should understand a gun's purpose.
To answer a couple questions, I am 21 years old, and she is almost 23. Yes, we do live together. Split everything down the middle (bill wise, I usually pay for restaurants, movies, etc.).
I know you said you always pay your share of the bills, but what have you done for her lately? Sounds like she gets jealous of your toys. Most of us guys that have been married a while have figured out that we can get away with a lot just by doing a few little things that matter to her. Something to consider.
Took the little Lady shooting after buying her a Lady Smith, Casing went down the top. That was the end of the Smith. After several Guns she settled on My SIG 229. She put 2 rounds through the same hole at 15 yards. Did I mentioned that she HATES GUNS and wishes they were never invented. She now accepts what I do for a living (albeit with much denial ) but she also accepts my collection and does occasionally go shooting with me and does seem to enjoy it!! It took a while but she did come around to my thinking. Be patient and understanding. Think Rock and Roll. If you have to explain it you wouldn't understand. Be Patient!!!
I slept at a Holiday in last night and Heard Dr Phil blathering on the TV last night so I feel I'm over qualified to help, here goes:
Don't let love blind you, two years is plenty long to see where things are going. :banghead:
There's some real issues here and she most likely needs to deal with most of them - on her own. If you value your happiness giver her some space and move out (fast), let her know it's not just the gun thing, even if it is.
If it makes you feel any better now you can invite her good looking friends over to your new pad and show them your gun collection. If any of them ask about going shooting...you may have found your new soul mate. Maybe not but heck it's worth a shot, right?
Tell her to settle down.
Carry a round in the pipe.
Quit wearing it at the dinner table.
Without deviating too far off topic, I'm by no means perfect. I put on my pants one leg at a time. I forget things from time to time.
I always remember her birthday, our anniversary, holidays. Hell, I spent ~$500 on her alone for Christmas.
There are other issues, for example, she'll watch TV shows that have no interest to me, sometimes I'll sit down and watch them with her, other times I'd rather watch TV in the other room, play a video game, read a book, or be on the computer.
If I do any of these things while she's watching TV and won't compromise by watching something else, I'm "ignoring" her.
She's very, very impatient with things and seems to pick and choose things out of what I say and choose how it was meant, to the point of just being absurd.
Trying not to go too far off topic, but still try and paint a picture.
She's been violent in the past, nothing "serious", shoving etc. But that was quite some time ago, and she learned that I won't take that. I packed up my stuff and said goodbye, and she ended up crying and telling me not to hate her.
It hasn't happened since, but still.
I know her fairly well, and I'd say that she isn't a "cop caller" type and I honestly believe that she would not use firearms against me with the law. Not to say it wouldn't happen, I'm just saying I don't believe it is within her logic.
It's also been brought to my attention that any kind of domestic disturbance (yelling etc.) can cause problems for me as far as potentially having my guns taken away (permanently or temporarily), which has led me to not rise to her challenges or yell back at her when she's spazzing out.
Separate names with a comma.