I agree with
@GunnyUSMC regarding the Glock 45. It has a G19 length slide with a G17 longer frame. I also had a 19X but gave it to my son-in-law. He stopped drooling a short time later.
I also have arthritis in my right wrist, no cartilage in my left shoulder and an arthritic right shoulder and a list of other issues that don’t matter here.
I find the Glock 19 snappy but not the Glock models with the longer G17 frame.
I also tried metal framed 9mm pistols, the CZ 75 and the Hi-Power. They don’t add that much weight to mitigate the recoil. I feel the grip doesn’t fit me right and the controls on the CZ are too far up and the Hi-Power hammer bites. It’s too bad really. They were both grail guns for me until I actually shot them.
I do not recommend lighter single stacks as they will be snappy as well. I did shoot a 9mm Browning 1911. It was okay but I no longer care to carry a 1911 platform.
I would recommend finding a range and spending $50 renting guns to see what works for you. My recommendations probably won’t work for you as I have large hands and some guns just feel weird to me. I find that guns that other guys like that also have large hands often do not do it for me.
Good luck and I hope you find a pistol you can use.