and then spent several years replacing parts that randomly fell off, much to the amusement of the town folk.
More than I can share in a lifetime… Here’s another.
It was the Fourth of July. We had a huge lake, with big crowds on holidays. I was out doing cop stuff. Driving around. Decided to shortcut through a field. Crown Vics are notoriously tough cars. I’ve done obscene things to them and, they generally took it.
Went down a little ditch and, couldn’t make it up the other side. Wheels spinning in the grass. Backed up a little and heard a crunch. Got out of the ditch and something sounded funny.
I broke a tailpipe mount and kinda bent the tail pipe into the tire.
It would take an hour to get a wrecker out there.
Lacking the Texas fix for everything, baling wire, I rooted around in my trunk. Found flex cuffs. Good start. But. I was afraid they’d melt. (I was a Sergeant…I get paid to think). Spare handcuffs. So, I Daisy chained a mount with the handcuff around the tail pipe. Flex cuff in the mount. Stuck a baton in the tailpipe for leverage and, snugged everything up. Nothing rubbed. The left tail pipe was a little lower than the right, but. It worked.
Next morning, took it to the shop. As usual, my favorite mechanic, Freddy, rolled his eyes. What did you break?
I think the left tailpipe may be loose.
He puts it on the lift. And stares. Looks at me. “Am I seeing what I think I see? Are those handcuffs on your tailpipe?”
Yes.
He gets the fleet manager, another friend of mine. He compliments me on my field expedient repairs. And starts taking pictures…
“Buddy, every year we have a national fleet managers meeting. People will tell stories and show pictures of the most bizarre crap they’ve seen…I won’t have to talk about bent wheels. Smashed oil pans. Bent trailers….thanks! You made my day…”