lights out inspired me

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You've really got a great work going here. And I mean it.

But, time to criticize. I've noticed a few typos here and there. Nothing major, not that i'm an english major or keyboardist, but ya know.

Otherwise, keep up the good work! It's very enthralling. :)
 
Yeah, I'm not edyamacated all official like. :evil:

I'm getting pretty close to the point that I need to get an English Major to review for grammar only. I've tried to focus mainly on the creative content, but still keep in "readable".

I've got a thick skin, if you see a problem, don't hesitate (the wife doesn't!) to shout 'em out.
 
I read most of your work last night MP, and enjoyed alot. Keep up the good work!

Since you ask for help, here's something I noticed. When you are discussing the rail gun, you mention the complete lack of friction. Due you possibly mean the lack of friction from air? After I thought about it for a moment, I realized that's probably what you meant. You might want to put 'air' in there somewhere.

Also, I'm not sure a railguns electromagnet fields could grab ahold of tungsten. Maybe I'm wrong, but maybe you want to wrap the tungsten in a steel jacket?

Just my .02, and meant in the spirit of help. You do good work, very few typos- besides, I liked it! Thanks.


Cat
 
...I need to get an English Major...
Dropout. And I don't really remember a lot of my first semester sophomore year - I was kinda, um, ahh...
well, let's just say it was 1972 and things got kinda strange.

On the whole, you're doing fine so your skin doesn't have to be that thick. So far the errors I have seen
have all been common-usage sorts of things.

Peet
 
I'm glad you've got thick skin. Now get back to writing! Going through withdrawals. First Lights Out, now this! What's a guy to do? It's gunny reading material paradise around here. :D
 
Thanks for the encouraging feedback. Also, big thanks for the input on the various details--I want it to be "right". A major goal is that it is fairly easy to read and hopefully will engage a broader demographic than a lot of these types of stories normally do. (A family friend--who definitely falls more into the sheeple range than folks around here--got so caught up in reading it, she forgot to make dinner for her husband!)

I have been reading and considering the PMs as well--I really appreciate it.

Anyhow, here's some more.
 
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MudPuppy -

Better than most. Makes me interested in what's gonna happen. Makes me want to keep reading. Please quit your job and go to writing for us full time. Sorry about your mortgage payments...
 
Cool, glad to hear you like it. :)

I should have the next bit up shortly.

Next projects include a spin-off of the war in Korea (whole story is about just that), a twisted story about a marijuana grower trying to save his farm and corrupt DEA agents trying to assinate him, and a time travel yarn with dinosaur hunting. I've spent a couple of hours on each, but not sure which will get my attention next. But, need to finalize Poison Summer before I dig into anything else.
 
OK, I just have to pick some nits here (again).

26th amendment is "everybody 18 or older who otherwise could vote, can vote"

22nd is "President has 8 years max to get it right"

Also, while I agree w/ the bit about gun control and DC, it seems... heavy-handed and a little clumsy. Perhaps there's a way to get our point across without being so direct. It feels dropped in, try to smooth out the transition into it.

Otherwise, great novel, I'm enjoying it very much!
 
Thanks for the feedback--I thought I had corrected the ammendment (I think I wrote that part on the airplane, without the wonderful resource of google!).

Also, a friend gave similar criticism of the DC/gun control dialogue--I agree that it needs some polish. I really want to present that philosophy in the story, but if it comes across clunky or preaching, it won't work.

Thanks again everyone--I should have more up this afternoon.
 
As promised--if you like it, please encourage others to share.

Thank you to everyone who has and continues to offer feedback--I'm grateful.
 
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Thanks--I'd like to hear comments on how the story ended, was it too long/short, did it seem like I answered all the questions on characters/sub-plots. Please, don't be kind--I need the feedback on what's wrong as much as I need encouragement. ;)

This is my first attempt at a work of this size. Is it what you'd consider a "professional" work? That is, is it worthy of pursuing a publisher?

(While I wrote it because I like story telling, it wouldn't kill me if I found out it was worthing of putting it between two hardback covers.)
 
The only thing "wrong" that I see here is that you're not writing more! :evil: Thanks for the fix, i'll take much pleasure in it when I get home. You've got some junkies on your hands now though! Best get to writing those other 2 or 3 books you were mentioning. ;)
 
If I could have any gun to take into combat, the K-Var bullpup would be towards the bottom of the list. Have you used one of those things? GAck. If he is a bullpup kind of guy and is set on 7.62x39 he is far better off with the Valmet, or Tula redo of the AK.

When you use somebody's name in a sentence, it is an interjection, and needs a comma. as in "Hey, Mathis." vs "Hey Mathis". I hate this rule myself, but when my book was proof read that was my most common mistake.

Also agree about the DC thing. Kind of heavy handed.

Just started, will read more.
 
Great Work

Very satisfying! Certainly better than a lot of stuff I've paid hard actual $$ for. He would make a great Boy Scout Leader.
 
lol--more what? Didn't that last part have "the end" at the end? :evil:

So, I've been working on "Summer of War"--it starts out with a kid joining bootcamp and is the detailed telling of the Korean conflict portion of Poison Summer. I'm hesitant to post here because, well, the DI's use a lot of the "F" word. I tried to keep the language toned down in Poison Summer as much as possible without having the characters say things like "gosh dern it, you sumguns done ticked me off!". However, the Drill Instructors weren't so considerate when I was in.

The family is taking a trip this weekend so I should have plenty of quiet time to work on one of the projects I've got perkyalaytin'. (That is, if I don't run to Dallas on Saturday to by some AK parts and the range on Sunday after Church!)
 
Yeah, when I was in boot back in the 80's, I think they technically had that rule--though everyone except one extra religious DI ignored it. Although our Platoon Sgt DI used the term "swinging richards" a lot--that always stuck me as odd.

However, I'm going to take a little license on that issue. I think I need to tell it from my experiences to present it with the perception of reality.

What's the statute of limitations on something like setting your DI on fire anyhow? :)

(don't worry--it was purely accidental!)
 
subscribing... excellent story so far mudpuppy! Just finished chapter 11.

Def- pro quality. More exciting than most of the Tom Clancy stuff, and MUCH more entertaining! Keep it up.
 
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