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Permission or Forgiveness?

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by Spydergoo, Jun 15, 2010.

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  1. Spydergoo

    Spydergoo Member

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    I'm faced with a dilemma and wanted to get some THR opinions. What's the worst fight you've ever been in over a purchase? How much additional did it cost in jewelry, flowers, chocolates, etc...?

    I'm not advocating for lying to your spouse. She knows I have several toys and tend to buy stuff from time to time. She has access to all of the bank/CC statements, etc... And it's pretty much impossible to ignore stuff that FedEX makes her sign for while I'm at work. This sort of stuff just doesn't interest her.

    So, that brings me to my ultimate question. What happens when you run out of room in a safe/cabinet? How do you go about explaining that you need ANOTHER safe/cabinet to store your toys. I mean - it's not like it's a huge walk-in safe. But it's no light-weight either.

    I'm thinking my buying days are over because I won't have any more room in the toybox.

    Looking for your tips and stories.

    *Edit. My wife knows about every firearm I own or have ever purchased. She even owns a few of her own. My point was, if you pick up a few extra boxes of ammo while at Wally World, or have a couple of extra mags shipped from CTD, do you ask for permission first? Or wait and ask for forgiveness?

    She's pretty much given me the leash to fill the space I've got. I'm just looking for a creative way to broach the subject of future expansion.

    Just looking for creative ideas.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2010
  2. Mags

    Mags Member

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    I think you need to look elsewhere for advice.

    I also think you need to have a honest relationship with your spouse and if your hobby requires you to go behind her back you either need a new hobby or a new wife.
     
  3. buck460XVR

    buck460XVR Member

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    I don't lie to my wife about firearm purchases because I don't feel I have to. Altho she is not into guns, she knew before she married me that I was. She also knew I was a hunter and a fisherman and accepted it, just as I accepted the things that made her who she is. Neither of us spends money foolishly, nor do we make a major purchase without consulting each other. I thought that was what a modern marriage was all about. Most of my new gun purchases are made with monies I make doing side jobs, working overtime and reffing hockey. A new gun is the motivation for me doing these things. I have my toys, she has hers and we have ours. Simple as that. I always figured lying and a healthy marriage didn't mix.


    BTW....my wife bought me my last gun safe.
     
  4. Rxster

    Rxster Member

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    You may want to reevaluate your thinking. My wife is my best friend. I refuse to lie to her, or anyone else for that matter. If I cannot tell her about it, it probably means that I can't afford it and sholdn't get it.
    Just one married guy's opinion. YMMV
     
  5. Tomecek

    Tomecek Member

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    I echo the others: I always talk my purchases over with my wife: if I have an itch to get something, and it is totally irrational and not well though-out, she can help cool my jets and let me calmly evaluate its purpose in my collection.

    That being said, she, too jumps at some chances. "Honey, I know we don't have that extra $??? to spend, but you've been looking for one JUST LIKE THAT forever. Who knows when the next chance will come around"

    Just saying, you can turn her watchful eye and relative disinterest in it to your advantage some. Maybe also think about your collection and what you do/don't use and what you are/aren't attached to. Maybe something you don't want or use anymore can finance a new toy.
     
  6. Carter

    Carter Member

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    I use the rifles I don't want like a used car...trade up. Try that to get a little extra cash. I'm not married, but my gf thinks we are...lying is never the way to go. You get caught later and you are in trouble.

    Just be honest and RATIONAL in the discussion.
     
  7. TheWarhammer

    TheWarhammer Member

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    I'm in the "tell her the truth, she's my best friend" camp, too. It's so much easier to just be up front when I want to make a purchase than to continually worry about her finding out. Besides, if she already knows I bought it, then I can enjoy looking/disassembling/cleaning/playing with it any time I want without fear. I say reevaluate your priorities. Build your relationship first, then your gun collection.
     
  8. hogshead

    hogshead Member

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    Always tell the truth and you never have to remember anything. Mark Twain I think.
     
  9. dakotasin

    dakotasin Member

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    i don't worry about it.

    if she finds out and gets mad, she'll either get over it or die mad. i do not volunteer a new purchase, though.

    my money, i'll do what i want w/ it.
     
  10. Larry Ashcraft

    Larry Ashcraft Moderator Staff Member

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    We're celebrating our 40th anniversary this year. We didn't get this far by lying to each other. In fact, most of my most treasured guns were gifts from my wife.
     
  11. ArtP

    ArtP Member

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    I was bought one of those Minkota auto-pilot trolling motors for around $800. She constantly threw it in my face for two months. The only thing that satisfied her was agreeing to $10,000 in kitchen cabinets that I could have cared less about.

    That's a very expensive trolling motor.
     
  12. rbernie
    • Contributing Member

    rbernie Member

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    Hiding ANYTHING from your spouse/SO is never a recipe for success.....
     
  13. Highcaliber

    Highcaliber Member

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    Buy a new gun for you and pick out one for the Wife.

    In your case it might be a good idea to set the Wifes gun sights "high and to the right" then when she gets after you, just run " low and to the left" :D
     
  14. LouisCipher777

    LouisCipher777 Member

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    I'm usually excited and show her immediately anyway. luckily the response I usually get is "when are we going to go shoot it?", but occasionally there is the "YOU SPENT HOW MUCH ON ANOTHER FU@%!NG GUN?", but it's always better to get the argument out of the way if necessary. strong relationships do not include deception.

    for everything else Highcaliber is on the money
     
  15. kingpin008

    kingpin008 Member

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    Agree w/ the rest. I've only been married for a month, but even I understand two simple things:

    1. Be truthful
    2. Pick your battles

    Ask yourself what the gun is worth, monetarily. Then compare that with what a hassle it would be to keep it a secret, plus what it would cost in hurt feelings and mistrust should your spouse discover your subterfuge.
     
  16. Old Shooter

    Old Shooter Member

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    I don't tell her about new gun purchases but she eventually finds out...

    She: You got a new gun didn't you?

    Me: Yup!

    She: How's it shoot?

    Me: Pretty good.

    She: I'm going shopping for new clothes, see you later.

    Me: OK.

    Been working for 32 years. :)
     
  17. Mr.Davis

    Mr.Davis Member

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    Permission or Forgiveness? Neither.

    I suggest that you develop a monthly budget or spending plan that includes a reasonable sum set aside for each of you to spend as you'd like.

    My wife and I share all our finances in common accounts, but we do have money set aside from the other household expenditures for our personal use. That money is to be spent on whatever we'd like month to month, and neither of us ever criticize the other as long as we're staying within the budget.

    This is a relatively simple way to avoid a huge amount of stress and anger in a marriage. It also eliminates any feeling of guilt or hesitation when you're purchasing something you've saved to buy.
     
  18. boya

    boya Member

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    me and ma will hit 30 this year,and hiding things from my wife never worked,I bought a 1911m she buys a ruger .357 speed six,this was in 1980,
    I buy a AK and she gets one too, its been a shared hobby, and congrats on your 40th Larry.
     
  19. NMGonzo

    NMGonzo Member

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    Wait for your birthday.
     
  20. Spydergoo

    Spydergoo Member

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    Agreed to all of the above. Good advice all. My wife and I both have what we call "blow money" in our budget. I'm thinking she would just be like, "WTH, you need another safe? You have how much stuff in there??" It's not so much the dollar amount.

    I brought home a Mosin-Nagant 91/30 last week. Left it in the corner of the living room with the price-tag still on it. She was fine with it, until I told her I was taking an advance on next month's blow money for ammo. :)

    The ammo arrived at the doorstep today and she had to sign for it. This one cause a bit of an argument, which prompted my post tonight.
     
  21. Shadow 7D

    Shadow 7D Member

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    Well there have been a number of theories purported to work
    One is that once you have a few, (and you sneak the rest by her) and you make a few usual purchases a year, just skip the details, and if she ever asks, you bought that years ago, and must have been in the back of the safe.
    OR
    You budget "fun" cash to be spend as you wish, and expect your wife to do the same.
    OR
    You buy guns for your wife, and a safe to put them in and HOPE and HOPE she never develops a like for shooting so you can keep taking "her" gift guns out 'every once in a while' to knock the rust off them....

    there are many ways to deal with it, but I happen to be of the opinion that you just tell her it's your hobby, and as long as it doesn't take anything away from the family, she should be fine with it.

    OH about the safe, well just tell her that you got a deal, and since it was a good deal, you bought two, so you would have room for the future purchases and not have to worry about jamming them in the tiny old rinky-dink box any more.
     
  22. ArtP

    ArtP Member

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    Did you hear the one about a man who lied to his wife for his entire life about the price he paid for his guns???? Upon his death she sold them for what he claimed to have paid.
     
  23. cassandrasdaddy

    cassandrasdaddy Member

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    willie nelson in the movie "thief" gave james cann the best advice

    cann played a burglar his wife would wake up find him gone in the middle of the night. she was thinking he was tom catting. he was afraid to tell her what he did for a job.(he had a front job) as oklahoma smith nelson said " Do you love her?" cann said "YES!" nelson told him "if you love her tell her the truth. if you lie it'll kill the love either she'll sense the lie and pull away from you or you'll feel guilty about the lie and pull away from her. kid if you love someone never lie to em!, and if you don't love em F EM who are they to make you lie. saw that movie 30 plus years ago and i wish i could say i followed that advice with wife 1. my failure played a real role in her escape. this time around i am doing a lot better
     
  24. pockets

    pockets Member

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    I don't have that problem. Honesty and partnership over 29 years has made it a non-issue.
    If I bought a couple boxes of ammo at Walmart, my wife would ask me why I only bought 2.
    Heck, my wife gets upset with me if I come back from a gun shop without buying a new gun.
    .
     
  25. rattletrap1970

    rattletrap1970 Member

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    I'm single. I explain my actions to no one.
    Now, If I was with someone, I wouldn't lie about my actions, but I sure as hell wouldn't ask permission. I work, I would assume she works, this means: you have your money and I have mine. I wouldn't even waste my time with someone who didn't like guns or shooting so it probably wouldn't be an issue.
     
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