Police/military guys, tell us some stories.

[AndyC]

I had arrived in Baghdad as a security-contractor and was surprised to see that there was a 2-can policy in place (beer, that is). How and where you got it was up to you, but maximum 2 beers a night (for those of you who've been there, we lived outside the Green Zone so we weren't subject to that military regulation prohibiting booze on-base).

Of course, there's always one idiot and this lad really won himself no friends by getting completely hammered one night. Well, as annoyed as we were, he was a good operator and he swore it would never happen again. Wasn't 3 days later and he hit the sauce hard, puking his guts out in the garden below the local massage parlour before passing out completely, so one of the lads had a bright idea which was highly approved of by all present.

We wrestled his body into one of the wagons and drove him to a house just around the corner from ours that we knew was for rent (and therefore empty), got him into the garage and stripped his clothes off. He was then gagged, dressed him in an orange jump-suit before his ankles and hands were tied behind him, hooded with 2 green plastic sandbags and set 2 of our Iraqi guards to watch over him till we came to get him.

I can only imagine his horror when he woke up and managed to rub the sandbags off his head - and to be confronted by the sight of 2 silent, evil-looking Iraqis with slung AK47s grinning and drawing their fingers across their throats at him. I didn't see the end-result, but from what I heard the stench was unbelievable; and he was fired so fast he still smelled bad when we drove to the BIAP and put him on the C130 to Kuwait.

Some people's sole purpose in life seems to be to serve as a warning to those who come later - booze was never a problem thereafter.

 

[heypete]

XDKingslayer - As an M1 tank crewman, I can only say...well, no...I suppose I can't say that here. You're lucky you get off this one time!

Anyway, my buddy's unit was doing its tank gunnery tables at Fort Hunter-Ligget in California (they were a Guard unit, and this particular unit was known for its shenanigans). They're throwing lead (aluminum dummy rounds, I think it actually was) downrange when all of a sudden some large antlered beast walks out onto the range about a click away, right into their lane.

The towers tells their lane to ceasefire so as not to shoot the moose (or whatever beast it was). That went well for about 20 minutes. Bored tank crews with ammo and a very tempting target are generally bad combinations. They concluded that this moose was hampering their live-fire exercises, and if the moose were...removed...from the range, then they could continue.

What basically happened was as follows:

Commander: "Gunner, sabot, moose!"
Gunner: "Identified!"
Loader: "Up!"
Commander: "FIRE!"
Gunner: "ON THE WAAAAAAAY!"
[BOOM!]
[SPLORTCH!]
Tower: "Lane [number], CEASE-[expletive]-FIRE! Holy [expletive]! You just shot a moose!"
Commander: "Roger that, tower. Big one too."

Needless to say they needed to pay substantial amounts of money in fines, as shooting such a beast out of season was illegal. However, they're one of the few people I know who've shot a moose with a tank cannon.

Rumor has it there was a slo-mo videotape of the event, but I've not seen it. Witnesses describe the moose as being sucked through the hole in its own chest, turned inside out, and exploding into a big cloud of hamburger. I don't think it felt a thing.

Then there was the other incident that one of my sergeants participated in. They were doing thermal gunnery (using the thermal optics to engage "hot" targets) exercises with a pair of tanks.

Tank #1: "Gunner, coax, [whatever the target was]!"
[Tank #1 engages the hot target with the coaxial machinegun. While Tank #1 is doing this, Tank #2 comes over the air with...]
Tank #2: "We got the one on the right! Gunner, coax, right hot target!"
[Tank #2 engages right target.]
Tank #2: "Damn, this target isn't going down! Gunner, continue firing!"
Tower: "Tank #2, what are you doing? This particular exercise is a single-target engageme...oh, hell...CEASEFIRE! CEASEFIRE!"

Turns out the "second hot target" was a cow that had wandered off a nearby farmer's field (not sure what base this was at) and gotten into the downrange area of the coax range. I think the cow got hit with about 50 7.62mm rounds before the gunner ceased firing, switched to visible optics, and positively identified the target as a cow.

From what I heard, they had beef for dinner that night, but had to pay the farmer >$1,000.

Finally, there was an Lt. from my unit that went over to the sandbox (I got hurt in training just before I was scheduled to leave, else I would have been over there). He got reassigned to our "sister unit" who got to keep their tanks. My unit got retrained as infantry and went over as such. Anyway, the Lt.'s new unit totalled four tanks (only one due to enemy action [RPG hit the back-left side, thrashed the suspension, armor, and air filters. Burning air filters and sand thrashed the engine. Nobody was hurt, but they got to hear the "Engine Fire. First shot discharged." warning for real.] -- the other three were totally non-combat related...one involved a tank sinking in a river, another had a tank under tow catch fire, and the third...I don't remember off-hand.) Anyway, they also deadlined about a dozen tanks that needed serious repairs due to rather...unusual situations...like deciding to destroy an old rusty AA gun by driving over it a few times with the tank and ripping the track off (and damaging the suspension in the process) and a few other things.

He had some video and images online, but I can't for the life of me remember the URL. I'll dig it up soon.

 

[MarkDido]

You know the difference between a fairy tale and a sea story (war story)?

A fairy tale starts out "Once upon a time..."

A sea story starts "Now, this ain't no ****"

 

[Werewolf]

HeyPete:

Sorry bud but that story about the moose - well it has been going around in one version or another since I was in the Army ('71-'74). It was BS then and it's BS now.

Still a good story though...

 

[armoredman]

A buddy was with the 8 to the 40th armor, and told me that they were doing machine guns on the tank tables, with thier antique M60A5s, when a deer wandered onto the range at Ft Huachuca. Needless to say, they hosed it. And missed. Every last round. Then spent a very very very long time cleaning anything the CO could think of them to clean, for violating range rules so badly.

I did witness a guy drop a 1911, pistol belt and all, in the drink outside of the PI while on watch, and watched him clean it down to the frame, after EOD retrieved it out of 180ft of water. After that, pistol lanyards were all the rage on the ship.

That and the night of the drunken sailors in Port Townsend, Washington. The Coast Guard station had a floating dock we used for the motor whaleboats, (Seattle wouldn't let us in, big surprise, ammunition ship.), and let us all go get plowed in all 5 of this little town's bars.
At the end of the night, we all come trooping back, very unsteadily I might add, and Hawk and I decided to wait up at the top of the little rock this Coast Guard station was on. As we swayed, watching the drunken emmings on the bridge...it collapsed. Dropped 50+ plowed sailors in the drink. Funniest thing I ever saw, totally swacked sailors dog paddling around 5 feet of water, 'cause they were to drunk to remeber how to swim.
Ah, what a party that was.

 

[Len]

Ft. Benning...teamed with an "unbelievably old" instructor for long range, scoped slow fire practice. "Art" was a grizzled old vet, 32 years old, so he was a "grandpa" as far as the rest of us young pups were concerned. He wore glasses for close in work, reading, field stripping, etc..

I really liked this guy from Texas, not only because he was very good, proficient and experienced, but he had the greatest "one-up" stories. He could top anything he ever heard, and his stories were the best.

In the midst of the heat and humidity, he was spotting targets for me at 500 meters. As he saw me get ready to take an uncharacteristically "quick" second shot, he asked me what was up. I told him, " see that little green beetle traversing the target?" There was no beetle of course, and no way anyone could see one at that distance anyway.

Without looking up, he said, "no...but I can hear him!"