Quantcast
  1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Problem with my wife...

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by balletto, Oct 24, 2005.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. balletto

    balletto Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2004
    Messages:
    61
    I want to own a gun, she doesn't want me to.

    Brought up the issue about 6 months ago, had a fight, and put it aside for a while.

    Brought up the issue this past weekend. My attempting to logically explain my reasoning to own a firearm resulted in her:
    1. equating me with the rednecks she grew up with, despite an incredible display of bigotry and ignorance on her part
    2. stating that she would not want to be associated with anyone who owned a firearm
    3. stating that having a piece of metal in the house that fired a bullet was "not who she wanted to be", despite my protests that she never had to touch the thing, much less learn how to use it

    She's definitely displaying many of the problems listed in this article:
    http://www.jpfo.org/ragingagainstselfdefense.htm

    Anyone have any advice? Divorce is not an option; we're otherwise very happy. Really!

    Thanks!
     
  2. Lupinus

    Lupinus Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2005
    Messages:
    3,502
    Location:
    Upstate SC
    I'd get one anyway

    ...but then agian thats me.....and my track record with women isn't a great one.
     
  3. FPrice

    FPrice Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2002
    Messages:
    3,380
    Location:
    People's Commonwealth of Massachusetts
    What are your reasons for wanting to own a firearm? Have you talked to her about this? Is this typical of her attitude about things you want? Are there things she has wanted that you did not like but let her have?

    You may have to decide which you want more. A firearm or a wife (this wife). As this thread unfolds I bet we learn more about her (and you).
     
  4. Strings

    Strings Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2002
    Messages:
    2,031
    Location:
    30 miles from Everywhere, right in the middle of N
    We're really very happy, except for the raging coniption fits she throws when I bring up buying a gun... :rolleyes:


    If it's important to you to have the means to defend yourself, then she needs to be willing to at least discuss it. If she's comepletely, irrationally unwilling to discuss the issue, you have three choices:

    1)divorce, and buy whatever gun you wish

    2)forget about owning a gun, and stay in the marriage

    3)try sneaking behind her back to buy what you want, and have LOADS of fun being dishonest to her until she finds out (and she will), THEN divorce.

    Only you can decide which route to take. You can try educating her, but that doesn't work in any way reliably (I'd say Jennings are more reliable than
    a man's ability to change a woman's mind)...
     
  5. 50 Shooter

    50 Shooter member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2002
    Messages:
    2,499
    Location:
    SoCal PRK
    Sorry, just couldn't resist.:neener:

    The top ten reasons why handguns are better then women:


    #10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

    #9. You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're
    on the road.

    #8. If you admire a friend's handgun and tell him so, he will
    probably let you try it out a few times.

    #7. Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you keep another handgun for
    a backup.

    #6. Your handgun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

    #5. A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

    #4. Handguns function normally every day of the month.

    #3. A handgun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

    #2. A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.



    And the number one reason a handgun is favored over a woman

    #1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN.
     
  6. Gunpacker

    Gunpacker Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2004
    Messages:
    532
    Location:
    Tampa, FL
    My way or the highway???

    Or is she just vehemently opposed? I would tell her that she is welcome to voice her opinion (just like you), she has the right to make a choice (just like you), and that as an American YOU have a right to decide for yourself (just like her).
    I would then buy myself a gun, reminding her that she has the right to not touch it, ask for defense from it, and that you will even refuse to defend her in a problem situation if she insists. Certainly, if she expects you to defend her, she should not tell you how you will do it. Personally, I never bothered to ask, and it never even occurred to me that my wife would object, or that I might listen to her if she did.
     
  7. hksw

    hksw Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,157
    Location:
    OH
    Where do you live? Matbe someone on here ould be willing and able to bring BOTH of you to the range to give gun ownership and use a trial run (by example and opinion).
     
  8. HighVelocity

    HighVelocity Member

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2005
    Messages:
    2,176
    Location:
    IDPA junkie in DFW, TX
    Get a nickel plated 22 single action. The prettier the gun is the better. She'll come around.
     
  9. Hobie

    Hobie Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2005
    Messages:
    366
    Location:
    Staunton, VA
    Well, I feel for you because you must choose, then, she must choose. You will choose gun or no gun and then...

    If gun she will choose balletto or no balletto.
    If no gun you will get progressively resentful until she must choose as above or you are...

    gone any way.

    Face it, she married you because you had at least some redeeming characteristics. Does she think you no longer do? I'd ask. No, I haven't been that good with stupid women myself. I do great with intelligent women.

    Best of luck to you. I won't think worse of you no matter what happens. Honest.
     
  10. FNFiveSeven

    FNFiveSeven Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2003
    Messages:
    538
    Don't hide anything, don't back down and do as she tells you, don't ask for a divorce. Just be your own man. If you want to buy a gun, buy one. Let her figure out what she's going to do, but stand your ground. If she goes completely nuts and wants a divorce... well... better get it done with sooner rather than later. Right now it's firearms... later it might be a motorcycle, or who knows what. The last thing you want is someone who thinks she can control you forever by holding the threat of divorce over your head for the rest of your life. Just the thought of living that way... makes me... want... to.... :barf:
     
  11. MikeJ

    MikeJ Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2003
    Messages:
    801
    Location:
    Phoenix
    If you told us the reasoning (argument) you used in trying to sell her on the idea it would be most helpful.

    It is very difficult to change someone's opinion on something until you know the real reason for their belief. If I were you I would try to get at that first so you can attempt to overcome the objection. I assume this can be done in a calm and rational manner. If not, I think you have more than just a gun issue to deal with.
     
  12. Smurfslayer

    Smurfslayer Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2002
    Messages:
    1,296
    Location:
    Northern Virginia, USA
    I don't have you on a shoe budget...

    I don't put my wife on a shoe budget, she doesn't put me on a gun budget. :cool:

    I consider it a fair and equitable compromise which allows her to remain married to me :scrutiny:

    Stop asking for permission. If you're a responsible adult, law abiding citizen and you want a gun, exercise your right and buy one. Your wife can help you pick out the right color for the safe ;) :uhoh:

    Or you could go the alternative route:

    her: "where are you going?"
    you: "shooting."
    her: "you don't have a gun."
    you: "that's why I'm going, so I can decide which one to get"
    her: "I thought I told you..."
    <interrupted at the sound of engine's exhaust drowns out her protests>

    You can pick it up later by bringing back catalogs with pictures and literature of the fine firearms you're considering for your purchase. Don't compromise on the issue of whether or not to purchase, it's not negotiable. Be honest and tell her you're interested in them and you want one. You'd like her to be on board with it, ask her to join you in helping decide - like shopping for a car. Sometimes a 'disinterested party' can help you make a rational choice. Of course if she decides to be a stick in the mud it won't work, but you'll have to make a judgment on that at the time.

    I made a trade off; got snookered into a wedding or something, as payment, I required my wife's presence at NRA Basic Pistol class :neener: It swayed her a bit, because there were other women there.

    I had guns when we started dating so this was not an issue.

    Good luck...
     
  13. Missashot

    Missashot Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2005
    Messages:
    304
    Location:
    Easley,SC
    Sort of sounds like you will have to choose what is more important to you. Since you entered into the marriage without guns, it doesn't seem unreasonable for her to expect it to stay that way. She may feel like you came out at her from the blind side on this issue. If I were you, I would just keep trying to talk her into it. From what you posted, it sounds like she has not had any positive experiences with guns or the owners of said guns. Maybe rent a gun at the range or something like that. What ever you do, Sneaking in a gun is a BIG no-no. She will just take that in the divorce.:neener:
    Best of luck to you.
     
  14. gulogulo1970

    gulogulo1970 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2003
    Messages:
    862
    Location:
    Fort Worth, Texas
    Get one, and prepare for a storm. You'll ride it out.

    Someone who really loves you won't divorce you over a you owning something. If I'm wrong, well, you had problems you didn't know about.

    Oh yeah, first gun, you better try to find something innocent looking. Maybe, buy some pink stocks for it. :D
     
  15. Turkey Creek

    Turkey Creek Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2003
    Messages:
    356
    Location:
    MO
    It might be helpful to know how long you have been married, and if she has ever been this negative about other situations non firearms related- with limited info to go on it's hard to give advice- every marriage is different-
     
  16. Lupinus

    Lupinus Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2005
    Messages:
    3,502
    Location:
    Upstate SC
    Get one.

    If such a little thing as a gun is enough to make her divorce you....well you have bigger problems then owning a gun.

    You have two choices. Either you can take it and be the submissive one. Or you both can be adults about it and understand that the two of you will not share the same intrests all the time and some of the things one does the other isn't going to like. If it is something that doesn't hurt the other then the other should deal with it.

    If one trys to control the other who doesn't want to be controled then better it happening now then later over more and more things.
     
  17. jsalcedo

    jsalcedo Member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2002
    Messages:
    3,683
    Just buy it.

    If she finds out and decides to divorce because you own a gun then she probably wasn't that committed in the first place.

    Sorry if that sounds harsh but marriage is about compromise and it has to be a two way street. If one person leaves no room for bargaining or leeway
    then it backs the other person into a corner.


    Maybe my marriage is weird but it is based on mutual respect and being open minded enough to at least accept one anothers point of view.

    If you can love her even though she is a raging hoplophobe she should feel the same if you are a raging gun enthusiast.

    Sadly, extremists rarely accept those who do not agree with them.
     
  18. middy

    middy Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2004
    Messages:
    1,416
    Location:
    Texas
    You have to decide which is more important: marriage or freedom :neener:

    OK. I'm not bitter, am I? :uhoh:

    Seriously, you've gotten good advice here. You could buy one and see what happens, you might lose her, she may not be worth keeping if that's the case, but, then again, she might be. Whatever you do, don't buy one and try to keep it a secret.

    Or, you could forget about the gun... maybe she'll let you buy swords :evil:
     
  19. TMM

    TMM Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    1,049
    don't let her control you. you buy a gun, and let her know that. plan this so once you tell her, you can leave to the gunshop... otherwise, you may lose your hearing(screams of protest/anger/etc) and get injured...

    ~TMM
     
  20. Mulliga

    Mulliga Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2004
    Messages:
    2,251
    Location:
    Gainesville, Florida
    These threads are always fun...

    ...but I don't know if they really help any. No one here knows your wife better than you do. Heck, no one here knows you better than you do. Missashot is right - you didn't have guns before, so it's probably a shock to her that you want to buy guns now (and visiting THR, nonetheless).

    I will say this - I've never been married, but my parents have been happily married for 25 years. From what I've seen, my Dad has never, ever made a major decision (and yes, buying a gun is a major decision) without consulting my Mom.

    Try talking to her. Show her Oleg's site. But going behind her back is a bad idea.
     
  21. Felonious Monk

    Felonious Monk Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2002
    Messages:
    680
    Location:
    Lilium Inter Spinas
    balletto--
    The one thing I haven't heard anyone say is that you DO have another option entirely.

    Bring reading material into the home:
    In the Gravest Extreme by Massad Ayoob
    ANYTHING by Paxton Quigley (female author and advocate of women's self-defense).
    The SCADS of blurbs that come out every month in the NRA periodicals about how people have successfully defended life and limb with their personal defense guns--be they handguns, rifles, or shotguns.

    I'm sure there are TONS of other "girl shooter" stories I'm missing, but you get the idea.

    If she is even a SLIGHTLY intelligent individual, she will be able to discern factual truth from misconceptions, and after a while, will come around.

    If not, she's a fool, and led by her emotions and not reality.
     
  22. KriegHund

    KriegHund Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2005
    Messages:
    1,514
    Location:
    Colorado, Broomfield
    I feel sorry for you!

    Work with her You can give somewhat like that all the arguments in the world, but it wont work.

    Buy a gun, and let her know you bought it. Buy ammo.
    If she really loves you, then she wont do anything that is permanant (IE a divorce).

    The key is compramise, and you have to work your way slowly.

    If thats too drastic a step for you, buy an airsoft.
     
  23. balletto

    balletto Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2004
    Messages:
    61
    to answer some questions

    Why do I want to own a gun?
    1. I think it would be a fun hobby. I took a trap shooting class, and visited a pistol range recently, and enjoyed both.
    2. I'm concerned about not being able to defend us in our home. We live in a nice neighborhood and town

    I stated both reasons to her, attempting to convince her that I had thought things through. I don't think I've ever given her any reason to think that I'm reckless, foolish, or worse. Money is certainly not the problem either.

    My reasons for owning a firearm seem to pale in comparison to her dislike of them. Typically she's very supportive of things I've wanted to do during the 5+ years we've know each other.

    How serious is she?
    Before this weekend, I thought that her objections could be dealt with, and a reasonable compromise struck between the two of us. She seems to be drawing a 'line in the sand', despite any of my various attempts to compromise, eg) weapon will always be locked up, unloaded, etc.

    Why not sneak one into the house?
    Sorry, that would be a violation of our vow to each other not to do things behind each other's backs.

    I suppose what's really upsetting me is her massive display of prejudice, and willful belief in remaining ignorant about the facts of gun ownership and self- defense in this country. I don't mind a good discussion about the issues; she doesn't even want to discuss them.
     
  24. KriegHund

    KriegHund Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2005
    Messages:
    1,514
    Location:
    Colorado, Broomfield
    Thats really, really wierd balletto. Her ignorance (please take no offence) must truly be deeply ingrained.

    Will she even look at guns? Maybe the literature idea isnt that bad, assuming she will even read it.

    I have an idea! Take her here! Let the smarter, more eloquent speakers (some of the mods) among us send their arguments.

    Perhaps she will realize that we are not all wierdos. If her husband of 5 years, whom is a reasonable person, wants to own a gun, then has he suddenly turned wacko? I think not.
     
  25. Fred Fuller

    Fred Fuller Moderator Emeritus

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2004
    Messages:
    21,220
    Location:
    AL, NC
    On the national political scene, gun control is not about guns. It's about CONTROL. As far as I can see it the same thing is true in your house as on the national scene- it's a matter of control. Guns are just the crutch.

    Someone has some getting over it to do, it's your marriage and you get to decide who. Ain't but one pair in the house, if you aren't gonna use 'em, you might as well let her.

    Good luck,

    lpl/nc (in your next life marry a woman who's a shooter, and find out what happiness really is)
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page